I have been working on the Plan B letter and would like to know your thoughts. Thanks for input--here it is:
My Dearest H,
This is a very difficult letter for me to write. I have thought a lot about our marriage and where we are going.
You know my thoughts and feelings. I love you and have ALWAYS cherished you with my heart, my mind and my body. I want to be with you and work on making our marriage the best ever. Larry, I am ready, not just to live together, but to devote wholeheartedly to our marriage. I commit to you and our marriage, but it takes two of us. I know that when we try together we are a great team. I believe we can learn from our mistakes and grow from them. With effort and desire, we can rebuild the love and become a family again. I believe we can have a marriage based on trust and honesty where we both feel safe sharing our innermost thoughts. I believe we can have a happy, loving, fulfilling marriage
I apologize to you for my part in creating the conditions that helped make your affair possible. I made you feel that other things were more important than you—that is the furthest from the truth. You are my Super Star. You are the most important, special person to me above all else. I often put my family and feelings first. I am sorry for hurting you—by saying and doing things in anger. I now realize the competitive nature of our relationship is not healthy because we are teammates. I am willing to avoid the mistakes I have made in the past and create a NEW life for us that will meet your needs. You have noticed the changes in me and see that I am trying. I want to continue to grow as a person and as your partner.
I’ve loved you for over twenty years. I look back through our life and choose now to only remember the good times and learn from the bad. I am trying to forgive whatever pain you have caused me and hope that in time you will forgive me too. I hope with all of my heart that we can both put aside our harsh feelings and frustrations and see the good and the hope.
You have told me you have not made up your mind. I feel so much for you as I know this is very difficult. However, you have chosen to spend time with one another person and be in contact with her. I just cannot bear to be with you or see you while you are still involved and giving your emotional connection to someone else. To preserve the love I have for you, I have come to a decision on my own. I need to stop seeing or talking to you under these conditions. The current situation is becoming extremely hurtful for me. The past few months have been a difficult time for me, the most emotionally traumatic in my life. Please know that this is not to punish you but to protect my feelings for you and to give our marriage the best chances for recovery. If we continue as we are now, there would be nothing left. I ask you to respect my decision to separate from you in this way. If you choose to come back and work on our marriage, I want to know that you made the decision on your own.
As soon as you are willing to permanently separate from the other woman, demonstrate it in a credible way, and are willing to discuss a plan to work on our marriage, then I will be willing to talk about our future.
I have loved you for so long and continue to love you today. I want to be able to rebuild our marriage into a new life where we meet each other's emotional needs and do everything that makes both of us both happy. I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me and I want you to be my best friend, my lover and my husband.
I love you with all my heart,
<small>[ August 25, 2004, 09:31 PM: Message edited by: SureSurvivor ]</small>