SS,

BTW, my Dad was born in C, in 1929.

Your Dad must be a fine, fine man. My dad was born in 1928. My dad was older than yours! He was born in Europe, though.

I know it's hard, but I recommend you put all the thoughts of the past where they belong - in the past. Concentrate on NOW, and the future. Stay away from H, the emotions don't help you any.

I can try, but it is really tough. As I was packing some stuff over the weekend, I came across some old college stuff. I found a computer banner (he was taking a computer class way back then) that he had sent to me that said "I miss you. I love you." Aargh. This was about 4 years before we got married. It was tough to find. I was just a BABY back then. I've known H pretty much my entire adult life. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I thought of throwing it away, but I just couldn't do it. I should, though.

It sounds like your best friend is still from your past - HS? or college? I also keep in contact with friends from HS, and sometimes go on trips with them. It is a good thing, one of the few things we will take with us when we leave this life. If she doesn't know all the history, give her the condensed version so she will know more about the road you have traveled. I think she will be a big help.

I actually knew my friend in grade school, became friends in junior high, and best friends in high school. Although we're great friends, I never confided in her throughout this whole ordeal during the past couple of years. It's kind of complicated. She is not married. She has such a romanticized view of marriage. She would always tell me how lucky I was to have found my H and be married. I would always tell her that marriages take a lot of work and that it is not always a bed of roses. She'd always say, "yeah, but...." I just felt uncomfortable telling her about my suspicions, etc. --- way back then. That's why I've always posted here, too. I know everyone here understands. I've since filled her in - a few months ago actually. She has been very supportive.

But still, last night I had a looonng conversation with her. She made a comment at one point where she said, "When I get married, it's going to be forever." I told her that that's exactly what I thought, too. Do you think anyone gets married thinking that it won't last forever? I felt like such a failure at that point. I know she didn't intentionally mean any harm by it, but it still stung. There were other things that she said, too, but this is already getting too long. Anyway, although she SAYS she understands and thinks that I'm doing the right thing, I still get the feeling that she looks down on me because I am Ding. Maybe I'm just being too sensitive. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I'm damaged goods. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />


I think I've scared her a little now, too. She told me that she doesn't want to M anyone unless they're past the mid-life crisis age!

Well, everything is still moving along.

Sounds like YOU are doing well, which is what I worry most about.


......... I am thinking that he will se my new apartment and he will TAINT it. I will have memories of him BEING there.

You will be OK.

It kind of goes against my idea of moving on and starting fresh. Oh well. When I buy my townhouse, eventually, it will be all MINE.

It will be yours plus your new husband's, plus your first child's. I wish you would think big. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

H is all gung ho about helping me. He is acting like Mr. Wonderful. It still all baffles me. Is it guilt on his part, or does he think that I can't handle it on my own? More than anything I still think that it's because he can report back to his family about everything that he's done to help me. They'll all think that he's so wonderful.

"Yes, she filed for D, but I was the man right up to the end. I found IC for her, helped her get over it, helped her move..................It wasn't what I wanted, but probably for the best."

I think you are right about why he is doing it.

Another thing that baffles me is that he asked me last night if there's a store of his nearby my new apt. Why would he care???? - unless he is considering moving out there eventually. I doubt it, though. I asked him if he wanted to visit it while he was out there. He said no.

It probably just came to mind, so he asked. I don't think it was anything but a spur of the moment thought that he voiced.

Oh well, no use stressing over it.

Yes, you have plenty of other things to stress about, leave this one alone.

I am getting pretty excited about the move and my new life.

THINK BIG !!


I am TOO 6 ft tall. Looks are deceiving, though, because, unlike you, I am not TUFF.

SS shakes his head, looks amazed, and says to himself "if this last year (Lived by SVB1) doesn't show TUFF, then I have never seen it. You are one amazing lady, and don't you ever forget it.

Remember it when you pray, and expect help.
Remember it when you date, and expect to be treated like it.
Remember it when you have your baby, and be that kind of mom.

I can't believe I have to keep repeating obivous truths.
(SS shakes head for emphasis.)

Not tuff, I can't believe she said that.

I hope you have a good plastic bag for the fish - what an adventure for them. Maybe you could get a turtle for them to play with as they ride along?

OK, I am done teasing you, but you are TUFF.


SS

Later edit - I see you posted while I was writing. You are a very interresting person, I tease you - but I respect you, and what you have done, and it comes from the WAY YOU HAVE DONE IT. Will discuss some of your feelings from your last post as soon as time permits.

