Well, here is an update on the renewed Plan B....

Still kind of feel rotten, what with going out on a "date" with WH last Saturday.

Then, after I talked to him about sending the NC letter, and he balked, he hasn't called once...until tonight.

He has now called seven times, and left three messages.

He's depressed...just staying away from everyone. He really enjoyed the time we spent together on our date. He hopes that I'm well and doing okay...because that's all that matters to him. He loves me.

I WILL NOT TALK TO HIM....I WILL NOT TALK TO HIM...I WILL NOT TALK TO HIM...

I want to hear his actions speaking LOUDLY for him. NOT HIS LIPS....they have lied to me too many times.

Thanks for all your encouragement, everyone. It has really helped me get back to thinking differently about the situation....I must be strong, and WH must WILLINGLY meet the conditions of reconciliation.

The ring on my cell phone is the song "Respect".
That's my new song.

Wonder how many more times he will call tonight....

Thanks, K

I know how hard it is to ignore his calls.
I'm glad that you are being strong over this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
It sounds to me like he is starting to
wake up. Stay strong, only that way will you bring him back in I think.

K - Turn off the phone. He will probably call you over and over, but he knows what he needs to do to get back with you.

Thanks TTSI and Believer...

Still ignoring phone call.

Have a movie to watch... one WH would not go with me to see when it came out

The Passion Of Christ.

Believer...I just read your newest post ....YOU ARE NOT STUPID.... you are....KIND, STRONG, and very WITH THE PROGRAM!

We all struggle with these things...some have a worse struggle than others, but all very painful.

I love reading your replies to others...they do give me inspiration.

What a wonderful, supportive group of people. Where would I be without you all?

Pretty lost, and undone.

God Bless....K

k,

I just wanted to let you know that my thoughts are with you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I admire your strength and I know how hard it is not to react when buttons are being pushed.

Could SH "understand" why your husband is reacting the way he is????

k, just don't forget to take the best care of "yourself" right now. DO everything you can to make yourself feel good and look good!
Get out and get your hair styled, some new outfits.....things that will make you feel great about yourself!
Smile and feel good about yourself because "you" are right on track!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Oh one more thing.............have you ever listened to "Meditation Music?" (where music is played and someone talks)

This really helped me through many bad times. Even now I love to listen to them. Well, I never got to hear them to the end because they calm me down so good that I always "pass away!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

take care and hugs
bb

k,

I forgot to ask. Don't you have an answering machine?????

If so how about activating it??? Make sure that you sound "happy & cheerfull" when you leave your message. Play some good background music.

Just a thought............

bb

Hello bb...

Always glad to hear from you.

SH thinks that WH is trying to manipulate me at this point - whether consciously or unconsciously, who knows.

SH also said that WH is still in contact with OW -which I figured anyway. Like everyone says....actions speak louder than words.

I am taking care of myself. I work out, and recently started a Yoga class. I love the meditation music they play at the class. And I always "pass away" at the end. We lie on our backs on the floor. Lights are low. Music is on. The instructor puts cool lavender compresses over our eyes, and I always go to sleep!

Yes, I do have voice mail. Our DD's lovely voice is on that. I would really hate to change that message.....but I do like your suggestion!

Always look forward to hearing from you, bb.

Thanks, K

k,

OMG how many times was this message sent????opppppppppppps

<small>[ September 10, 2004, 12:56 PM: Message edited by: blondblossom ]</small>

k,

oppppppppppps

<small>[ September 10, 2004, 12:58 PM: Message edited by: blondblossom ]</small>

k,

<small>[ September 10, 2004, 12:58 PM: Message edited by: blondblossom ]</small>

k,

<small>[ September 10, 2004, 12:59 PM: Message edited by: blondblossom ]</small>

k,

you sure do sound like you are doing alot for yourself!!!! Great! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I always find that when you are married for such a long time, husbands do learn what buttons they have to push to get us wives working..........

I'm sure that your husband is very confused and yet, he is trying to get some kind of reaction from your side. I'm also quit sure that he is trying to get the reactions that he "expects" and that he "knows" he will get.

So if you are not reacting as you have for the past 32 years, I'm more than sure that this is going to get him freaked and really into "thinking modus".

I also find that men tend to "dislike" radical changes the longer they are married.

