SVB1,

Hey. It's about time you gave us a report! It's been a week!
How are things in the windy city?

-AD

Hello

Wow, so much to say and so little time!

It has been a little over a week and I still don't have phone service. I'm at the computer in my apartment's clubhouse, but I keep getting kicked off. I've had to reconnect at least 5 times just to get here - very frustrating.

I really want to post more about my move, but I don't think I can right now. I have to type really fast!

I'm feeling pretty isolated from the rest of the world without phone service. I miss H, and I miss you guys, too. I haven't been able to read up on anyone here.

I've been feeling more blue than anything else these days. Being isolated and alone doesn't really help. I'm not as excited right now about my new adventure as I thought I'd be. I still have plenty of boxes to unpack. I'm also suffering from a pretty bad cold.

Work is going well, though, despite having to learn everything while feeling miserable (with the cold).

I better go for now, before I get kicked off again. Hopefully I'll have the phone connected soon in my apartment so that I can spend plenty of time on MB.

svb

Thanks,
Still worry about you.

Look foreward to hearing how you are, how the trip went.

God be with you.

SS

It's good to hear from you!

I know how it is to be cut off. For a week and a half, all I had for entertainment and communication at my house was a clock radio.

Missing your H is .... well, I miss my W too. I'm supposed to be in Plan B, but when the phone rings - and I know it's her, sometimes I answer. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

I'm sure your H misses you too. I hope he does. Who knows what might happen if you miss each other enough.

I look forward to hearing all about it when you get better connected.

-AD

Hi SVB,

Girl, with all you are going through, I'd be worried if you didnt feel blue. It's all part of the process. You are going through many huge life changes right now. It'll get better, really.

I remember after my D; I was just happy to have the OPPORTUNITY to TRY to meet someone else! Gave me energy to keep going through the lonlier times. I'm a big extrovert; I hated being alone (but I liked it better than being with HIM!).

Your H's statements about 'dont you think this is hard for me...things just happen' is very telling. There is a very SECRET SOMETHING so compelling that he cannot resolve it within the marriage. Being gay, sex addiction (various types), OW, whatever. He thinks he's getting out with the least damage. Very self-centered, doesnt even see what he's doing.

I'm sure he does feel very bad now that you've opened up to him. BUT... that still doesnt change the secret - he's just more conflicted about it.

But no matter what in the world he says or you feel, the secret must be delt with before you two could be happily married again, and I just dont see him doing it. He's not telling his family (from your recordings), so you can bet it's pretty nasty.

The reason I say that is that I see you double checking yourself. You have not been rash here. It WAS as bad as all that and you know it. Dont white-wash it because you're feeling lonely and sad. You know you're not crazy.

Hang tuff <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />! And please take care - Dru

Ok, I'm going to post about the move. After I do that, I want to reply to you guys.

As I mentioned before, the physical move went pretty well. H busted his behind moving stuff into the truck and out. He drove the entire distance to Chicago and would not let me drive. (I had my car attached to the back on a car-carrying trailer). In our past moves I always drove at least part of the way. He was EXTREMELY pleasant throughout the entire trip. He seemed to REALLY go out of his way to help me out with the move.

Ok, now on to my breakdowns. The first one was during the drive. We were talking (I don't remember about what - probably my mother) and H said that he thought that IC seems to have really helped me. I asked him again about what our final decision was on separation. He seemed more wishy washy about it this time. He said, "yeah, maybe. Maybe you can call and find out how long you can postpone the D process." His attitude was a little strange, though.

I told him that it was my impression that he's going through some sort of mid-life crisis and that he doesn't know what he really wants in life - that he might have reached a certain age and felt that he hasnt reached his goals that he set in life. Now he wants to start over. I told him that I wasn't going to force him to be married to me if that's not what he wants. I said that if he were going to be married to me, I want him to REALLY want to be married to me.

