I have been thinking about the exposure bit a lot since your last post Orchid. And I have decided that writing out a letter to my family and WW's is probably the best way for me to get the initial message conveyed. Of course, I would be there while they read it to explain any details that they wanted to know. I also plan on letting WW review the letter and telling her who I intend on giving it to and even asking her to go with me. I am hoping that this will have a big effect on snapping her out of fantasy land. If Jennifer thinks it is a good idea I will probably be using something similar to this letter.

Open letter to our family

Because it is hard to say and you will have many questions we have decided to convey this information in this letter. WW and I have separated as of the 3rd of August. There have been many problems in our marriage that we have failed to address and we are now suffering some of the consequences of that failure.

No one has filed for divorce yet and we are not legally separated. WW has been staying with friends since the date above and has now moved into a house with a mutual friend that we are renting a room from. Most of her clothing and a few of our personal belongings have been transferred to this place of residence.

The reasons for this separation are complicated but I will highlight them here:

WW's continued participation in an emotional and physical extramarital affair with an acquaintance that she met during her June - July job in (local town). And the orchestra sub position that she has secured in the town of his residence (large city).

Past problems such as career considerations for WW that would move us out of town. In the past, I have not been supportive of this option so we have not been able to come to a decision.

Intimate problems that we have experienced from the beginning of our marriage, and up to now. We have failed to obtain professional treatment for these problems up to this point.


We have both participated in individual counseling and have gone to two marriage counseling sessions together. However, we have been unable to proceed with marriage counseling because of the active status of the affair. We have kept this information from the family for the reason of helping us to rebuild in the future. However, now we have realized that the situation we are in needs greater family attention and support. As well, increasing absences at family functions and in our daily lives require explanations that are honest and thoughtful of family feelings.

This letter has been written in my words. WW and I have reviewed and discussed it's content and who it will be given to.


BS and WW


This letter is 1st draft and open for review so feel free.

C.

Morning Shmaley,

Hope you are feeling better. I think due to your circumstances, it w/b better to run this by Jennifer C before you send the letter. Here are my thoughts:

1. The letter is from you. You give your side to whomever you decide. If your W wants to give her story, she can do it her own way. Why? Because IMHO, at this time she will not agree to a single letter which makes her out to be the bad person.

2. Determine who you feel should know. Make your list and write down your reasons for telling them and how they maybe able to help. Running it by the aunt and her parents may help. Remember this c/b hard since often blood is thicker than water and their focus could get lost in the fog.

As for your wife's distance from family functions, well that's telling. Let Jennifer know. Your wife will probably use this challenge as an excuse to let the A run farther. Learn from Jennifer how to spin this challenge to your advantage.

My H (Xws) was not close to his family (except for his 1 older sister) and not close to my family. He had lots of friends but only a few close ones. He tended to distance others from him with his grumpy attitude. Even my friends kept their distance. That was pre-A.

During the A he used that excuse to go farther into the A. The point he did not count on was the fact that our friends and family are real friends. The qluality kind.

When I did the exposure, I asked that all I gave the info (gave info on a need to know basis, not telling all to all), I preempted the exposure info by asking they each person to respect my decisions and that their support w/b greatly appreciate. I also let them know that I chose to tell them because I respect them. Then when I gained their confidence, I gave them some of the info. In each case (including telling my parents - my dad is not fond of H), each case I recieved their support. Each one.

In time, H is learning to meet his challenges and face these people. At first he grumbled I ruined his chances of speaking to anyone ever again. I told him that was his loss and these are our family and friends. He has since reneged and is working on forming lasting relationships with his real family and friends.

NOTE: The OW was too ashamed of the A to introduce him to her family....but both H and I have contact info on her family members. So it is an ace I still have up my sleeve should that evil PBR (psycho babble rabbit - OW's name here) show up again.

Plan carefully and be prepared for the worst.

take care,
L.

I am feeling much better thanks for caring.

As usual great advice. Having some hindsight on your side can sure make a difference. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I was planning on being present when I gave the letter to whomever I decided to give it to. I was also not planning on sending it via mail or email. But now I think I will just memorize the main points and hit those verbally (no letter). I am quite well versed in how I feel these days as I have been in learn about C. mode for the last month and a half.

