"Is shyness genetically determined?"

I think that shyness is a part of your personality. If that's the case, it's probably determined by both your genes and your upbringing. (maybe more genes than upbringing.) ??

The next question is "What is it, exactly?"

I'm not sure, exactly. I know that I definitely like to think things through before I ever say anything ( for the most part. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />) I also tend to worry very much about what others think of me. I want people to like me, and I want their approval. With a larger group of people, yes, there is much more to analyze, which I do, but, to me, there also seems to be much more of a chance to meet disapproval. Therefore, it is easiest to keep quiet. Quiet = safe.

Those are my thoughts. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I hope they make sense, because I'm awfully tired.

Hi SVB, hope you had a nice Christmas.

Hmm, shyness, what an interesting topic. People have never described me as shy, but I can be shy in a large group of people or at a party where I don't really know the people. And SVB, wow, I am just like you in that I often catch myself being shy because I am afraid of NOT being liked by or NOT getting approval from others.

BUT I don't get the impression that you are extremely shy on this board. I think a little bit of shyness is actually GOOD - it keeps you from acting in a very stupid way or can help you stay modest <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Milk

SVB,

Yes, "quiet = safe". I know what you mean.
But is it really safe?

I hope you are only tired because you have two jobs - and not because you had the additional burden of figuring out how to reply to questions on a forum on the WORLD WIDE web. LOL

Billions are watching and waiting as we write. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It seemed like a good idea to launch this discussion a couple of days ago, but now...I don't know what to write next.

OK, I've got a date set for Saturday - in a city 100 miles away. This was arranged by email. I still have not called the lady. It is insane that I can't force myself to call a lady who has already agreed to meet me for lunch. Isn't it?

Quiet == safe.

Instead, I called my brother, but he didn't answer. I called my ex-wife to talk about some video I gave my daughter for Christmas. Actually, I was just lonely. Her answer: "She didn't watch it yet. Gotta go fix supper. I'll call you later. bye."

95% of the time when ex-w says "I'll call you later", she doesn't.

I hope it doesn't sound like I'm whining here. I just wish I understood myself.

I wish we had choir practice tonight. They gave us the week off. I miss it.

Milk,

Writing is different, at least for me it is. It's easier than talking to people. Do you agree SVB?

-AD

Billions are watching and waiting as we write.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

OK, well, it was nice knowing you guys, but good bye forever. I won't be posting here anymore.

Milk,
Writing is different, at least for me it is. It's easier than talking to people. Do you agree SVB?

I totally agree. I can be myself when I write, and take my time, and think about what I want to say. If I were with any of you in person, you would probably not be able to get 2 words out of me -- well, maybe not at first, anyway.

AD, sometimes I wonder if you and I have the same personality type. Have you ever taken the Myers-briggs personality test? I am an ISTJ. I have taken this test probably a thousand times in my lifetime, and I always end up being an ISTJ. If you do a search on the Internet for "portrait of an ISTJ" that is me .... to a T.

Have you talked to your lady friend yet?

ISFJ

Here's the Myers-Brigg's link
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm

More later -

SS

Oh, and I'm sure you'll want this link too -

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm

Hmm, very interesting test. How many different types do they have?

Well, I don't put much confidence in such classifications, but I just took the test in SS's link (thanks, SS!) and the result was

INTJ - "Mastermind Rational"

... whatever that means. <AD laughs sinisterly>

Here's what they say it means - doesn't sound much like me. For one thing, I'm principled, for another, if I am a "natural leader", I have been living a most unnatural life, since basicly nobody follows me.

http://keirsey.com/personality/ntij.html

-AD

PS. Milk, I was wondering the same thing.

... and No, SVB1, I've not talked to her, but she has a sense of humor. In an email, she asked if was going to talk at lunch or if I would be bringing my keyboard. I replied that I would bring two computers and we would sit on opposite sides of the restaurant connected by a wireless link. LOL

Now, I don't have to call, since it would spoil the effect.

Gee. I hope she shows up. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

-AD

PS. Ex-W did call back, and so did my bro.

The reason writing is different, is that writing is about the words, not about the people. I can look at the words on the screen (paper is a dim memory now isn't it) and think "how nice they look. I'm such a smart fellow." And if they don't look nice, I can delete them and I'm still smart fellow. Or I can save them and never send them, and go look at them again later and I'm still a smart fellow. Can't lose. LOL

But in a conversation, one word down the wrong path and I'm toast. Outrage erupts (especially if I'm talking to XW) - other words are exchanged, the original topic now forgotten, disorder, even chaos ensues. Any meanwhile, the other person (especially if it is XW) speaks 10 times as many words as I do - since my mother taught me not to interrupt. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

<sigh>

Where was I?

