Hello !!
I became a member of this forum this morning at the sake of really trying to search my heart & find the peace I know I need, but can't seem to come to grips with.
My husband is a very loving, endearing, man. He has the patience of Job. He has endured neary three years of very rocky roads with me. I am a Bipolar trying desperately, to regain conformity I my life. I am in therapy as well on meds. I have never tried so hard to make anything work in my life. (My marriage) Yet, the pain & hurt I have caused this loving man have made him weary. As it would anyone faced with what I have projected on him.
Then there are all of my insecurities...Does he cheat ? Does he want another ? Well, he spends nearly enough all of his time at home or on the Base. Yet he has this need to look at pornographic sites online. He chats for hours on end, and looks at all the womens profiles. he frequents chat rooms that are for very explicit sexual needs. When I rag him to death about his need to do this, he says he is just looking around ?? That he wants NO ONE but me ! My Q: then becomes if I am enough, then why must you do this ? His reply, is that he enjoys looking at ppl he is talking to, as well looking at this material.
Is this wrong ? Should I pray that God will take this need from his heart ? I am scared...scared that it may NOT be him, who will decide that he need another, but the other woman who will decide that he is what she is looking for...
Maybe I am just stupid, but I feel like this man I love, is so driven by this need, that he will have to "quench his thirst" and then where will we be ?
He tells me there is no one. He has not had intercourse with anyone...but the emotions that I feel robbed of, while he is looking at other naked women breaks my heart.
I love this man with all that I am.
No matter what I want to find a way to try to overcome my insecurities , and work through the issues that got us here...
Anyone with sound calm advice on their veiws of how I should continue to stay calm & continue to search these issues out in pray, please respond... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