We're going towards the 25th year mark and we have known each other since 30 years. My husband has many habits that have developed within the years. I'm used to them but I don't really know if any OW would fancy them. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
My husband knows how I react when he says and does something but it really confuses him when my reaction is different.

He doesn't like these kinda changes and it makes him feel very uncomfortable. (but he's going to have to get used to a few because I will not change back anymore <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

But altogether, I would say that there are patterns in a long-term marriage that appear very "valueable & special" when there just aren't there anymore.
They will be missed terribly.

So this is why I think that Plan B is the best in your situation right now too. SH knows it the best! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Your husband has to fight his battle now on his own. He's for sure missing his "old life" and I'm sure he is suffering terribly.........

YOu sound like a wonderfull woman and you sound like you really deserve all the love you can get. Your husband knows this, believe me.

I've said it before, you ust have to stick with your Plan and you have to be the "strong one" in the team right now. Your husband mind isn't where it should be right now.

He's confused and not in "reality". Let him fight this on his own and I believe he will "wake up" pretty soon. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I'd just like to mention that I'd still consider changing the message on your voice-mail.
I'd do this because it will send a message...........

It will show that "something" is for sure changing on "your side!" It will be "you" speaking and it will be "your" voice!!!! It will for sure get your husband "thinking" when he hears it the next time because he'll be "expecting" to hear your "daughter".

It will make "you" interesting and it will show that "you" are making changes!!!!! Please think about this again........

(how about the song "I will survive"!!!!!tehe <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )

hugs
bb

Hello bb....

Liked you oooooopppppsssss posts!

Kind of the way I've been thinking about this past week.

For an update....WH has already called 7 times today! He sure isn't very quick on the uptake, if you know what I mean!

I think you're right about the message on the voice mail... I will change it this evening when I get home from work!

It will no longer say "You've reached the home of K and K. Please leave a message."

It will say something like..."You've reached the home of K. Leave a beep after the message!"

A little turn around on words there. But the home of just "K" will certainly get his attention, and the attention of others.

Good idea!

Also, I know you're right about the old reaction to button pushing vs. new reactions. I'm letting my actions speak now, not my reactions. WH was very good at controlling me with his button pushing.

And, I was thinking today, in Nov., it will be a year since WH took his apartment. I have kind of gotten used to him not being here. Like I said before, he was usually home less than 24 hours on a weekend since he moved out.

I still did everything for him. The only reponsibility that he had (mowing the front yard) only adds 1 hour a week to what I have always been doing.

So, in that way, I truly have been on my own for a long, long time. Not by choice, but by necessity. I think I can handle it!

Personal note, bb, you said you live on the other side of the world...where is that?

Always enjoy hearing from you, bb.

Thanks, K

Hi k,

so did you change your voicemail?????

I'd try to change the whole message thingy.
Something like:
Hi!!! (very cheery) here's k! Sorry, I'm not home right now but feel free to leave a message.
I'll get to you later!
bye
just change the complete message, make it completely different from what it used to be like.

This alone will send a very clear message and it will surely get your husband "thinking". (this is what you want to achieve isn't it?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

Then you can see "what buttons" you might be pushing on your husband this time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

You asked where I live........well I live in Europe.

If you'd like to know more, just send me an email. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> WH was very good at controlling me with his button pushing </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is also a problem I have. My husband still does a good job, pushing my buttons but I am getting stronger.
Whenever a situation comes up, I no longer let it happen. Well at least I'm getting more aware of it.
But it is a problem because as I already mentioned, in a long term marriage many habits and ways of behaviour develope.

It's hastle at times to change them and "men" just don't seem to enjoy "changes". Well at least not these kinda things.

My husband does a great job, pouting when things don't go his way. I've been noticing this for a while now.
I say or do something and it usually ends up with him pouting and reacting mad.

I then get a bad conciounce (I know this is spelled wrong but I hope you know what I'm saying) and I feel as if I made a mistake. I feel "guilty".
So I'm really working on this one because this just can't be right.

Everyone should be able to "express" themselves without feeling like a "mistake" afterwards.
I'm doing this in little steps because my husband really is having a hard time seeing how "silly & immature" he is acting at times.

He's going towards 50 and at these times when I don't react the way he's used to, he turns into a 5 year old!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

take care and hugs
bb