-AD

PS. SS, did you notice that both the links you posted are the same?

No, I didn't notice - I'll check it out. The 2nd one was supposed to be to the marriage compatibility part of it.

AD, I wonder if experiences with XW colored your relationship with women/girls. All of them are not like her, but it's hard to make the change in your mind when that's what you were used to.

S has had similar experiences lately with men, and I think it's really difficult for her to want to date after what she 's been through.

AD,
I know from spending time with you that you are thoughtful, and a real gentleman. It was plain to see that the relationship you had wasn't anything like the one W and I have - an equal partnership with give and take. I don't mean to say yours was all bad, but you can compare what you saw when you were here, and draw your own conclusions. Logic says there is another gal out there that is more like W, but with the other qualities you look for also. Emotion however would probably lead you to shy away.

I like words on the screen too AD, but in person is so much better for me. You can see a persons face, and hear their tone of voice which things communicate a lot on their own, even without words.

- Didn't someone say "the eyes are the window to a person's soul." Expression's tell a lot and it's hard to hide things for most people. S's dad however was a real poker face, and he was hard to read sometimes.
(SS sometimes goes out on a limb without facts to support his musings.)

You are off work today AD?

I'll post this one, and comment on some others.

SS

SS, why do you think I've been away? Just curious. Did you think you scared me away? You might have, a little.

My comment was kind of vague, but it was an invitation of sorts. I guessed you might have a hard time knowing what to say, and that your response would be to just watch for a while.

You understand that I don't know everything, but I am learning and as I watch people, I learn even more.

What it tells me -

Two things .

First, you are very careful now. In person you may tend to get tongue tied, and be afraid of not being able to come up with the right reply. On MB, you can just wait.

2nd, you are still trying to find courage to interact with men on anything but a professional basis. I wonder if part of not going to church regularly is because it's easier to stay away, and not worry about what you say, and who you may have to say it to.

It is hard to read some of the bad experiences you have had and what some men have said to you. The bible is right about how the world will be in our day. It makes me wonder what my daughters put up with out in the world that they might not talk about.

S, did you work Christmas day?

What are your feelings as you have gone through the holiday season this year?

And my last question for this post -

Do you like eggnog?

SS

SVB, I wish a HAPPY NEW YEAR to you and your family.

-AD

Happy New Year SVB!

Milk

Happy New Year to you guys, too!

I had a good New Year's this year. I was at the Chicago Bears game when you posted, AD. Then I watched the fireworks downtown and spent yesterday downtown with my friend. I'm not a real big football fan, but my friend got tickets and we've never gone before... so we thought it'd be a fun thing to do for New Year's Eve.

I think my mom is still getting over it -- that I wasn't with her -- although I was there Saturday night for my niece's birthday party and half of the day on Sunday until my brother and his family left town.

Today I am off from work - well during the day, anyway, so now I am relaxing.... ahhhhh.

I already have good news for the New Year, too. I've landed a new job. I was selected employee of the month, and now I found out I got a promotion, too. So, I will be working in the same place, just in a different building, with different people....and more $$$. I don't know when I start yet, though.

I'm cutting down my part time hours for now. I've already asked my mgr. After a while, I'll probably quit working part time entirely.

I will be getting some of my life back in 2007. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Then, when I quit my part time job, I can start seriously looking for................................................ a puppy.

SS, everything that you mentioned in your last post was
exactly correct.

The Holidays this year didn't feel like the Holidays again. Everything is still so different, but not bad. Also, I've been so busy, they just flew by. It was all just a blur. I didn't work Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, btw. I spent Christmas Eve with my friend (same friend) and Christmas Day with my family. I was warned not to go to my mom's for Christmas... we almost postponed it.... because my mom and nieces had the flu pretty badly, but I went anyway. We still had a nice time.

And I love egg nog. I'm not crazy about candy canes, though, unless I melt them in hot chocolate. mmmmmm

How were your Holidays?
AD, how did Saturday go....if I may ask.

Svb1,

It sounds like you had a fine time! That's great!

Hmmm. SS is exactly correct? OK.

How did Satuday go, you asked.

Hmmm.. It went OK. It was a lunch followed by coffee. The restaurant and cafe were next door to each other.

OK is good, I guess.

I think I made a good impression, since she invited me to a concert at her church on Sunday - to which I didn't commit and didn't go. For two reasons - 1) I felt that spending New Years eve with somebody I just met might send the wrong message - might build up too much expectations (in her mind). And also 2) I didn't relish driving 4 hours on New Years eve - with the drunks on the road.

Then, she sent me an email inviting me down for dinner on New Years Day. Fortunately, due to some email snafu, I didn't recieve it until too late.