Writing down who to expose to and the reasons why is an excellent idea. I can see this helping in the future with WW to explain why I felt I had to do the exposures. That way it will be obvious that I I was not acting out of anger but love. It will also help me to remember who knows what.

Should I talk to WW about who I have exposed to after the fact and while she is still WW and not W?

Or should I just let nature take it's course?

Just a couple of questions that I will probably ask Jennifer tonight. Better write them down so I will remember! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

C.

Shmaley,

I would not confer with a WS on an exposure letter. If it were an Xws it would still be questionable (most xws find a NC or exposure letter approval too much for them at the time).

It could also backfire of your intended purpose. Don't give the WS a chance to ruin your exposure. Don't even tell her who you told or what. When she asks, just say something like, 'yes I did tell.' Simply answer her question but do not give details or explain your actions. Remember WS' will use your explanations against the BS.

Here's an example:

WS: You what? You told who?

BS: For my personal healing, I chose to tell those who I have respect for and were willing to give our M a support.

WS: Who?

BS: As I said, those I respect. Who do you respect?

WS: What did you tell them?

BS: I asked for their support to the good side of our persons and our M. Isn't that what you would want your friends and family to do?

WS: No.

BS: Ohhh... ok. (end of convo)

WS: Whhhyyyy..... (stutter) How could you do this to me?

BS: Well it wasn't so much for you as for me. I needed to be reminded of the good side of our M. This is hard for me and this is helping me heal. How are you helping me heal?

WS: I don't know.... I can't deal with this right now.

Bs: Ohhhh.... ok. (end of convo)

Let her walk away with the idea that you need help and for her to see that you will get the help you need whatever way you need.

She will have a more difficult time if you present it as a help by you and for you. If she turns against this and lashes out at you, this is the time to withdraw and not have anything to do with a WS in rage.

Hope this helps. Let us know what Jennifer says.

take care,
L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by shmaley:
<strong>I have decided that writing out a letter to my family and WW's is probably the best way for me to get the initial message conveyed.

Of course, I would be there while they read it to explain any details that they wanted to know.

I also plan on letting WW review the letter and telling her who I intend on giving it to and even asking her to go with me.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">A few thoughts on these three points:

A letter to conduct exposure to family members is a good idea.

Being there while they read is overly drammatic. Why all the drama? Let them read it and discuss it amongst themselves. Don't worry, they'll come to both you and her with questions.

DO NOT LET WW REVIEW THE LETTER!!!!!! Don't tell her ANYTHING about it!!! Do you think you're dealing with a rational, honorable person? You think she'll go with you to deliver it??? If you think this, just ask her to end the marriage threatening affair and no letter will be needed!

Here's my recommended letter, adapted from your draft:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Because it is hard to say and you will have many questions I have decided to inform you of this sad information in this letter. My marriage is in crisis. WW and I have separated as of the 3rd of August. There have been many problems in our marriage that we have failed to address and we are now suffering some of the consequences of that failure.

I have not filed for divorce and don't intend to. To the contrary, I want desperately to save my marriage. WW has abandoned our home against my wishes and has been staying with friends since the date above and has recently moved into a house with a mutual friend that we are renting a room from.

The reasons for this separation are stark but I will highlight them here:

WW's has willingly and deliberately conducted an extramarital affair behind all of our backs with an acquaintance that she met during her June - July job in (local town). She continues to promote this affair with her involvement in the orchestra sub position that she has secured in the town of his residence (large city).

In the past I failed to meet the emotional needs of WW, but I now recognize my failings and I have taken steps to eliminate these contributions to the poor marital state that allowed an affair to be attractive to her. But conducting an affair is entirely of her choosing.

We have both participated in individual counseling and have gone to two marriage counseling sessions together. However, we have been unable to proceed with marriage counseling because of the active status of the affair. Simply stated, we are at a stalemate for improving our marriage due to her distraction of the affair.

Prior to this, I have kept this information from the family for the reason of helping us to rebuild in the future. But now, I have realize that the situation we are in needs greater family attention and support.

