OK - I am ata loss here. WH -at my request - read Surviving an Affair last night. And right off the bat today he was able to identify his needs - and then what we were missing in the past - the rule of care and rule of protection. SO now - what do I do. I think I already blew it - when we started talking about the book I asked if he was willing to commit to something for me - he won't go NC - but would he try something else - he got mad, told me to quit whinning and to leave him alone. DO I feel like a B#$@%^!

This plan A is not easy for me - it goes against my nature and especially hard. Oh - and his emotional needs - a clean and ordered home and physical attractiveness. I work full time and find it hard to keep up with the house and stuff. But I guess I need to learn that - and the attractivness - well - I am overweight - and don't get enough exercise. I am attractive - and care about my appearance - I dress well - and make sure I always look "finished" from my shoes to my nails to my hair. Make up on - contacts in and ready to face the world. I guess though that it's not been enough.

How do you do this with out losing sight of the person you are - I mean do I need to change everything about me - just to make him happy. Even when he won't give up the OW.

<small>[ August 22, 2004, 12:03 PM: Message edited by: Jfaye ]</small>

JFaye - You need to concentrate on making yourself feel better. And dieting and cleaning your home sparkling will do that.

I went on a low carb diet, with exercise and lost 40 pounds. It was easy, and I was never hungry.

For the house thing, check out flylady.com. Don't sign up for the email, or you will get 10 emails a day, telling you to start on this or that. But the overall program is great. It makes it easy to keep the house nice all of the time.

You are lucky that your WH does communicate his needs. Most will not. So get busy making changes in yourself. You will feel great, whether or not your WH notices.