Well, last night was interesting.....so much happened and it was very emotional so I will try to remember everything as it was but no promises. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I went to the concert as planned and ended up seeing some of WW's & my friends. They asked me to sit with them. So we got some tickets and started for our seats. On the way we saw two of the faculty members that were part of the recent exposure. I greeted them and we shook hands. They asked how I was and I told them real good and showed my best side. They could both see that I had brought a rose for WW. real classy, thanks Orchid I was looking good and felt confident. When we went inside we were joined by yet another friend of WW's. Probably her best friend. The concert went off without a hitch. Handel, Stravinski, and Mendelssohn for you classical heads. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> WW had lots of solos in the Handel and she did well. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

After the concert the friends and I went back stage to see WW. There were a crowd of people in the hall all talking and bustling around. WW was talking to a married friend of ours when I walked up and said "Hi" and handed her the rose. She thanked me but did not give me much eye contact at all. I stood there not saying much and smiling. Complemented her playing and that was about it. The head of the department was there and started talking to WW others were walking by complementing her performance. Then I could tell that they were talking about something a little serious. I found out later that the faculty member that I had seen out front had told WW that he would be teaching her class in the morning. WW has always looked up to this person and he was obviously upset with her. We know part of the reason why. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> The other part is that WW is having a lot of trouble teaching the class and students are complaining about her. And yet another part is that this faculty member knows that she is not only having an A but moonlighting in OM's town. This faculty member who I will call GP likes us a lot and even played at our wedding for free. He is a faithful M man as well. So this exposure has played an impending situation in my direction. Using WW's out of control momentum to my advantage here. So far there are three exposures at WW's place of work that I know of. All married people and friends.

I knew GP was going to do something but I did not know what or when. Apparently the way GP treated WW after the concert along with basically taking her class away from her upset WW tremendously. (Back to the hall after the concert) WW went walking down the hall with her best friend in tow and headed into the womens dress room. I stopped outside the door. But I could see inside for a moment and WW was sitting at a chair with her head in one hand crying . This image has haunted me ever since. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> it causes me Great pain to see her hurting this way and not even be able to go to her. She was in the dressing room with two girlfriends and RM. RM came out and I said I need to see her. RM said I'll get girl friend #1. Girl friend #1 came out and I asked if there was anyone else inside and told her that I needed to see WW. She said go ahead. So I went in and best friend was with WW sitting and consoling her. I was very gentle and at this point didn't know what GP had said to her. I said I am sorry that I ruined your night. She said It's not your fault Honey. (Was that a slip? We have always called each other that.) Then best friend explained some of what GP had done and said. Then best friend excused herself for a moment.

I asked WW if she wanted to talk about it. She said that what GP had done was just the icing on the cake in her F***** up life. I told her that I was sorry that she was hurting. It all gets fuzzy here so I'll just give the bits and pieces that I remember. I tried to talk to her a little bit and maybe I shouldn't have but it was relevant in the case of her F***** up life. I told her that she couldn't just sweep her M under the rug. That I wouldn't let her because I love her too much. I told her that I loved her enough to go through this.... Said that I think that I had been through quite enough at this point and thought that she would agree. I asked do you agree? She said I think that you have been through several things that you shouldn't have put up with. She said she couldn't look at me. When I asked why she said because it makes her sad. This is the guilt creeping in here. I also told her that we got married for a reason and that it was because we loved each other. Those feelings can come back I told her. Also said that I wanted her to give me some serious R talk time and that doesn't mean just going to the counselor and dropping me off. At some point during this she got up and said that she couldn't take anymore talking about it right now. She went into the bathroom. When she didn't return in a couple of sec. I went in after her and she was standing in a stall with her head in her hand leaning up against the inside of a toilet stall. I asked her to come back out she looked startled and mumbled no no.. but then came back out with me and sat down. At this point I just wanted to help her calm down so that she would not feel so bad. best friend came back and they decided to go to the car and make some sort of plan for the night.

I saddens me so much to see WW hurt this way even though it is of her own doing. No one wants to see the ones they love hurt. After concerts is always a great time for celebration and talking and laughing. And great affirmation of the good job that the performer has accomplished. WW got the opposite and it had to be that way. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

As we walked out of the concert hall we were talking a little, really about nothing. When we had to walk our separate ways she thanked me for the flower and I asked for a hug. When I huged her I said into her ear (I am sorry that you are hurting and having such a bad night Honey). I hugged her real tight. She said as we let go and she was walking away "all I ever do is hurt you" I said back quickly "that's Not true". And I walked to my car.

