Here is my story: D-day (he confessed) was over 4 months ago and WH moved out shortly after that to his Mom's house. I really don't think he is still seeing OW. Since he has been gone we have communicated via e-mail every few days and he comes by the house each week to do the cat box and take care of the yard, although there are times I haven't seen him for a few weeks or we don't communicate for several days at a time. We are expecting our first child in December (planned).

I am in Plan A and have gotten much better at it since the raw pain has subsided and my hormones have gotten back to normal. No LB's in months. WH hasn't brought up any R talk since our anniversary at the end of June. At that time he gave me a card where he apologized for what he did, and the rest was mostly fog babble, i.e. I don't know if I can ever be M again, I know we should work on the M but the time just doesn't feel right, ect. Nothing much changed since June until a few weeks ago. He has started to spend more time with me at the house, has given me a few gifts (CD's and picture frame for the baby), and done extra stuff for the house. Earlier this week he sent me an e-mail asking how much time he would be able to spend with the baby when she is born and asked if we could discuss maybe in person. I told him he would be able to spend as much time with his daughter as he wanted, but I would be happy talk to him. He replied again that he wanted to talk to me in person this weekend. Well he was over here for over 6 hours today and didn't bring up anything. Also, during this time there has been no SF, I haven't even hugged him in months.

Do I need to just be patient at this point? Or is there something more I should be doing? Should I bring up the R talk at this point to see where his head is?

Kloe

TIME FOR YOU TO SHINE GIRL....

We already KNOW that being pregnant means you are glowing...!!!!!!!!!!

Blessing to you and the baby.....

time for some awesome awesome 180's that knock his socks off.......
a little taste of reality right between eyes...with never a direct arrow sent his way...

how you ask??

Let me tell you....

Here's some ways to mix it up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1. email sometime close to the next litter box change....saying..

No need for you to do the cat box...it's already taken care....gotta fly...bye..........
(get someone to do it..if I lived near ya..I would ....(you know not to)....
but no need to say who the someone was....

2. Get some pamphlets...local church local groups from
Parents without Partners local Catholic Churches often have social groups..called Widowed Divorce seperated Fellowship...
get some...
leave them out where he can see them...NO COMMENT
If he asks...say..Oh those just something i picked up.....

3.
Start a To-Do list
list things like...
1. consider hiring someone to help with dogs/walk when baby here.

Depending on climate where you live...write...

2. Ask doctor how soon after baby born I can start to mow the lawn...vs lawn service...vs local neighborhood kids....
or if winter weather where you are
Ask doctor when snow shoveling is OK....or
possible local kids to help with snow when baby born...

3. Get some pamphlets from Obs office...
midwives
groups that help with after care with baby...
leave them out or somewhere he might catch a glimpse of...
jot a note on it....
consider having a midwife assist...hmmmmm
NO comment...If asked...babble something like..Oh honey I'm just trying think of who I want with me when I deliver.....
no power struggle...
no fighting...
just a light hearted answer...
when he says
Well I'm going to be there
Or
I want to be there...
say kindly..
I know you do...

4.
are you having a baby shower...perhaps start a list of invites...perhaps leave some people off that he might think you should invite...
say nothing until asked...
if asked say..
Oh i was just doodling that thing..not sure what I am doing now...

5.put on list Ask ___________ sister/friend/relative to help me register...
SAY NOTHING when/if asked...Oh I wasn't sure that was something you wanted to do...Let me think about that one...hate to get in an arguement in the middle of toys r us...if we're not in agreement on things....(batt eyes...smile)...

put on list...
people who will help with groceries etc after baby...list people except husband...
NO COMMENT....if asked say...Oh just looking ahead dear....

6. Get a baby book....start filling in YOUR side of the family information first....just yours...
again NO COMMENT unless asked....
If asked...say
Oh yeah I was just working on that a little...putting in some of the babies information...cute book huh?

