Yes !!

You ARE on the right track.

I have seen that chart, (but had forgotten) and balance is a good thing.

If you can find things that excite you in each area, your follow through will be fun for you.

Feel the power?

SS

SVB,
Please tell us how your are doing.

...... the inside story.

SS

whiplash... sorry. You'd been through so much, so much stress, the move, the job, the h... no wonder. I think you'd deserved and earned your crash! You worked hard for it, you suffered, now, dang-it, I'm gonna fall apart now. Truly understandable. Hope you got that out of your system <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> .


I like it! I need to remember this, myself.

I suffer from insominia, too. I'm always juggling benedryl, midol, liquor, and ear-plugs trying to get some sleep. I bet I got 2 hrs monday night. Better last night, but it sure makes it hard, walking around like a zombie all day. Good luck to you. They say exercise helps, but I'm not ready to try something so drastic.


Things just click sometimes. You were ready, you heard the message. You sound great.


Sounds really great. Now that your away from him, that book might make more sense, from your current pov. I've got a hundred self-help books, gimme a topic, I'll see what I can recommend.

You're smart, funny, and organized. I'd bet you're a hoot! You'll be appreciated... Must run... take care! - Dru

What do you think Dru,
Did we scare her off?

My guess would be that this adjustment is more difficult than she thought. So hard in fact, that she has a really rough time talking about it.

Anyway - Hiiiii (SS waves)
Good to see you.

SS

Hi, SVB. <copies SS's wave>

In case you're reading...

I sense that you're having a really hard time.

I'm not doing so well myself.

Drop in and give us a word or two if you feel like it.

-AD

Hello Dru, SS, and AD!

Thanks for posting. NO you haven't scared me off. I've checked into MB every now and then, but I've never really known what to say.

I have been, for the most part, doing pretty well. (despite having 4 migraines since Wednesday <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />) I've been making a lot of little changes. I feel like I'm getting some control back in my life. I'm re-discovering my old self.

I'm a little irritated today, though. I called the court to get some info on the D. I got a whole lotta attitude. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> Afterwards, I was downright angry at STBXH. Angry about the unfairness of it all. HE should be the one handling all of this D [email]cr@p[/email], not me. I'm irritated because I have to change my name. THEN I have to inform everyone and their neighbor about my name change. H doesn't have to do anything. It's been all too easy for him from the beginning. Why do I have to have the hard part in all of this, when HE is the one that wants to be free? Shouldn't he have to pay for his freedom?

Not only that, but I've been reading a little on the "divorcing" board. That got me thinking about some things. I read somewhere that I really need to heal after the D - that I probably need a good long while - at least a year - before I'm ready to even consider dating again. (not that I'm considering dating now anyway) And considering my age, and desire to possibly have a family someday, the wait is not a good thing. Plus, why doesn't STBXH need to heal? As far as I know, he was seeing someone else while we were M. I wonder now if he's actively seeking out others. (I keep thinking of his conversation w/his sister where he told her that, when he's free, he's going to nightclubs EVERY weekend.) He is a handsome guy - and very charming. He'll be able to find someone - or many someones - very easily.

On the other hand, I wonder if he is finding out that being alone is not what he expected it to be. I wonder if sometimes he thinks that he made a mistake and if he misses me. I seriously doubt it, though.

I know that I shouldn't be thinking about STBXH dating. I shouldn't be thinking about him at all. I can't help it sometimes. Today is one of those days. This is all too unfair.

Well, more than 90 days have gone by since H and I filed for D.

It is now time to file the remaining paperwork. Unfortunately, I have to go back to the east coast to do this. I don't see a way around it. I called STBXH 2 nights ago to tell him that we have to talk about D details. I still haven't heard from him.

I'm starting to feel a little anxiety over the issue. First of all, i'm a little worried about the remaining D steps that I need to take. (yes, I'm doing the D on my own w/o a lawyer - at the recommendation of my good friend at my old workplace. She did it and thought it was very simple -of course she lives just over the border in another state, though) I'm sure I'll be able to figure it all out, but I still can't help feeling a little unsure of myself.

Second, as you are all painfully aware, I am still having doubts about even getting a D. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> These thoughts come and go. Sometimes I can't wait to get the D over with. I think of the lack of respect, and I think of the comments that my IC made about him - that he is a sociopath and a narcissist. I think that I would be better off w/o him. Other times, I want to drag my feet about it, or cancel it entirely - with the hopes that H will eventually come to his senses. (I know - when pigs fly, right?)