Please understand that I am telling you this out of love for my family with the hopes that reconciliation can begin. The most effective antidote for affairs is to reveal their secrecy to the light of day, thereby removing their fantasy underpinnings. This is my goal.

If you choose to ask WW about this information, be prepared for denials and contradictions to what I have said here. I am engaging in professional counseling with experts on infidelity to guide me and I'd be glad to share with you any information that can shed light on this symptom of marital disease.

Please wish me well in our crisis.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WAT

<small>[ September 20, 2004, 06:46 PM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

WOW!

Great revision. Thank you so much. All your points are well taken. I will post back after my IC session.

Thanks WAT.

C.

Please tell us Jen's reactions. It will be informative for us all.

WAT

Jennifer said exposure now to anymore of WW's family would not be a good idea. Since the most influential people already know (parents and Aunt and Uncle) no other exposures are necessary until Plan B goes into effect. And as for exposure to OM's parents she still advises against it until Plan B goes into effect. She says WW will most undoubtedly be furious and will LB me and maybe get me to LB her. Not very Plan A.

On exposure to my family she said to go ahead but tell them in person and only use a letter for my own personal reference. Make them promise not to contact WW. That one surprised me but I see the logic behind it. One thing that she said about letter's is that they should always be something that you would be ok with WS reading in a year or two. And do not make statements that are one sided, just stick to the facts. She is cautious because paper can come back to haunt you after you are in recovery.

She praised me for my letters and said that I should send around one a week. Keep them short and sweet and include the concepts put into my words. So I guess it's time to send off the last one I wrote.

Oh, and she spoke very highly of you all and your dedication to this board! She was amazed at all the wonderful people willing to help others through their crisis.

C.

Well, I was doing some online bankng this afternoon and saw that WW was overdrawn on four checks. Cost us $70.00. I am not angry but this is typical. Was just thinking that we need to talk about some bills that she needs to allocate money for. I'll give her a call and set up a meeting so that we can talk about it.

Is there any way that I can spin this situation to my advantage? And where would a safe place for negotiations be just at home? I will practice all of my learned concepts and be sure not to LB.

I feel like she should still be allocating funds to the mortgage, existing credit card bills, and half of our auto insurance. What do you guys think? Just want to know that I am being fair. I will make sure our conversation is negotiation and not the way it used to be. I've always been very dominating with finances and it is a big LB for her. So this can turn into a great opportunity and that is why I need the guidance. I am a very black and white person and it is hard for me to accept another point of view especially with money. No matter what I will not be drawn into an argument. If it comes down to it I will just respectfully disagree.

Hopefully, we can POJA on some of this stuff. Oh and Jennifer confirmed for sure last night your right Orchid. POJA isn't short for POJAMA's. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I stand corrected.

C.

Shmaley,

Glad you heard from Jennifer. She is guiding you well. She liked your other letter also? That's great. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

You are doing well. Just know the ups and downs will continue on this roller coaster ride. Keep your seat belt on tight and you will survive.

Keep up the good work and vent here as needed.

take care,
L.

Talked to my Mother about the EA/PA last night. I picked her first because she is very good at forgiving. We decided on what to tell the rest of the family including my Father. At this point I might tell one other person on my Mothers side about the EA/PA. All others are going to get limited information. This includes my Father. I am close enough to him that I know he would NEVER forgive her for this. I feel that I am protecting both him and WW from years of certain resentment.

Tonight, I am going to write out my third letter to WW and give her a call to set up a meeting for finance talks. I will try to get her to meet over at her place because I would rather her not even get her hands on that symphony contract. I will not powerstruggle it but I will not deliver it to her either.

Ran a mile and a half this morning! That is the longest I have ever ran. With my build I should be running marathons but 1-1/2 miles is a start right. Real hilly terrain to, I live in a mountain town. *pats self on back* <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

How is the new house Orchid?! Is everything in it's place and dusted? Or is it still half in boxes like I would have it? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

C.