He told me that he HASN't reached his goals. He said that he had planned to get married (but not before the age of 30), have children after 4 or 5 years of being married, and have a good job. He said that after we were married (4 or 5 years), he really wanted to have children, but he knew I wasn't ready (based on our discussions). He didn't want to force me to have them. He actually talked to me back then about getting a D. Now he said that he's past all of that. He's moved on to another stage of life where he doesn't want kids anymore. He's too old - the feeling just went away. He told me, "Unfortunately, you are at the stage now where YOU want children. Someday you might know how I feel. Maybe you can find someone to marry and have children with." (ok, this is where I broke down) How can he tell me to go find someone else and not show any emotions? I never imagined having kids with anyone else besides him. ANyway, he said that there is really no reason to stay married without children. THAT is the whole point of marriage.

My second breakdown was after we moved everything into my apartment. H's friend helped us move everything. In the evening, they decided to go out for pizza (by themselves). I actually encouraged H to go out alone with his friend - to catch up, etc. I was looking forward to being alone for the 1st time in my apartment to start to unpack and settle in. WOW, by the time they were about to leave, it just HIT ME all of a sudden. I just got sadder and sadder by the second. I was thinking, "WOW, I'm going to be ALONE in my apartment for the 1st time (without H)" I did a complete 180 in my mind. I was sitting down at that moment and I was making a list of everything that I needed to buy. H must have seen the look on my face and he came over and sat really close to me. He said, "let me see you list. Are you overwhelmed with everything that you need to buy?" I said, "no, I'm just.... sad. I can't help it." The tears started pouring. Well, H's friend decided to leave us alone for a little while. We only talked for a few minutes. H asked me again, "sometimes I wonder if we're making the right decision,too. Maybe everything hasn't hit me yet. Maybe I will feel like you do once I'm alone." I apologized for breaking down like that before they were going to leave. I really didn't plan on it. I encouraged him to go out with his friend. He did and I felt a little guilty.

Ok, that's the situation on the move. That was Tuesday night. On Wednesday morning, I drove H to the airport. I didnt have any more breakdowns. Right after that, I drove to my mom's house. She came back to my apartment that night with me and stayed till Friday night, helping me to unpack, etc. We drove out to her place together. On Saturday morning, I cut her grass, and then went back to my apartment alone in the afternoon. I was looking forward to settling in some more before starting work on Monday. I didn't do that much, though. I started feeling sick on Saturday (itchy throat, etc). I slept on Saturday night for 18 hours straight (no joke). I could have slept more, too. The only reason I got up was that I remembered to feed my fish. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

SS, I emptied the 10 gallon tank about half way for the move. H and I placed the tank in between our seats in the front of the truck. There was plenty of room. The water only splashed a little when we hit bumps. No turtles, though. Sorry.

Gotta go for now. I'm hungry. (my fish are probably hungry, too) I'll try to post some more tomorrow.

Ok, I'm going to post about the move. After I do that, I want to reply to you guys.

We have all been waiting so patiently !!!

He was EXTREMELY pleasant throughout the entire trip. He seemed to REALLY go out of his way to help me out with the move.

Do you have thoughts on his being so helpful and seemingly happy?

Ok, now on to my breakdowns. The first one was during the drive. We were talking (I don't remember about what - probably my mother) and H said that he thought that IC seems to have really helped me. I always wondered if IC was part of his plan to let you down easy. I asked him again about what our final decision was on separation. He seemed more wishy washy about it this time. He said, "yeah, maybe. Maybe you can call and find out how long you can postpone the D process." His attitude was a little strange, though.

I am sure if he had doubts, he would have voiced them. I don't see tears, or fears, or doubts expressed at all.
I have thought about this.............. Sometimes all of us regret decisions. I can't see those big doubts in his actions, or his words anywhere. It's more like he doesn't want to seem too happy about it, so he hesitates. You were with him, you would know better than we would.

I told him that it was my impression that he's going through some sort of mid-life crisis and that he doesn't know what he really wants in life - that he might have reached a certain age and felt that he hasn't reached his goals that he set in life. Now he wants to start over. I told him that I wasn't going to force him to be married to me if that's not what he wants. I said that if he were going to be married to me, I want him to REALLY want to be married to me.

