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Joined: Sep 2003
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Has anyone attended a seminar and gone through the follow-up program?

The next one is very near to me and H and I are thinking about (also juggling with finances) attending in Sept.

Any experiences and/or opinions would be helpful. Thanks!
Frags

<small>[ July 29, 2004, 08:18 AM: Message edited by: Fraggles ]</small>

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Fraggles,

My W has inquired about going to this seminar as well. At first I really considered it a plus (her wanting to do this).

NOW It is **I** who am kind of balking at going.

My reasons?
Well, while reading about the seminar on this site...I came across a disturbing fact, put out there by Dr. Harley himself.

It said that couples who attend the seminar, but DO NOT do ALL the follow up work afterward.......are basically in worse shape overall then those who NEVER Go To the seminars at all. SAY WHAT?

This fact frightens me because we've already got the books. Read them.
Yet, my wife doesn't peruse doing most of the work they instruct.

Here's another one.
We read the books.
I then tell my W what my #2 EN is.

Her response: (Get this) Could I please pick another one!
She just can't meet my openness and honesty need.
I mean come on!

Probably NOT what you were looking for......but this is why you most likely won't see us there. I don't need any more obstacles in my path right now.
Especially one that I would think would be of great help.
Glad I saw that disclaimer. Whew!

So if your attending...Please make sure your BOTH committed to doing all the follow up work and material.
Don't want you to gain hope, just to have it blow up in your face.
Wishing you success.

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toprope -

yikes! I just read that now on the seminar page. Kind of daunting isn't it!?

My H and I are both ready to take on anything to help our M. I don't think it would be a question of us not completing assignments due to lack of interest.

I just wonder what the assignments involve. My H works 14 hours a day M-F every other week so those weeks our time together is limited. We do speak on the phone often throughout the day but if they require us to be in each other's presense (which would seem the likliest) I don't think we could do them that week. And depends on how much time they will require. If it is only a few hours, we can find weekend time.

I don't know. I hate to sound like this, but it's a lot of money. I know. I know, my M is worth every penny and I know that! I have spent much $$$ on books alone in the past ten months. We do the exercises in them to help us. I have IC, he has IC, we have MC. Only one IC is covered under ins. the rest we are footing the bill. So coming up with $800. could be tricky.

Maybe what we are doing now is enough? Is there ever enough you can do? I guess not. I guess we should do every feasible thing to improve our M.

We are progressing. H is committed to me and our M without any reservations. I have no doubt we will make it.

Guess I will ponder this some more. Thanks for your reply TR!
Frags

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We are going through the program. Prior to then, we spent approx. $6,000 on MC after D-day 5/4/02. We have gotten a lot more out of the program than we did from the MCs.

Basically, the first requirement is to spend 15 hours/week together meeting each other's intimate emotional needs of conversation, recreational companionship, affection, and sexual fulfillment. Telephone calls count. (The course follows the 2 books His Needs/Her Needs and Love Busters very closely). At the time that we started the program, we had not had sex in 10 months, had not touched for 6 months, and I had a lawyer ready to file. In addition to his having an A, he broke my arm 12/17/01 because I was threatening to call this woman, and I got a harassment order from his affair partner 2/7/03. I was the master of angry outbursts. I also had gained 40 pounds since he broke my arm, which by the way was 12 days after I had major surgery, including a hysterectomy, for childbirth related injuries. I had to wean the 10 month old abruptly due to the first surgery and was back three weeks later for the first of three surgeries for the arm.

The support is incredible. Dr. Harley personally answers e-mail questions on the private forum. I have needed a lot of support. Since mid-February, he has answered about 200 e-mails from participants, and 50 of them were mine. He also spoke with me and my husband personally because of the severity and duration of the physical abuse. If you both are committed to following the program, it is incredible. I think he's developed such a terrific program because he isn't afraid to take on cases like ours that seem like lost causes to other MCs.

For me, there is a sad realization that my H seems to be putting in the minimum to stay married. I am hanging in there to see what he will do, but he seems to want to do the minimum to appease me, which is what the prior MC told me. We are spending 15 hours/week together, we are finding recreational activities to do together, and I am hoping that time will result in a desire to be with me.

Cherished

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Cherished,

Thank you for your input and telling me about your experience.

We are doing well on meeting each other EN's, we spend more than 15 hours a week together, conversation is good, affection is through the roof and our sex life has been phenominal since a month before Dday. Communication skills need more work for both of us.

We are really getting to the crux of our problems pre-A. We now know how each of us contributed to the "demise" of the old marriage. Now we are working on "fixing" ourselves so that we do not fall into the same patterns again!

We just started with a new MC. I think I will bring up more on the MB principles and tell her about the seminar.

Thanks again, Cherished. I hope that your sitch improves and the program comes through for you and your H!


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