Hi folks. I have mostly gotten over my husband's betrayal. We had what I thought was a very good marriage. WH has the head of the household, and I was mostly submissive.

I did what I thought was pleasing to God. I took care of the children and the house. Also worked fulltime.

WH and I went to church, volunteered, and tried to do our best.

However, the A still happened. WH has been living with OW for over a year. He has been thrown out of our church, and says what he is doing is wrong. But he keeps doing it.

So where is the Lord in all of this? It has been going on for about 20 months. I have been praying about this for much too long. It has not changed anything. I know, the Bible says to just keep hanging on.

However, I am having a crisis of faith. I feel like I did what I was supposed to do. On the other hand I feel like the Lord has completely abandoned me. And I mean completely.

believer, I don't have any great words of wisdom for you. I believe in God with all my heart, but I do not go to Church. I was raised Catholic and my beliefs tends to lie in that way, but I don't subscribe to any particular faith.

believer, all you can do is have faith that God has a plan for you and this was all a part of it. Sometimes that is a small comfort, but one day you will see and you will be glad you placed your trust and faith in God. Understand, I say this from my heart and not from any scripture..it is just what I believe. You have already taken steps along God's intended path for you. Look at what a strong woman you are. Did you think you were this strong before all of this happened?

Your husband is already experiencing God's displeasure. He is confused and unhappy. Even you can see this.

I can understand your feeling of abandonment and I'm so sorry that you are feeling this. But I do not feel you have been abandoned.

Hi B,

I understand what you are going through.It has been a year for me and shows no sign of ending.In fact,this mess I am in seems to have morphed into another sickening phase.I am over the acute and severely painful trauma like in the first few months but now it is like a slow,suffocating realization that I will never feel ok.

My mom has also been having a difficult time and that to me is hard to deal with.My Mom is a very faithful woman and I always considered her having a direct line to God because all that she ever prays for has been answered so quickly it was scary.But,her prayers for me during all this are not revealing the best outcome yet.She is upset to see me still going through such turmoil and frankly so am I!

I also thought I was living right and doing all I could for my family,self sacrificed just to please everyone.But,I hope in time that all these WS's will have their "judgement day" and reap what they have sown.I think though that it doesn't always happen right away,it may take years.

I keep thinking too that if I gave up today,I would have failed the test of faith I am enduring.So many times I just wanted to say "Ok,I have had enough,what is going on??!!" But I try to keep enduring what I am in the most dignified way but it's hard.I feel like I am being challenged in such a severe way.But I keep plugging along,day by day until my WH and I are D'd and he gets a job and gets out of here,my home.Until that happens,I am still living in he** and sometimes I just don't think I can bear it.But I do.Ugh

Well,no words of wisdom, just sharing my own story.You are a tough cookie and I know you will survive.

O

<small>[ September 17, 2004, 03:12 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

I don't know if I am the best person to answer this one, but here goes...

"My ways are not your ways" said God. (I don't remember where, but take my word for it, it's there.)

Some things I think we are not meant to understand. We have to take them on faith. After my oldest child was killed in a freak accident, my younger son (9 at the time) asked me why God let that happen to his brother. Realizing immediately that this was one of those life changing and faith changing moments for him, I knew my answer was very important. But the answer came to me without thought. I know where it came from, don't you? I told him, "See that car in front of us? God could easily take over and drive the car for me and prevent me from hitting the car ahead of us. But sometimes God leaves the details to us. It's my responsibility to drive the car, use the brake, and know when to slow down. God is giving us free choice in our lives to do the right thing. Without free choice we wouldn't need faith. So God is trusting me to do the right thing and not hit that car. What happened to your brother was like that. God was trusting *&^& to take care of himself. But *&^& made a mistake, just as many of us do every day. The result of his mistake was that he died. But even then, God was there, waiting to lift him in his arms and take him to heaven."

Believer, you are driving your car. Your H is driving his. God has to let us make our own mistakes. Are we hurt sometimes because wrong choices are made? Absolutely. Even when we didn't do anything wrong? Absolutely. We just have to remember in those times that no matter what mistakes we make, God is waiting to lift us in his arms when the time comes.

