I feel like I have tried my best to be kind to my WW despite situation. There has to be some closure to this mess for me. The D is final in three weeks. After that I think I am done. I will leave it up to her to try and reconcile. This is what she wanted, or thought she wanted so she can lay in the bed she made.

Hi juke,

If I were you,I would quit trying to figure out your WW and what she is doing and concentrate on myself,heal from the D and make a new life for myself.I will be in a similar situation soon too when I go through a D.

Your WW is on a fast train to nowhere only she doesn't see it that way yet.Once the "honeymoon" phase is over with the homewrecking OM,LIFE will settle over her like a black shroud and she will start to see things a little less fantasy based.She most likely hasn't even scratched the surface of why she cheated on you right? So she will carry this mess into the next relationship with OM.I pity them both.

In other words,I wouldn't sit around pining for my ex WW.I am not saying you will but just in case. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Your WW may not wake up for several months,years or maybe never,God only knows.But don't put your life on hold for her.Take the time to do things you may have put off while married.

Part of me is a bit enthusiastic,dare I say,to enjoy the company of other men,just as friends to start.I have been with the same man since I was 18 years old and granted I still would have stayed with him until the day I died because I loved him,I also now want to experience another person who isn't such a workaholic and who isn't caught up in himself and completely un-romantic,etc.

I plan on being alone for a while to heal and make a new life for me and my girls but I don't plan of being alone forever.I have a lot to offer someone else,at the right time.You will too.

O

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 06:08 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by juke1225:
<strong> I feel like I have tried my best to be kind to my WW despite situation. There has to be some closure to this mess for me. The D is final in three weeks. After that I think I am done. I will leave it up to her to try and reconcile. This is what she wanted, or thought she wanted so she can lay in the bed she made. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">HI, Juke. I know you have never heard from me before, but I wanted to throw an idea out at you.

If you have some money put back, or parents that have a bit of spare cash they wouldn't mind you having, consider a vacation. Maybe a trip to Hawaii, or a rough and tough cowboy trip in the back country.

The point is that you have tried hard and fought the good fight. It is high time to do something positive for Juke. Give yourself a chance to begin the process of getting over the anger and the hurt.

Just an idea,
Gimble

OCTOBERGIRL-the fansatsy part is definitely over, but the reality of D hasn't hit her yet. She said that OM is "the biggest ******* I have ever met" and "He gives his dog more attention than me". Guess I don't seem so bad to her now. I showed her soo much love and more affection than most men would. She is just now realizing her mistake. Did u see this email from last week? I talked to her after and she almost decided to come home. The problem is that she is soo confused now that it probably would be a bad idea anyway. Tried my best. Read this:

"i was at the house today to pick up the files and stuff. i read the best
> friend card i once gave you. and for what ist worth i am sorry, for
> everything. i wish i could go back change things, talk with you more tell
> you what i was thinking. i wish things had been different. but its gone to
> far there is no going back now, that pt of no return has been crossed for
> both of us.the house is almost yours we are divborced in three weeks, and
> for that i am sorry, for not trying harder to work things out.i know later
> i will wish i hadnt written this letter. but the fact is i miss our life i
> miss our friendship and that you were the only person who really knew me,
> and the only one i could be myself around.all the stupid things that
> mattered like sponge bob, running bull, the dogs all of it.but i did this
> to our marriage so i have to suffer the pain of still loving you every day
> and wishing it hadnt gone this far. you always said i would regret my
> decision , you can pat yourself on the back you were right, i am sorry if
> this email bothers you, that is not my intent, but i just needed to let you
> know. i am sorry. and i will not send you another email like this."

I was moving on just fine but that email and talk with her put me back in pain. I have a roommate now and everything. I go out and do things all the time, but still miss doing them with her. It is bad to say this, but I highly doubt finding someone with as much in common with me. that is the bummer here. We will see I guess.

It sounds like u r doing well and have your head on straight. It sounds like u had some complaints about your husband anyway. that should help u let him go. My only issue with my WW is her selfishness. It's all about her and that stinks in a marriage. She wasn't always that way. It's sad stuff.

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 06:24 PM: Message edited by: juke1225 ]</small>

Does the Pope s*** in the woods?

No, you don't "2uit trying". But you don't hang on everything she says or does, either. She's got 2 demonstrate a willingness 2 reconcile before it's possible. You're already willing.

Give this more time, but don't hang your fu2re on her indecisiveness. If she doesn't make any over2res and you're done, put yourself back on the dating circuit - in a year or so!

Take care,
-ol' 2long

2Long- U r right. She does have to do her part now. the ball is in her court as they say. As far as dating again, I sure am not going to wait a year. A lot of people say u should wait long, but I am excited about dating again. That would be one thing I could look forward to after divorce. I guess everybody is different.

juke:

Well, certainly LEGALLY you can go right ahead at any time. After all, it wasn't illegal for your W 2 have an A, right? And MORALLY, you'll be free 2 do as you please (morally) after the DV is final.

Waiting is good for you, though. It's so you can find out who Juke is. What strengths does juke have? What hobbies does juke have?

Just be careful out there,
-ol' 2long

This is the actual underbelly of the message she sent

i wish
i wish
i will wish
wishing it hadnt gone this far

This wishfulness is not ready to make any real reconciliation action.

She is still "wishing".....

Listen for more action based words if she ever emails you future thoughts/feelings....

Look for the message hidden between the other words... you can usually find it in people's word choices. There is usually a theme.

Pep

Check out Lupolady's thread, she just got engaged to her ex-H!

Juke,

I did not see the e-mail your WW sent but it sounds like classic WS talk.She is using the fact of what she did to ignore and advoid making ammends.I have heard similar stuff from my WH.Is she confused? Maybe and maybe not.One thing is for sure and your WW even knows this.If you truly want something in this life you go after it.She did with the OM and now she is finding out the hard way that it wasn't all a bed of roses.

If your WW truly wanted YOU back and the life she had with you,the dogs,spongebob,whatever,she would DO IT/make it happen.ACTION.She's sorry about everything but it isn't worth a plug nickel if her actions don't back it up.I think she had a momentary lapse of fog but it will come back in when she starts to rationalize again.Like she said,she will wish she hadn't written the letter.

O

October and Pepper- I think u 2 hit the nail on the head with your posts. I think I WISH she had not written the letter becuse it brought pain back LOL. She is wishing-washy! She really was supposedly thinking about coming home. She even asked me to hold off on the mortgage stuff and then changed her mind back. You are right that actions speak louder than words, but she is a very stubborn person also and many times she doesn't look back even if she knows she made a mistake. IMO she has a force inside her set to destroy what is good in her life. It has a lot to do with her childhood.