Hey,

Posted on In Recovery, but will try this more active board.

FWH left last week to figure things out so we can speed up recovery. He's been staying at a cheap motel where he got a weekly rate. We trade off days taking care of the girls (our youngest is almost two months).

Our whole problem with recovery right now is Fwh's anxiety. (How is that for blaming someone else). Our marriage counselor stuck a knife in WH's heart when she said our marriage vows were broken and now worthless. He let this bother him for three weeks until last week he finally talked to our pastor about it and the pastor said that marriage is not a contract but a covenant.

Anyway, the third day after WH left I told him I didn't think he should come back until he could sign the Marital recovery agreement. He says he won't come back until he can sign it and agree to all of the work it requires.

I don't quite understand his anxiety or why he can't just commit on working. Why can't he just feel the fear and do it anyway?

He's hanging on to this anxiety and just making himself miserable. I understand sitting on the fence between two women, but why sit on the fence between recovery and misery?

Our family and friends do not yet know that we've seperated. I want to push the issue of seperation, I am tired of this wierd limbo where his anxiety prevents action and change.

So, I am thinking of leaving town for the rest of the week. The girls will be in his care and I will either be camping or with a girl friend out of town. Stupid? Or will this help galvinize him into action?

If your H is still a WS or xws but not an H yet, then you do what you need to do. This means if you need to be away from the A mess, then you do so. As for him taking care of the children, my H had to do this when I went on a short cruise given to me by my work. Oh that put a damper in the A. The OW didn't like the WS giving attention even to his own son. That became real evident. One of the wake up calls for the Ws. Even through the fog, fatherhood prevailed. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Do you feel he will take good care of the children?

L.

My H is a FWH but not an H yet. I think he will be my H again, but he needs some sort of shove.

He is a good father, he only needs to be rid of this wierd anxiety for him to be fantastic.

I'm not sure where I'm going to go for 4 days, but it'll be a learning experience for both of us.

A part of me feels that I should take our youngest daughter, I am still breastfeeding. But I am equipped with the breast pump and FWH needs to fall more in love with the littlest.