Hi Shmaley,

Glad you spoke to your mom. Moms are great!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Respect your dad but don't protect a WS. You are in good hands with your mom and Jennifer. Realize that your mom has to live with withholding info from your dad. If this is counter to their relationship, this could be hard on her. Do periodic checks. You may find that in time your dad may realize where his priorities really lie. That is why I preferenced my statements by asking all to respect my decisions before I gave them the limited exposure info.

As for our house, well the boxes still reign supreme. LOL!!! Also the weeds on the side of the house (zero lot type of house) and the small hill in the back yard. I have already done my shopping and found out what I need to buy. Just have to find someone to help pull out all the bad stuff.

I already have a plan but the manpower is lacking. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> My little one has been putting in time helping me unpack while adjusting to a new school and schedule.

Talked with another MB yesterday, he may stop by and post a bit. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Well gotta scoot. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Keep posting.

take care,
L.

Schmaly -

I can't offer anything more than Orchid does for you, she knows so much more than me, but wanted to chime in here and say that you are still sounding great.

You live in a mountain town, I'm jealous!...
and running, double jealous!!


Weaver


Edited to correct spelling of your name, man I have a hard time with that name - what does it mean anyway?

<small>[ September 22, 2004, 05:47 PM: Message edited by: weaver ]</small>

I spoke with my mother for around 3-1/2 hours. Prefaced with all you suggested Orchid. She suggested that we not tell my Dad because of his nature. However, the decision was mine. I feel the same as she does and was already leaning that direction.

Boxes will be boxes and if you leave them there long enough they might unpack themselves. At least that was always my theory. Alas, no one would ever let me prove it. Said I was procrastinating.

Weaver,

Shmaley is my nick name from HS. It rhymes with my last name and people used to cal me **ley Shmaley. Then they just called me Shmaley. Needless to say it stuck. Few of those friends are still around but I still hear it from time to time (we were such a wierd bunch of kids). It's so weird I never have trouble using it with a login. Maybe I'll use it for my first born. It would work for a boy or a girl.... LOL

C.

Well, I don't know what to make of this one yet but it doesn't sound good. Called WW to set up a time to meet and we decided to meet at a local coffee shop. When she was debating what time to meet she said that she had to take a friend home. I happen to know that this friend is a WW as of 3 weeks ago. Arrrrggggghhhhhh....

I wonder if I could pay some bad influences to come down here and hang out with my WW. I mean there might just be a couple left in the state that haven't dropped by. I have no idea what the situation is with WW2 only that they have been together for around 5 years and married for just 6mo.. Don't know any other details. It could be good it could be really really bad. I am leaning toward the latter. They will probably support each other and make things worse. Ughh. I can just hear them "I just don't have time to be a W right now."

I need to calm down because I have to go to meet her in about 30 min. Always feel real uptight right before I see her and then somethig takes over and the calm hits. I know I will do fine just got the jitters.

Wrote out the last letter and I'll give that to her tonight. I'll start with small talk and make sure that she is ready to talk about finances. Big Big LB so I must be gentle. To make it worse She has those bounced checks that I am sure she doesn't know about. When she gets upset I will make sure to be thoughtful and considerate. However, I am going to need some sort of direction on what we are doing.

I'll post back when I get home. Wish me luck.

C.

Well, I asked WW about her friend and she is also having an A. Pathetic isn't it. Sad sad state of affairs in this world sometimes.

The meeting went pretty good over all. The only bad taste I have in my mouth is that I had to LB her toward the end. She asked me if she could put plane tickets on the credit card to go and work at the orchestra in OM's town. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> OMG right. Yeah sure why don't ya just take my check and the card and buy OM a new car and some GQ looking clothes to boot. I met her with a firm "No, I will not support that relationship in any way." She said "this is for my career" and I said, "That's fine I would love to go with you in support of your career, I'll even take the time off work." No... No... No... *with large eyes* Called her bluff on that one. I was ready. Just hated that it had to be one of the last things that we talked about. She pretty much wanted to leave after that one.