Finally, I'm worried about seeing STBXH again. How should I even act around him? Again, I don't know how I can get around NOT seeing him. Do I act confident around him? Do I act as if I have no doubt in my mind that I want this D?

I'm not even sure right now when I'll be going. I imagine I can file the remaining paperwork whenever I want. I'll have to nail down some days with STBXH.

Hi SVB,

I'm a little confused. My exH and I handled our D ourselves (no lawyers). I never left the house. Papers were sent to me, I signed and had them notorized, sent them back...we didnt have to 'coordinate' anything.

Why do you have to appear in person? Is this a court requirement, or your H draggin his feet? If your H wont answer his calls, you know what I'd be tempted to do? Call his family. It's a valid excuse to give them your side of the story UNLESS you think that will make him mess with you in the D. If the D is amicable now, I'd be tempted to be patient, see if he calls in a day or so, OR send a registered letter (or fedex, something he has to sign for) with all your questions listed out.

Also, I didnt change my name legally till I was ready to marry my current H. I was 'known' professionally as Drucilla EXHsLastname, so I kept it. Even today, I use my exH's last name professionally, on my business cards, email, etc. (my new last name is tricky!).

As far as stalling, your H hasnt given you a reason to think he's going to turn into a decent human being anytime soon. I'd proceed, and if a miracle happens, he'll look you up. Narcisistic sociapaths dont change very often or very quickly. If they do change quickly, you'll KNOW it's farce.

How to act? Unless he crawls on the floor, with commitment papers in hand, begging for forgiveness and bursting with forthright honesty, act like he's got cooties!

You dont know WHAT his issues are, but you know they're BAD for you. Honestly, I'd be nervous about seeing him too, I think that's probably pretty natural. You act like you feel: this divorce is very sad, unfortunate, but necessary in this case ~ since your H is a plumfoolidiot! (probably best leave out that last part <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ).

Hang tuff, girl. You're probably past the worst of it. You sound mostly strong with periods of doubt. Before you were mostly in doubt with periods of strength. You're on the right track! I'm sorry your H didnt have the character you deserve! Take care - Dru

Hi Drucilla,

I'm a little confused. My exH and I handled our D ourselves (no lawyers). I never left the house. Papers were sent to me, I signed and had them notorized, sent them back...we didnt have to 'coordinate' anything.

Did you remain in the same state? When I look over the paperwork, where I have to have it notorized, it says, "notary public, state of PA" by the notary's signature line. I am thus assuming that I have to have it notarized in PA. Shoot, if I can have the stuff notarized here and sent, I'd do it in a heartbeat. What do you think?
Plus there's at least one page that needs both of our signatures, notarized, along with 2 signatures from witnesses. Do we not have to be together to do that? I figured it'd be easiest to take the paperwork together, have them signed, notarized, etc, and be done with it all.

Also, I didnt change my name legally till I was ready to marry my current H. I was 'known' professionally as Drucilla EXHsLastname, so I kept it. Even today, I use my exH's last name professionally, on my business cards, email, etc. (my new last name is tricky!).

You know, I was going to ask about this. I had been toying with the idea of not changing my name. I have to change so much right now - address, job, etc. - I don't know if I'm ready to change my name yet. I haven't changed everything that I need to up until now. I don't even have my new state driver's license yet! I have to get my new title and plates for my car and I ONLY just got the bracket on the front of my car. It will also be a hassle to change my name at my job now, too. And finally, you say your new name is tricky? I bet it's nothing compared to my maiden name! You can count the letters in my current last name with one hand. With my maiden name, you need both hands and a foot. I'm not ready to start hearing the jokes again. H's name is short and sweet and way up there in the alphabet. The only problem I have with keeping H's name is that, well, here I am wanting to get rid of everything that reminds me of him, yet I'm thinking of keeping his name! Is that crazy thinking, or what? I guess I can always wait awhile to see how I feel later.

As far as stalling, your H hasnt given you a reason to think he's going to turn into a decent human being anytime soon. I'd proceed, and if a miracle happens, he'll look you up.

Yup, you're right. I'm still going to proceed with the D.

You're probably past the worst of it. You sound mostly strong with periods of doubt. Before you were mostly in doubt with periods of strength.

