Hello board! These days my sleep time is erratic. I manage to sleep a few hours here and there, and for that I am thankful. I actually am doing better if you consider a few days ago before going to Plan B I was only sleeping 2-4 hours a day at best. Seeing mirages may be funny in a cartoon but not so funny when you're behind the wheel of a vehicle in traffic. This morning I began delving into old threads of mine which were posted during some extremely painful pauses since D-Day. I then found my story line; "Escape from Camp Infidelity" and decided now would be a good time to continue my story. So, voyage with me if you will to Chapter 2, entitled: "Brawn, Deception and Darkness, Plan B's Genesis", my own form of self-therapy-thanks for letting me share.
(For those of you new who missed the 1st installment please visit:
Escape From Camp Infidelity by Family Matters Chapter 2, Brawn, Deception and Darkness/Plan B's Genesis I awake to the sounds of boots slapping wet pavement, they grow nearer and nearer approaching my cell. I neither cower from them nor welcome them. At this point, they are as familiar as the rising and the setting of the sun. It's torture time once again in Camp Infidelity and FM is on the menu for yet another long stretch of mental gymnastics.
"Come on FM lets get this over with"
"Sgt ItzAllYourFault", "Corporal How'dYouLet ThisHappen" and "Petty Officer Sux 2BeYou" cuff me and escort me respectively to the house of memories. I wonder why does it take 2 guards to fetch me? Maybe they see something that I do not, maybe they see their inability to break my spirit as a warning. I have been here months now and I am even more committed to my M surviving then the first day I was captured. As they strap me into my movie theater styled recliner complete with cup holder and headrest, slapping on the headphones, clicking the state of the art levers and button to start the film, I am not afraid. Been there done that, I shout:
"Bring it on you jerks! I am not afraid of you"
"Sgt ItzAllYourFault" grimaces at me and shouts back.
"You are one stubborn H do you know that FM?"
I smile; I actually see perspiration on his brow! Wow, I am applying pressure on these guards? How can that be? I am at their mercy and still they sweat? My secret friend, "Petty Officer Sux 2BeYou" wipes his mouth and slowly shakes his head as if he is warning me of something. His eyes speak, but I can't make out his message. It's as if he knows something bad is coming my way and it pains him that he is unable to help me. I simply nod towards him as the film begins to roll. What could my captors have in store that is more painful than what I've been through already? I am close to escaping now; I can feel it in my soul. I have the MB Link still hidden well inside my cell; I have hoped a Plan A and the fortitude to last thru the fog until my escape. "Corporal How'dYouLet ThisHappen" lets out a giggle as the film starts; oh they even have a trailer? Isn't this special? Okay here's the real movie, you'd think these jerks would have enough financial backing that they wouldn't need sponsors! Oh well, I guess the business of breaking up families and torturing BS's isn't as lucrative as one might imagine; back to the story.
This movie begins as all of the rest, images of my once happy home, but as they zoom in closer they reveal the most disturbing of images. My children are suffering! These dirty scoundrels have been filming my children’s pain that is their new technique. I squirm to turn away but I cannot. I see my son, he is so innocent. He misses his mother so much! She spends hardly anytime with us as a result of her withdrawal. Look at her phony smile, it's like she's forcing herself to be in our presence. Oh, good onto another scene: I am teaching my son to ride his new 2 wheeler. He smiles as I hold the rear of the bike upright. He is learning his balance with each turn of the pedal. There you go SON...you've got. I told you you could do it. All it takes is practice! Where's my W? Oh that's right, she's with OM probably engaged in some form of betrayal. My GOD they have that footage as well. My W is at work, so good she wasn't lying about that, but she's on the phone with someone. She's smiling and making a note in her daily planner. I can't see what it is? Oh I see it. July 26th. July26th why does that date seems so significant? I know why that's the date she had her first appointment with her IC. This doesn’t make sense, I know these guys are running out of tricks to torture me, but to show me film of my wife making an appointment with IC so she can might be able to grapple with her emotions and secure the strength needed to save our marriage hardly seems like a torture reel, more like a pick me up!