" I'm doing the right thing, I still get the feeling that she looks down on me because I am Ding. Maybe I'm just being too sensitive."

yeah yeah, and everyone wants to tell you how to raise kids, ESP when they don't have any!!! I'm sure that she doesn't look down on you. She can't understand, that's all. I thought that I would be Med forever too, but who knows?! That's why i waited til i was 32, a "grownup"... ha.

svb, here is my email, please write me, now or when you get settled in. i am SOO proud of you. SS is RIGHT AGAIN, You are TUFF. I look up to you (not 'cause you are 6ft) for making real changes. So many people (me too) remain paralyzed by fear of change. Giver yourself the credit, you really do deserve it!

jls

Aww shucks. Thanks guys. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

woops forgot that email, duh...

pleezmeu2ataolcom remember at =@ and u know wher the dot goes

Your Dad must be a fine, fine man. My dad was born in 1928. My dad was older than yours! He was born in Europe, though.

My Grandparents were not from C, they were there going to school. They moved back west once school was over with. Mom's side of our family is from Germany, Dad's side from England. Very few Americans are native these days - and I would have liked to meet you dad. I suppose I may still, in the future. Is your mom Lonely? I wonder if part of her controlling nature is that your dad is no longer there to take her "advice." Anyway, I better get to the business at hand. Sometimes I go on and on.


I can try, (to move on emotionally) but it is really tough. As I was packing some stuff over the weekend, I came across some old college stuff. I found a computer banner (he was taking a computer class way back then) that he had sent to me that said "I miss you. I love you." Aargh. This was about 4 years before we got married. It was tough to find. I was just a BABY back then. I've known H pretty much my entire adult life. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I thought of throwing it away, but I just couldn't do it. I should, though.

You really should not keep things that remind you of things that are over. Photos excepted - if they have you in them then they are part of your history. Preparation for another relationship requires you detach from the previous one. If you won't throw the banner out, you are stuck.

I wish things were different, but they are not. You have to live with what is, not what was. You realize I give my opinion. As always, these are YOUR choices, not mine. Please understand I respect your right to do what you feel like doing.

I believe you kept it not out of feelings for H, but out of the desire to be loved and respected. It is proof that you were loved, and you were respected, and I think you hang on to that.

JLS and I love and respect you, but it is different. His whole world revolved around you then, and you knew it. It was real, it was magic. I don't blame you for hanging on to that - but - the future calls, and there is a guy waiting for a girl like you that is not attached to someone else.

There are still magic times, and magic places with your name on them. You have to look, and you have to be ready. Please finish getting ready.

I actually knew my friend in grade school, became friends in junior high, and best friends in high school. Although we're great friends, I never confided in her throughout this whole ordeal during the past couple of years.

Ah -
I have similar friends. We still have a new years eve party each year together. Some of them I can really talk to, some not. One of them lived close to the elementary school. I wonder if it drove his mom nuts when we all showed up for lunch.

It's kind of complicated. She is not married.
I continue to be amazed at how perceptive you are. There are many things that you just know. You understand others feelings, and take them into account in every thing you do. Even your mom, when you were looking for a place to stay. This is one of the reasons you had such a hard time with the concept of D. It was your H's feelings you worried about - more than your own. You wanted to protect him from harm.

This is not a bad thing, I feel it is good. Always remember too, that you can't help someone else from a position of weakness, only from a position of strength. You have to take care of YOU too. I know you are getting better at it, but remember it is necessary that your needs are met too, before you meet the needs of others.

She has such a romanticized view of marriage. She would always tell me how lucky I was to have found my H and be married. I would always tell her that marriages take a lot of work and that it is not always a bed of roses. She'd always say, "yeah, but...." I just felt uncomfortable telling her about my suspicions, etc. --- way back then.

She would have told you that you were crazy?


That's why I've always posted here, too. I know everyone here understands. I've since filled her in - a few months ago actually. She has been very supportive.

Good, it shows you choose good friends too. Remember there are many things she won't understand, and make allowance for her comments. Like your mother, and brother, she wants you to be happy, but sometimes she won't know what is best for you. Ha, that applies to us here too. Much there is, that we don't know. Wise you are, to remember that.

But still, last night I had a looonng conversation with her. She made a comment at one point where she said, "When I get married, it's going to be forever." I told her that that's exactly what I thought, too. Do you think anyone gets married thinking that it won't last forever?

No.
You are right, everyone wants it to be forever. We all dream, and we all hope, but we also marry a human being, not a celestial, glorified perfected being. Our mates have choices, as do we. We can choose darkness, secrets, chains, or honesty, freedom, and light. Your H chose the former. I hate to think of the chains he has forged for himself. I am glad you are seeking freedom, and light. More about that below.