Yeah, that sounds about right. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

And thanks for this...

I'm sorry your H didnt have the character you deserve!

update...

It is now time to file the remaining paperwork. Unfortunately, I have to go back to the east coast to do this. I don't see a way around it. I called STBXH 2 nights ago to tell him that we have to talk about D details. I still haven't heard from him.

I still haven't heard from him. He hadn't returned my call by Friday night, so I sent him this email:

H,

It has been more than 90 days since we've filed for D.
I thought I was going to be given a court date when I would bring in the rest of the D paperwork, but I was wrong. We only have to sign the paperwork and send it in.
However, we both have to sign the paperwork, and in front of a notary public (of PA) and two witnesses.

Can you please give me a date of when you would be available for two hours so we can do this and then we will be done with it all.

Thanks,
S

Well, now it is Sunday night, and he has not either called or replied to my email.

What's going on w/him? Is he THAT busy? Is he playing games, or is he now dragging his feet?

In the past, when he was all concerned about setting me up in my new life, if I called (which was rare anyway), he would pick up the phone immediately, or return my call the same day.

If he doesn't want to be bothered about D details right now because he's so busy w/ his new job, I am tempted to pull the D paperwork. Since HE is the one that really wants to be FREE, he can call a lawyer, or do whatever it takes himself to get the D. Honestly, I don't want to have to deal with this D stuff myself - I shouldn't have to. I don't know why I took on the responsibility of figuring out how to get D'd. It would have been nice if HE had taken it on and just let ME know that it's time for me to sign my name and be done with it all. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Does anyone have any idea of what might be going on in STBXH's mind?

Of course, on the other hand, I'm thinking that the longer it takes to back to PA to do this, the better. I've already lost 5 pounds. I could lose some more in the meantime. It'd be nice to look GOOD to see him and sign the final paperwork. It'd help me to be more confident around him and let him know that I will be just fine w/o him.

Do you think he's out of town? Did the subject line of your email sound official, D-stuff, or more like 'hi, howya doing?' He may blown it off if he thought you just wanted to chat.


I'd type it up, and fed-ex the letter to his office, or his parents. He'd have it tomorrow - Dru

Does anyone have any idea of what might be going on in STBXH's mind?

I do not.

I mean, why would he not even try.? Why was he so abusive and never got it?

Why wouldn't he never tell the truth?

How come he would leave and lie about where he went?

If he doesn't want you, what does he want?

No, I don't know what he is thinking.

However, (I think we have touched on this a little before) I notice when people really want something, they will move heaven, and earth to get it. Do you notice these kinds of efforts on his part to restore the marriage?

As for D, he has freedom, and separated finances now. I don't know if it makes much difference for HIM, but it does for you.

I see you are frustrated, and that may be a mild way to put it. I like what Dru said - a Fed Ex letter would probably get some results.

Of course, on the other hand, I'm thinking that the longer it takes to back to PA to do this, the better. I've already lost 5 pounds. I could lose some more in the meantime. It'd be nice to look GOOD to see him and sign the final paperwork. It'd help me to be more confident around him and let him know that I will be just fine w/o him.

Remember he looks at this differently than you do. You still care, but he has shown no signs of caring for quite some time. Would he notice? Does he care?
If I read the history of the last year correctly, he hasn't reacted strongly to anything you have done for a long time.

I can identify with your feelings, it is so hard to realize he can be like this after all the effort and love you gave him for so long.

How can he just let this go?

As I said, I don't understand him. I am sure he will regret it someday - but maybe not until the judgement day.

I usually try to cheer people up. This post is hard, because in a way, it may take away some of your hope. I suppose I would like to see your hope change directions.

In the long term, it is hard for you to hope. You wanted children, stability, love, and you thought you had much of it, and the rest would follow in time. It is hard to have hope now in some of your dreams.

What are the short term hopes and dreams?

How about this weekend? What would be your first choice?

1. Sit around and mope.
2. Spend time with family.
3. Travel and see the world. (Maybe we could include a time warp to give you two months off, but when you go back to work Tues, only the weekend passed at home.)
4. Have a really nice guy show interest in you.
5. Find out your pay was doubled, your vacation time was doubled, and your work week cut in half.

Or you can add some more, I was just doing this off the top of my head.

And last of all, sorry for the pain, and the doubt. Wishing you much happiness - and healing.