The screen fades out and a new scene fades in. It's the same day, July 26th. Okay big deal nothing here but an apartment building on a busy street, wait here's my W pulling up. She exits the vehicle and quickly climbs the stairs of the building. No tell me this isn't so! OM is waiting for her in the hallway. He's upset with her, my GOD she's trying to persuade him to continue the A. She is supposed to be at the IC! She told me...! I look over and "Corporal How'dYouLet ThisHappen" is smiling.
"Oh this is a good one" I shout
Corporal How'd You Let this Happen just continues to smile.
"Oh it gets better"
My W and OM part ways, my wife is crying as she re-enter the vehicle and speeds off. Okay so she broke the contact agreement. FINE! I'm at home trying to save our marriage, loving our children, doing what a good H and father should do and she is not only NOT helping but she is doing all that she can to re-establish her A with OM. This is great! FANTASTIC! Hold on now she's at a phone booth. Who's she calling now? She's calling me, I remember this conversation, this is where she decides she will no longer sleep on the couch instead she will return to "OUR BEDROOM". What a humongous slap in the face. Look at me all ecstatic like I just won the lottery. Here I am hugging my daughter, my daughter is so happy to see me so overjoyed. Here I am rushing around the house to prepare our bedroom for my wife’s return. Isn't this special? I get OM's leftovers. She's only returning to our bedroom because OM has turned her down. No wonder the recovery didn't succeed. She's still intent on being with OM. I am a CONSOLATION PRIZE. This is disheartening more than disheartening this is downright sadistic torture and it's my WIFE who chooses this for me. She is orchestrating this entire scenario. My GOD they are getting exactly what they want, I'm turning against her. I'm losing hope.
"ENOUGH! I'm begging guys have a heart!"
But they do not stop! The show me more and more images. My GOD this is too much to bear. Here's my wife leaving AGAIN. She's packing her bags. I'm trying fruitlessly to persuade her not to guy. She's yelling now. She fells trapped in our M. She doesn’t want to be here and has only been her because of our children. I LB. She yells that everything would have been fine if only I hadn’t snooped and contacted OM! I LB really hard this time. The scene is getting uglier and uglier. I LB as she slices me with more fog laced daggers. Why did I say that, and that? NO FM you don't mean that, you silly man step outside of yourself don't you see what's happening. She's only saying these things because she's in withdrawal, she's saying these things because she isn't seeing OM, and if she leaves she will no doubt see him and have more opportunity to....SHE'S GONE!
The film ends.
They unstrap me and begin to lead me out of the torture chamber theater. I pass 3 other detainees. As the guards stop to fill out some forms I am able to exchange a few words with my newly discovered comrades. It's both inspiring and saddening to know I'm not here alone. We exchange pleasantries and wishes of hope. One of the gentlemen is Bob Pure, he has a noticeable accent, Yes he's from Louisiana, no?
He's from England I guess. He says "Sheit" alot. Ha-ha! I love his attitude, a true fighter. Another one of the gentlemen is GrayCloud, his name says it all, he's going thru a very hard time, but gives me inspiring words nonetheless. A good man he is this GrayCloud. The third gentleman is Tom Joad, he is in the most pain. His story resembles mine very much; he is neither a quitter nor a push-over. He manages a smile to mask his pain. These are all good men. Knowing that they too have not quit does give me a jolt of optimism that is sorely needed. As the guards return to separate us Bob shouts out:
"You sirs are Weasels, no offense to the poor weasels I might add...”
Oh yes! A good laugh! I don't get many of those these days, if any. I'm sure the guard will make him pay for it. Tom looks at Bob puzzled. GrayCloud shakes his head smiling in amazement at Bob’s candor.
I yell back as they lead me to my cell:
"Don't egg them on Bob...they are merciless!"
"Thanks you FM but there is dignity in a measured response I believe It is time perhaps to raise my measure."
Clank went the sound of my cell door swinging shut. As a collapse onto the damp floor of my cell the images of my W negotiating with OM to continue the affair whirl through my mind almost to the point of nausea. The night was of very little relief. Doubts engulfed my soul; do I have the fortitude to endure this torture? How can I continue to sacrifice to save our M, while my W works diligently to destroy it? This Plan A is not working, but what else can I do. My thoughts trail off until sleep sweeps over me like a calm breeze. Then it happened, a vision.
"What the hell!"