Your friend has a lot to learn, but it will have to be at her own pace. She won't get some things until she lives them.

I felt like such a failure at that point. I know she didn't intentionally mean any harm by it, but it still stung.
Reminded me of a poem. Do you mind?

The Fool's Prayer
by Edward Rowland Sill
(1841-87)

The Royal feast was done; the King
Sought some new sport to banish care,
And to his jester cried, "Sir Fool,
Kneel now, and make for us a prayer!"

The jester doffed his cap and bells,
And stood the mocking court before;
They could not see the bitter smile
Behind the painted grin he wore.

He bowed his head, and bent his knee
Upon the monarch's silken stool;
His pleading voice arose: "O Lord,
Be merciful to me, a fool!

"No pity, Lord could change the heart
From red with wrong to white as wool:
The rod must heal the sin; but, Lord,
Be merciful to me, a fool!

"'Tis not by guilt the onward sweep
Of truth and right, O Lord, we stay;
'Tis by our follies that so long
We hold the earth from heaven away.

"These clumsy feet, still in the mire,
Go crushing blossoms without end;
These hard, well-meaning hands we thrust
Among the heart-strings of a friend.

"The ill-timed truth we might have kept-
Who knows how sharp it pierced and stung!
The word we had not sense to say-
Who knows how grandly it had rung!

"Our faults no tenderness should ask,
The chastening stripes must cleanse them all;
But for our blunders - oh, in shame
Before the eyes of heaven we fall.

"Earth bears no balsam for mistakes;
Men crown the Knave, and scourge the tool
That did his will; but Thou, O Lord,
Be merciful to me, a fool!"

The room was hushed, in silence rose
The King, and sought his gardens cool,
And walked apart, and murmured low,
"Be merciful to me, a fool!"

Some of it does not apply -
but it makes me think.
I am sure your friend didn't mean to hurt. I am sure if she did understand, she would try to make it right.

There were other things that she said, too, but this is already getting too long.

SS Purses lips - thinks.............

If she thought hers was too long, then what will she think when she reads this one? Perhaps I should quit now before I make it any worse.

Ahemmmm, I have never read one of yours that was too long for the reader. Perhaps you mean they are too long for the writer -

Anyway, although she SAYS she understands and thinks that I'm doing the right thing, I still get the feeling that she looks down on me because I am Ding. Maybe I'm just being too sensitive. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Remember, it doesn't matter. She doesn't have your experience, and she is not your judge. I encouraged you to study it out in your mind, and pray so that you would KNOW. You needed it for you. I think you do know. Remember, when God tells you to do something, and you do it, you are always in the right. She can learn, and she can grow, and she can catch up with you. Bring her along, help her, but don't worry that she doesn't get it all now.

I'm damaged goods. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

My wish is that you would never feel like this ever again. I don't cry often, but I hold back the tears now.

If the Great God, our Father - he under whose direction the Universe was created, who holds the earth, and stars in their places, could come and talk to you. I imagine he would hold both your hands, raise you up, and look in your eyes, and tell you something like this "My daughter, I sent you to learn, and to grow. I am so sorry things are difficult for you now. Please don't give up. I sent you to succeed, not to fail. I gave you talents, and ability. Even though the tests are hard, you can win. Be brave, be positive, use those talents. Don't be discouraged - your future can be glorious. I did not plan misery for you, but joy, and happiness. Tests are difficult, but necessary, and they will help you grow. Failures are temporary, they don't limit your future. You are my daughter, you CAN succeed."

I don't see him saying you are damaged. I don't hear him saying you are a failure.

I believe in you, but YOU need to believe in you.

I think I've scared her a little now, too. She told me that she doesn't want to M anyone unless they're past the mid-life crisis age!

Show her how it's done. Be careful, but not afraid. Wait if you need to, until you know you are healed, go slow, but don't stop.

I have faith in you, because there is something there to have faith in. I have seen it.

SS

jls,

You have email. And one other thing - am I tuff or am I bockbock chickenhearted? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

SS,

I will get back to you later on your post. You gave me a lot to think about, as usual. I like that, though. Thanks.

svb

And one other thing - am I tuff or am I bockbock chickenhearted?

I know you were asking jls, but..........

Being tough does not mean we are not afraid. It doesn't mean we never cry, or that we always do every thing just right.

It does mean that even with all those feelings we go on and do the best we can.

You did that. You are one tough cookie.

If you don't agree, that's just tuff. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

SS

SS,

I only asked JLS because she called me bockbock chickenhearted on AD's thread - but yet she called me tuff here. I'm not sure if you saw it on the other thread. I was just teasing her. I wasn't ignoring you.