SS

Drucilla,

The subject of the email was very official. It said, “divorce papers.”

I don’t think he’s out of town – at least he wasn’t when I tried to contact him. I know in a previous email he just said that he’d be working a lot of hours on his new job. He had a lot of stuff that had to be done before he had training (for 4 days somewhere) THIS week.

I’m just going to let it go and figure he’s just busy with work. Yes, I was really frustrated about it at first. I’ve calmed down some. Now I figure, what’s the rush with the D anyway (other than to just cut all ties and move on)? It’s not like I’m going to run out and get married to someone else next month anyway. I can’t let him get to me anymore about what he does or doesn’t do.

SS,

However, (I think we have touched on this a little before) I notice when people really want something, they will move heaven, and earth to get it. Do you notice these kinds of efforts on his part to restore the marriage?

Yes, we have touched on this before. And again, you are right. He could care less about our marriage and me.

As for D, he has freedom, and separated finances now. I don't know if it makes much difference for HIM, but it does for you.

Yes, he has his freedom and separated finances, but I thought he really wanted a D, too, even more so. That’s why I thought this behavior was so strange.

I see you are frustrated, and that may be a mild way to put it. I like what Dru said - a Fed Ex letter would probably get some results.

Yes, I’m frustrated, but not as much as before (as I mentioned previously). We’ll see how I feel about it tomorrow – my feelings could easily change again.

Remember he looks at this differently than you do. You still care, but he has shown no signs of caring for quite some time. Would he notice? Does he care?

You’re absolutely right, he wouldn’t notice and he wouldn’t care.

I can identify with your feelings, it is so hard to realize he can be like this after all the effort and love you gave him for so long.

How can he just let this go?

I think that’s what I have the worst time with. How can he just have NO feelings at all after being together for 15 almost 16 years? How can he just let it all go and never look back? It just makes me wonder why he married me in the first place. I don’t think he ever felt the same way about me as I’ve felt about him. I becoming more convinced that he just married me for convenience, not love, and just put up with me until he was able to live comfortably on his own. Then, once that was possible, it just became unbearable to live with me anymore.

I usually try to cheer people up. This post is hard, because in a way, it may take away some of your hope. I suppose I would like to see your hope change directions.

No, don’t worry, there’s not much hope left anymore. Before we separated, H and I were already emotionally distanced (at least he was). We had no marriage. I was not a part of his life, and hadn’t been for a long time. Now, there are also almost a thousand physical miles between us as well. There is no turning back now. It’s just not possible.

I don’t mean to sound so bleak, but it’s just reality. I’m slowly starting to get it. He was done with our M and moved on a long time ago.

My hopes now ARE turning in a different direction. Really.

Believe it or not, today I hardly thought of H. (till now). My thoughts have been more on what kind of a TV to buy. I still haven’t bought one. I want to buy a nice one (need to spoil myself a little) and I want to buy just the right one and at the right price. My high tech guru brother has been coaching me.

And speaking of my brother, my mother and I will be driving down this weekend to visit him and his family. It’ll be a nice Labor Day weekend. (so I guess that means choice #2 for me on your list - spend time with family)

Also, I’ve been having some new thoughts. I thought I was done with school, but now I’m starting to think about it again. I still have around $12,500 available in education money for me to spend – and that’s not counting tuition reimbursement from work (which I haven’t fully looked into yet.) If I don’t use that cash, I will lose it. I think it’d be a shame if I didn’t use it. Plus it’ll be a nice distraction for me.

Yes, I am one of those professional students.

But the question is, what do I spend it on? Hmmmmm

What do I want to be when I grow up? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

When you grow up?

Made me laugh, you did.

Funny, you are when you want to be.

What do you want to acomplish this weekend?
Do you want to realax, and rest, or do you want to have as much fun as you possibly can, or help your family enjoy the trip?

How about school? What are you thinking?

I believe you about changing directions with your thoughts.......mostly. I still think it will be a slow process, and process it will be, not like turning a switch.

You once mentioned finding a church, I hope this was successful. I believe it to be important. If not, prayer will help, and listen to your feelings during, and after you pray. Don't be afraid to try things that will help you.

S,
It is not hard for me to remember how important you are, and how talented you are. I pray that it will be on your mind also, and give you strength and hope. I sometimes find myself thinking about what you have been through, and what will become of you. I still believe your future to be glorious, but you have to beleive it too. Do your best, and trust God with the rest. Tell him your dreams when you pray, and ask him to help you with them. Ask for direction too, he is good about that, and so gentle most of the time.

