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I am new here, but I have spent the last 20 or 30 minutes browsing through this thread...wow, what a ride you have been on. I have no advice, I'm just at the beginning stages of this whole process, but I just wanted to send (((hugs))) and prayers your way.
Me = BS age 30
WH = age 30
M 11 years 4 children ages 11, 8, 2 & 2
D-Day July 22, 2005
OW 37, divorced with 2 children (her XH left her for OW 5 years ago)
WH moved out on D-Day and moved in with OW. They lived together one month. He came home on August 22, 2005.
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SVB,
I know it's maddening for you to go through this - trying to read his mind - and hoping that he somehow cares.
The pen-wielding hand of the judge is drawing nigh to our papers also, and WW is trying to negotiate a return to status quo (excecpt she's will to pledge NC again). I don't know what's going to happen - or what I want to happen.
-AD
A guy, 50. Divorced in 2005.
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Hi.........
I wish I was more regular at posting. I do wonder between posts.
Just a quick update for now...
I still want to hear how your trip went for the holiday. I hope you don't mind talking about it. The interaction you have with your family is important, and is a sort of a gage, though I admit, I like you, and your family. I ask to hear the way you describe things. You have a good sense of humor, and lots of wit. Hmmm, you do know that, don't you?
STBXH finally called me tonight. We spoke for about 10 minutes total. It was strictly business. He didn't even ask me how I was.
I have said before, I don't know everything, not even close. However, I was afraid back in Dec/Jan that he would end up being like this. I was afraid for your feelings.
It doesn't matter what our head knows, or how smart we are, rejection by those that we love takes a toll on us. I feel for you, wish it were otherwise. AD knows, he feels it too.
I sit here for a time thinking, wishing I could help, though I know words won't do much for you, or for AD.
He wanted to know if I could sign the paperwork and have it notarized where I am instead of flying out to PA to do it.
He's going to call the courthouse to see if that's ok. I'm glad he is, because I don't want to.
It must be hard to go through the motions and finish these things that you never wanted to happen in the first place.
A marriage license is such a joy, the divorce work must be he$$ for you. I am sorry.
So I guess he still wants the D. It looks like he'd rather move mountains to get D'd rather than move mountains to make the marriage work. It also seems like he doesn't want to see me probably just as much as I don't want to see him (or more).
I used to try and understand him, but I have given up on that. I prayed for a long time that God wouldn't give you false hope - that your H wouldn't stall for the wrong reasons. I also prayed that if there was any way it could be made to work that it would work. I still wish for you, but suspect those wishes are in vain. I am glad he (H) didn't prolong the agony though, and that he was honest about it in the end.
I don't even know how I feel anymore.
Oh, I suspect I do. Should I be silent? Should I mouth your feelings - though we know words wouldn't do them justice?
No......... no, I won't do that.
Now, I know they change from day to day, but long term, from week to week, it still hurts, and some of those nights are hard to take.
I think a lot about that, and about you. My earlier judgement stands, you will get through this and be happy in the future. I can't see it any other way.
You know what you have to do (mostly) and it remains to make it from day to day until every day looks bright, and the nights are no longer so dark. I believe you will do it, I am sure of it. Pleae borrow my faith, and your Mothers, and your brothers, until you get your own.
Psalms 30:5
Now, please tell us how the trip went, and how work is, and what your days are like, and if you got a TV, and how church is going, and what the apartment feels like, and ........ everything.
SS
I think sometimes about all the pain in the world. I hope we can ease that here, even if only a little bit.
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Hi SVB, Why do I get the feeling that my STBXH is different than any other WH on this board? He doesn't seem to have feelings, or a heart, at all. He doesn't seem to have any doubts, regrets, remorse, or ANYTHING, about our situation. Maybe he truly is a sociopath - just uses people to his advantage, then throws them away when he's done with them, without any thought of the pain and destruction that he causes. You need to remember that your stbxh has some MAJOR issues, that have been pointed out by others, not just yourself. Normal rules do not apply to the mentally ill, and you are not equiped to evaluate him! It's pointless, eitherway. You'll feel so much better about this one when you 'give it up to God'. Maybe I should nix the school idea. Maybe I should just get a part-time job in the evenings. TAKE THE SCHOOL, TAKE THE SCHOOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I'm a little afraid to get the tv. I'm afraid that I'll come home from work in the future and sit in front of the tv and zone out all night. I really don't want to do that. I really should be more productive w/my time. I was afraid about that, too, after my D. But I surprised myself by really making myself get OUT everyday. Riding my bike, shopping, seeing live music, museums, every used bookstore... It's say you start feeling better about this at about 6 months. Just a hunch <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />. - Dru
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A guy, 50. Divorced in 2005.