There was a woman in my cell on a Harley. Okay this must be a hallucination.
"Hey FM you tired of going crazy yet?"
"Who are you?"
"2 words"
"2 words?"
"Plan B"
"Okay I'm confused now.."
"Been there done that, still doing it on rare occasions, but I made peace with mine, you need to do the same"
"Okay, this is getting scary.."
"You wanna quit?"
"It's not me who wants to quit it's her who's quitting!"
"If you quit now you'll always wonder what if I would have hung in there, won't be any peace, Nope no peace if you quit before it's time to quit"
"When’s time to quit then Oh majestic one?"
"Whenever you say it's time, you'll know"
"What if I say now is time?"
"You won't."
"But I could"
Laughingly she adds"Yeah, you could quit and Bush could get re-elected, but he won't and you want"
"I like you....UH, 2 words"
"I like you too FM, but name's Believer"
"I thought you said your name was 2 words?"
"No, the 2 words for you are Plan B"
"Plan B?"
"Yeeeuuuppp. Plan B, you were in Plan A...Plan A in most cases isn't enough, most folks have to go to Plan B to see real results"
"Then why even waste time doing Plan A"?
"Yah gotta do Plan A because A comes before B silly"
"Okay, so what’s Plan B"
"Let her go"
"Huh?"
"Go dark"
"Dark, is that some kinda racial joke..."
"Funny. No, means cut off contact, no contact what so ever, no emails, no phone calls, don't see her, write her a letter let her know
the requirements of reconciliation and Pfft...Cut it!"
"PFft cut it?"
"Yup."
:Just like that?"
Yup, Just like that!"
"Pfft?"
"Uhn huh"
"What if she doesn't come back?"
"That's why you did Plan A, to give her reasons to comeback to you. You filled her EN"s you stopped most if not all of your LB's.She noticed!"
"You think so?"
"Know so!"
"So what if she doesn't come back to me? What if she decides to break up our family and be with OM?"
"Probably woulda anyway, can’t beat yourself up about it FM"
"Don’t beat myself up, what if I can’t take her leaving?"
"That's the beauty of Plan B, by the time she decides to do all that your feelings will be a lot less painful. In fact by the time you’re finished with PlanB
you might not even want her back!"
"Might not want her back?"
"Yup, that's the beauty of the Plan B"
"What if I'm too reluctant to take these chances and I would rather stay in Plan A?"
"You'll self destruct"
"Self destruct?"
"Yup, BOOM!"
"Boom?"
"Big time. No one can stay in Plan A too long, makes you nutty"
'True!"
Believer tosses me another MB link. I open it and it has all the details of Plan B written inside.
"Read that, Study it. Memorize."
"Okay..Plan B"
"Uhn huh..."
She cranks up her Harley, and then cuts it off as if she just had an idea.
"Did I tell you, I like what you've done so far?"
"No."
"I do. You’re a good man FM. Now read"
"Believer anyone ever tell you that you talk like Tommy Lee Jones?"
She let out a huge laugh....
"You’re the one who made me talk like this yah know?"
"Huh"
"Yeah you're the one having the hallucination"
"Oh yeah..."
"Gotta go see GrayCloud and TomJoad..it's been good FM."
"Thanks for the help Believer"
She smiles. Cranks engine. Leaves.
(I couldn’t resist....) Maybe this wasn’t a hallucination after all because in my mind I know what I need to do next. It's time for Plan B.It's perfect timing. She's out of the house already. I draft my Plan B letter as the instructions recommended. I communicated that the door is open, she will be missed, I want her back but she must recommit to our marriage and she must severe ties with OM FOREVER! I don't know if I have the strength to go thru with this, but I know Believer is right. I am prolonging this situation by not going to Plan B. I cannot stay in Plan A. I must force myself to go on without her. She must see the consequences of her own actions. Rock Bottom. I either win my wife back or my sanity. For GODS sake there was a woman in my cell on a motorcycle! This cannot be healthy seeing things, hallucinating, going over and over in my head all of these images. How will I be any good for my children? It's up to my wife to make some decisions. She is the only one who can save this marriage now. She will have to lead the way by recommitting to this marriage and proclaiming "NO CONTACT" with OM. Okay, go be with him if you want to lady. My GOD what if she chooses to stay with him? I must give this Plan B stuff a little more consideration. Maybe the kind lady on the motorcycle will come back and inspire me some more. If I could only hear from GrayCloud, TomJoad and BobPure. I might have the strength if I had some support.