Please let us know how the weekend goes. My Tv is pretty small, so am waiting to hear what you get. I'll be happy for you. It sounds like you don't watch much..........which is probably good for you, but it gives you time to think too - maybe too much?

My thoughts wander, I should get back to work.

Wishing you a good weekend.
No, wishing you a great weekend. Let us know how it goes.

SS

Hi SVB,

I'm not terribly surprised about your H and the paperwork. He got what he wanted: Freedom - now he's being irresponsible about the paperwork, because he can be.

What do you think about calling his folks, giving them an update? - Dru

Well, apparently STBXH called me last night and left me a message. I didn’t hear it until tonight. He left it on my voicemail system instead of my answering machine – which means I was on the Internet when he called.

He said he just got home from work (Wed night 8 pm) and was tired and was going to go to sleep. He said, "I just got home and found your message, I don't know what day you called. I was away from home since Saturday." He didn’t say where he went. He said he’d call me tonight after work – but it’s already 11pm by him – so it doesn’t look like he will. I guess it doesn’t look like I’ll talk to him until next week, since I’m leaving straight after work tomorrow to head down to my brother’s for the long weekend. I don’t think I want to call him from my bro’s house. What I don’t get is that he said he wasn’t home since Saturday, and he only just got my message, but yet I left him the message last Wed or Thurs, and sent him the email on Friday. Whatever.

I mailed him a small package yesterday. I found a few little things of his while I was unpacking, and I never got around to mailing them until yesterday. I sent a short note with it. He should get it tomorrow.

Yeah, I’m feeling bummed again tonight. Bummed, and very annoyed. I don't know if I should try to call him over the weekend, or send him an email telling him to call me next week, or if I should just blow him off now like he did to me.

This moving on stuff is harder than I thought. When am I going to stop caring about what he does or doesn't do?
I'm trying to live my life and keep busy, but I still have a hard time letting go.

I'm getting all stressed out about him not returning my calls and emails, while he, on the other hand, doesn't have a care in the world. He probably wouldn't give 2 thoughts about when I'd ever return his call. Why do I get the feeling that my STBXH is different than any other WH on this board? He doesn't seem to have feelings, or a heart, at all. He doesn't seem to have any doubts, regrets, remorse, or ANYTHING, about our situation. Maybe he truly is a sociopath - just uses people to his advantage, then throws them away when he's done with them, without any thought of the pain and destruction that he causes. I know that a lot of spouses come to realize through time that they made a mistake after getting a D. Somehow, I don't see my H as one of those.

SS,

What do you want to acomplish this weekend?
Do you want to realax, and rest, or do you want to have as much fun as you possibly can, or help your family enjoy the trip?

I think I want to relax this weekend. It looks like we'll be watching a lot of movies. My bro just finished his basement, and it now includes a home theater, along with a bar w/ a professional cappuccino/expresso machine, and a popcorn machine. I'm looking forward to kicking back and watching some good flicks on a big screen, while sipping some cappuccino! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

What about you, SS? Do you have anything special planned w/ your family this weekend?

How about school? What are you thinking?

I'm really not sure yet. I don't know if I should build on the education that I have already, or be crazy and study something way out in left field.

I was actually considering law school. Probably tax law. I just don't know if I'm the lawyer-type.
Maybe I should look into taking the LSAT, first, to see how I do.

Maybe I should nix the school idea. Maybe I should just get a part-time job in the evenings. I think all I need is something to occupy my time, and my mind. I really need to get my mind off my failed M. It's just that I hate to let that school $$$ go to waste.

I believe you about changing directions with your thoughts.......mostly. I still think it will be a slow process, and process it will be, not like turning a switch.

Boy, you've got that right! I've already had a big setback tonight.

You once mentioned finding a church, I hope this was successful. I believe it to be important. If not, prayer will help, and listen to your feelings during, and after you pray. Don't be afraid to try things that will help you.

No, not yet. I've been spending the majority of my weekends down at my mom's. I don't feel comfortable at my old church (growing up) as a D'd person, and I haven't gone. I feel that D'd people aren't really welcome there. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Please let us know how the weekend goes. My Tv is pretty small, so am waiting to hear what you get. I'll be happy for you. It sounds like you don't watch much..........which is probably good for you, but it gives you time to think too - maybe too much?

