I am in need of the advice of all you wise people on MB.I have a meeting with my D lawyer today since the final decree is only approx 6 weeks away. She has still filed no notice with my attorney in regards to any property settlement or demands.

My question is somewhat complicated because I do not want the divorce but do want to go after the OM legally. He is planning on being in the country in the near future and that would be the only time I can legally reach him with a subpoena. Howerver if I do that, my WW fangs come out as she tries to protect her man.

Again as a background the OM is a cruise ship empoyee that is a serial predator. I want to have him answer for what he did to my M and me as well as all past and future shipboard conquests. I am told that once he gets served in the US he can not re-enter unless he shows up for his deposition. This would make it almost impossible for him to work on the ship since it makes port calls in several US territories such as Puerto Rico, US Virgin Islands etc.

Am I wrong to pursue this OM in this way?? Should I let him come to the US so that my WW will get a true picture of him?

Or should I give up and wait for WW to make the move that she has not done in the 4 months of since she filed?

Any help is greatly appreciated!!!

This would make it almost impossible for him to work on the ship since it makes port calls in several US territories such as Puerto Rico, US Virgin Islands etc.
If he stays on the ship, he would not be violating any laws.

Chris,

You are correct but his job is to also assist customers off the ship. I don't know if the company would tolerate these restrictions, but of course I am just guessing.

Wow, Cy, a tough question.

The standard MB forum mantra is, "Don't seek a divorce unless you want one."

The basis for this is that a threat of divorce shouldn't be used in an attempt to "jolt" the WS out of the fog. This usually doesn't work, but this isn't your sitch.

You said you want him to answer for what he did to your wife. If you want a divorce, by all means, enact whatever justice you want or what you can live with on both your wife and the OM - your wife played a part in this, too.

But if you want to attempt to save your marriage, these legal steps you're considering could also make this cockroach scurry back to the bilge, but at the expense of playing the D card.

What is the real likelihood that a subpoena can be served on OM? Suppose he stays on the ship, as Chris suggests? How does this work? If he leaves the ship, when his passport gets scanned, do the feds jump out of the bushes?

Even IF he gets deposed - what does this do for you? Do you need proof of adultery for your divorce? If you don't want a divorce, what does this do for you? Will it reasonably scare him off?

WAT

<small>[ August 24, 2004, 02:47 PM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

Cymanca,
While I understand your anger with this low life, he is and has never has been the problem. The problem is your W.

I’m sorry but to focus on this bit of trash is a waste of time and energy. What you need to do is figure out what it is that is causing your WW to behave this way. Why is that she’s willing to give up so much for something so obviously unreal?

At this point, I would let her call the shots. I would be kind, civil and amenable to anything reasonable. All you can do is wait her out and see where this takes you. I would just be sure to safe guard yourself and your assets.

coach

Coach, Chris, Wat,

Thanks for your input. As you have suggested, I will leave the maggot alone. Otherwise, I will await my WW's legal actions when they come, if ever.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Cymanca:
<strong> Chris,

You are correct but his job is to also assist customers off the ship. I don't know if the company would tolerate these restrictions, but of course I am just guessing. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Cy,

Been wondering how you are doing. Well the fog runs thick down south and my guess is that the stamp came off the envelope so the WS can't respond to your paperwork. LOL!!!!

As for the OM well, I'd like to see some blood, but that's just me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

OM would probably still retain his job on the ship just maybe a different job..... hopefully like cleaning toilets!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I'd love to see that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

You though are a real gentleman, so I will respect and support whatever you decide to do.

Hugz,
L.

Orchid,

So nice to hear from you.As you can tell,my animal instinct is to go for the jugular on the OM, but I probably would not find blood. For that you need a heart!

I have been in a lot of pain over these last 4 months, but now I am at a bone chilling despair.The easy part is for me to be just me. I can only hope that the Lord has an ultimate plan and will show me the way in due course.

Thanks again Orchid,as always you are in my prayers.

