I am urged by many to call the OW.

She works at the same state agency that my husband does.

WH still has not called me since Sunday night, which suits me fine. I was not planning to answer his calls at this time.

Have not sent Plan B letter yet.....it just needs a stamp.

My question is.....what would I say to the OW? When I think about it, my mind draws a blank.

The only thing I can think of to say is a sarcastic "thanks for the herpes". That is probably not a good idea.

So what do I say?????????????? K

What would be your goal for this conversation?

Knowing your goal will direct what you have to say.

Pep

I think my goal would be to somehow let her know that WH is being dishonest with her too.

His sister asked him the other day "what does OW think when you go home to spend time with your wife?"

WH said "OW doesn't know I've been back home since I was kicked out the first time (July 5)"

He's spent more time with me since July 5 than he has in many, many months.

Suggestions????????????????

I'd tell her just that. Don't expect her to believe you, tho....my dh (used to be wh) told the tart that we weren't sleeping together...(((snort)))

Yah. Okay.

- Kimmy

Be careful in what you say, you don't want her to seek a restraining order against you.

Keep your expectations low.

She isn't your friend.

She doesn't care about you.

It is very likely she won't be sorry.

It is very likely she will try to hurt you either by lying...or with the truth. And unless she matches your H's story, you won't know which it is. Even then, it might be "their" story.

If you simply want to tell her that you love your H and you want to save your marriage, it's ok to inform her of that. She may have been told otherwise.

Like Pep says, have a purpose & a plan.

Otherwise, write letters (and destroy them!).

Some BS' have a lot to say to the OW. I still don't have anything to say to her, but I don't guarantee her safety if I ever meet her.

But remember...just like you know things that could hurt her, she could say things that would hurt you. Maybe you shouldn't try to contact her until you have the need.

Well,being someone that called the homewrecker three times to let her know what I thought of her,I can say it most likely will not matter one iota what you say to her.If you try to reason and tell her the "truth" she will think you are lying.If you try to tell her what a homewrecker she is,she will think you are a psycho and only fuel her desire to keep being involved with your WH.

The only thing I got out of all my calls was that I let her know what I thought of her.That was good enough.She knows I hate her with a searing anger that brews beneath the surface and if she thinks she can just waltz into my life,be continually involved with my husband,hurt me,my children and two families without any retribution,she is sadly mistaken.

NO ONE can do that to me and walk away scott free.I am still struggling with putting those feelings behind me though.I know it is a monumental waste of my time and energy to think about destroying the homewrecker but I can't help thinking that people like that need to have some consequences put upon them or else this will just keep happening to more and more poor souls.I for one,want to see legal action come back in the courts.People just might think twice about being involved with married men/women if the stakes were that much higher.

Of course this goes for WS's too(Chris!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

O

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Originally posted by k72172:
I think my goal would be to somehow let her know that WH is being dishonest with her too.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And how would that benefit you?

Pep

I believe there is merit in contacting the OP just once. The reason would be to inform the OP that the WS is, in fact, married, not getting divorced, and the BS wants to reconcile.

The perfect way to do this is before you at this moment - send her a copy of the Plan B letter with a short note attached as described in SAA.

Now, for more important matters - what are your plans for exposing the affair in their workplace?

WAT

<small>[ August 03, 2004, 04:41 PM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

Warning, this reply completely in jest!!!

"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepair to die!"

Best Revenge Scenario Ever!! [if you happen to like that sort of thing..shuffles feet and clears throat...but wouldn't it be spiffy if that sort of thing could play out!]

For me I have nothing to say to the OW. She is not worthy of my time or attention. I can walk down the street and hold my head high, she can not. She is just an adulterer (WH was not her first)who is going to have to live with the mistakes and decisions she has made in life. That is a very sad existance. She will get hers one day, that I am sure of.

K,
I contacted OW once, to let her know H was M, and I was very much his W.

After that, she harassed me constantly. Called me daily, hourly, endlessly. Asking questions, is he with you, are you sleeping with him ? He's with me now, you need to back off, why do you bother, he doesn't love you and never did....blah blah blah... (trashy b####)

Ridiculous stuff. Just know that you won't get out of it what you are hoping.

If I had to do all over again....I'd have that ONE contact, and be done with her.

She isn't worth your time, trust me.

K: I am calling to ask what your intentions are with my H..

OW: what???

K: yes, since he has been spending the weekends with me, I thought we should have a discussion about your goals.

**CLICK**

ring....ring....

OW: hello, I have nothing to say!

K: I am sorry, would you prefer that I come to your office and we discuss this in person?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

my experience with ow:

Called her one time after FWS had spent the last two weeks with me, and we had SF so good that there was no way he could perform with her.

He took her to big music show (my favorite female artist, that is another story) FWS said was a goodbye, LOL, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Left a message, said I was praying for her, but did you know????
Said, do you know he has spent last two weeks with me? Did you know we are having SF?

ow calls back.
ow says I am so done with him, he is old hippy, trash, trash trash, then leaves him a voicemail, promptly, after our convo to say you ^^&^&*&^%%^$###$#$$#$&%^&%&%^&^*^*^, HOW COULD YOU CHEAT ON ME <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> , and COULD WE MAKE LOVE JUST ONE MORE TIME?

I went to Plan B when I heard that message. You see, FWS never changed his voicemail password, which I knew, so I heard it all, and I mean ALL. I kept my mouth shut. He did not know.

I wrote the Plan B letter right after that. It took all of 3 days to make up his mind, however, it was 3 more months of sporadic contact and one more gig with her (musicians, me too, but gave that up 16 years ago so H could be a m, and I took care of the kids). That is the hardest part for me to get over, but I am very near that point after 3.5 years.

It pretty much ended it. However, ow lied lied lied! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

So if you contact ow, it is to give her info that you are with H, how much you reveal is up to you. And don't believe much of what she says.

It serves its purpose. Once is enough.

Be wise as a snake and innocent as a dove. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

<small>[ August 03, 2004, 07:49 PM: Message edited by: Miss M ]</small>