Okay friends, I need some help. WH FINALLY made an appointment to go to a mediator about financial settlement. This is our 3rd chance at a separation agreement. The others he refused to sign, even though he wrote them.

Sadly, we have very little to split up. We have mainly helped our kids. We agreed to pay for their education, and a car for each of them. His children did not go to school, and instead had babies. Mine are in school.

I owned a mobile home before marriage. We agreed that the children would live there until they got through school. His kids moved in with their lovers. My kids are still there.

Sorry this is getting long, but I need some ideas. WH and I moved across the street and lived in a mobile home that we only paid $4,000. for. Now it is worth between $25.000. and $50,000. depending on who you talk to.

WH wants me to move out, because he needs a place to stay. That would mean he and OW would live right across the street. He swears that OW would not live there, but of course she would. They have been living together for a year, and she has nowhere else to live.

So I am very adamant about not letting him have our place.

Our other assets are 2 Harley's, about 7,000 and $18,000. Plus he got a bonus for retiring of $20,000, which he and OW have spent.

So please help me figure out what to ask for. If I get the new Harley, I am going to give it to OW's husband. He says that would be a great trade.

Hey, anybody here tonight?

I'm here believer. Good evening to you!

Geez.... all this mediation stuff must have your head spinning.

I think you touched on what is most important to you, though: making sure your kids are taken care of and not putting yourself in the position of living across the street from WH and OW.

I guess that is where I would start and see where it goes from there.

~ Snow

I agree with Snowbelle, but have one question -

Why would you give OWH's new Harley? Surely your kids could use for tuition, books, etc.
Or you could use.


P.S. I am so happy that this seems to be moving forward -

YOU are going to meet someone so wonderful, so amazing, so incredibly sexy that he is just going to knock your socks off...and you my girl are simply going to blow him away!!! I feel it in my bones!

Weaver

Hi Believer: I'm here. I read the first post and didn't know what to say. I did wander why you would give OWH the Harley, but just figured that you're such a nice person and that was why.

I know that I wouldn't do that, but that's me. Maybe try praying on it and see what God leads you to do.

Good luck,
RH

believer,

aaaargh! I know how you feel!! Those dang ssstupid OWs-- taken a man with no $$$! Not a cent to their sssstupid names.

Keep the mobile home. It's the least H can give you, after all. And I do agree with weaver, the Harley may come in handy when you or your children need cash. You don't know what'll happen in future.

And no, that don't make you a grabber. You are just securing the future H promised you when he took your hand in marriage. Now that he is leaving, the least-- the least he can do is give you a little financial support. Two Harleys and a mobile home don't come to much for college or 'old age'.

When all is done. Go for a holiday.

To answer your questions, I have been very blessed. I can live in my place with my sons. I have a good job, and a good retirement. I would like to keep WH from moving across the street from me, but if that does not work, I would take the Harley.

I don't care to drive a Harley. Plus I feel bad for OW's H. He was called up on active duty, and while he was fighting for our country, WH and OW were thinking about themselves. OW's H came back to no wife, no job. It makes me sad. He did not deserve this.

Believer,

I agree with the others who say to keep the Harley in case you need the $ later. (I'll never get my hands on my WH's bike).

You truly are such a good and giving person!!

LL

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by believer:
<strong> ......Sorry this is getting long, but I need some ideas. WH and I moved across the street and lived in a mobile home that we only paid $4,000. for. Now it is worth between $25.000. and $50,000. depending on who you talk to.

WH wants me to move out, because he needs a place to stay. That would mean he and OW would live right across the street. He swears that OW would not live there, but of course she would. They have been living together for a year, and she has nowhere else to live.

So I am very adamant about not letting him have our place.

Our other assets are 2 Harley's, about 7,000 and $18,000. Plus he got a bonus for retiring of $20,000, which he and OW have spent.

So please help me figure out what to ask for. If I get the new Harley, I am going to give it to OW's husband. He says that would be a great trade. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Believer,

Ok so let's put down the facts:

House 1: current value @ 25 - 50k
House 2: current value @ ???

