So, she called me today - the first time in months. She wants to come over tomorrow to get the rest of her stuff.

As anyone would expect, I have a bone to pick with her.

I told her I'd call back - I plan to give her a window for times she can come, and I'm going to remind her DO NOT bring OM around (LB? Maybe. But I don't care).

I'll take any advice on how to handle this encounter. Last time she came to get things, I was a wreck, but I sat on the couch with the paper and played it cool, said very little. This time I don't plan to be sit there passively. But where's the balance? I'm sick of being all nice-nice.

GC

Let me elaborate...

When we spoke on the phone, I was pretty short with her. What I want to tell her right now is to quit pretending you're divorcing me because of something wrong with me or how I treated you in our M. This D is yours and yours alone, you cheating ho.

That's the shortest way I can put it right now.

GC

Aw geez, GC. Bud, I dunno what to say.

I'm pretty certain calling her a ho would be a lb....and I'm also inclined to say that you thinking about saying it is a knee jerk reaction to her call.

But, I have no clue where to go from there. I think a window of times for her to come over is reasonable...and it's WAY reasonable to request that OM does not cross a hair over YOUR threshold.

(((((GC)))))

- Kimmy

Oh boy. Balance. While she's reaching into your chest, grabbing your heart in her hand, and squeezing the blood out of it. Balance should be easy.

That said, I'd advise against trying to pick a bone when she comes to get her stuff. It would serve no useful purpose. It could actually do harm in the long run.

The OM matter though - who cares if it is a love buster to state your position that he is not to come with her. If she says she doesn't feel safe just being with you, suggest she bring a police officer with her. And you can just sit and wait quietly, I know you don't want to, but honest it would not work to try to talk to her while she is packing up and moving her things out.

Would you consider boxing up her things and moving them near the door so as to cut down on the time she'd be moving in and out of your home?

WOuld you consider having a female friend call you while she's there, as though you have a new relationship budding? And leaving the room to talk discretely to your "friend" and then returning, grinning or humming a love song, and surreptitiously checking your watch while offering to carry out a few of the boxes?

Too tricky? Oh, well.

GC - I'm not sure I'm the most qualified person to answer, but in my opinion I don't think it would hurt to be honest with her and tell her how you feel and how you perceive things. As long as you do it without LB or yelling. I would put it in the perspective of "I feel" or "When you do this, it hurts me because..." I think it's important for the WS's to know the consequences of their actions, as long as it is done in a respectful, nonconfrontational manner.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by graycloud:
<strong> Let me elaborate...

When we spoke on the phone, I was pretty short with her. What I want to tell her right now is to quit pretending you're divorcing me because of something wrong with me or how I treated you in our M. This D is yours and yours alone, you cheating ho.

That's the shortest way I can put it right now.

GC </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No, no, no, no, no. And No. Don't do it. No. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I'm cooling down. Kimmy, pleeeeease? I've never gotten to actually call anybody a ho. It would be such a gas.

Most of her stuff is already boxed and in the garage. There's no way she'll be able to get it all at once, unless she borrow's MIL's SUV. Her car is teeny.

I love the idea of getting a call from a female friend. I'm going to set it up.

Kloe, it's been so long since she and I talked, but I have a pretty good list of "I feel ... when you ..." stuff, mostly to do with her NC policy and her ill-timed legal actions. I don't see how I can just spit that stuff out. I had considered giving her a letter. Not a plan B letter, a list of grievances. Plan A/plan B, phooey! That's how I feel right now, a little at least.

When I call back, I think I'll ask her what she expects to be getting, then I'll tell her I don't want to even catch the slightest whiff of OM, and ask if she plans to get help and how many trips she expects to make.

I'm going to give her a window from 12-3.

At least she respects my boundaries enough to not try to sneak over when I'm not around...

GC

Y'know, wmy sitch isn't a twentieth as horrible as yours BUT I had a vent to friends on the phone last week that WW spied on. She was APOPLEPTIC with rage ! I was vicious, poisonous, honest, deeply un PC.

Now THIS week, where WW has been a little de-fogged, she asked me how much of that I meant. So you see, I think while Plan A plan B are the way to go, no LBs etc, maybe letting WS see just how ANGRY , HUMILIATED, INDIGNANT on we are may be productive on occasion.....thats not advice BTW, I am just showing how it worked in my case.

What u got to lose GC ? Being nice ain't bagged u the goldfish so far , has it ?

This D is yours and yours alone, you cheating ho.

Yeah gray, I think I saw that part of the Harley's advice here somewhere......

BWAAAAAHHHHHHHHH <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hope JustJ doesn't see this. She might consider it a disrespectful judgement. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

graycloud:
You have all kinds of options. Here are a few that come to mind


The Play Nice option, somewhat of a plan A:
You could meet her at your home and help her pack the stuff she wants. Remain pleasant, look good, be polite. Tell her that you still love her and hope that she will end it with the other man and come back to the marrage.

The I'm going to show you how much you crushed me option:
Meet her at home, cry, beg, plead, tell her you have no life without her, wail, tear your clothes, sing love dirges to her, give her stacks and stack of love-poetry that you wrote for her, etc.

The I'm doing O.K. and moving on option:
Meet her at home, let her pack her stuff (stay around to make sure she doesn't take what is not her's). While you are waiting, have a drop-dead gorgeous female friend stop by with dinner and a movie.

The I am done with you option:
Pack all her stuff. Tell her it will be on the curb at some specific time and date. Put the stuff there and forget about her. Hopefully pick a rainy day.

Darlin' GC. Calling a gal a ho is like, the WORST thing...biotch, we handle very well, ho - uh-uh, no way Jose. Tart you could maybe get away with....kooze, eh, maybe, maybe not....but NEVER a ho! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

- Kimmy

Yeah. Re-read that....add slut to the list....no way you can call a girl a slut and not get slapped.

Of course feel free to call VD any of the above names at any time! Makes ME feel better, anywho.

I don't know how to be indignant. I reek at it.

I want to ask her why she can only discuss her divorce plans through a lawyer, and why she is working so hard to separate a father from his children. And how any of these actions is the least bit admirable. That's something I'd like to know.

I know I'm going to be cool, but I don't think I'll prepare a whole lot. Anyway, I'll stay on the high road. Stupid high road!

Sorry JustJ.

GC

GC, be yourself, be civil to Sparrow, but refer to OM at every opportunity as "A55hat".

That should work nicely <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

((((GC))))

I've been following your story and just wanted to give you a hug.

Take care this weekend.

sss

I called my WW a whore and a C word repeatedly the day I flipped out at her months ago. She didn't like it too much.

Something I made the sparrow promise to never call me is F**kface. She never has. I thought it might be fun to refer to OM by that name.

Come on, people, gimme SOMETHING!

GC

I love my nickname for my WW's other man. Army trash boy. He is actually a marine and he got mad at my WW once for saying he was in the army by mistake. So it is a double insult to him. LOL. You could call yours panzyboy or something like that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Juke - too funny! When I met Nio, I had a rule not to date what I termed "army pukes". Guess I should've stuck to my rules, eh?

And GC - eff-face is PERFECT for OM, IMO.