</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MyHeartsDesire:
Okay, everyone....I am new on this forum...
I am praying desperately for reconciliation in my marriage.
My affair was in 2001, has been over since 2001.
My husband filed for dissolution of marriage( I guess that's divorce)in Oct 2001.
Legal separation was granted July 2003.
This whole time my husband and I have still been living together and I have been doing everything to make our marriage work.
I have even given up monetary things in the separation papers in the hopes of saving my marriage.
My husband took off his rings July 2003 right after the legal separation papers were signed.
He was mad because in the papers he was going to have to pay for spousal support. I have not taken any money from him at all. In fact I have been continuing to let him take care of all our finances. Now, he has informed me that he has gone to his attorney and filed for divorce.
I have done everything to try to make our marriage work. He has said he doesn't feel the same. He has not told me loves me since April 2001. He does admit that there are still some feelings there (we have been married for almost 30 years). I do not want this divorce. He refuses to recover and move forward from the past.
I am so confused , and I think he is too. The weird thing is...we are still sharing the same bed, he is attentive and still kisses me goodbye. I don't think he wants to get a divorce. He thinks I will hurt him again and he says he says doesn't trust me. I am doing everything I can to protect my weaknesses and have told him it will not happen again.
I am trying to get him to call Dr Harley for a coaching session, but, he is leluctant. He says he doens't want to try and work on our marriage, does not want to be married and wants to just be by himself.
Please help me...I am so confused..
I am continuing to try to save our marriage.
I am also trying to see if he will agree to attending a Marriage Builders seminar that is coming up in November.
I only have 30 days to respond to his attorney regarding the divorce.
I don't want to get ugly, but, am confused about how to handle the money issues with this divorce proceedings.
Do I let go and give in to everything, or should I go back and fight for a reversal of what I have given in to as far as the monetary issues.
He said he was looking for a sign from God.
I had told him that I would not take any money, retirement etc. Then he said that was the sign he was looking for. Well, I have given in to everything and now , he still says he is getting a divorce. He says he thought it would make a difference, but it didn't.
I am asking for advice...what should I do? How should I proceed and handle this? I want to handle this from a heartfelt desire and biblical principles to restore the marriage.
Please help and please pray.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">MyHeartsDesire.
Welcome to MB. I am truly sorry for the sad situation you've endured for the last 3 years.
The first thing you must do is to STOP ALL LOVE BUSTERS on your part and they are:
1.Angry Outbursts - Who wants to live with a time bomb?
2.Disrespectful Judgements - Who wants to live with a critic?
3.Selfish Demands - Who wants to live with a dictator?
4.Independent Behavior - Who wants to live with a selfish jerk?
5.Annoying Habits - Who wants to live with a leaky faucet.
Got to your local bookstore or to the Marriage Builders bookstore, and order Dr Willard Harley's book
Love Busters[as well as
'His Needs Her Needs' and
'Surviving An Affair'. Read it more than once and identify which LB [love busters] you been guilty of committing against your W and stop them at once. In the meantime, read as much as you can from this website's kb [knowledge base] articles. Here's a small list of some of them as well as some past posts that could help you:
The Four Rules For A Succesful Marriage. Marriage Builders Counseling Service. Save Your Marriage Central .
The ENQ(Emotional Needs Questionaire) .
The LBQ(Love Busters Questionaire) .
What Are Plan A And Plan B .
Surviving An Affair's Plan B Letter .
Michelle Weiner Davis's Divorce Busting 180 Degree List .
Carolkh: A Succesful Divorce Busting Story The Love Diet .
Love Tactics Principals.
Keep in mind the following:
1.You must seriously consider contacting either the Marriage Builders Central or the Save Your Marriage counseling center to start counseling with a pro marriage professional. The counselors will help you develop a game plan suited to your situation. Most people that avail themselves of these counselors initially do so without their uncooperative spouse.
2.Use the infidelity boards for moral support but don't take the advice given to you over that given by your pro marriage counselor.
WE ARE NOT PROFESSIONAL COUNSELORS.3.Don't expect a quick fix to your situation because you will be sorely disappointed. This is a slow process and you must learn to develop patience and understanding in order to come out ahead no matter what the outcome of your situation is [there are no guarantees that your M can be saved].
You are not alone, we are here for you.
