Set up IC session with Jennifer C. 9PM/CST tonight. I will post back on how it went tonight.

Hi Shmaley,

Don't be a doormat. Not very becoming. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

OP = Other person c/b OM or OW.

Don't worry about getting the WS to read anything. While in the midst of the A, they don't have the brain capacity to retain the info anyway. U just take care of you. U do your reading. Work on making yourself shine. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Have a good session with Jennifer C. Here she is really good.

Let us know how it went. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

My session with Jennifer C. went really well. She really knows her stuff. What I need to do now is a lot of reading and focusing on plan A. She suggested that I keep contact down to 2 - 3 times a week and continue to write e-mails explaining what I have learned in my studys. I need to know what I want out of our marriage well enough to put it into my own words. Basically, stay away from MB terminology. I must know the books well enough to paraphrase and put their concepts into practical use.

Jennifer advised against exposing to the OM's parents until I go to plan B. Reason is because it would be a LB and there is a good chance that they would not do anything anyways. I forgot to ask her about exposing to our pastor but I will probably just confide in him without asking him to call WW for now.

Last night WW told our Roommate that she would be comming by to get a few things sometime. I was freaking out because I didn't want her to come over while I was in IC. So I called her and told her that I was busy this evening until 10:15 and that she could come over then if she wanted. I also invited her to an earlier dinner that Roommate and I were cooking. She thanked me for the invite said that she had already eaten and would just come by tomorrow during the day. Jennifer suggested that I leave her a note telling her how I have missed her while she was gone and give her something that was thoughtful. So I left her a note with a my picture printed on the bottom smiling, said something like the above and left her candy that I know makes her happy. Not pushy or gushy just nice. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Well, that's the bulk of it I will update more thoroughly on what I have left out after I have some time to go over my notes.

C.

Morning,

Glad you had a good session with Jennifer. Small and steady progress.

It is a good idea NOT to use MB terms with the WS. Not yet anyways. As it is, any human language is too foreign to most of them. That's why we talk about them being aliens from the mothership. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Know that she may hate your nice acts. Don't let that hurt you too much. It definitely will hurt some. Realize that it is the A alien attitude that is at play here and the nicer you are, the more angry she may get. Have a back up plan on how to react. This is when you will appreciate the value of plan B. But for now, sharpen up your plan A.

Geeze, I would never turn down an invite to dinner if a handsome talented man was cooking it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . That's another gauge you can use. See her sense of reason is warped. Don't readjust her head. Let her walk around with her head tilted to the side. She sees the world from a totally different angle right now. You can't fix it. The mirror is cracked and she thinks she is seeing it clearly. Others can see it. Use that as your support.

As for exposure, Jennifer is right on the $$ on that one. Plan the exposure well. Timing is important. You don't know how much more you will have by then and maybe they will have seen some of it also. Remember you know your W and they don't, they c/b thinking you are both out to get their 'innocent' son. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Go do your homework and let us know how you are doing. Quite proud of you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

take care,
L.

Well, WW didn't come by in the morning to see my note. She called me after work to say that she was going to come by to get some clothes. I told her that was fine but that I wouldn't be there because I was going to workout. I was on the road in a loaner car because mine is getting fixed when she called and the radio was going. I don't have a radio in my car so she asked who I was with I said no one. Then I explained the situation. This is the first time she has expressed any interest in anything to do with me in over a month. I also found out that she was asking questions at her work about what was up with the phone call I was taking when I didn't want her to come over. My friend did not tell her that it was an IC session. If she asks me I will tell her. WW seemed irritated when she was asking my friend about this. She did not act irritated to me when I was talking about it with her the night before. Do I get points for that one? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

When I got home after working out I was preparing myself for the worst just in case. All she took was a large framed picture, some kick nack stuff out of our bedroom and a picture of us together in front of our house. It kind of took me back that she took the picure of us. Seems like a good sign but I don't want to read too much into it.

I studied my notes from the IC session and finished a letter that I had been drafting to WW. The letter is full of concepts that are put into my words. Nothing to intense mind you and only one page. I used some examples of "Good" things from our past as well as put into words what I wanted our marriage to become. Expressed regret for the way our marriage was before and showed her admiration for the person she is. I also told her that I do not judge her and have forgiven her for hurting me.