I'm still going to get back to you later on your post. I'm feeling kinda tired now. (Long story about that - still debating whether I should post about it or not) Maybe I'll come back after H wakes up and goes to work.

Before I go though, talking about our dads, when you said "You are one tough cookie." I had an instant flashback to my dad. He always used to tell me, "you are one smart cookie." It was a little spooky!

I didn't see it, but wondered if you were referencing another post.

But Hey, notice the last line, with the smile - don't sweat it.

SS smiles.

Walks down the hall, closes the door behind him.

SS

Hello SS,

I'm finally getting back to you! I was too tuckered out last night to write a long post. Please know, too, that I ALWAYS welcome your comments here - even though I did address that question to JLS. I love your advice.

My Grandparents were not from C, they were there going to school. They moved back west once school was over with. Mom's side of our family is from Germany, Dad's side from England.

Yeay! More information about SS! I've got bits and pieces of information about you from what you've posted here and from what I've read on other threads, but it’s always nice to know more. It makes me realize that you ARE a real person. OK, I know you’re a real person, but sometimes I think, with your insight and your compassion, that you CAN’T be a mere mortal. Truly, you have a gift.

Anyway… my father was born in Lithuania. He lived in both Germany and England, though! He told some amazing stories about living through WWII in Europe. Maybe if you ever do meet him you can ask him about that. You’ll get a quiet man to talk your ear off. (You could ask him about his family, too, you could probably get him to cry with that.) Ok, and now I’m getting myself to cry.

And now I’m too tired to post any more. I have much more to say, too.

Good night.

I'm back. I'm tired, but I can't sleep. Tomorrow is my last day of work and I guess I've got a lot on my mind.

I've been thinking about something else.

I'm damaged goods.

My wish is that you would never feel like this ever again. I don't cry often, but I hold back the tears now.

Do you really mean that, SS? I guess you have no reason to lie to me. I wish I could evoke those feelings from my H. I'm going to share something with you that happened this week. I've been debating about posting about this for fear of getting a lecture about my health (it'd be well deserved, though).

I pretty much passed out on Tuesday night. It was a long day. After work I went to my meeting with my counselor. As I waited to go into my meeting, I started to get a migraine. I took an Imitrex. By the time my meeting was over, my headache was gone, and I was in a really good mood.

I got home, (H was off on Tuesday - but no suspicious behavior detected) and I was starving. H looked like he just woke up. I made dinner, and we ate. At about 10 pm we had some cheesecake that I had made on Sunday with some dulce de leche (caramel) liquier. Then I fell asleep on the couch watching tv with H. (OK, hold on, I'm getting to it) At about midnight, H woke me up and told me to go upstairs to sleep. I got up and remembered that the dinner dishes were still in the sink. I walked to the kitchen and started to wash them. After about 2 forks, everything started to fade. I dropped to the ground before I think I actually fainted.

There I was - half lying on the floor and half leaning up against the wall. I didn't get a chance to shut off the water. I was still dizzy and was too weak to move. I was tingly all over and felt like vomiting. I must have whimpered or made a noise because H then came into the kitchen.

H's reaction?

He SNARLED, "are you for real, or are you playing?" I said, "I'm dizzy." He didn't say anything and he SLAMMED the water shut and went back to the couch to watch tv.

He was disgusted with me, or so it seemed. Meanwhile, I was scared and praying to God that I wouldn't die.

I was ok, though. Eventually I crawled back to my sofa and pulled myself up on it to lie down. (I was afraid to stand up) Then I felt better and went upstairs to go to sleep. H told me that it must have been the cheesecake that I ate. It was too rich for me. ? I think that's an Argentinean thing.

He brought me up something to settle my stomache later on. The next day he called me at work to see how I was doing.

I honestly don't know what it was - maybe the combination of medication throughout the day -Lexapro, Imitrex (which I had forgotten that I had taken - and THEN liqiuer to boot later on. I am such a dork. Maybe it was stress. Maybe I was dehydrated. Or maybe it's all these thoughts that keep swirling in my head that made me dizzy!

But my whole point is, why does he act like that? If it were me that found H on the floor in the kitchen, I would have been BESIDE myself with panic and fear and worry.

I DON'T understand it.

svb,

That is scary. I don't know how your health is, but watch it. It could be partially due to stress. I really believe that stress can cause or aggravate alot of physical stuff.