But what about the pain? Why doesn't God take away the pain? I thought faith was to take away the pain. I told someone after my son's death that my faith was like a rock - but the rock was submerged under the water. When I grew too tired to tread water any more, I rested on the rock. But then I had to keep swimming to get to shore. The rock wasn't going to take me there, but it was my respite from the water. It was my responsibility to swim through the pain. He was there for me.

I am struggling with a WH, too, after 33 years of love and loyalty. I stood before God and committed myself to him for the rest of my life. Therefore, I will drive the car - I will swim for shore, and rest on the rock when I simply can't go on any more. God is trusting me to keep swimming for the shore. And he is trusting me not to wreck the car. But if I drown, or wreck the car, his promise is that he is waiting for me with open arms. None of the promises really have anything to do with life on earth. They are all promises for our next life with Him.

Hope that was understandable - sometimes I write too much.

believer, HurtinOne posted this not too long ago and I thought it might help. As I said, i do not go to church, and I also have to say that I'm not usually that big on parables either...but this particular post really spoke to me. here's the post in it's entirety:

The Tea Cup

There was a couple who used to go England to shop in a beautiful antique store.

This trip was to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary. They both liked antiques and pottery, especially tea-cups.
Sotting an exceptional cup, they asked "May we see that? We've never seen a cup quite so beautiful."
As the lady handed it to them, suddenly the tea-cup spoke to the couple;

"You don't understand." It said, "I have not always been a tea-cup. There was a time when I was just a lump of red clay. My master took me and rolled me, pounded and patted me over and over and I yelled out, "Don't do that. I don't like it! Let me alone!", but he only smiled, and gently said; "Not yet!!"
Then. WHAM! I was placed on a spinning wheel and suddenly I was spun around and around and around. "Stop it! I'm getting so dizzy! I'm going to be sick!", I screamed. But the master only nodded and said quietly "Not yet."

He spun, poked and prodded and bent me out of shape to suit himself and then......he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat! I yelled and knocked and pounded at the door. "Help! Get me out of here!"

I could see him through the opening and I could read his lips as he shook his head from side to side and again said, "Not yet".
When I thought I couldn't bear it another minute, the door opened. He carefully took me out and put me on the shelf, and I began to cool. Oh, that felt so good! Ah, this is much better, I thought. But, after I cooled he picked me up and he brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were horrible. I thought I would gag. Oh, please; "Stop it, Stop it!!" I cried. He only shook his head and said "Not yet".
Then suddenly he put me back in to the oven. Only it was not like the first one. This was twice as hot and I just knew I would suffocate! I begged. I pleaded. I screamed. I cried. I was convinced I would never make it. I was ready to give up.

Just then the door opened and he took me out and again placed me on the shelf, where I cooled and waited------- and waited, wondering what's he going to do to me next? An hour later he handed me a mirror and said "Look at yourself." And I did. I said, "That's not me, that couldn't be me. It's beautiful! I'm beautiful!"

Quietly he spoke "I want you to remember", then he said, "I know it hurt to be rolled and pounded and patted, but had I just left you alone, you'd have dried up. I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled. I know it hurt and it was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn't put you there, you would have cracked. I know the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn't done that, you never would have hardened. You would not have had any color in your life. If I hadn't put you back in the second oven, you wouldn't have survived for long because the hardness would not have held. Now you are a finished product. Now you are what I had in mind when I first began with you."

The moral of this story is this:


God knows what He's doing with each of us. He is the potter, and we are His clay. He will mould us and make us, and expose us to just enough pressures of just the right kinds that we may be made into a flawless piece of work, to fulfill His good, pleasing and perfect will.

So when life seems hard, and you are being pounded and patted and pushed almost beyond endurance; when your world seems to be spinning out of control; when you feel like you are in a fiery furnace of trials; when life seems to "stink", try this....

Brew a cup of your favorite tea/Coffee, in your prettiest tea cup, sit down and think on this story and then..

Have a little talk with the Potter.

Starz - I feel for you, losing a son. I have tried being the rock, but mostly I am done. I hope the Lord watches over me. But I don't have alot of expectations. He may be too busy in Iraq.