I hope this isn't over doing it. It doesn't feel like I did but I am being cautious. Everything I wrote is true. Should I hand write this letter and mail it? Or maybe put it on a card and mail it to her? Let me know what you think. I don't want to e-mail her anymore stuff because although she checks her e-mail she really hates computers. My computer usage has been a big LB in the past. So it probably is best that I hand write it.

C.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>shmaley: Well, WW didn't come by in the morning to see my note. She called me after work to say that she was going to come by to get some clothes. I told her that was fine but that I wouldn't be there because I was going to workout. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid: So she asked to pick up her clothes but she picked up other stuff instead. (see the mixed message from the WS?).... remember this.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>shmaley:I was on the road in a loaner car because mine is getting fixed when she called and the radio was going. I don't have a radio in my car so she asked who I was with I said no one. Then I explained the situation. This is the first time she has expressed any interest in anything to do with me in over a month. I also found out that she was asking questions at her work about what was up with the phone call I was taking when I didn't want her to come over. My friend did not tell her that it was an IC session. If she asks me I will tell her. WW seemed irritated when she was asking my friend about this. She did not act irritated to me when I was talking about it with her the night before. Do I get points for that one? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid: While in this stage in the future, don't be soo quick to give the details. You want her to keep inquiring about you. When she called and asked if anyone was with you, just say no. The shorter the responses, the more she will wonder. The more she wonders about you, the more time she spends away from the A.

U get 80 points out of 100. But hey, whose keeping score? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>shmaley: When I got home after working out I was preparing myself for the worst just in case. All she took was a large framed picture, some kick nack stuff out of our bedroom and a picture of us together in front of our house. It kind of took me back that she took the picure of us. Seems like a good sign but I don't want to read too much into it. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid: Interesting. File this info away and keep watching out for more alien sightings. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>shmaley: I studied my notes from the IC session and finished a letter that I had been drafting to WW. The letter is full of concepts that are put into my words. Nothing to intense mind you and only one page. I used some examples of "Good" things from our past as well as put into words what I wanted our marriage to become. Expressed regret for the way our marriage was before and showed her admiration for the person she is. I also told her that I do not judge her and have forgiven her for hurting me.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid: I'd double check with your IC if letting her know you forgive her or admiring the person she is along with not judging her is really the message you want to convey. To me those are green lights that you are approving any bad behavior including your willingness to enable the A.

I recommend something more like:

1. Recall some hi-lites of the M, happy and sad.
2. An incident or 2 of how you worked well together on various situations.
3. No mention of ILY to her as she is
4. Acknowledge that this separation is hard but necessary.
5. Look forward to speaking to your W and sharing a special message with your W.
6. For now you are working on improving yourself and making permanent changes (WS like to pull the 'I like the changes but don't know if they will last' crap excuse on the BS).

7. Hope she is making positive changes also.

8. End the letter short and sweet.

Run the letter by your IC or even here on MB if you want. If you could have a session with Jennifer @ MB (via phone counseling), that w/b super. She is real good. There are several good guys here that could critique your letter for you. Ask for WAT or JL. There are lots more great MB guys here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>shmaley: I hope this isn't over doing it. It doesn't feel like I did but I am being cautious. Everything I wrote is true. Should I hand write this letter and mail it? Or maybe put it on a card and mail it to her? Let me know what you think. I don't want to e-mail her anymore stuff because although she checks her e-mail she really hates computers. My computer usage has been a big LB in the past. So it probably is best that I hand write it. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid: When you choose to send it, use the method you think will be most acceptable. Handwritten vs computer is your call. Just don't be too mushy (probably a pretty card c/b harder to write all you want). Handwritten letter will make her work to read it. This could put it in her brain more permanently.

JMHO,
L.

<small>[ September 09, 2004, 02:07 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

This is the 2nd draft. Let me know what you guys think. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

WW,

How are you feeling today? Good I hope. I wanted you to know that I have been learning a lot about marriage and what it takes to have a good one. Wish you were here with me to share this experience. I've come to realize so many areas where we were having problems and probably didn't even know it. When I look at the way our marriage was I realize that it has been a very sad marriage. Not because either one of us wasn't trying, but because we did not give each other the emotional gifts that we both deserved.

I would like to share with you some of the elements of the marriage I have always wanted for us. A marriage in which we both make each other the center of attention. A marriage in which we protect each other. A marriage in which we always work together to come up with thoughtful solutions for the challenges we face. A marriage in which we put each other first before anything else. When I last wrote you I wrote about our decision making processes and how they used to work. I have learned that if we make decisions with only one person in mind we are not helping but hurting the marriage. It&#8217;s when we work together that we come up with the best ideas and solutions to our problems.