Now with my H, I might have thought the same thing that your H thought - turned around. My H acts (?) like he is sick when we fight. He really does play the martyr thing. I am not saying that you were, i just know that I might have THOUGHT the same thing. But I would have also been worried about my H, cause i always think, what if he IS for real this time..And i DO love him and worry about him.

I am not defending your STBXH. Probably, his reaction stemmed from guilt. He has GOT to know that you have been through alot. I always thought, that no matter how people acted, they have got to FEEL/KNOW what is really going on, to some degree. Maybe that is too much credit for most, i don't know. I just know me and what others have told me.

Take care of yourself svb. I mean it!!

jls

Hi jls,

Thanks for you post.

My health is good, other than my occasional migraines (since high school). I had a physical last Sept. or so.

Well, it helps to see how he might be thinking. We weren't fighting that night, though. Actually, I was in a really good mood that night and he knew it. As for playing a martyr, who knows, it's possible that I could be guilty of that on other occasions, I really don't know. I DO know that I am guilty of wanting love and attention from him. I CERTAINLY wasn't faking anything on Tuesday. I guess I only wish that he had reacted differently.

By his reaction, I felt unloveable and worthless. I felt that I was only a bother to him - an annoyance. That's the message that I got. To him, it didn't matter if I lived or if I died. (ok that's pretty extreme, but I can't help how I feel.)

OK, now I'm not defending your H, but think about that the next time you want to walk away from your H. What if he really IS sick. What message are you sending him?

Ugghh. Life is so complicated.

Don't know aobut your H, but mine gets absolutely LIVID when he feels guilty about something.

This past week I was at work and brought up something he did the night before that I didn't like, didn't think was appropriate to do at school, and he got defensive, saif he wouldn't talk about it, got angry. I asked him when we COULD talk about it...he gave me a time. He called back then, and when we started talking I kept asking the same question again and again..."What did you say to yourself in your mind that gave yourself permission to do that?" (He cursed in a conversational tone in a gym full of school kids. I don't think anyone heard him, but when I asked him to stop he kept on...) He REALLY got angry and said, "Stop yelling at me." Now, mind you, I was at work, was not angry, was NOT raising my voice at all...just was not letting it go.

I can see your H walking in, feeling guilty, getting angry at himself, and wanting the situation to go away ("Hey, if I walk in the other room and ignore her, it's not happening...")

Hi SHMI,

OK, I can see it. Your H knows he's wrong, feels guilty, gets angry with himself, but yet takes it out on you.
It's kind of like when people get upset when you say, "I told you so!"

I can see the guilt thing later on in my H. I think he realized that I was NOT playing, and then tried to make up for it in a way. It did make me feel a little better, especially when he called me the next day to see how I was.

S,
You say you don't understand.
No reason to try - Just remember it for future reference.

Thinking..........not sure why you hesitated to post about it.
I fainted dead away once in the bathroom while brushing my teeth, my W caught my head before it hit the edge of the tub. Lucky me.
We had been married two weeks, it scared her half to death. I had internal bleeding - but they fixed it, and
it didn't
it didn't
it didn't
it didn't
affect me at all.

I think the reasons given about why H was angry are valid. Down inside, you still want him to validate you. He may, or he may not. Don't let it get to you either way.
Think about how far you have come. Yes, temper the thoughts with your weaknesses.

Now, remember all of us have weaknesses, but we acomplish something anyway. You will too.
You know - your dad was right about what kind of cookie you are. Believe him.

SS

Ps, I'll be away from computers for the weekend, see everyone when I get back.

Good news! I have the flu! That explains everything.
Who'd a thought I'd be so happy about having the flu. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

H and I went out to dinner last night. We took advantage of a gift card that we had, but never used. We held hands again walking to and from the restaurant.

It's taking everything in me to remain tough. I feel like I'm always at the verge of asking him if he still wants a D and BEGGING him to move to Chicago with me!

I actually sway between doing that and giving him a piece of my mind about the way that he's behaved for this past year and a half - that if he were SO unhappy and BORED in our M, why didn't he talk to me about it before he decided to sneak around and lie to me. If HE wanted to be free, why didn't HE tell me that he wanted a D? My mom and my friend here are amazed that I HAVENT given him a piece of my mind yet. They think that I'm letting him get off easy.

Yesterday as we discussed where I should stack up all my boxes, I asked him for a hug. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> He gave me a nice long hug. Today I crawled up next to him on the sofa as he watched tv. He put his arm around me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

WEAK!

I've noticed that plan B and plan D have more of an affect on ME than on HIM.

OK, one more week, and then I can really let go.

hi svb,

glad that you are over flu!!

I really don't get your H. Doesn' fit any "mode" right?!

jls