You had a long time to talk on this trip. More than at home because he couldn't watch TV. I admit I worried that you would open your heart to him, and he would break it again. Long drives can be good, or bad.

......................... He's moved on to another stage of life where he doesn't want kids anymore. He's too old - the feeling just went away. He told me, "Unfortunately, you are at the stage now where YOU want children. Someday you might know how I feel. Maybe you can find someone to marry and have children with." (OK, this is where I broke down) How can he tell me to go find someone else and not show any emotions? I never imagined having kids with anyone else besides him.

This was a big enough thing that counseling may have helped. Kids/no kids decisions affect those deepest parts of us. You know, you are there now. So often we say what we feel, and consider it to be over if the other doesn't talk, but there are usually deeper feelings that stay around for a long time. Consider the failed marriages over the death of a child, or failed fertility treatments.

In this case, it sounds like he kept some of HIS feelings hidden. Not communicating about things often hurts more than whatever it is what goes un-discussed. Creating good habits of communication (with spouse, or children) takes care of problems that could be serious, but never get bad if talked about, and solved.

I hope you don't feel more guilt about this, we only do as well as we know at the time. I have some questions about this children thing, but they are just my curiosity, not anything that would help you, so I'll leave you alone. Are you OK reading these things? Do I worry too much?

Anyway, he said that there is really no reason to stay married without children. THAT is the whole point of marriage.

Hummmmmmmmmm..................
We have 8 kids. We love them. Lots of work, lots of fun. They are important, and they are rewarding, but I wouldn't trade the relationship I have with my W for all the children in the world.
Marriage is so much more. It's .........It's................
It can't be put into mere words. All the love poems, or love songs ever written can't do it justice.

You feel the loss. Your mother gets along, but she can tell you about the loss too.
My wish for you is to find it again, with someone that respects you and treats you as you are willing to treat him. Marriage can be so much more than what XH gave you the last few years. I admit we have problems, but the love is still there. It can be what Dr Harley says, if needs are met, and LB's avoided. The work is worth it.

Kids are a new education, like Graduate School. You think you know it, then you find out all over again just how much more there is to learn.

My second breakdown was after we moved everything into my apartment. ...........................................I was sitting down at that moment and I was making a list of everything that I needed to buy. H must have seen the look on my face and he came over and sat really close to me. ............................The tears started pouring. Well, H's friend decided to leave us alone for a little while. We only talked for a few minutes. H asked me again, "sometimes I wonder if we're making the right decision, too. Maybe everything hasn't hit me yet. Maybe I will feel like you do once I'm alone." I apologized for breaking down like that before they were going to leave. I really didn't plan on it. I encouraged him to go out with his friend. He did and I felt a little guilty.

He sounds sincere here. I hope he really was. He seems so business like about the whole thing. It's like doing an accounting procedure change. Yesterday we did it that way, today this way, get used to it. I am more emotional, I couldn't take it. I even cry during sappy movies.

And, how are you now? After a week there, and after all the whirlwind work you had to do?

Ok, that's the situation on the move. That was Tuesday night. On Wednesday morning, I drove H to the airport. I didn't have any more breakdowns. Right after that, I drove to my mom's house. She came back to my apartment that night with me and stayed till Friday night, helping me to unpack, etc. We drove out to her place together.

Good for her, she may have faults, but I think she did that one right. I bet when your first child is born, she will be there the first week to help you with that too.


On Saturday morning, I cut her grass, and then went back to my apartment alone in the afternoon.

You do yard work too???
SSSUUUUSSSHHHHHHH, don't let AD see that!!!!!! You'll never get rid of him.

