Wh called me Saturday afternoon, and I haven't return his call. I know he is going to ask me about if I went to a notary and sign the DV papers.

I know I'm stalling and he could file for a default divorce at anytime. I told him I was delaying in signing the papers because I didn't want the divorce date falling on my b-day.

I just feel that this is a mistake. I can't even talk to him face to face since he nows live in Las Vegas and I'm here in NJ. I wish he gave our marriage a fighting chance. The OW would not let that happen and made sure we would never make our appointment we had set to see a MC. I wish I knew the power she has over him.

I guess I have to call him back, but is it alright for me to ask him if this is what he really wants? or am I setting myself up for an answer I don't want to hear.

If you do not sign the papers will it hurt you any? Would a default divorce be the same as the papers he wants you to sign?

If you don't want the D, don't sign the papers.

Hi Hope,

In my opinion you should ask him if this is what he really wants, and you should be prepared for him to say yes, BUT he will think about your questions afterwards.

In Dobson's, "Love Must Be Tough", Dobson says to let set them free, not to argue but to agree that if this is what they want then you will move on "with love", and wish them the best.

On this forum they say never to agree with a divorce unless you really want it. To stall as long as possible.

I tend to agree with both, in that you can't stop the divorce but you can let them know what you want, and it is not to divorce.

You have a lot of questions which you need answered. And since you don't show you are in a Plan on your sig line, I would say to let him know that this is not what you want but if he is sure he wants it, you will set him free, with love.

This is what I would do I think, if I were in your shoes.

Weaver

I don't want the DV but what can I do? I can't fight for a marriage when he lives thousands of miles away with the OW and can file default divorce at anytime.

He called last night, he said the accountant called and wanted to know if the DV papers have been signed, so he can file the tax papers. This is the excuse my WH is using, the rush on the DV is for tax purposes, and if I don't sign our accountant will file us separately and we will get less money back.

I miss him so much and want to save my marriage, but how, when Dv is weeks away. I keep telling myself I had the best years of his life. All the OW has now, is a man who is broke, depress, drinks,losing his hair, estrange from his family, cheats and lies. I'm better off with the man in my memories than the man he is now.

I know I'm strong but the loneliness is a killer.

HD2, I know how hard it is. I have been delaying the D process for months now. My WW still hasn't filed because she want's us to come to an amicable agreement rather than fight it in court. So I just keep doing whatever I can to slow things down.

It sounds like you can't stall things much longer. If he has already filed you wont be able to stop the D but definately make sure your WH understands that it is not what you want.

Hang in there I know it's tough.

What ever happened with you getting a lawyer?
It's not as simple as him filing in another state and getting divorced.

I just don't have the money for a lawyer and he doesn't have any money either. He just wants what is his and I get keep what is mine. The only problem I did finance his business, he wants 100% of the it, but its not a money maker and its not worth fight for. I didn't keep records of the money I gave him cause I really considered it a gift since we were married. If I only knew the outcome, I would have kept better records, but I did it out of love and not monetary gain.

As much as I want to save my marriage I can't force him to come back to me. Its hard to save a marriage long distance and with other influences involved. I just pray his eyes will open and see the OW as the malipulating, conniving "B" she is.

I just hope he remembers our fourteen years together and realize what he has done.

The only problem I did finance his business, he wants 100% of the it, but its not a money maker and its not worth fight for
Tell him you want half of what it is worth now, not necessarily what you put into it.
A court would tell him to value it, then give you half.