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Hi SVB,
I have never posted here but was following your story. You haven't posted in a while, and I was wondering how you are doing these days.
I feel I am in the same boat where my husband claims he has been miserable for years and wants out. He said he wants out 9 1/2 months ago, and moved out 4 1/2 months ago. No paperwork has been filed yet, but his mind seems to be set firmly. What's also similar is that even though H has had many secrets and lies, it does not appear that he has OW at this point. H may, but no one knows. It is also similar that H is from Europe and I am from Japan, and we met in college when I was an exchange student. I have always made more money than H did, which I never though he did not like, as he always told his friends and family that he was proud of my sucess. Yet, apparently, he always felt inadequate.
Oh by the way, I am in Chicago too! I work in the city and live in the burb. You are lucky though you are close to your family. Mine is 8000 miles away.... But b/c we have a son, things can get complicated and I may never be able to go home with DS3 to be close to my family. That really depresses me.
I hope you are feeling better. I think you are very brave and strong.
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Hi Milk,
I certainly see the similarities between your's and SVB's situations. H's with secret lives who want to ditch the marriage to fully immerse themselves in immoral lifestyles. It's such a shame. And so unnecessary, if they could have only been more honest with themselves earlier.
I feel like the grim reaper... cant help much except to advise women to get away from these men with big secret lives. 'looks like it's over, time to bring in Dru'. Shoot me.
My dad lived a double life. Women, prob prostitutes, porn, OC's.... It got worse over the years, till he died suddenly. I dont understand why they think it's ok to drag someone down like that. My mother was miserable, they fought constantly, and the whole family was tortured for it.
Your H's have at least been clear about getting out of the marriage. It's almost a small blessing, compared to what some BS's have been through. STD's, OC's, bankruptcy... makes me shudder.
And in both of your cases, this wasnt about EN's or OP's, and I suspect that they would have left any W they had been with at the time. Their problems have very little to do with you or SVB. Your H (milk) has admitted to SA, and I have a very strong suspicion that SVB's H is in the same boat.
I almost lost my current H to SA. It's been three years, and I think I'm finally feeling secure, again. With all we've been through, I've learned that the odds are so very low with SA's. I hate even reading threads about SA. But I've never advised anything that I didnt or wouldnt do myself. After my dday #2, I was packing his bags. It took huge commitment and action by him to convince me to give it another shot.
I hope you both are doing well today - Dru
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Hi Dru, you sound like an extremely strong person. I admire your strength. My weakness is that I attach myself to things (my parents, husband, son, friends, pets, and things from house to stuffed animals) very easily and just cannot let go.
SVB is saying a while back that "letting go" has been a lot harder than she thought... I can totally relate myself!
Really, Dru, do you think you can just send me some of your strength that I can take twice a day with some food?
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Sometimes I dont know, either. I recently had to put down my 17 yo kitty. I dont know who did that... I mean, I was there, I spoke, participated, etc... then became a pile of jello for months. Who was the woman who did that, and where is she now that I'm a mess? Same when I divorced my 1st H. I did it, but looking back I wonder why I thought I had the [email]b@lls[/email] to do it (I was young, 2000 miles away from home, could barely pay my bills, and not a single friend around). Who did that? (I wasnt torn up about d'ing my ex... I was so glad to be rid of that sob - I didnt care about the rest, I guess).
I kinda expected the same when asking my H to leave. I knew it had to be done, but I also knew I'd be a worthless blob afterwards. But, it had to be done, and I couldnt change my mind just because it caused me extreme pain. It is absolutley impossible for me to live with an active SA. I'd worry for the rest of my life, I'd never sleep, I'd become a paranoid beooitch whod make him WISH he was dead, and I cant live that way. (If you read about MBTI-entj's, you'd see we ABHORE drama, and MUST keep life calmly logical.) He had to take 100% responsibility, get help, be helped, and be recovered.