When I got home last night I called my IL confident and told her a little of what had happened. She has been down on her back and unable to help with WW any. She told me that she would call her today and see if she could get her to talk some. WW has still not told this person all what is going on. I feel that this would be perfect timing for her to chime in and give WW the positive confidant that she needs.

That's pretty much it. I didn't think I would be able to remember it all. Writing it out always helps it come back and lets me analyse it a little better as well. I called her this morning at about 10:30am and said: I was just calling to see how you were doing. I hope your feeling a little better. You were so sad last night and I was worried about you. I hope you will give me a call later. Bye

I think it went well overall. It sure was painful though. I hope that this experience has some sort of positive effect on WW. Let me know what you guys think. I am particularly interested in what you think about the things that she said. I think that some of her statements are telling and deserve a little analysis. She is not like so many WW's that I have heard about in that she seems to be truly remorseful for hurting me. Not trying to fool myself but I am wondering if this is a sign that she could be moving towards me.

C.

<small>[ October 19, 2004, 02:51 PM: Message edited by: shmaley ]</small>

Shmaley,

Glad to hear your part went well. The rose certainly added a nice touch. Seems to have reached through the fog, eh? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Her choices are showing up lacking in more areas of her life. Unfortunately helping her often means letting her suffer or work through the situations her decisions create for her.

You and your M are part of that path. Others will react and handle it as they see fit. Part of being a family is seeing the hurt and pain these choices create and having to step back to watch and catch insteading of 'just fixing it'.

Shmaley, you are learning this life's lesson very young but well. I would say that her responses are to be taken with several grains of salt. She will hurt and her responses will go up and down. Some of her responses and choices will cause pain and others will give pain.

The BS often hangs on to the littlest pieces of hope and often makes the mistake of over analyzing each word, thought and action. It is something hard not to do.

My piece of advice is to step back and watch but don't analyze too much. There are bits of senerity with most interactions. That is often what makes the BS feel the hope. It is true we need the hope but we also need reality.

For now I would say that the positive thing is that not everyone is supporting her stance and that is bothering her. That is a point for your side (yea there are sides in this fight for our M's).

Keep up your progress. She will catch up. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

take care,
L.

As the exposures continue at school she will begin to feel more and more presure. I just hope that it pushes her in my direction. But I know that it will most likely be the opposite. Right now I am begining to start attempting to band our parents together. As well I am going to try to get MIL to recruit some of our family friends to talk to WW. These people are avid church goers and real good people. I think that they will be gentle with WW but firm in their convictions toward what she is doing. I am hoping that a strong church family bond will have a good influence on WW.

I had the worst day today. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Sat around sobing part of the morning and didn't go to work. It all started when RM said to me last night that she didn't think that WW wanted me to help her the other night at the concert. I don't know why but I got so upset after she told me this and I just couldn't shake it. Didn't sleep well and woke up real depressed. Then I couldn't make it to work because I was to upset. It was looking pretty bleek. But now I am feeling better. The funny thing is that RM's statement was nothing that I didn't already know. But it affected me deeply. I have to remember that.

C.

Well, I have started bonding the family together. My Mother is going to call WW's parents at least 3 times a week and try to get them to call her on a regular basis as well. My mother is a real chatter box and a very nice person to talk to. Kniting the family together tighter is a good idea I think.