I better send you a big stick - you'll need it to beat the guys away with. Whatever you do, don't tell us when the D is final. Just be vague about it, until you are ready. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I was looking forward to settling in some more before starting work on Monday. I didn't do that much, though. I started feeling sick on Saturday (itchy throat, etc). I slept on Saturday night for 18 hours straight (no joke). I could have slept more, too. The only reason I got up was that I remembered to feed my fish. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

Probably as much emotional as physical. Another thing I worried about. Glad your mom helped early on, glad you have those fish to get you mov'in.


SS, I emptied the 10 gallon tank about half way for the move. H and I placed the tank in between our seats in the front of the truck. There was plenty of room. The water only splashed a little when we hit bumps. No turtles, though. Sorry.

How fast did the fish go in the current??

Ha, I liked that movie. To tell the truth, I'm a wimp. I don't watch many of those "shoot em up" movies, they are too gory. I like Disney stuff. I took W to a Disney movie for one of our first dates, and she said that helped her make up her mind. Said she wanted someone that would be thinking about the kids, and what was good for them.

Gotta go for now. I'm hungry. (my fish are probably hungry, too) I'll try to post some more tomorrow.

Now I'm hungry too. What's for dinner?

Hey, thanks. Glad you are there safely. Sorry about the bad parts.
Do you keep busy to avoid thinking, or do you think a lot to get through it?
All the best -

SS

It's about time that I reply to some of you.

AD,

In a list of the top 5 stressors in life.

-Divorce,
-Moving
-Changing Jobs

are all there.

You are getting a triple whammy! (and it was your choice).

Yeah! Am I insane or what!

I know how it is to be cut off. For a week and a half, all I had for entertainment and communication at my house was a clock radio.

I've got a loaner 13" tv. All I can get on it is the FOX channel - sort of. I don't even turn it on. I'm looking into buying a new tv - then I'll get cable. I have a radio, too. The phone situation - I hope - will be resolved in a day or two. I was FINALLY able to contact the phone company on Friday morning. They had my address down wrong. I had tried to contact them previously, but after being on hold for a representative for 15 minutes every time, I'd end up hanging up. The longest I decided to wait before hanging up was 40 MINUTES! It's kind of difficult to be on hold so long at work (at a new job) or on a pay phone.

I look at it this way - at least I'm saving money on phone, cable, and electricity bills! It's still tough to be cut off, though.

Missing your H is .... well, I miss my W too. I'm supposed to be in Plan B, but when the phone rings - and I know it's her, sometimes I answer.

I was finally able to read up on your situation this weekend. (I'm at my mom's) I wish I could give you advice on what to do. I just worry that your W is only interested in getting back together with you because --

1. She needs you as a meal ticket.
2. Pressure from her family?

I hate to admit it, and I hope it's not the case, but I can't help wondering.

I wonder the same thing with my H. It's always at the back of my mind. Before I moved out, H asked me to write down my address in his phone book. I asked him, "are you sure you really want it? Don't you just want to lose it?" He said, "no, I was actually even thinking of visiting later on this summer. I could visit my friend, so and so." I could think, "hey, he wants to come out and see me! There is hope afterall!" More likely, though, I am a place to stay in Chicago. He figures he could always stay with me,and then branch out from there to visit his friends. Also, I also wonder if he figures that the next time his family visits from Argentina, he can bring them to my place in Chicago for a while. His favorite sister has been to the States to visit him, but has never been to Chicago.

Of course, I hope that my H will really miss me (and your W really misses you). I guess time will tell.

Happy Father's Day, BTW.

Hi Drucilla,

I remember after my D; I was just happy to have the OPPORTUNITY to TRY to meet someone else! Gave me energy to keep going through the lonlier times. I'm a big extrovert; I hated being alone (but I liked it better than being with HIM!).

I am more of an introvert. I still hate being alone sometimes. Being an introvert will make it difficult to meet someone else. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Your H's statements about 'dont you think this is hard for me...things just happen' is very telling. There is a very SECRET SOMETHING so compelling that he cannot resolve it within the marriage. Being gay, sex addiction (various types), OW, whatever. He thinks he's getting out with the least damage. Very self-centered, doesnt even see what he's doing.