But... well... I wasn't "wowed" by her, not that I expected to be, nor do I think there is anything wrong with her. I just don't know what I want. I can't imagine getting close to her, but that doesn't mean it's impossible. The main thing that particulary impresses me about her is that she has raised an outstanding son up to age 14 by herself. A person like that could be good for my daughter.

AAAAGGGGHH. This stuff is hard. One thing that's hard about it - is to be honest with myself about how I really feel. I wanted to like her. And I certainly respect her - and that goes a long way.

Why is beauty important?

And about eggnog... my Mom always used to buy some (in a carton) and we cerimolially (sp?) drank it - with grated nutmeg sprinkled on top. I always associate nutmeg with eggnog - and never have used it for anything else. I didn't buy any this year.

Do you like nutmeg?

-AD

Why is beauty important?

Sounds like you have identified one of your needs AD.

I would like to know what beauty is. I bet that is part of why it's important .

I remember SVB said once there was a guy that seemed to like her, but she didn't feel much for him. Was this part of it S? Was it looks, or something else, and can you even identify it?

I asked the eggnog question just to change the subject, and maybe to get the rest of you to smile. I like it from a carton too - but only some brands. I admit these days I mix it with a little milk, so it's not quite so strong.

AD, my SIL makes a great home made version that has nutmeg in it. It's really rich though - and drinking too much affects my girlish figure.

Now.......... let's see........... Oh yes -

It is so wonderful that you got a raise !!
And employee of the month too !

I hope the job is more to your liking. But then, the one you had was better once some of the people were replaced. I sure hope the men in the other building are more respectful, more kind, and that you don't have to worry about things they say.

Looking for a puppy?
You sucked me right in with that one.
Whatever you wish - you are the boss after all. Sigh, I just keep thinking of those guys........ the ones that wish they could find you and go out with you.

It does sound like you had a good time. Games are exciting, even if you are not a die hard sports fan. You kind of get caught up in the excitement. At least I usually do.
I admit I'm not much of a sports fan myself.

What was the most fun for you?


I think I have some serious stuff to say too, but the twins want a story tonight - so I think I'll read them one, even though they can read quite well themselves.

Night everyone.

SS

Oops! Yes. Congratulations on the move up the corporate ladder.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

The Holidays this year didn't feel like the Holidays again. Everything is still so different, but not bad.

This continues all your life. It changes depending on what you are doing, and depending on the other changes that take place. After a while, you realize what is going on, and you don't mind. You adjust to the changes, learn to enjoy the different stages of life, and you have a good time anyway. It sounds like you are having a good time anyway, and that is real progress.

I sometimes wonder if I ought to say some of these things, but I usually say them anyway.

We all know smoking if bad for us - for you, for anyone.

If I was to pick up a cigarette, and smoke it, not having smoked before, it wouldn't hurt me much. That ONE wouldn't hurt very much at all.

The danger, is that I would try another, and another, and become hooked.

I think this is the same with many who divorce, and live alone for a while. It becomes comfortable, it's habit forming, and it's hard to change what we are used to. It's not bad in and of it's self, but if your desire is to be happily married, you do well to break out of the habit, and date people. One day of not dating doesn't change your life much at all. Two days, a week, month, or a year could be OK. At this point, you are adjusting, healing emotionally, learning things you need to learn.

There comes a point though, when you have to think about what you want, and if you are getting there or not.

I don't see my job as telling people what they want, but I do see myself in the role of helping them reach their goals, once they figure out what those goals are.

Smile, and tell me what your goals are -

SS

AD, thanks for the congrats. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
I officially accepted the position yesterday, but I haven't heard anything yet on my start date.

Regarding your date, it does sound like you made a very good impression on her. But as for her asking you to New Years Eve and/or New Years Day, it does sound like too much too fast. It certainly would scare me off. But then again, everything scares me off. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

And beauty, huh. I gather that you didn't find her very attractive? It does sound to me, too, that you've identified one of your needs. But I think that beauty is more important to guys than to gals. SS, you asked me about that one fellow. I think that looks was one part of it, but it was more than just his looks -- I just can't put my finger exactly on what it was/is. Remember so and so? I don't think that most people would consider him to be handsome (as many would probably consider my ex) but yet there was something about him that I found absolutely adorable.

As for eggnog, yes, I like nutmeg, but I'll definitely drink eggnog w/o it, too. I don't know what else you use nutmeg for, either. I also like eggnog shakes from McDonald's. (Hi Milkshake!) I also had a Fannie May eggnog truffle today -- but only one.

I sometimes wonder if I ought to say some of these things, but I usually say them anyway.

SS, please say anything that comes to your mind.

You are right again. Exactly correct. You know that one of my goals is to find that special someone. I really don't want to spend the rest of my life alone. But there's that paralyzing fear thing. Dating?? Did I say PARALYZING fear?