I think WAT has seen one-too-many movies, and/or he has an over-developed sense of the dramatic . . . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Whatever it is, he cracked me up with this statement:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> If he leaves the ship, when his passport gets scanned, do the feds jump out of the bushes? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Very visual. And, I think, summed up the issue in a tidy little package of humor, per usual. I agree with them and you - perhaps too much of YOU would have to be expended to PERHAPS get something, or nothing.

Yours is one of another set of such crazy circumstances. And remember that you do always have you, and from what I can tell, that is awesome. You are funny, determined, smart, have an incredible sense of humor, and from what I hear a budding interior designer! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I think you are doing just fine. Try and keep yourself from falling into the deep dark pit of despair. It's OK to go sit on the edge and look in and say, "That's interesting." But don't go in there. K?

Keep humoring yourself (and us too, please!), take care of yourself, hang with friends and family (your mother ROCKS!), and let your soul be soothed and eased with prayer.

God does have a Devine Plan of happiness for you. He does for everyone. The trick is to learn to listen to Him, so we know what that plan is! When my H left, I prayed each day. I did not pray for H to come home (I did that 2 times, and both times he DID come home, and it was horrible). I prayed that the Holy Spirit would work inside my heart, and tell me God's Plan for me, whatever that was. And I prayed for the strength to hear that voice, and follow that voice, over what my own self wanted.

And that is what I pray for you. Because, there is NOTHING God cannot do. During our separation, my H didn't love me, didn't want to be married to me, before the A he wouldn't go to church with us and was doubting God and refused to forgive himself for past sins. Now, he is home, he is my rock during this rollercoaster of recovery, he has forgiven himself, he talks to God again, and he is probably going to go to church with us this Sunday. WOW. Miracles.

8 months ago, I would have told you, "No way" this stuff could be this way now. NO WAY. It seemed too far gone. And now . . . it is.

Hang in there. Keep doing what you are doing. You are giving your M the best chance of recovery. And most important, you are on the path to your own personal recovery. Thinking of you today . . .

SS

Spider,

Dammit, I hate it when you make me cry!

A little levity on todays continuuing saga " As the Screw Turns"

WW is having some elective surgery this am in LA. Her father gave her a ride up yesterday in the early evening. So picture this: WW , who has emailed or IM'd or text messaged her OM between 8-20/day for 5 months. She is being driven by her father who is involved with his mistress ( I really don't know which one, lost count). Now that is a 4 hour drive and they will be staying for 2 days. Neither can talk to or email or IM their lover because according to each one of them, both of their lovers are just "casual" friends that mean nothing. Talk about the depths of depravity!!

I would welcome any insight on possible conversations going on in that car!!

Dad: " So tell me dear how is your friend? Have you heard from him lately?

WW: " Now Dad you know he doesn't mean anything to me we are just friends. I haven't spoken to him in a long time. Say POP, how is your friend"

Dad:" Doing well, the last time I spoke with her. BTW the Viagra that's in my travel bag is for medicinal purposes only. I take it because I have a hard time sleeping at night. It stops me from rolling off the bed"

WW: " Gee whiz Dad, we seem to be doing wonderfully. Perhaps we should stop by that church over there and offer up a prayer for our wonderful lives"

Dad: " Lets not. They have been predicting the big earthquake soon and I don't want to tempt fate"

STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT EDITION OF

AS THE SCREW TURNS

ARE YOU MAKING THIS STUFF UP???? Or did you plagerize this from the REAL script of "As the Screw Turns?" If you made this up, I think you missed your calling.

Your TRUE calling is being the "medical advisor" on a daytime soap opera - you know, to make sure the medical scenes (brain transplants, bringing people back from the dead) are all believable.

AND, you could use your obvious creative talents to help with the script, as well!!! THIS could be your true calling in life! Heck, I heard being a Healer could be overrated. All the blood, coughing, fluids, etc.

What are you thinking???

SS

Spider,

No, I am not making ANY of this up, except for my reported DAD/WW conversation.

Pitiful, aint' it???