I'm a little afraid to get the tv. I'm afraid that I'll come home from work in the future and sit in front of the tv and zone out all night. I really don't want to do that. I really should be more productive w/my time. That's why I was thinking about school or a part time job.

I'll keep you posted. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You have a good weekend, too.

Drucilla,

What do you think about calling his folks, giving them an update?

I guess I don't have to worry about that anymore, now that STBXH has (sort of) contacted me.

His family is in Argentina, too, and I think I would have felt awkward talking to his sister. I wouldn't have a clue what to tell her.

I hope you have a great weekend, too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi, SVB!

If it were me, I would for sure not let that education money go to waste. I don't know how you got it, but if had it, I would surely study something.

I have a little book - called something like "100 secrets of happiness" - which I like because it uses statistics. It will say something like "people who do this are 6% more likely to say that they are happy". One item is on TV watching. In short, they find that the more TV a person watches, the less happy he/she is. It's one of the reasons I haven't bought a TV (other than that I'm cheap, LOL). I do have a 13" TV here, but I have watched it very little - some Katrina coverage lately, but mostly I get news on the web. I'm planning to drop the cable to save money.

Oh and about your H, and can say nothing. I don't know what he's thinking. Maybe you shouldn't worry about what he's thinking - or where he's going. I know it's hard. He is your husband, after all.

Oh, my DD has discoverd the word "Husband". She asked me a week or so ago "Daddy, are you Mama's husband?". I said "Yes, I'm your Mama's husband". Then, of course she tried on a lot of sentenses with the new word - such as "You're going to be my husband" (LOL) to which I replied "No, sweety, you're going to have to find somebody else for that. He's probably a little boy now." Apparently she was working on my wife too. W said today that DD asked her "Is Papa your husband?" W said she felt she had to hang her head a bit and say "Yes, your Papa is my husband.", LOL. I think it's helping a bit.

-AD

I keep wishing the pain and doubts would leave you alone. I know it's hard. Maybe I should just change the subject.

What about you, SS? Do you have anything special planned w/ your family this weekend?

Saturday I will try to catch up on my personal filing, and clean up my side of the bedroom. I tend to let it go........ then white tornado it. I Found out yesterday that my dad has had a problem with his toilet, and I will replace that for him Sat. Once, in another life, I worked construction, and he considers me to be his personal handyman. I consider it an honor.

Sunday, we will do church as usual, and I'll visit some neighboors that are getting on in years and like to have some one come to talk to them. The evening, will be spent with my W, and the twins. Probably reading, and talking. Monday, we have a hike planned. We will be going here -
The Kanara Canyon hike

It's about a 35 minute drive from our house to where the hike starts. Anyone is welcome to come, bring your own lunch.

I'll get back to you about your other comments. We'll see if I can do it sooner, rather than later.

Have some popcorn for me, I love it. It's even healthy if you don't put too much stuff on it. In moderation of course, I never eat more than 5 normal people would eat.

Anyway, I'll get back to you, please enjoy your time away. Your brother won't understand your feelings, and he may try to keep you busy so you can have "fun." If you get tired of it, just tell him that you appriciate his efforts, but you need some time alone to rest. Smile alot, they love you, and it will help them think you are making progress. Remember, they care, and they are trying to help.

One more thing I can't leave till later.

When you remembered about balance - doing things to help in the different areas of your life........
I was happy you suggested doing something, but worried if you would find the energy. Look at it differently for now. Look at it not as improving yourself in each area, but find something each week (trade off) where you can have fun with one of the areas in the wheel. Find something you can get excited about, and do it. Cycle through the things and then start over. Please?
I think once you get started, it will be easier to build on and make the changes you want.

God be with you, travel and return safely.

SS

Just a quick update for now...

STBXH finally called me tonight. We spoke for about 10 minutes total. It was strictly business. He didn't even ask me how I was.

He wanted to know if I could sign the paperwork and have it notarized where I am instead of flying out to PA to do it.

He's going to call the courthouse to see if that's ok.
I'm glad he is, because I don't want to.

So I guess he still wants the D. It looks like he'd rather move mountains to get D'd rather than move mountains to make the marriage work. It also seems like he doesn't want to see me probably just as much as I don't want to see him (or more).

I don't even know how I feel anymore.