You're right. It's strange, but with H being nice recently, and now with being alone, I tend to "forget" about all of the nasty stuff. It creeps into my mind every once in a while, though. SS mentioned it somewhere previously, too.

1. Years of emotional abuse.
2. The secrets and lies.
3. He was telling his family that he was going to D me eventually anyway.

I have to keep this in my mind. My mother has been good at doing this for me this weekend. She is really stuck on issue #1 - years of emotional abuse. She says I need to find someone who will treat me like a human being. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Sometimes I wonder if it would have been better if I HAD found out his secret. If he then didn't want to resolve/ work on it, it would have been so much easier to move on and never look back.

Thanks for reminding me, too. It helps to take my doubts away.

Hi SS,

Happy Father's Day to you, too.

8 kids! I read that somewhere about you. It seems to me like you might have a kid or two to spare. I can take one of the twins. No, wait, I wouldn't want to separate them. I can take them both.

I spent some time with my nieces this weekend (7 and 10). My littlest niece said some interesting things. We were at my mom's (who still has wedding pictures up of H and me). She said to me, "You have to take those down now." I said, "Take what down?" I didn't see what she was talking about. "THOSE pictures!" She pointed to them. She said, "you're getting a D now." Apparently my brother and SIL have filled them in. I'm glad, because I wasn't sure what to tell them. THEN she said, "Are you going to get a NEW husband?" "Are you going to have kids?" She's really a character.

We have 8 kids. We love them. Lots of work, lots of fun. They are important, and they are rewarding, but I wouldn't trade the relationship I have with my W for all the children in the world.
Marriage is so much more. It's .........It's................
It can't be put into mere words. All the love poems, or love songs ever written can't do it justice.

That's what I really want. That's why I don't understand what H said about M and having kids (no kids = no marriage). Apparently he doesn't feel the same way. What if I weren't ABLE to have kids? I want a M WITH or WITHOUT kids.

Do you have thoughts on his being so helpful and seemingly happy?

Yes. Either...

1. He is happy to get out of the M so easily, and wants to end things quickly and painlessly. AND look great to his family.

2. He feels guilty.

I am sure if he had doubts, he would have voiced them. I don't see tears, or fears, or doubts expressed at all.
I have thought about this.............. Sometimes all of us regret decisions. I can't see those big doubts in his actions, or his words anywhere. It's more like he doesn't want to seem too happy about it, so he hesitates. You were with him, you would know better than we would.

That sounds about right. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I hope you don't feel more guilt about this, we only do as well as we know at the time. I have some questions about this children thing, but they are just my curiosity, not anything that would help you, so I'll leave you alone. Are you OK reading these things? Do I worry too much?

I've been thinking a lot about this. Yes, I DO feel guilty. I wonder if we had children when he wanted them, we wouldn't be going through this right now. HE would be happy and I would be happy.

I'm curious about what you're curious about.

I look back at the time when he really wanted children. (around 2000) I didn't feel ready then. It's a long story, but I really wanted to establish myself in my career first. I felt that if I had kids at that point, I would never have reached my goal in my career. I felt like I would have then resented my H and the kids. I'm sure that I would have loved my children when I had them, but I would have felt that something else was missing. I felt as if I would have gotten depressed afterwards. Well, I reached that career goal, and then I felt READY to have kids. I could have given up the career, knowing that I had already reached my goal, and could have gone back to it at a later time. I could feel at that point that I could give my ALL to my kids. That's what I want now. I explained ALL of this to H. I told him that it's not that I didn't want kids, I didn't want them THEN. I asked him to give me a little more time. Well, now it's too late. After that he put having children OUT of his mind. I kind of wonder if it gave him license to do whatever out of our M. I wonder if he felt, "ok, she is more interested in her career than me and a family. I am going to do what I want now." If I look at his behavior in the past, I can see where he might have checked out of our M then. He started some strange behaviors back then. (sneaking out, lies).

How can I not feel guilty now?