You'll find your strength, too <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />. With your DS you have so many more reasons to strong than I did. I needed a kick in the butt a few times. Hang tuff!!! - Dru
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Hi Milkshake, SVC, Drucilla, Sorry to join the club, but I guess I'm in the same boat. My H also has emotional/mental issues, although I'm not sure to what extent, and how much they have played into our situation. H was diagnosed with depression and OCD about five years ago and has been on numerous meds since- has probably tried 7-8 different AD's, and even some meds for ADD to see if they made any difference. (None really have). Everyone he's seen has also stressed to him that he needed to do therapy as well as meds, an idea that he has really resisted. He did, however, try to different therapists, and didn't have good results, which has really soured him on the idea. Four years ago, H had an inappropriate internet friendship with OW in a nearby town. I found out about it, called her, put an end to it, and that was the first I knew of H's discontent with the M and me. Within a couple of months, he had started EA with an older, recently widowed woman (strange choice), during which I moved out of the house because I couldn't stand the lying, secrets, and very bizarre (fog) behavior. About this time, I discovered MB, read all the books, looked hard at myself to discover that I really was guilty of lots of LB's, tried to figure out his EN's, etc. OW ended the relationship, so H started to come out of the fog, and asked me to get back together. I moved back home, and we seemed to make a pretty good recovery. For most of three years, things went pretty well, however starting last year, there started to be little things and signs of problems (although I didnt really see them at the time).Things would then improve for awhile, so I would hope things had "blown over" and would improve- a form of denial, I guess ! We had a very nice Christmas, but seems like this whole year has been a "downhill" slide right into the pits. Started to find slips of paper with women's names and numbers, cash in H's briefcase, catching him in lies about his whereabouts, subscriptions to some questionable internet sites, and suspicious charges on his credit cards. Realized he seemed to be going from an occasional look at porn, to checking out websites, and think he may have been even gone to using escort services eventually. (so gross !!!) Did some reading and research and found about SA, which seemed to fit H. Tried to talk to him about it and urged him to get help, but, of course, he totally denied that he could have any such thing. I tried to do a good PLAN A.
Since June, things really have declined. H started going out more, doing "binge" type drinking for several weekends and very nearly getting in an accident and/or arrested ! (This seemed to scare him, so he's not been drinking since that I know of). H stayed at his office long hours, which I suspect was his time to be on the internet (has used sites like Lavalife and Friendfinder) and/or cell phone, and was increasingly secretive, dishonest, inconsiderate, etc., all FOG type behaviors. Still, we spent lots of time together- ran errands, went to eat, movies, made future plans for travel and our house, and still were sleeping in the same bed. (no SF for ages) It made me think H was still somewhat invested in the M.
In early Aug, H announced he was going away for the weekend, saying it was with a co-worker (male) and for business purposes. I didn't believe it and didn't want him to go, but he did anyway. I later saw his CC bill, and found charges for an expensive resort and restaurants in a different town, so I definitely felt he had A going on with one or more OW. I got access to the cell phone bill and found numerous calls to one number, so called and it was a woman who said my H had called her a few times but nothing more- (internet "friends") She said he had told her he was single, no kids, successful businessman and wealthy (all not true) so was angry to find out he had lied. (what did she expect in dealing with people on web sites?) Thought that might have put an end to the issue, but his strange behaviors continued- he would say he didn't want to be with me, didn't want to be married, wasn't happy, wanted to be "on his own", but then call and ask if I wanted him to bring home something for dinner.)!!!?? Might say we couldn't do anything together on a Saturday because "we're not together", but then the next day want to do things together all day. VERY confusing and eratic. Not sure if that's all FOG or mental/emotional issues too!?