Harley 1: 7k
Harley 2: 18K

Retirement bonus: $20k
On going retirement monthly payout: ????
Social Security: ????

Leaving out the ??? items a minimum of 70 - 95K is on the table. 1/2 = 35 - 47,500K

I don't want to hear about how you let him have the retirement $$, let's just say you 'changed your mind and are no longer generous.' <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

So if you can get an average of 40K from him on the agreement with monthly pension payouts and social security %, that may be the best offer.

Oh yea, then sell house2 and move you and the kids to another place.

Let the neighbors deal with the dizy OW and the WS. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

If he says he can't come up with the $$, tell him to put his OW to work. She has already dipped into the family funds, it's high time she pay it back with interest. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Also it's not your problem how he needs to come up with the $$. It's his choice and his problem.

U R waaay to nice a lady t/b dealing with this type of crap. Hang in there lady and don't let them walk all over you, ok?

L.

Believer

well even new to MB this is one area I have some knowledge as I have helped clients get together settlements. Not legal advice I would be quick to say, but from DV & M breakups welfare assistance.....ironic or what??

Frankly the basis should be Children first - and his obligations to the children - then you being looked after.
Ok hes agreed to help with schooling, is there a legal obligation here?? as that may help you place things in perspective as far as a legal obligations. e.g he may have no option but to assist so its not a 'gift' or part of asset division in lieu of you getting X amount of dollars.

After that comes accommodation for the kids, as you had a Mobile home before M then it will likely NOT be part of any legal settlement though that can depend on length of M and when his A started etc etc. Assume for now it is not part of the deal.

So the things which are then left to be split are the common property from the M, accommodation/home, money, cars, bikes, furniture etc.

I would recommend that apart from special family heirloms or momentos that you seek to cash in everything and split it...then you can say there are no arguments over I want this or I want that...tough yes but if he didn't play around you both would not be where you are now so as my daughter says 'too bad too sad' for him.

If you dont cash in the property, get say 3 quotes of value, like from car dealers etc and average the value....then you just split the property instead of cash , but its a bit of a pain to run around and do that.

An exception to cashing in can be the home & my strong advice is DO NOT move out.......you should INSIST that with your kids across the road from you it is IMPORTANT to be there to provide support through their schooling, most courts would agree even if they are young adults, at least in my country and we are ususally similar to your own courts in this area at least.
If it comes down to it SELL the home first!! and split the money.

No place to live is THEIR problem, now they can take responsibility for their actions. Do not concern yourself with his problems on that score hes an adult he'll survive.

OH by the way, DO not forget to included in the asset value split his $20,000 odd of the retirement money he & OM spent!! At least a portion of that was YOURS!!

I really not heartless you know, just that I've never seen a 'happy' separation agreement, its better to get the distastefull thing over with but not by giving everything away.

I wish it could be easier for you but these things are UGLY at times....be fair but not submissive because you want it all over with.
I do hope you can resolve it without too much angst

Well, two more days till our mediation appointment. I have all of our financial records in a notebook. I am going to ask for the mobile home and the Harley.

When WH hears this, it will probably be the end of mediation. But when I looked at his retirement, bonus, and all of the other things, it would be half for me to get the MH and the Harley.

believer,

Not to be the problem child here.. but:
My question is what's the point of another round of NON-Binding Mediation?

You've already been down this road and wasted your time, energy and patience.

So tell me what is different this time?? (meaning WH?)

Sorry to say but You need to be going before the judge.
Stop letting your STBXH play all these "mind" and control games.

Yes, mediation is better if BOTH parties are serious and flexible.
However, Your WH is just being a ___?___.

Or do you think he is actually serious this time.......as he is more desperate?

In any case...Wishing you success in this Process.

Please just promise that if it doesn't work this time.....you will force him into the courts where HE WILL be held accountable.

till next time
Take care