I am biting my tongue not to contact cheating H or really return his e-mails with a decent message...almost giving him a taste of his own money. I will only respond with one or two letter words. He hasn't called me so I haven't called him. I did ride my bike by his new place (signed a new lease) on my way to meet some friends....really am curious how it looks inside, especially with his new furniture. I didn't see his truck which probably means he was out. I did get a bit nauseous again...Jan (his landlord in his old apartment) said that there were several times when she came to pick up some of her stuff and saw overnight "female" bags and several "female" accessories lying around the house. I get this sinking feeling in my stomach every time I think of this...guess I don't understand how he can throw me down like an old toy, actively go shopping, and start playing around with a new toy...makes me feel like ****. Perhaps he wants to try to drive me away by doing this? I have got to stop thinking about it but it is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life because my heart is still stuck on wanting to reconcile and work things out. I know that I should NOT date (not that I am ready anyway) during separation because that will only make things more complicated if H does come out of the "fog" and realize what an [censored] he is being to someone who has provided nothing but passion, love, and emotional support over a 3-year marriage and 4.5 year relationship. Not sure how I can completely get over him and not sure how much longer I can just hang out waiting for him while he continues to play with his new toy. I am trying so hard to focus on work, my training (for triathlon), and hanging on friends, but he still occupies so much of my mind. I am so sick of talking about his crappy actions towards me and having people look at me bewildered as to why I am still holding on! My parents (who have been married 35 years) really don't want me to be with him anymore. Any ideas/thoughts to help with this? I want to just bonk him in the head to help him realize the mistake he is making in life.

Thanks.

Losing hope in San Diego

Me: 28 yo faithful wife
Him: 30 yo unfaithful husband
Married: 06/01
His Affair Fall '03-Jan '04; he ended it (she moved out of state)
Dropped bomb and left me 5/04; been separated ever since.
Now admits to have shopped for a new toy and seems to have found one he is playing around with...gross!

Hi KJB,

I am sorry to welcome you here. I do not think I could do plan A knowing husband was openly playing around with a female pal. You will get more advise. I feel really bad for you. I think mine did it to me for two months behind my back. I stayed trying to beleive his lies. He treated me badly. Love will cause you to put up with a lot. There is always Plan B if A does not work. I am sure it hurt badly to hear what the landlord told you. I did not want to beleive a lot of what I heard.