During the earlier hours she caught me trying to babble back. I got caught in a loop of "I agree" LOL I said "I agree" to a question. To which she said " that counselor told you to say that didn't she". **BUSTED** I said "I haven't been going to see the counselor" I haven't been seeing our local MC. She pressed on and I admitted that yes I have been talking to Jennifer C. She said "I don't think it's a bad thing". Then, she asked why I hadn't been asking her about going to counseling? I told her that she knew what I wanted and that there was no point in bugging her about it. Then, I asked her if that meant that she wanted to go to counseling? "Oh, I don't have time". I was thinking then what was the point of you asking me about it? Told her that I thought it would be good for her to IC and asked if she would talk to Jennifer C. on the phone. "I don't want to talk to a stranger on the phone" " It's different talking to someone in person but I don't want to talk to a stranger." I said "If you talked to her she wouldn't be a stranger". I was thinking of an old sesame street episode here...LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> She ended that she would think about it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Several times she asked me what I was smiling about. Truthfully, I love her and I can't hide it at all. I said, "It's my heart smiling at you". I know that sounds all sappy but if I didn't tell the truth then I was going to risk looking either wierd or insincere.

I showed her the bounced checks and she knew about them. She got all defensive and I handled it just fine. Told her I just wanted her to know so that she could take the charges out of her check book.

She asked if my parents still didn't know. I told her that I had talked to my mom last night. And that my Dad still didn't know. Probably told her too much. It was too late when I realized that I should be letting her wonder more. But she did ask a direct question and I am not going to lie. I told her that mom and I were protecting Dad . She came back with " and me " I said "yeah, and you too". I put her second on purpose that time to see if I could draw her out. Worked real nice. Told her that Grandma was asking what to buy her for her birthday. And I told her that I couldn't go on lying to them like I had been at the last two family functions. This upset her. She said something like "can't you just tell them that we are separated". I didn't quite understand what she meant so I just went with it and said " I have to tell them the truth." I guarantee that one will have her thinking.

The best part of the conversation was talking about the things I had put in the letter. Talked about honesty and why it is important in marriage. She brought up that it only hurts the other person so you shouldn't tell about bad things. Then I laid the concepts on her. I did it in a way that had her thinking and basically saying I guess your right. Used examples from our M that made a lot of sense.

At one point, she started to talk about something that she was stressed out about and stopped and said, "I can't talk to you about that." She said that she had wanted to call me but didn't feel like she could talk to me. I told her she could call me any time she needed to. She brought up the boy she cheated on me with when we were dating. Aparently, he is really freaking out and his GF is trying to kill herself and he is self mutulating, taking pills, and drinking. She has a soft spot for him and has been trying to help him through it. Talk about the blind leading the blind. I encouraged her to talk about him and what was up. She kept saying she couldn't talk to me about him and that she knew that it would make me mad. Well, I proved her wrong! Made sure she felt that I was genuinely concerned for his health. Told her to ask him to get some help in counseling. I also warned her that she should be careful and that if he didn't feel safe then she wasn't very safe around him. Of course, she wouldn't listen. "Oh, he would never hurt me". Sooo nieave. Can't do much about that.

She also talked a little about OM and how he made her happy. I said "you don't seem happy." She didn't argue. I can't remember how it got started but she was talking about OM and I said " You can decide to change this." She got defensive and said " People have to quit telling me to not see him I have to decide to do that." I said " I am not telling you to do that." Then, I asked her how her values compared to what she was doing. She said that she had thought about that and that she felt bad for making me hurt. I said, "I believe you it's a incredibly disrespectful and disgusting relationship and is very hurtful to me." WOW!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> can you believe I said that!!! Said it very calmly too. I saw some serious pain in her eyes when I said that. Not that I enjoyed watching that but it needed to be said and understood. Now it is.

Well, that's the main points. Sorry, they are all out of order. Let me know what you guys think.