I don't know who the author of this is but this was something I copied and pasted from someone elses post. I pull it out and read it when I am in doubt. I hope it helps.


I asked for Strength....
And God gave me Difficulties to make me strong.

I asked for Wisdom....
And God gave me Problems to solve.

I asked for Prosperity....
And God gave me Brain and Brawn to work.

I asked for Courage....
And God gave me Danger to overcome.

I asked for Love....
And God gave me Troubled people to help.

I asked for Favors....
And God gave me Opportunities.

I received nothing I wanted....
I received everything I needed!

Trust in God...Always!

Hi Believer
Like you I was married to a man I considered to be a man of God. We served God together for 16 years, we led groups in church, went to Bible College, prayed together, shared the word together - and then he had an affair.
I also believed for 2 years that God wanted me to stand for my marriage and that my husband would come back.
Nearly 2 years ago after a sunday evening service i felt very clearly God tell me to divorce my husband. The reason I believe was that my husband had no intention of returning and so God was allowing me to be free on the scriptural basis of my ex's adultry.
One thing I knew through all this God had not ordained it nor had he allowed it. What He had ordained and allowed was my husband freedom of will to do as he wished even against God and His plan. It was a man who hurt me, betrayed me and walked away from me, not God. Through it all God held me close, I had to endure the pain yes, I felt betrayed, I cried, felt depressed and even considered suicide but through it all God held on to me and reassued me. Three years later I am happy in my family and in my church and most of all with my God.I know God brought much wisdom and comfort to me in those years- part of which came through this site. He doesn't mind when we question and cry out, but is there to love and encourage us all through it all.
God is on your side, but the answers He brings are not necessarily the ones we want to hear at a given moment. My prayers are with you Believer
Jante

Hi Believer
Like you I was married to a man I considered to be a man of God. We served God together for 16 years, we led groups in church, went to Bible College, prayed together, shared the word together - and then he had an affair.
I also believed for 2 years that God wanted me to stand for my marriage and that my husband would come back.
Nearly 2 years ago after a sunday evening service i felt very clearly God tell me to divorce my husband. The reason I believe was that my husband had no intention of returning and so God was allowing me to be free on the scriptural basis of my ex's adultry.
One thing I knew through all this God had not ordained it nor had he allowed it. What He had ordained and allowed was my husband freedom of will to do as he wished even against God and His plan. It was a man who hurt me, betrayed me and walked away from me, not God. Through it all God held me close, I had to endure the pain yes, I felt betrayed, I cried, felt depressed and even considered suicide but through it all God held on to me and reassued me. Three years later I am happy in my family and in my church and most of all with my God.I know God brought much wisdom and comfort to me in those years- part of which came through this site. He doesn't mind when we question and cry out, but is there to love and encourage us all through it all.
God is on your side, but the answers He brings are not necessarily the ones we want to hear at a given moment. My prayers are with you Believer
Jante

I didn't say BE the rock, I said REST on the rock. There is a huge difference. Then we just have to go on swimming.

I told someone yesterday - I am tired of being strong. I was the strong one when my son died. I made it through with the love and sharing with my H. I then developed breast cancer. I was strong. My H was loving and very supportive. But now H is the storm. I don't have anyone to be loving and supportive and sharing with. I long to have someone to rest my head on their shoulder and cry, and have them pat me and say, "It's going to be ok." I don't have that to get me through this storm. I have to keep swimming, and driving, and you do too. Rest on the rock, and then try again.

"Satan's cause is never more in danger than when a human no longer desiring, but still intending to do God's will, looks around him upon a universe from which every trace of God seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys."

C.S.Lewis

Our goal should not be Get me out of this. It should be save me from surrendering to this.

I found this prayer in a book.

I pleaded with God to deliver me from trouble. My brain was bruised from seeking solutions. My body ached from the effort. My nerves were strung tight; they would break, I knew, something would break if I forced myself to go on.

"Help me," I kept crying to my God. Give me answers. Deliver me from this torment." But my own voice seemed to despair of such deliverance even as I called.

Then a strange quiet came upon me. A kind of divine indifference. I knew without words or even thoughts that I could only withdraw and wait quietly upon the Lord.