I don't know if I have ever mentioned that there are virtually no divorces in our families. Both our parents and grandparents have been lifelong companions. Not one divorce. I have an uncle that was divorced and that is it, period. Pretty amazing in my book. Never thought about using this to my advantage before until my Grandmother asked if WW's family had any divorces. When I said no she made the observation. Then I recognized the opportunity. I have prayed about this a lot and this is an answer. Don't worry that I am thinking that this is a silver bullet. However, it is a wise resource to utilize. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I am making sure that all continued exposures are done either done by IL's or someone other than myself. This thing is getting more wide open all the time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Here is another piece of wisdom I recieved from Him. WW told RM about a gig that she got to play while in OM's town. It was a last min thing she got to be the soloist and everyone was real impressed with her. When she told RM about it RM told her "wow" and "I am so jelous that you got to play that gig". When RM told me about this it didn't hit me right away but then after praying and thinking about it I realized that this was so very enabling to the A! I spoke to FIL and he told me basically the same story the WW had said to him. I told him that I hoped that the people around WW were not encouraging this through acceptance of this gig as a good thing. Because when WW hears them say that "good job" she will translate it into Good job leaving your husband, having an affair and oh yeah the gig thing too". I put it into a context that would not make him feel that I was telling him what to do with his D. It was a good conversation. Next, I spoke to RM about the same thing at first she disagreed but after I explained further she looked totally convinced. She said to me "I am so glad that you said that I would have never of thought of it that way." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

RM was feeling real bad that she had said something the night before that upset me so much. I put her at rest by telling her that it was now very apparent to me that I had overreacted. And that she had not told me anything that I didn't already know. I was just in a fragile state and decided to crack at that moment. She was very relieved and said she was very glad that I had told her this as well.

Well, I got to go for now. Work is crazy today and lunch is over. I have a new confidence in my direction and it feels good. Thanks mainly to Prayer and all of you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

C.

Hi Shmaley,

I wrote out a long response but it went poof! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Ok, I will try again..... hm.... it certainly was a good one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Well I am glad you were able to bounce back as soon as you did. This roller coaster doesn't stop at the BS' request you know but the BS can control how much it affects them. But U knew that didn't you? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Man, I wish I remember all that I wrote. Give this ol' gal another chance. I will post more later. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

take care,
L.

Man, I hate it when that happens. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I used to always type mine out on notepad then copy and paste. But, I have gotten lazy and have been burnt a couple of times now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Well, I'll be here.....better use notepad though just in case... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Orchid,

I hope you still answer my last post but I have been having some new thoughts as well.

Everytime I see WW recently I talk about R at least a little bit. It always makes her cry. Even though I try to give it to her gently. Should I back off of this so that she doesn't associate me with being sad all the time. Or take the hardline stance that it's necessary. I mean she needs to know how I feel right? Maybe a mix of both. That is kind of how I have been doing. Just recently more of R and M talk.

C.

Morning Shmaley,

How was your weekend? I read your previous post again and while those 'words from my deleted post' has'nt returned, I thought of a few new thoughts. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

As for people encouraging her performances (solo or not), this seems to stroke her ego. In the A, the WS craves on this type of attention. Remember A's put the WS in a selfish state of mind. However, the WS tend to be adverse to any compliments from the BS.

Ok, how to use that info to your advantage..... well let the others do the complimenting. You already showed your pride in her work. Periodically continue to do so but not every time or often. If you do, that would be like rewarding a bad child.

Nope, while you need to acknowledge her accomplishments, you need to show by your actions that her conduct with the A is not part of her accomplisments you are proud of.

This is hard to do. But if you learn how to do this, you can accomplish your plan A, not LB and strengthen your anti-A stance.

I used this technique on my WS and for me it worked. What I used was to tell my WS that while I admired his accomplishments, I did not admire his current conduct. Didn't go into detail, I left that for later. I let him know that there was a difference between his good acts and bad. That his good acts would not cover over his bad acts and he is being treated based on both. When he does good acts and treats us as he should, we will reciporcate. When he acts bad and treats us cruelly, we will act accordingly to protect ourselves. Then I gave him the power to choose how to treat us. Told him he needed to keep his A stuff to himself and not burden us anymore with the A nor the effects of the A. It was his job to be as nice and show us his best side since the A was his choice not ours.

Basically I was headed to plan B and give him his A problems. It worked. The WS' face tends to distort and looks quite funny but remember you can't feel sorry for them in this state. You gotta be firm and remind then you love them when they were and are good but can't when the are bad.

Hope this helps.
L.

My weekend was fine how was yours?

There is a lot getting ready to happen I think. I have heard through the grapevine that MIL and FIL are getting ready to really sock it to WW. Going to tell her basically if you choose to live this way it will be without us. I just hope they keep their nerve up enough to go through with it. I want to support them right now but I also need to distance myself so that I can truly say that I had nothing to do with their decision. At this point, I really don't. But I am real glad that they are doing it and I would tell WW that also.