C.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>shmaley: .....During the earlier hours she caught me trying to babble back. I got caught in a loop of "I agree" LOL I said "I agree" to a question. To which she said " that counselor told you to say that didn't she". **BUSTED** I said "I haven't been going to see the counselor" I haven't been seeing our local MC. She pressed on and I admitted that yes I have been talking to Jennifer C. She said "I don't think it's a bad thing". Then, she asked why I hadn't been asking her about going to counseling? I told her that she knew what I wanted and that there was no point in bugging her about it. Then, I asked her if that meant that she wanted to go to counseling? "Oh, I don't have time". I was thinking then what was the point of you asking me about it? Told her that I thought it would be good for her to IC and asked if she would talk to Jennifer C. on the phone. "I don't want to talk to a stranger on the phone" " It's different talking to someone in person but I don't want to talk to a stranger." I said "If you talked to her she wouldn't be a stranger". I was thinking of an old sesame street episode here...LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> She ended that she would think about it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid: Well here's perfect example of how a WS works. Notice how she pretended to be interested in MC w/Jennifer when she could accuse you of not inviting her, then when you did said she didn't want to talk to strangers? Right. Mine did the same thing and my response was the same as yours: "If you talked to her she wouldn't be a stranger".

As for your letting her know who you told and other info, you may find that even though she may spew WS anger now, you are doing the exposure for your need not her's. Remember that as you are dodging those sprays of WS venom. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

BTW, we are working on a WSacide for that venom, right now we are using the fogbabble version. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

take care,
L.

<small>[ September 23, 2004, 03:28 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

Here's letter no. 4. Let me know what you guys think.

WW,

I am having a great day today! Everything just seems to be in place. You know what I mean one of those days when everything goes right and you just feel really warm and happy. There is so much to be thankful for in our lives. I started feeling this way today and it made me think about you. The only sad part is that you are not here sharing it with me. I&#8217;ve so much to tell you I could probably talk for a week if you didn&#8217;t tell me to shut up first. Ha ha. Maybe you are having a good one too. Or maybe this letter will help you to feel what I am feeling now. I hope so.

It just dawned on me that I haven&#8217;t asked you how important honesty and dishonesty is to you. How does it make you feel when I have been dishonest with you? And how does it make you feel when I tell you exactly what I am thinking and how it makes me feel? I hope that you might write this down and let me know how you feel about your needs in this area.

You know the more I think about it the more it seems to me that dishonesty is what really causes the numbness you are experiencing. Whether it is dishonesty to me, your family, or yourself it is like a wedge. Dishonesty is one of the most destructive things a relationship can experience. When we are dishonest we destroy the love that we have for each other. Dishonesty makes the adjustments that are crucial to the creation of compatibility in marriage impossible. If we are dishonest, no matter how hard we try to work together we will fail simply because we will not understand each other.

The dogs are acting silly today. While I was running this morning I could see down inside the house and they were barking back and forth at each other. When I got to the end of my run **** was sitting on the couch howling and ***** was barking at him over and over. He howled until ***** saw me and ran to the door. I think they want to go with me when I run. Maybe I will let them take turns because I run twice around before I stop.

You asked me several times why I was smiling during our last conversation. If you want to know why I smile I&#8217;ll tell you. I smile because I know and feel true Faith in God, Honor, Integrity, Care, Trust, Respect, Loyalty, and Love. And nothing in this world can take those things away from me. So I smile a smile from my Heart.

Now, I&#8217;ve been working up a surprise for you so get ready! I&#8217;ll see you soon.

BS


C.

If I were you I might leave the two paragraphs on honesty out, save it for recovery. I really think the letter should be kept light and fun.
No need to try and educate her, or try and tell her how or why she is feeling what she is. It might rub her the wrong way, sort of manipulative.


Weaver

I am thinking about sending a letter that is all fun. A totally light hearted letter will be refreshing and show that BS doesn't always have to talk about relationship.

What I am trying to accomplish with the paragraphs on honesty and dishonesty are to as Jennifer C. said "plant little seeds." She told me to become the expert and put the concepts into my own words in these letters. Always keeping them short and sweet. She said WW will not make any changes based on what she reads but that these concepts and feelings that I convey will stay with her and continue to grow.

I am a lot better at writing about serious stuff than light hearted stuff. I am a deeply introspective person to a fault. Thanks for helping me keep it in prospective Weaver. I need to not let my want to go too deep take over. Maybe I will make another totally light hearted letter and send it before this one. That was actually my original plan.

C.