Continue your plan A....
but decrease your contact..in the sense..
cut phone calls..;thanks for calling..can't talk now...I'm running late...I'm really sorry but I do gotta go..

wait a bit before updating after MD appointments

make the house smell awesome when he is coming over...
scented candles.
soft music...(babies like music...something soft and cheery)

throw something yummy smelling in the oven when you know he is coming over...
pies
roast
crockpot with soup....

no crime in doing that

tag a post it to the refrigerator...
remember to make a dip for get together next week...NO COMMENT when if asked...say ...oh just some little get together with some friends I met....
(OK that's not radically honest....) but it's kind of OK....

call a couple or a group of friends you and he used to hang with...invite them over..or arrange to go out to dinner before baby comes...let him know you are going in an off handed way...
let him stew about it...

when he comes over one of these times...go out like you have been doing...but be a little allusive...and obviously not talking about dating..but just being a little more mysterious...

when he walks in...
yell ...Cool you're here...sorry but I gotta out right now...doubt you'll be here when I get back...dogs are looking forward to seeing you...
look wonderful...smell greatl...

hows the babies room....
what about a decorate the baby room with your friends party.....
again let him know it may happen...nothing final yet...
better yet leave paint samples out...
and some magazine clippings out on different nursery ideas....
NO COMMENT unless asked..then say.
oh sorry didn't know you were interested in those details...

send an email short and sweet...
had an awesome night last night..was in the tub in the warm water...baby was moving all around..it was so cool to see it...rumble and grumble...sorry you missed it...
gotta go...


obviously kloe...not all these tactics at once..your house would be a wreck...but one here and there...
sporadic..
the whole time plan A your pleasantness....

buy a Dr. Zuess book and read Fox in Sox each night to that baby...tell him the baby loves to read to....

get his thought processes in line with his actions without speaking a word...

buy a new maternity blouse;...something even a little sexy sexy...try it on for him...ask him what he thinks of it.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

show him glimpses of the reality of his choice...

shine shine shine....

ARK

Ark^^ - Thank you for the advice. I've already done some of these things and need to figure out a way to work in some of the other ideas. A couple people said it was time for Plan B, but I just don't think I could do it at this time.

kloe - Start in doing what ark says. Ark told spiderslayer things to do around the house like she listed here, and SS's husband came running back home.

Believer - And Spider Slayer tells me all the wonderful encouraging things you told her!!!! I think all three of you are terrifc.

kloe...
seriously start doing some these things...
that are in your face...in a sideways way...

hit him with the no need to do the cat litter..

what does his mom say...about his behavior..

are you having a shower....

what if you made comments likes...though you certainly have a place in our childs life...there is no rule that you and I (hubby) have to be buddies....
you understand that dear...that I think there is a possibility that your definition and my definition of friend is not quite the same these day....

ARK

Kloe!!!

Oh I soooooo hope you listen to ARK!!!! Those are terrific ideas and will help to bring your H around so much faster!

Believe it or not, HE DOES know what he "thinks" he will be missing. HE just CAN'T see it YET!! IF YOU FOLLOW thru with ALL these ideas..........your H will See the Light soon!!!!

I would NOT plan B.....I would do a sneaky plan A....like Ark suggests!!!! No LB's...just get his curiosity really peeked again.

Blessings,
Atruheart <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Ark^^ - I don't know about letting him off the hook with the cat box. I kind of like him having to come over every week and clean up sh*t <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> !

I had dinner with his sister last week and she said his Mom was probably giving him a hard time. Apparently Mom has been complaining to the sisters about WH and they got sick of it and told Mom to tell WH! Her B-day is this weekend so I am going to take her a card and some home made treats.

My Aunt's are throwing me a shower. WH already knows. In fact when he sent an e-mail to his family regarding the sex of the baby, he told everyone the date.

I've got some print outs from the hospital regarding child birth classes. WH is stopping by the house tomorrow to let the dogs out, I was going to "accidently" leave them out with a note to myself that just says "Check availability of dates."

He's coming over Saturday to "talk". We'll see what he has to say.