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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 862
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 862 |
Quick question. WH is outside right now but he has been calling OW on his cell phone 2-3 times a day that I know of and she is calling him a few times other than that. I'm in PLAN A and am wondering if I should ask him to at least lessen the calls to her while he is "trying to work on it"? Up to this point he has refused to do so because this separation from her is too painful as it is since he's so in love with her.
Gaggy fog talk I know.
Since we have somewhat talked about it should I even push the issue right now? We've actually been having a decent afternoon and evening together.
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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,246
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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,246 |
What do the Harley's advise of you? Are you in counseling with them/him? I think you need to draw a line in the sand here, and say, if you're in this house, she is out of OUR lives. Of course, I see things as pretty black and white.
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Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 445
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Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 445 |
Tough decision to make. Reread the plan A, plan B page http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html it says something about saying what you want in a way which doesn't come across as angry,disrespectful, as a demand, etc. You should say what you want from him....no calling in your plan A (as I read the instructions) <small>[ August 18, 2004, 11:50 PM: Message edited by: picklesaresour ]</small>
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 1
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 1 |
Hi Faith, Well, I have been reading up on Plan A,the other concepts and lurking through the threads. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I think that you have every right to ask him not to call OW. You had already asked him not to call from the house (which he agreed to) but now you find out that he is calling and calling often. To quote Dr. H: total separation of the spouse and lover is a necessary act of consideration for the feelings of the betrayed spouse. It's the very least a wayward spouse can do to compensate for the suffering caused by the affair. Continued contact with a lover simply perpetuates the suffering of the betrayed spouse indefinitely. "Trying to work on it" is a 2 way street
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 862
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 862 |
Hi, friend! It's nice to see you here.
Thank you to everyone for your input. I'll be tackling this issue tomorrow.
Good night, sweet dreams and happy tomorrows.
faithinme
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,166
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,166 |
You can ask, but be prepared for him to refuse, or say yes to avoid conflict, but then contact her anyway. There are some GREAT Plan A links in my signature link, well worth reading, about how to address contact while in Plan A.
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060 |
faith - nothing prevents you from communicating to your husband that what he is doing makes you feel disrespected and prevents any improvement in your marriage. This is setting your boundary. It doesn't mean he'll honor your feelings.
I believe you should express your feelings just as you express them to us - but use "I feel" or "I believe" rather than "You do this" or "You do that."
Bottom line - you cannot make him do anything until you make him stay away from you in Plan B.
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