I spoke with Jennifer C. last night. She read through most all of this topic and said I was doing exceptionally well in Plan A. I did get a little selfish the other night after the concert by talking about R instead of comforting WW but I did not LB with any DJ. Even though my opinion is that she deserved it I didn't say it or act like I thought that.

I am hopeing and praying that WW is deeply affected by her parents decision. As well I am praying that they will have the strength to do it! WW told IL's last week that she didn't know if she believed in "any of that stuff anymore" refering to God and religion. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> Jennifer C said that this is very common that the WS tries to either change God or deny Him. My WW knows too much about the Bible to try to change it I think so the only place for her to go is denial. This is very sad for me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Yesterday was a very busy day. I went to family Dr. in the morning, then IC after work, then had the phone counseling with Jennifer C. at night. And to top it all off my RM had to go to the ER because she has been sick for so long she has become dehydrated. She is still in the hospital today but is getting better.

Hopefully I will have more to tell soon but for right now everything is just wait.............................. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

God Bless you all for being here for me through this time.

C.

Shmaley,

Sounds like your support group is already in action. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Your part w/b to sit back and let them do their job. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Glad to hear you are still counseling with Jennifer. She is also giving your good guidance.

You are taking the proper advantage of your tools and doing well.

My weekend was ok. I had my parents over for dinner on Sunday. Had to go to 5 stores and still didn't get what I needed (turkey fillets). Oh well, I improvised and my parents liked their dinner (or at least pretended to - LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ).

I also baked some cookies so my son has a snack for school. Quite good if I might say.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

My dad had a sore back from working in his yard (laying a cement tile border). He is 71. I gave him a magnetic massage and he is feeling much better. I was glad to have helped him.

Hope your roommate is doing better. Get some rest, ok?

take care,
L.

WW,

There is so much to be thankful for in our lives. I started feeling this way today and it made me think about you. The only sad part is that you are not here sharing it with me. I’ve so much to tell you I could probably talk for a week.. Maybe you are having a good day as well. Or maybe this letter will help you to feel what I am feeling right now. I hope so.

It just dawned on me that I haven’t asked you how important honesty and is to you. How does it make you feel when I tell you exactly what I am thinking and how it makes me feel? I hope that you might write this down and let me know how you feel about this. I was just learning about how important that honesty and transparency is. In the past, was I transparent enough for you? What I really want to do is practice these things with you. I just want you to know that if you give me the chance I would like to be totally transparent with you leaving nothing hidden.

There is so much to do these days I barely have time to fit it all in. I’ve been reading so much. And many of the things I used to make time for just don’t matter to me that much anymore. One thing is for sure though; I have a growing feeling inside. It is very strong and compelling and helps me when I need it. These times have been the hardest of my life. But I am determined to grow and succeed in the face of it all.

You know I found the first poem that I ever wrote for you tonight. It’s dated 6/4/97.

Wrap your soul around mine, Let our hearts be intertwined.
In your eyes I see eternity, and a place where I can be free.
Hold my heart of glass, And I’ll hold yours.
In my arms will you always be, safe from selfish hypocrisy.
Embrace the light of my life, for it grows dim without your Love.
In His house all will see, that I was made for you and you were made for me.

With my Love,


C.


<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Not trying to be a downer but, be careful in getting too excited over your in-laws decision to cut her off. While in the end it may be the saving grace for your M, there is a good chance that for awhile she won't care what they do.

Very touching letter. If you get a negative response from her on this one, you'd better get prepared to move forward into plan B.

If she doesn't swing either way....hold your ground. If she gives a positive sign, tread lightly.

Very rough waters ahead but you are learning to calm the storm.

All the best,
L.

TTSi said: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">there is a good chance that for awhile she won't care what they do. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree because that is how it is already. However, she cannot deny her family forever. She is also denying God right now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Orchid: She won't respond either way and I'll hold my ground. That is par for this course. It would be refreshing if she would get angry or something. She is so full of guilt right now I think that it is all that she can do just to not think about me. I just wish I knew when her guilt is going to turn into regret and cause some thought in her foggy brain. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I am growing weary of the road.....

C.

Feeling a little bummed this morning. It's raining and I stayed up too late talking with confidant. So now I am paying for it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I spoke with the pastor last night and I was surprised in his attitude. He seems more inclined toward D. I just don't understand that!?!! He should be helping encourage M not D. He was kind of in give up mode.

