Ok, so I am completely losing hope <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> ...everyone thinks I am crazy for staying around while my H dates another woman (he already had an affair and now has started another relationship). My friends say dump his ugly A^%! My parents are truly afraid for me if I stick with him because of all pain he has caused me even after the affair was revealed. Even his parents are completely amazed that I have stuck around for this complete ******* of a person he has become. All he has done is hurt me these past few months.

He has occupied my mind every frickin moment of the day and I can't stop thinking about it because I have no answers from him as to what lead him to stray from our marriage. He hasn't given one ounce of effort to try to reconcile with me even though he is the one who f&*#@ed up! In fact, my nice gestures were only returned with anger and verbal abuse. I even talked about what needs I think I could have done a better job fulfilling.

Am I just a desperate loser for wanting my once wonderful life with him back...I keep thinking I am in some horrible dream but then I realize this is all real. It just kills me because we were just looking at homes together, talking about starting a family, and I was so much looking forward to taking this step forward in life...it doesn't help that all my friends are doing the same with their husbands.

I just don't understand how he could have hurt me so bad and literally show no emotions after 5 wonderful years together. Everyone else I know say that I am the nicest, most caring woman they have ever known. And my drive has lead me to be very successful in all other aspects in my life. Why am failing at marriage?

I don't know how to move on like everyone has told me to. I think that perhaps finding someone new who does cherish and love me the way I cherish and love them may be the only way for me to recover from this mess. I have so much good in my life but all I can think about is him and all the memories (the best of my life) we have had together, which just leads me to cry (like I am doing right now).

I want to show up at his doorstep and force him to talk but I know he want respond to that well. I even have visions of me confronting his girlfriend and saying, "Hi, I am K, S's wife. Be careful with him because he is going to break your heart." I love the man I married but this person who has come out of the shell is not attractive at all. I want the good man back but am scared that the shell may break again down the line and I sure as hell will not put myself through this again.

Help! Am I crazy for sticking around...should I divorce him for all that he has done to me or should I listen to my heart and wait around while he screws around with other woman. How do I tell him that I want him to stop? I don't think he is willing..which hurts and makes me lose more hope. I am just scared I am never going to find someone who stole my heart like he did...he was my first love.

Me: 28 yo faitfhul wife who feels like an old toy that has been thrown under a bed and replaced by a new toy for my husband to play with while I suffer. Losing hope quickly yet so desperate for the man I once knew and love to return to my life.

Him: 30 yo unfaithful H who had an affair with a woman for 4 months, ended it, and now is dating a new woman after we separated 3 months ago.

Do you have any children together?

WAT

No children...we were talking about starting a family when he was actually having the affair with the OW...gross.

I am completely lost. I feel like an idiot for sending out an update letter to our wedding party (in previous post)...can tell that there is already tension buidling especially with H's groomsmen because they are caught in the middle...they like me but have been H's friends longer. I already apologized to one of our friends about it, saying that the night that I wrote the letter was an especially emotional night for me. He said...yes, the letter was ill adviced but it won't get shown to anyone else.

It is so hard because I moved to San Diego not knowing a single soul, met my H very quickly and associated and became friends with all his friends (he had been in San Diego for 10 years). My fam and close friends are all 2,500 miles away.

Now, I am left alone as H continues to live it up with all his friends and I am forced to start a new life by myself, making new friends to go out with at night. It is not so easy when everyone that I know is married, starting families, moving forward in life as I had desired just a few months ago. Now I feel like I am stepping backwards.

I am successful, attractive, athletic, and outgoing but I fear that I am going to be alone in life, never have the chance to love again, to raise a family. Therefore, I have come off desperate which I hate because I used to be such an independent woman until I discovered my H, my first love. NOw I have so many trust issues and doubt what love really is. I need help getting back on two feet...to lose this emptiness I feel inside. I have so much going for me and I can't let his selfless actions destroy my life.

Guess I am having a bad week...just need to feel loved because I feel all alone.

Thanks for your support,

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Distraught in San Diego,

K

Me: 28 yo faitfhul wife who feels like an old toy that has been thrown under a bed and replaced by a new toy for my husband to play with while I suffer. Losing hope quickly yet so desperate for the man I once knew and love to return to my life.

Him: 30 yo unfaithful H who had an affair with a woman for 4 months, ended it, and now is dating a new woman after we separated 3 months ago.

Married since 6/17/2001; separated since 5/22/04; no kids, no house, just cheap furniture, wedding gifts, and my business growth.

I want to comment but I'm not sure if my advice is correct. I'm just learning MB principles and I'm in PLAN B. Have any more experience MBers responded to your earlier posts?

What concerns me is he had an A and when you separated he went and did it again. He sounds like a "Serial Cheater" and since you don't have children I'm not coming up with too many positive reasons to suggest what Plan to use or IF you should hang in there. Lets me just be supportive and say, YOU self worth and value is NO way defined by your H's POOR choices or INDECISIVENESS. Your H's actions are not a reflection on YOU but a REFLECTION on HIM.