The nights roll into the morning and the guards come for me once again. This time instead of leading me to the torture room they send me to another place. This room is new. It smells good in here; it smells like Rosemary and Lilac. This is nice! The smell of a WOMAN! Whoa, I look around and can't find a trace of my W though. Then she appears. A woman from my past.
"Hello FM"
"Hello"
She approaches me grazing me as she walks pass.
"Miss me?"
"Sure, I mean no, I mean how are you?"
"Better now that I'm with you FM"
Okay I'm getting nervous now. These guys really know their stuff don't they? I fall back into a chair, which turns into a bed which turns into a Jacuzzi.
"What the?"
"Relax FM, I'm going to help you forget all about her'
The women undresses and climbs into the Jacuzzi. Okay the waters heating up.
"Look behind you"
She motions for me to turn around, I do, but there's nothing there.
"Look now"
I turn around this time and there's a bottle of champagne and 2 glasses.
"Pour me a drink, what are you going to do" Drink all that yourself big boy"
I pour 2 glasses of champagne and I pass her one.
"Do you know where your wife is now?"
"No"
"OM!"
She smiles and then frowns...
"Lets get them back, shall we?"
She has a point, what am I fighting for? My W is the one who's sentenced me to this infidelity camp to begin with. Right now she is probably with OM not thinking about the pain she's putting me thru. She could careless about my needs, my wants, my desires, and my pain. I can be just as selfish as her if I put my mind to it.
The woman moves closer to me and raised her glass.
"A toast?"
"Hmm, yes you're right. A TOAST!"
"To INFIDELITY!"
"Infidelity?"
"Yes, drink up and then I will show you pleasures that aren't really that extraordinary, infact our congress will pale in comparison to what you and your wife share, but you've gone to hard for too long with too little reward..."
"Hold it a minute, INFIDELITY"
"Yes silly. Lets get this over with. She cheats on you, you in turn cheat on her and then you're both free to end this marriage and you can get out of this dreadful camp and on with your life!"
"But I don't want to get on with my life without my W and my family intact!"
"Yes you do, why else would you be in a Jacuzzi with a naked woman drinking champagne?"
"Exactly!"
I throw the glass breaking it against the wall and jump from the Jacuzzi.
"I'm not falling for that! You guys are going to have to come up with a better trick than this dammit!"
The woman in the Jacuzzi frowns, climbs out and clothes herself in a white robe. Lights a cigarette pulling quickly and deeply.
"I hate you stinkin Loyal Husbands! You know I'm just trying to make a living right!
"Go tell it to someone else sweetie"
"I tried with TomJoad, no luck. I tried with GrayCloud, no luck. Now you!"
"Yeah well we aren't falling for that trick. We are trying to save our marriages not ruin them for a cheap fix!"
"Shut up! I'll go see BobPure"
I began laughing hysterically!
"What's so funny?"
"Save yourself the agony and slide back into the hole that you climbed from. You won’t get Bob to betray his wife either!"
"I almost got you"
"Yeah well I'm going to Plan B to preserve the feelings I have left for my W! You won't get this far with me next time!"
The door opens, and in walks Captain AnothaGuyPokedYahWIfe.
"I see you were once again unsuccessful, time for your exit Diana"
The Capt decides to lead me back to my cell. I now know Plan B is my only choice. This temptation was fierce and these [censored] are playing on my weaknesses from all of the rejection I've received in Plan A. It's time to separate myself from my W's fog, if not I won't be able to endure much longer. Tomorrow I will begin Plan B. As the cell door slammed I felt a tinge of excitement and a tinge of apprehension, but I knew that it was time for a change of tactics. The guards’ men were becoming more and creative with their techniques; I would have to move quickly into Plan B. It's time my W had to make some difficult choices, besides I must return to my children and leave this chaos. I will either win back my wife or my life and with GOD's grace maybe even both! As Believer told me earlier:
"2 words, Plan B"
<small>[ August 30, 2004, 08:51 AM: Message edited by: FamilyMatters ]</small>