Orchid said: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Very touching letter. If you get a negative response from her on this one, you'd better get prepared to move forward into plan B.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What do you mean? Why would I gauge when I go in plan B on WW's response? Shouldn't Plan B be my decision based on how I feel? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

My Plan B date that I have set is not this year. Of course I re-evaluate every month too. So I could always go early.

Well gotta run for work.

C.

Schmaley- I can really feel all the pain you've been thru and are going thru. You've got to be so hurt by all the emotional w/d of your WS and her mixed messages.

You've done great to hang on.

As for your pastor, maybe he's recommendng D bc he sees the amount of pain you are in - that she inflicts on you?

Do you you ever wonder how long you can continue exposing yourself to the pain? Plan B is about limiting your pain and preserving whatever is left of your love and respect for your W, isn't it?

Restarting,

Thanks for the response.

I feel that the pastor was coming from a very conservative place. He has known WW since her birth and it is hard for him to see her doing this to herself and he does not and can not (in my opinion) understand it. He has not offered me much sympathy really. I don't ask for it from him either. I've got no problem accepting sympathy but I think he is coming from a different place. It was dissapointing to hear it and my confidant was suprised about it as well.

Restarting said: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do you you ever wonder how long you can continue exposing yourself to the pain? Plan B is about limiting your pain and preserving whatever is left of your love and respect for your W, isn't it? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, I wonder this quite often and I try to take my temperature quite often. Orchid is always pushing my Plan B button as well. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> She's been doing it on and off since about page 2.

As for the pain, well you know how that goes. I'm a tougher little **** than anyone thought, including myself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> The part I worry about the most is losing respect and Love for WW. That is where faith in God and Plan B comes in for me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

C.

Schmaley-
you wrote:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> The part I worry about the most is losing respect and Love for WW</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Me 2.

But, as of Tuesday am, his last contact, and OW said "I can't believe you're doing this and leaving me with no money! Have a nice life!" he has sworn NC. There is, of course much more to this, but I have updated my saga lately.

He swears he will restore my trust and faith in him. I really need it bad. I doubt everything now , not just him, everything, everybody. I used to trust a lot. Now, not even my own thoughts and feelings.

I do trust God, bc, of course, His plan is divine, But don't know His plan. Is it to make us better for each other and with each other? Or is it to have us go separate ways?

You?

Restarting said: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I do trust God, bc, of course, His plan is divine, But don't know His plan. Is it to make us better for each other and with each other? Or is it to have us go separate ways? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">God's plan is not to understand only to follow.

About the trust in your H, well has he earned any lately? I would guess not. If he complains that you do not trust him you can just tell him that trust is earned through honest action. If he wants some then he knows what to do. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you, to some extent - not to put it too severely. The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient for him. Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him. The reason I wrote to you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient in everything. If you forgive anyone, I also forgive him. And what I have forgiven - if there was anything to forgive - I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes. (2Cor.2:5-11, NIV)

God Bless and Take Care,

C.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by shmaley:
<strong> ....Restarting said: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do you you ever wonder how long you can continue exposing yourself to the pain? Plan B is about limiting your pain and preserving whatever is left of your love and respect for your W, isn't it? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, I wonder this quite often and I try to take my temperature quite often. Orchid is always pushing my Plan B button as well. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> She's been doing it on and off since about page 2.

As for the pain, well you know how that goes. I'm a tougher little **** than anyone thought, including myself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> The part I worry about the most is losing respect and Love for WW. That is where faith in God and Plan B comes in for me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

C. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So I did find those buttons and they aren't broken! LOL!!! Just stuck in plan A a bit, eh? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Of course plan B is about you but when she gives you the anger your timeframe may change a bit. While it is about you, it can be moved up or down as needed since your stance is affected by her actions and reactions. What you need to realize is that your actions and reactions need to be more stable. This means the benefit of plan B is not about losing respect for your W but losing the negative impact of the WS.

Remember you fell in love and married your W not the WS. The person you want back is your W not the WS. In fact, one day you will be angry that the WS has taken your W from you and you may demand she bring her back even if it is just for a little while.

Sending an {{{{mb hug}}}} your way.

Your MB sis,
L.