My WW's personality defects are starting to show in her relationship with the OM. WW has always( even before our M) had problems with being truthful. Through monitoring her emails( which I have stopped) I have found in the past, lies to her family, friends and even to her own D lawyer( don't worry it was not a breach of client/attorney privilege).

I know she is back to her old habits because suddenly she is now openly lying to the OM, especially about her medical condition. She has moderate to severe Rheumatoid arthritis.She is scared that if the OM realizes the extent of her disease and the multiple surgeries that are a certainty in the near future, he may beat feet out of her life. She was furious when I revealed her history of implants and liposuction to the OM but I'll let him find out about this himself.

Hi Cymanca,

Well,as I have always believed,adultery is 100% the fault of the WS(no matter what the marriage was like beforehand) and therein lies the problem.It is these very issues that a WS has yet to deal with whether in counseling or through self awareness and discovery that perpetuates their behavior despite whoever they are with.Old habits die hard and many if not most people IMO never really take a cold, hard look at their actions toward other's.Cause and effect,you know?

All the hidden agendas,secrets and lies come out eventually when reality starts to settle in and it may be happening for your WW now,in little increments.The same could be said for my WH when the homewrecker gets to know him in depth,not fantasy based weekends away at hotels.The show is over at some point and then what is left is the truth.

By the way,do you think your WW's implants are a cause or possible cause/relation to her RA? I have done some research on this in the past and was curious to have your opinion.I certainly will understand if you choose not to answer.It is of a personal nature so don't feel the need to respond to that part.

O

10Girl,

So happy to see your post and it sounds like the person I have been pampered by these past few months.

I agree that my WW has never truly looked at herself as the cause of her anger and blaming. She refuses to recognize ( even with the trauma that this whole disgusting A) that lies get you in trouble, period.

On the subject of implants( not in my specialty), I researched at length the medical literature. I did not find even one scientific study that associated implants with auotimmune diseases. In fact in the largest study done ( on RN's in New York with implants) there actually appeared to be LESS of a chance of autoimmune issues than would be expected with that patient sample. I love my WW. I would have NEVER permitted anything to be done to her that would have harmed her. And I still feel that way. Unfortunately it is such a touchy subject( as is the classification and reporting of AID's) that firestorms break out over anecdotal stories and actions of aggressive lawyers.

BTW: I was against my WW getting the implants. I thought she was gorgeous without them.

double post sorry

<small>[ August 26, 2004, 01:12 PM: Message edited by: Cymanca ]</small>

Hi again,

Well,is it any wonder I am feeling better because my WH is away in Toronto? When he isn't here pulling at my heart strings,I feel more like myself.So WH is away for the weekend disappointing,yet AGAIN,his children and parents who were expecting him."Priorities" I suppose. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I am curious too about the lack of evidence to support any causal relation to implants and AI diseases.I had a friend(RN too)that had this done,much to her chagrin now,and has,ever since, had joint pain and difficulty with ADL's.While her doctor's say there is no correlation,it seems to be too coincidental to ignore in an otherwise healthy and outgoing woman.Thanks for your input.

How are *you holding up these days?

O

<small>[ August 26, 2004, 01:28 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

Cymanca,

Love how you quote the "Noodlemeister"!

Also about telling the OM about the lipo and implants lol.
k

10Girl,

How am I doing? Somewhere between abject despair and acceptance that my M is over and was over the day my WW made a commitment to stray at her first opportunity. For the first time I am seeing D as a viable course for me to follow. It's soo hard when everyone you respect( mom, brother, sisters, friends and yes even some clergy)tell you to cut the cord and get on with your life.

I honestly can't say if I am still trying to save the M or if I am taking this position just because I don't want to lose. Especially to a POS scum bucket like this guy. I guess I won't know that answer unless WW decides she wants to come back. That will( if it ever comes)be gut check time. I don't know what emotions I would have in that scenario. Oh well, just one day at a time I guess!

Cymanca,

Just like the rest of us,you hold tight to your beliefs and that will see you through.If nothing else,it will guide the way toward self recovery if not marital recovery.If our WS's held tight to their beliefs and values instead of changing them to suit the OP that weasled their way into their lives,I truly think we would win this war of Infidelity or at least decrease the ever emerging stats.

You know,if I had a dollar for every time I was told to "move on", "move ahead", "move forward" or "get on with my life".... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> It's so easy for other's who are not going through it to say this.Clam up is what I say! Sheesh.

O

Just went out to lunch with a friend and he told me to brace myself but my WW was flying the OM out next month to San Diego to meet the family. She has also been helping him arrange his visa and he has a job offer from a local hotel.

I am so angry and hurt at this moment I can not see or think straight. A huge part of me wants to wait for this guy and kick his *ss up and down the coast. Then another part of me wants to tell him welcome and thanks for taking my burden from my shoulders.

Does this pain ever truly stop????? I thought I had my emotions under control but obviously not. I am literally bouncing off the walls.

How can someone treat me like this after I have spent 8 years making her life as perfect as she wanted? Am I such an ogre that I deserve to be treated this way???

I just don't know what to do or think!!!!!!!!

<small>[ August 26, 2004, 04:15 PM: Message edited by: Cymanca ]</small>

Ugh.Sorry Cymanca.

One bit of information or trigger can set you back big time.I know,I was there just last week.You are NOT an ogre,this is all about your WW's poor choices and bad behavior,don't lose sight of that ok?! This is NOT about YOU.I said this to juke on his thread just today: no matter if you were the perfect husband or an abuser,this is all about your WW and HER problems.HER CHOICES.

Yes,it sux that she is now bringing the shipwrecker OM to the states to meet the family(puke) but it all falls in step with your unstable,selfish and misguided WW's life right now.When you think about it,it's par for the course but it still hurts.No doubt about it.

In order to get through this you have to have options: can you get out for a run or swim? Take a break and go do something physical with a buddy or vent here more.Yes the pain will stop at some point and be less severe but not until you are permanently away from these hurtful people.I feel better just having my WH away in another country.Walk through the pain Cymanca,it WILL pass.

O