Do you remember when we first met each other and we used to talk about "Head games"? We were so honest with each other that we would stop mid-sentence and admit we were saying something to get the other to do something. I was so proud that we could be that honest with each other. When I told other people about this they just couldn't understand what I was even talking about. The few people that did understand knew that what we had was going to be something special. We both knew it too.

It is very hard being away from you but I know it is necessary. I look forward to speaking with you and sharing a special message. For now I am working hard on myself, making positive and permanent changes in my lifestyle. I hope you are making changes to.

Well, I have to go for now my life has gotten so busy it seems. Make sure to take care of yourself.

With my Love,

Me

I took out the stuff you talked about Orchid. I think you were probably right on that one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

C.

The end of a traumatic but triumphant night. WW called me earlier today to tell me she was coming over to pack up clothes and some other things. Total panic hit me but I stayed calm. I told her that I wasn't going to be home for a while but I hoped to see her while she was there. Stayed very up beat and happy on the phone. I went to get a haircut and rushed home to make sure I caught her.Turns out she was moving all her clothes (3 closets worth) and some pieces of furniture.

I made sure to make myself available to help move. She wouldn't let me at first but I persisted and then she asked me to do a few things. We talked about some finance issues and she started to get stressed out (finances is a big LB) so I diffused the situation by letting the conversation die. I told her that we just had a few extra expenses to think about and that we would make it.

After I had helped moving for a while I went to the store with one of her friends to get some trash bags for clothes. As soon as we left I asked how WW was doing the friend replied "Not good at all". She has been crying many times a day and is obviously very conflicted. She is very confused why I still want her even after I know that she spent the week with OM. I made sure that her friend knew that I was very concerned about how WW felt. And that it made me sad to know that she was in pain. Her friend brought up that WW said that I wanted the old M back. I made sure that she knew that I did not want the old M back but a new one. I told her that all that matters right now is what is happening right now and what will happen in the future. I told her all this because I knew she would tell WW.

When I got back I helped a little more then retreated because I was starting to feel stressed. Told them I would be downstairs if they needed any help. Checked the forum and no answer for my letter. Then it dawned on me that my computer was a LB and I should not spend time with it while WW was in the house. So I called a friend and set up a meeting. Went back upstairs and changed and asked WW to help me pick out a shirt. I have been working out and hoped that she would notice.

Had dinner at my friends house and when I came back WW was still there packing. I helped a little more and was polite to her roommate who is a friend. Started to stress again so I told them I would be downstairs if they needed me. When I went downstairs WW's friend was there and filled me in on what had been said. WW noticed that I looked good from working out. She was also impressed that I had made the pasta primavera w/ alfredo sauce from scratch. Apparently, everything that I do that is nice just makes her feel even more conflicted. So we talked a little bit more and she went back up to help.

When WW finally got ready to leave I met her inside the front door. She was starting to cry and I gave her a hug and she hugged back real tight. I told her that she could call me any time day or night if she needed me. She nodded and hugged me a little more. Then went outside and left.

Our roommate went with her this time to take a few things over to her new place. When roommate got back she told me that WW cried al the way over and didn't stop crying until they started moving things around in the house. Roommate and I talked for a while and after about 45min. We heard someone upstairs walking around. I went upstairs and it was WW back to get more clothes (these are just the clothes she was keeping...LOL). She said sorry if we woke you up we just came back to get a few more things. I said that's fine no problem do you need some help. This time she was very accepting of my help. I helped them move the rest of the clothes out to the car. While we were outside her friend told me that what I was doing was working and she thought it was great. She also told me that WW said to her that the only thing that was keeping her from coming back was the sex. We agreed that this was a monumental step forward. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

WW seemed to be in a happier mood than before and I continued to charm her as much as I could. Just being very agreeable and nice the whole time. When WW got ready to leave she said she was hungry I instantly offered to make her something to eat. She acted like she might want me to and I pushed a little offering a few choices. Finally got her talked into it and I made her and her friend a couple of sandwiches and we all stood around in the kitchen talking and smiling a little.

Whew!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Well, now for a question. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

WW and I have always had sexual problems. Sex is painful for her and this has always been a big LB. This has not been a problem with her two A's. So the question is should the next counseling session I try to schedule with her be with a sex therapist? She has agreed to continue going to MC but even Jennifer C. said that MC is a waste while the A is still active. If sex is becoming the next big hurdle in WW's mind shouldn't I see if she will consider going to a sex therapist with me? Lots to think about here.