Found a receipt indicating that H went to the courthouse and picked up a packet of separation/divorce paperwork, but he it sat in a drawer in our house for several weeks, until H announced he was again going out of town for a weekend. Wouldn't tell me any details, where he was going, with who, etc. When he left, he sat the paperwork packet out on the desk. I looked at it, horrified and had the worst weekend of my life, realizing H must really be obsessed with someone, really living the "fantasy" life in the FOG, and that we really might not make it this time. Had a call over that weekend from H's credit card company trying to reach him to verify use of his CC in LAS VEGAS and realized that he had flown there for the weekend ! He came home in a very agitated, hostile, aggressive mood and proceeded to fight with me every morning before I left for work, and each night before bed, absolutely insisting that I HAD to fill out the divorce paperwork, HAD to do it that day, that he HAD to file it immediately. Don't know what brought on the sudden rush, but it made me wonder if H's OW wanted proof he was separated or something ??? H threatened to have me served with the paperwork, probably knowing I wouldn't want it brought to my job, continued to fuss, (almost like a child's tantrum) and finally, I agreed I would sign it and have it notarized. He then calmed down, and left to go out of town again. Before he left, he calmed me with what I guess was a "guilt" call- said he wasn't trying to be difficult, wasn't trying to be hard or unfair, just wanted to proceed and get things done and wanted me to realize it was hard for him too. (WHY would I think that when it was all his doing ?) I did sign the paperwork, had it notarized, and left it on our desk, as he said he would pick it up and file it when he got back in town. Well, I got home, expecting the paperwork to be gone and everything to be done, and there it was still at our house. H hadn't even come over, didn't call, didn't know if he was even okay or back in town. He called the next day to say he was "back" - but wouldn't be coming back to stay at the house. I had a very long, sad weekend- H and I used to do everything together, so really missed him as a companion. Did some things away from home Sunday, and came home to find him car on the driveway. Didn't want to see him, so stayed away until he'd gone, and to my surprise, the paperwork was still there and he had taken his wedding ring from his jewelry box (had not been wearing it regularly for a couple of weeks). This was very confusing, also made me wonder if this meant he wasn't so sure about the D after all ? Although I know the MB plans don't necessarily work with people who have emotional/mental issues or SA, but for lack of knowing what else to do, and because MB principles seemed to help previously, decided I would consider his moving out as a PLAN B, and also read "Love Must Be Tough" to help me set boundaries and be "tougher". I decided to go out of town for Labor Day Weekend, and when I got home, H had been at the house to take a few more clothes, and had taken the paperwork, so I felt very deflated. After not calling him at all, asking any questions, or trying to talk about anything, I did ask H if he thought there was a chance we could work on things, have a "fresh start" ? Instead of the immediate "no", I expected, he said "he doubted it", which seemed to leave the door open just a bit- He also told me he'd be going out of town again, but this time told me where he was going and with whom. (business related, with a male co-worker). He also seemed much more "clear", calm, and our conversation was more pleasant. Found out he had run out of the most recent meds he'd been on (which I thought had made him worse) so thought this might be a why, and be good thing !
Had an okay weekend, and he called Sun night to tell me he was back. Saw him briefly Mon night, as he came over to the house to switch vehicles. Nothing has been said about the paperwork, but he has apparently not filed anything still.
Yesterday he was at the house when I came home- was picking up a few more clothes, and initially our encounter was fine. Then he told me he had found a buyer for one of our vehicles and wanted me to immediately sign the title so it could be sold. I was surprised, as thought we had decided to keep the car. We discussed further, and seems like it actually would be a good business move, but as soon as I asked questions and didn't just go along with "his plan" he was back in the hostile, loud, agressive and ugly mode- just like with the paperwork. Does this seem like it is a control/ manipulation issue ? He proceeded to tell me how we need to get moving to finish house projects so we can put it up for sale, as he doesn't want to pay house payments when he doesn't live there. I reminded him he's only been gone 3 weeks, so not like he's paying payments for months ! Also reminded him I and dog do not have an alternate place to stay- but his response was totallly uncaring and "not my problem". He seemed to think I should just rush out and find a cheap apartment in one day to suit his time schedule ! He left mad,then called a few minutes later to say "he's not trying to be difficult or give me a hard time, he just wants to move forward and "get on with his life" and it was hard for him too" (same guilt speech as before). Very frustrating, mad, hurt, and sad to realize what a fog he is in, that he's totally re-written our history and special times together, has totally closed down all feelings and just appears to be a cold and unfeeling, stranger while I am losing my (used to be) best friend spouse, lover, lifestyle, house, and car. (he makes far more money than I, so I will be one suffering financially).
H won't admit anything is going on with anyone, but I just really feel he has something happening- either enjoying "playing the field" with people on the internet to whom he can make himself sound like a wonderful, wealthy bachelor, or if he's hooked up with a specific person. All my channels to research have been closed down, especially since he's now out of the house.
Should I write a Plan B letter, or is there any point since he elected to move out, and is (sort of) pushing towards the D ? I realize there have been ocassions where the WH has changed their mind, even after D is filed, but H seems so foggy and D only takes 3 months here, so may be too late. Any suggestions, input, support ? Thanks, Anne
Me-38, BS
H- 34, WS
A- June-Oct 01
Recovery begun- Nov 01
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Hi Slammed, Best to start a new thread, you'll get more replies... but... H won't admit anything is going on with anyone, but I just really feel he has something happening- either enjoying "playing the field" with people on the internet to whom he can make himself sound like a wonderful, wealthy bachelor, or if he's hooked up with a specific person. He's at best a serial adulterer, SA seems possible, but the big thing is that he has no remorse or shown any intention on changing. Have you gotten his family and close friends involved? Trips to Vegas worry me, financially speaking... I'd get that D finalized asap. He's spiraling downward, quickly. Since he's showing no signs of stopping, I'd get clear, in every way possible. I was about to type, 'I dont know why seemingly normal people change like this', but your H has a long history of this type of behaviour. I cant imagine the toll it's taken on you. I hope you have a good support system of friends and family you can lean on. You need to start taking care of yourself and let him sink on his own. He sounds scary, to me. Please take care of yourself!! - Dru I am very sorry. If he gets his life straightened out, I'm sure you'll be the first one he apologizes to. But I wouldnt wait...