I look back and now I wonder if I were being really selfish by focusing on my career then. Like I said, I would have loved my kids no matter what. I was raised to go to college and get a good job afterwards. My mother didn't want me to ever to HAVE to depend on a man - unless I wanted to. She wanted me to be an independent woman (unlike the women of her country) After I went to school and got a good job THEN I could get M and have kids - if I wanted to.

I don't know if my H really understood this. He is from the same country as my mother. None of his sisters (6 of them) or his mother got an education. There's nothing wrong with that either, but I think it's more of the norm for them. They were not PUSHED to go to school and get a career as well. But it's different for them, too. THey can AFFORD to stay at home and be housewives and moms. Not only that, but they have HELP that comes every week to help them clean. In MY case, I would be expected (or needed) to work - at least part time - take care of the kids, AND do most of the housework. Also remember that NOTHING that I do is EVER good enough for H. If I were already lazy and worthless, what would he say about me being a mom? That really scared me, too. I also wanted to buy a house before we had kids (I know, not necessary, but nice) H told me that he didn't want to buy a house because I wouldn't keep it clean. (But yet he wasn't worried about me not taking care of the kids?) I don't get any of it. In recent conversations to his sister, I've heard him tell her about how FEMINIST the women of this country are - with HATE in his voice.

I don't know. I'm not sure if I'm even explaining myself well. Apparently I didn't explain it very well to H. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

This is ALL I thought about on Friday night.

Now look at me. Now I have a career - and I have NOTHING else. Maybe I should have had children back then. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Ok, now I'm too bummed to write any more.

Hi SVB,

Please dont be too bummed <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> .

You know what stood out to me? The kids thing. Men with histories that include 'years of emotional abuse and secrets' usually dont get better once the kids come along. Seemed my dad really, really wanted my mom stuck at home with the kids. Made it easier for him to continue his secret life.

It also occured to me that this man is VERY calculating. So calculating that the kids thing may have been a very big part of his plan (for any number of unwholesome reasons). Planning a divorce a year in advance.. the nerve! Kids may well be in your future, but I think this man would have made you miserable with kids.

See, I didnt even know about the years of emotional abuse and I still thought he was a little 'off'. One day, I think you are going to thank your lucky stars that you got to start over without him! I'm really glad your mother is there and supportive.

Remember to be careful not to set up any bad habits with your mother, too. Habits need to be established early, like calling before coming over and walking in without knocking. Get this right early so you dont have to deal with it later. I know you were worried about your mother being too involved. It's your life, you make the rules <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> !

I still feel tuffness in you!! I hope you have a really good day today. Take care - Dru

Too late, SS!

... and I've got 3 acres that looks like it needs mowing twice a week. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

-AD

SVB1,

I'm one of your fans (as "everyone" apparently knows <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />), but this just jumped out at me. Probably I'm sensitive to this because I think my marriage got in trouble from the very beginning due to my MIL'S overinvolvment and my wife's inability to detach from her Mom.


There is much more of interest in your post - and I appologize for not commenting more completely - but I'm at work, and determined to work, so I'll have to get back to it later.

I know you're hurting - and ... I don't really have a sense of what could be going on in your H's mind. He seems pretty detached - but maybe it really was just a case of you and he having different visions.

-AD

Hi Drucilla,

I'm feeling much better today. Thanks.

You know, I've been off of my Lexapro for a few days. I ran out, and I'm deciding whether I should renew it or not. It's not like I have to deal with H on a daily basis anymore and the anxiety involved. (I originally started it because of the anxiety I suffered). Maybe it's better to just live through the pain for now. But it probably explains why I've been extra-bummed these past few days.

You know what stood out to me? The kids thing. Men with histories that include 'years of emotional abuse and secrets' usually dont get better once the kids come along. Seemed my dad really, really wanted my mom stuck at home with the kids. Made it easier for him to continue his secret life.

Wow, that's an interesting point. It makes sense. It would also give him COMPLETE control.

