Okay, I need some advice. It has been three weeks since d-day, and she has agreed to a sort of Plan A with the exception that she still isn't convinced she wants to stay and has both very strong feelings for OP and some real animosity towards me from years of what she calls neglect. (Yes I understand that I am culpable and have admitted to it, but she is having a real hard time with forgiveness and I think that is because she doesn't want to let go of the positive feelings for OP that would logically follow.) In any case, I have been thinking through this and there are some things about her I could use to apply pressure.

She really is a very good person, we are both Christians and that is the only thing that has kept her from leaving, a sense of duty to her committment. I have repented of my past sins and promised to apply the Basic Concepts but she is still too bitter to listen or even consider working with a MC or reading the MB material except for in letters I give her. In any case, as she is a good person who also loves her job (which is where she met the OP) and where she also has her dearest friends, all of whom are devout Christians, any revelation would end the sense of strength and liberation she has discovered working and the dear friends would certainly apply pressure on her to not see the OP. It would crush her. She would lose big time.

My thought is to threaten that if she ever takes up with the OP, I would take the proof of the affair to her friends and show them what happened and explain that had she made a break with him and worked with me, we could have saved this marriage but she chose a different path. The scandal would be more than she could bear and rock her world. I am sure the s&%# would fly and that would be the end of any hope of an amicable divorce should I lose the gamble, but I am willing to do anything to keep my marriage intact.

The OP is a leaver from a 26 year mariage and we just celebrated our 26th while the EA was going on.

HELP

Do not threaten to expose the affair.

Expose it.

Holding it over her head as leverage will not help restore your marriage. More on this later.

If she has agreed to stay (for whatever reason), I think it would be an LB to tell her friends. Stay in Plan A. Show her, don't tell her, how you are changing.

No, do not threaten or offer an ultimatum.

Ask her to end it for good by severing all ties with the OM. Do not mention exposure.

Give her a few days to do so.

If she doesn't end it by sending a no contact letter, expose it. Period.

Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

Expose it.

She'll end up in exposure jail. Exactly where she needs to be.

noodle is right.

You aren't in a position 2 negotiate with your W about what's fair and what isn't.

She hasn't left because she's a Christian??? Then why did she have an A? Because she wasn't a Christian when it started? Sorry 2 be sarcastic.

I didn't demand that my W 2uit her job, where RM was a consultant, hired by HER, for a year and a half after d-day. Wish I had. But they weren't in direct contact, because he lived in another state. In the end, she 2uit before he even finished the work he was supposed 2 be doing.

In a case like yours, where the OP works with her, one of them will definitely have 2 go.

-ol' 2long

WAT was posting at the same time. His advice is best.

-ol' 2long

WAT and noodle are exactly right. Don't use it as a threat or punishment. Use it to end the affair if necessary.

Was the OM married? Because if he was, I would most certainly tell his W no matter what the situation. For 2 reasons: she has a right to know and needs to know, and because telling her will help ensure that the affair doesn't resume.

Has your W ended all contact?