So I have been reading a couple of Harley's books...Surviving an Affair and His Needs Her Needs and trying to make sense of this mess I have been thrown into.

What I am still battling is whether or not I should be interfering with my H's newfound toy playmate...he ended a 4-month affair in January, dropped the bomb on me in May and now admits to dating someone new that he calls "nice". Should I be trying to end this asap? Or is this up to him..after all, all affairs, according to Harley, will "die a natural death".

I can tell my H still has feelings for me, still loves me...he still will e-mail me, ask me how things are going, etc., etc. He has kept me under his insurance plan, has started to finally confront and converse with some common friends who know of his actions. Of course, these common friends have acted weird around me after they have hung out with him...why could this be? I always think the worst.

What he cannot seem to handle is "deep conversation" that may involved me talking about what we can do to better meet each other's needs and basically anything that has to do with reconciling our marriage. His usual response is I don't THINK it will work or just doesn't respond to these e-mails, calls, or letters. I have stopped contacting him so much and certainly have NOT sent anything "deep" his direction. I am trying to focus more on myself although I still am preoccupied about this mess every hour of the day.

Am I supposed to wait around until he is ready to take this step? Or shall I continue to push the communication issue? I am afraid that I'll drive him further away but I am also sick of watching him "take advantage of me" while he dates other woman. This behavior also scares the hell out me because I can't stand the thought of being hurt again in the future.

I have made it very clear to him that I am willing to forgive his actions of this past year even though it will take some time to rebuild that trust I once had for him. I also have told him some of the things that I think we need to work on as a couple as means to better meet each others needs. Again, he doesn't seem to respond to this. I know this all takes time but again it is so hard to swallow all of this while he seemingly is starting a new life without me.

Do any of you BS's feel like you are just in limbo? Not moving forward at all? I just don't know how long I should be expected to hold hope for a H who has cheated not only once, but now is cheating with a new woman. Help!

Thanks

ME: 28 yo faithful wife who feels like an old toy with whom H got bored with and therefore went shopping for and found a new toy to play with.

Him: 30 yo unfaithful H

Married 6/17/2001; separated 5/22/2004...he left the moment he dropped the bomb about his 4-month affair (that he ended 1/04) to me. He just signed a year long lease at another apartment.

No Kids, No owned propery