C.

<small>[ September 10, 2004, 02:45 AM: Message edited by: shmaley ]</small>

C,

U R doing good!!! Very proud of you and I love the letter. Wow.... let's see what the others think of it. WAT is on the eastern coast (not sure if he is under water or not. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> JL is on the west coast and often busy on the JFO board. If they don't respond by tomorrow, I'll yell from waaay out here in the blue pacific, ok? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You handled yourself well. You also have an alliance in her roommate but don't count it on 100%, ok? Use it when you can but be prepared she may pull back a bit.

As for the s3x, check it out with your IC. Something isn't sounding right. You don't need to spill all here, check it out with Jennifer @ MB when you can.

Keep up the good work.

L.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

{{{{Orchid}}}}


C.

Ok U guys...... need your input on this letter which I think is great. But your opinions are very much needed.

L.

WW was suppose to come by today and get some dresser drawers. She finally called just a little while ago and said that her and friend were going out to get some Thai food. Then they would be be going to a coffee shop that me and WW always went to and asked me if I wanted to meet them there. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Sounds good to me I told her. She also asked if I had fixed the drawers that were broken in the dresser. She didn't expect that they were yet but I had it taken care of. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

I decided to write the letter earlier and have put it with the dresser drawers. Got curious after I got off the phone with her to see if she had been in very much contact with OM. Looked up the phone bill and saw that she has (I expected that). But once I got to analyzing the calls two things stood out. One, She has called him 20 times in the past 11 days and he has called her 4. And his calls were all in the last 2 days. Two, there was a call last night for 106 min. which is the longest call they have ever had. This could mean something is up with the A or it could mean nothing. Anyway, I am prepared to let her know the type of marriage I want and what my boundaries are as far as NC.

Sounds good but I won't get my hopes up too much.

Sounds good 2 me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

take care,
L.

I am not one of the experts you asked for but I am a woman, and I love the letter.

It is very hard to believe you are only 29, you are ions ahead of where I was at that age.

Not too mushy, no self pity - just a wonderfully expressive letter which shows your head is in a very good place.

Thanks for the encouragement Weaver. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Last night went pretty well I guess got WW to talk about some relationship issues. I made sure that she was willing to talk. Since she is a conflict avoider she will say stuff like "ok" "if you want to" or "I guess". I was met with all of these responses when I asked if she wanted to talk last night. So I said "only if you are ready to talk about it." And "it's ok if you aren't ready yet." She said I was being very patient. Eventually, we sat down and started to talk.

She said that she knew that she was the bad guy here and was wrong. I didn't disagree but then steered the conversation toward why the M that we had was one that allowed this to happen. Talked about protection and how we had not had any enough for each other. Talked about our givers and takers how they worked in our relationship and why they were both bad. Talked about thoughtful negotiation, how it works and our specific failures in this area. Talked about my biggest LB "disrespectful judgements" and examples of how I had abused this. She agreeded that she had been guilty of the same through her independent behaviors. She said that she was acting that way out of spite. At one point, toward the beginning of the conversation WW said that I had her Respect and Admiration for how I was handling this situation.

Overall, it was a productive and thoughtful discussion. I made sure that she did not feel that I was lecturing her. She said I did not have my lecturing tone tonight. I had to fight my anger a couple of times early on in the night though. Just some of her inconsiderate behavior started to get to me a little. That and when I got to her new place all I could think was how stupid this all was. Kept going through my head over and over. I guess this is the beginnings of resentment. How can I nip this in the bud? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I asked her if she was ready to talk about the sex issues we had and she though about it and said she was not yet. I told her that was fine and that I was willing to discuss it when ever she is ready to. I have been educating myself as much as I can on this topic and probably need to understand more before we discuss it anyways. Like Jennifer C. said I need to become the expert. That way I will know exactly what path to lead my spouse down so that we can be on the same page. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ September 13, 2004, 01:10 AM: Message edited by: shmaley ]</small>

Morning Shmaley,

U sound much stronger today. There w/b good and bad days. As for your feelings of anger and frustration, you are handling it well. It is not to be totally surpressed since the time to deal with your feelings by your W will come but not while she is a WS. As a BS we deal with our feelings via other means such as posting here (venting), IC/MC and our personal support system. When the WS comes back to the spouse mode, then at the proper time, they will be given back that responsibility.