See, I didnt even know about the years of emotional abuse and I still thought he was a little 'off'. One day, I think you are going to thank your lucky stars that you got to start over without him!

Boy, I hope so, and SOON!

Remember to be careful not to set up any bad habits with your mother, too. Habits need to be established early, like calling before coming over and walking in without knocking. Get this right early so you dont have to deal with it later. I know you were worried about your mother being too involved. It's your life, you make the rules !

I've been trying to do this. My C warned me of this, too. For instance, I was a little worried about having her help me to unpack. I was stressed that she would start setting up everything HER way. I did make a point of talking to her and saying that I DO appreciate, and will consider, her input, but in the end, I'm going to do it my way. I think she understood and took it well.

I'm trying to stay tuff!

Where IS jls, BTW?

AD,

... and I've got 3 acres that looks like it needs mowing twice a week.

Don't you have a riding mower?? Sounds like a piece of cake to me!! I could steer with one hand and have a diet coke in the other. Does it have a cup holder?

My mom has a push mower. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> Not to mention ALL KINDS of obstacles -- bird baths, flamingos, etc. Ok, no flamingos, but still... by the time I'm done I'm about to die. I have to keep telling myself "this is good for me - it's good exercise."

There is much more of interest in your post - and I appologize for not commenting more completely - but I'm at work, and determined to work, so I'll have to get back to it later.

I'm just happy to have any comments at all. You know how it is. I'm grateful to have you all here. But, yes, PLEASE don't get into trouble at work on account of me!

svb

I'll talk about the serious stuff later, but for now, here's what the twins said -

Just as an introduction, I told them a little about you, and your story, and where you live. These are actual quotes, I wrote them down. Laughed a lot too, as I wrote. I won't put quotes by them all, but all the rest below is all their questions.

Does she have a horse?

How come she wants kids?

Does she have a pool?

Is this for real?

Is her house nice?

Would we have to go to school there?

Does she like kids?

Can I go by myself?

Would I get to fly on an airplane?

Is this just for a year, or would it be longer?

Do I get my own room?

It would be fun, but I want to come back after a while.

How do you know her?

How old is she?

Where is C?


I think I left a few on another sheet of paper, will check when I get home.

SS

Too funny! That cracked me up!

Here are the selling points. I have TWO pools. One outdoor pool and one INDOOR pool. (I can swim year-round if I wanted to - that's my goal anyway)

There's also a HUGE water park nearby -- wave pool, winding river w/tubes, and 25 water slides.

Um ... here's the down side.

Though it's a big apartment, it's only a one bedroom apartment. They'll have to sleep in the closet. I've got a HUGE walk in closet though. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

You know, I'm only half kidding about the closet. I actually have a queen size inflatable mattress in case I ever have guests (for the living room).

As for the closet, did I mention that I met my neighbor and she actually sleeps in her closet? She showed me the mattress in her closet. She has a studio apartment, though, and, as I mentioned, the closets are HUGE. (She's also recently D'd after being married for 10 years.)

AD,
I forgot to mention that I haven't noticed any single men around. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

svb1,

Yeah, I've got a riding mower. 54". It's only 3 weeks old, but I've already bent one of the spindles - hit a chunk of firewood in the tall grass. That'll be $50 - not too bad. I think after I've got the place tamed, it will only take 3 hours to mow.

No single men, you say? Have you been to the laundrymat?

I was there this afternoon - and I counted 3 (including me) men there alone. One of them might have not been single - had rather colorful clothes in his stuff. Hopefully, I'll buy a W/D pair this weekend and be finished with that.

-AD

Hi AD,

3 hours to mow it all! That's almost half of an entire workday.

No single men, you say? Have you been to the laundrymat?

Well, to be honest, I'm not really looking - yet. I only mentioned that because you asked before. I still have my wedding ring on, too - much to the dismay of my mother. She already told me, "Take that thing off already!" BTW, I have a washer and dryer in my apartment, so no need to go to the laundrymat. I'm probably setting myself up for failure for the day that I DO start to look!

svb