Last edited by Drucilla; 09/15/05 04:26 PM.
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Thanks Drucilla, I'm certainly glad that you beat the odds and were able to recover with your H. I sure would love to do that too, but am feeling that my situation is pretty hopeless.
H doesn't have any close friends (wonder why ?) and is not at all close to his family, so didn't really have anyone to "expose" to. I thought of talking to his family, however, his Dad has just been in the hospital with health issues, and may have lung cancer, so I didn't really want to add more to their problems, for the time being anyway. My family and friends do know, and I have good support from them ,as well as seeing an IC. It's just so hard to remember that we were doing things together and making plans for our house, holidays, etc. just a few weeks ago and now are having these ugly confrontations and contemplating D. I know that I've never been perfect, but have loved my H with all my heart for the 10 years we've been together, and have tried to do everything I possibly could to make it a good marriage. I guess I felt like being patient and putting up with a lot would earn me some reward,, and this crap isn't it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Also hard because before we got together I had a paid-off car, owned my own townhouse, had no big bills, money for things I needed, traveled, and did things with friends- basically content with my life. Now, I have a high car payment, can't afford to keep our house so will have to move, and will have a very tight budget, and have our dog to care for as well. (I am happy for her company and companionship, but does add expense and complications to housing, etc.) Fortunately, my parents do live in the same town and are trying to be as helpful and supportive as possible. Likely I will stay in our house until it sells, then stay with them for a little while so I can get my finances in order and look for my own new place.
Sorry,guess I am feeling sorry for myself today, it's just not where I ever thought I be, and feels like going backwards instead of forwards in life. Right now, it is taking all my energy to make it through a work day, eat a little something, play with the dog, keep up the house and get some extra sleep. Does anyone else feel like they have lost their own identity ? I feel like I was so busy being "wife"- keeping up the house, doing the laundry, shopping, errands, cooking, paying the bills, and "Taking care" of H that I don't know what to do with just myself now.
I don't know how to move this to a new thread, if that's possible. If anyone does, it would be fine with me... Thanks ! Slammed (Anne)
Me-38, BS
H- 34, WS
A- June-Oct 01
Recovery begun- Nov 01
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Hi Slammed, I have a meeting this afternoon and won't be able to log in till tonight or tomorrow but will get back. Your H does sound very strange by making such a rush decision and wanting to divorce ASAP. Something must be up. Also it does sound like he is ADD/ADHD. Mine has also ADD/ADHD.
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Yikes!
I'm not used to seeing so much activity on my thread!
Hello to everyone My old buddies - SS, AD, Drucilla My new buddies - LimboLand, Milkshake, Slammed1
I'll be posting to you more individually later on, but for now, thank you for posting.
Overall, believe it or not, I'm doing pretty well. This is despite the fact that my H called me earlier this week and threw the D work back into my lap. He's "too busy" with work and with moving in to his new apartment this week (today). Plus, since he didn't "start" the D paperwork, and doesn't have everything that I have, he's not even sure what he needs to ask them. aaarggghh! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
I've got to take care of some things for now, but I'll be back.
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Long time, no see.
Aaarggghh indeed. I would say the same.
Anyway, you sound really good for someone stressed like that. I mean that sincerely. Really.
SS
I think sometimes about all the pain in the world. I hope we can ease that here, even if only a little bit.
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Hi SVB (and others) I will be glad to correspond with you too, anytime. I usually do not have access to a computer over the weekend, but will be back on Monday.
H called this morning to ask if I wanted to meet for lunch, which I assumed was going to be the finalization of our business over selling one of our cars today. Met him, had a pleasant lunch, but he had not done the car transaction yet, brought up nothing about it and really didn't seem to have any real purpose for getting together. Makes me wonder if it's a guilt thing, or ambivalence !? He's not said anything further about the D paperwork, although he does have it. I assume he would tell me if he filed, as there is a mandatory meeting with a court "liaison" type person, so he'd have to let me know that.