Weaver, U R one of the 'MB experts' Shmaley needs to hear from. Thanks for responding. His letter is great and I am quite proud of how he learned to put it together sooo well. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

take care,
L.

WW came over this evening without calling before hand and alone. This is a first since she left on the 3rd or 4th of August. I was just finishing up with a student and she knows my schedule so I am guessing she planned on seeing me. She was very plesant and had a smile on. I does my heart well to see her that way again.

She came by to get some CD's and a another bag of clothes (we could clothe the entire local girl scout troop for a month). While she was here I showed her a piece of trim that I had stained with the stain that we picked out and asked her opinion on wether we should go with this color. She liked it and so we agreed that I would go ahead with it. Our first POJA success!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I also showed her some furniture that my grandparents had given us that she had always wanted and we talked about where it would fit in the house the best. POJA #2 Bada Bing!!

After that she looked through a few more CD's to take to her place. I asked her if she would like to watch a movie tonight or maybe go for a walk if she had time. She said that she was already suppose to watch a movie with her roommate and probably didn't have time. I told her that was fine and helped her take the clothes to her car. When we got to the car she said bye and for the first time was the one who initiated the hug good bye. I told her to have a good day and she said you too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

How ya like those apples!!! Feeling stoked right now. Can we still say stoked? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I went inside and finished reading Fall in Love Stay in Love. Forgot to mention, while she was in the house she saw that I was reading a book and I could tell she was looking at the binder to see what it was. After I finished college I quit reading all together. She reads all the time. So that could have potentially even made a LB deposit.

Sounds like she is opening up some and not dreading my presence. All in all it's been a really good day!!!

C.

<small>[ September 13, 2004, 01:11 AM: Message edited by: shmaley ]</small>

What do I think of them apples?

I think MB has another poster child <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />


I just read a reply you gave to another poster, and wanted to say you really rock at this.

You have a way about you that is so evolved for a 29 year old, it really amazes me.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

{{{Weaver}}}

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

C.

I'm home sick today and WW just came by. She was nice but I am starting to see her as a fence rider. Something may be happening as the uncharacteristically long calls to OM continue. Usually her calls have been under 40 min and most of the time only 20min. After the move out they have been 106min and over 80min.. There was also one right before the 80 min. one to her Dad that was 97min..

Right now I want to call her Dad really bad and see if I can coax any info out of him. I have tried to call another family confident and she is not answering.

WW was nice to me and asked if she could do anything for me. She got me a glass of water and sat next to me while I lay on the couch. She also asked if I wanted her to knock on the door when she comes over I told her "no". What do you think Orchid? I figured since I was in plan A I should make everything that is not enabling the A inviting. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

She started to open some mail from the symphony that she auditioned for that I know she was offered a low paying position for (like $3,000 a year and in a Large metro area.) It was a map and she said " why would they send me a map I need to know if they want me to play". This drove me absolutely NUTS!!! I wanted to scream you thoughtless insensitive *****. How dare you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I bit my tounge and it was hard. I wanted to ask why are you wondering if they want you to play. What the h*** are you thinking. I have her respect and admiration but I guess that just means NOTHING. GRRRRRRRRRR!!!! ROAWR!!! *chews numberpad off keyboard*. I liked that keyboard too.

Aliens GO HOME!!! You are not wanted on our planet.

*panting* *panting* *panting*

I am sick and needed to rest and now I am sooo angry that I am back to gritting my teeth. She seems to come over almost everyday. I don't know how much I like that with her non-committal attitude. It feels like she is being nice to me and feeling like everything is ok. Like you know ok from the point of view that I am dealing well with this situation so let me just relax and set what hits me as the best thing to do since the pressure is off. Which brings me to a question.

How when and under what circumstance should I discuss the A with her? I avoid this topic and she does not talk about it either. I know that serious talks more often hurt the relationship than help it. Should I get her to counsel with Jennifer C.? Jennifer said though that it would not do much good but we could try it as though we were in recovery so that WS could learn something. Maybe I should do another IC with Jennifer C.. Maybe I could just calm down. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I know that I am overreacting right now to some stupid crap fog babble that goofy Alien WW came up with. But it kind of feels good. I really do want some input on those questions even though the answers are probably already here.

Given the phone chatter there is probably something happening and I need to just chill out and quit torturing myself. Hard to do when someone is taunting you though.

C.