I am glad for the days off work, but kind of dread weekends, as it's more time by myself, and I really feel the loss of companionship by H (we did most everything together prior to current problems). I am trying to make plans with some friends, will do laundry, housework, laundry, and find some other things to keep me busy too.
Best wishes for a good weekend to everyone. Slammed
BS- me, 41 WH- 38 No kids together (H has d12) Dog is our kid ! Together 10 years, married 7 2000- H diagnosed with depression 2001- H has inappropriate internet flirtation, followed by EA with older, recently widowed OW (ttl of 7 months) 2002-2004- Recovery (?) Things going better 2005- H has no interest in SF, weird/secretive behavior, I suspect possible SA, EA/PA with internet "friends" Aug 2005- H moves out of house, sudden rush for D, but does not file paperwork.
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I'll be posting to you more individually later on, but for now, thank you for posting. (SVB) <AD continues to drum his fingers on the desk, glancing first at his watch, then the calendar.> "I'm looking forward to it", he says. Overall, believe it or not, I'm doing pretty well. You sound good, too! I don't know what to say about your H dumping all the D work on you. I did essentially all of it on my D also. But I was using an attorney, so it wasn't difficult. I've got to take care of some things for now, but I'll be back. Oh, that sounds very good! Too busy to hang around in the boiling pot of misery called GQII. Oh, but if you do happen to stop by, wave or something so we'll know for sure you weren't on that train yesterday. -AD
A guy, 50. Divorced in 2005.
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Hi everyone and good to hear from you SVB. You sound really good. Is the key to keep yourself busy?
I hope I will be as strong as you are today in months...
Yes, do let us know when you are here. Take care.
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 782
Member
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Member
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 782 |
Hello SVB, Milkshake, AD, etc.
Made it through the weekend, but they are sure long and hard on me. WH and I normally did everything together- ran errands, worked on the house/yard, went out to eat, watched a movie, etc, so I really feel the loss of his companionship.
I did try to make some plans- went out to dinner and hung out with a friend Fri night, then attended a concert yesterday afternoon, but the times between were sad and I felt lonely. It's hard having all of H's things there, but him gone (he took only some clothes and toiletries). It's hard having the dog looking for him. It's hard taking care of everything from paying the bills to mowing the lawn. It's hard knowing he is out having fun while I'm home- sad, lonely, feeling the loss of H and M.
Friday he had called me to ask if I was available for lunch- I assumed he wanted to discuss or finalize the sale of our vehicle. Went to lunch, which was pleasant and calm, but no mention of the vehicle, or any real reason for the lunch (???) Got home Fri night and he had left a message regarding our dog. (again no real reason ???) Then didn't hear from him all weekend until last night-
Last night's situation was odd. I heard the garage door and realized he was there to pick up his vehicle. (we had 3, and he got good offer for one last week, so we agreed to sell). I looked out to see who had dropped him off, and saw our (former) vehicle driving away but couldn't tell who was driving. H had barely walked in the house when his cell phone was ringing and he disappeared. I thought he'd gone upstairs, but realized he went outside, and had actually walked part way up the street. Didn't know if he was looking for the person who dropped him off or if he was just not wanting me to hear the phone call ??? Came back after about 10 minutes, but seemed agitated, pre-occupied, and in a hurry. He looked at his mail stack (didn't take it), played with the dog for a minute, and left in his car. Said he had to "get home". (Funny, I thought our house was HOME, not some apartment or hotel where he is staying). After he left I started wondering if he just wanted to keep our other vehicle and said he was selling it or if he was taking it to give to some OW ???
Sure wish I could check up and find out for sure if there is an actual OW. I had access to the cell phone records until about a month ago, when he removed me from the account (I was on a family plan with his phone). I know can't check those records and don't know where he is staying, but had assumed it was either a hotel or he had rented a small apartment. With his behavior, I'm sure something's going on.
Will probably see him within the next couple of days, as he's to give me my portion of the proceeds from selling the car.
Funny how he was in such a huge rush to do the D paperwork, but hasn't done anything with it. He was in such a huge rush to sell the car last week, but waited all week. I know I can't figure him out and don't put much effort into trying, it's just too exhausting.
How are all of you doing ? Slammed !
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 782
Member
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Member
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 782 |
BUMP for thoughts, comments
Me-38, BS
H- 34, WS
A- June-Oct 01
Recovery begun- Nov 01
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