And he did not forsake me.

He came in the quiet of the night; he was there in the brilliance of the morning. He touched my senses with hope; he healed my despair. And with the awareness of his presence came the deliverance I sought.

The answers would be provided. Quietly, and in God's own way, they were working even as I waited.
Just keep hanging in there.

I have been praying about this for much too long. It has not changed anything. I know, the Bible says to just keep hanging on.

Pray for strength Believer.

God Bless

Doug

I can only speak from my own experience and where I know that God has been at work in my life. Before the A I was not close to my Brother and this experience as brought us together. It has also brought me closer to my parents and IL's. It has also forced me to take a hard look at my lifestyle and make improvements. Strange to say it but I think that God was actually favoring me when he let my W have the A. It's what I do with it from here out that matters the most. What will I do with Gods gift?

Maybe in the end I will lose my M maybe I won't. But I don't know if any of these things could of happened without the A. God is at work in my life this I know to be true.

C.

hi believer, i am sorry you are down today. must be something in the air!!! all the other posts to you were all far more elequant than i can write but i did want to send you a hug and my love. God will watch out for you. I am sure of it.

Believer -
You HAVE

((((((Believer)))))),

“””WH has the head of the household, and I was mostly submissive.”””

That word submissive gets to me. I have no idea what religion you are, I’m personally a Lay Minister in the Methodist church. A lot of “Old Testament” ideals are taught in some religions without regard to the promises and sacrifices of the “New Testament”.

”””So where is the Lord in all of this?””””

I suggest to you that the Lord is not the one that is lost.

“”” I have been praying about this for much too long. It has not changed anything.”””

What have you been praying for? We are called to pray with persistence, which means to constantly give praise. What if God’s answer is no? I, too, prayed selfish prayers in my time of despair but now I simply ask for the vision to see His will for my life and the power for me to carry out His will.

“””I know, the Bible says to just keep hanging on.”””

Does it not also say to let the non-believer go? Does it not also say that adulterer’s may be granted divorces?

”””However, I am having a crisis of faith.”””

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. I didn’t regain my faith in a church. I didn’t regain my faith the bible. I did regain my faith by admitting that I was powerless in the life and came to believe that a power greater than myself would help me if I sought Him. Then I took the ultimate leap by turning my will and life over to His care.

“””I feel like I did what I was supposed to do.”””

So did many figures in the Bible, I’m 1st reminded of Job whom God said was a “Godly” man. Did God abandon him? Did God do anything bad to him? No, God is incapable of doing anything bad or evil. As an apple tree cannot produce oranges, God cannot produce anything that is not Good. This is from promises made by the crucifixion of His son.

“””On the other hand I feel like the Lord has completely abandoned me.”””

And rightfully so. But “My precious child, those times when you only seen one set of footprints is when I carried you”. And I really don’t want to say this but I’m going to suggest you really need to think about whose abandoned whom and where your faith stands.

Hugs, THoughts, & Prayers

Believer...

I look at your signature line "sometimes He quiets the storm, and sometimes He quiets His child".

I love this so much, I wrote it in my book of quotes.....

It makes me cry.... I'm not so close to God as I used be. But people like you here lead me to seek that close relationship with Him again.

I pray for you.... We do not know what God has in store for us. Our whole purpose in life is to love Him, and do his will.

Listen, be quiet, and I believe you will hear God speaking to you.

I pray for all BS's, that God will love us thru our WS's, and love them thru us.

"Sometimes He quiets the storm, and sometimes He quiets His child"

K

Thanks for all of the input. I have not been a perfect woman, and have made lots of mistakes in my life. On a scale of 1 to 10, I'm probably at about a 4.

And I'm sure the Lord has blessed me. After all he could have taken my sons away. He could have sent a plague down, destoyed my home and many other things. So far he hasn't. But I am not holding my breath.

I am very, very angry with the Lord. I am not a good person, but have done my best. I have tried all my life to be a blessing to others.

So all in all, don't know where He is, but for sure, He is not here.

i too am not that eloquent but will ditto what has been said here and also refer to Proverbs 3:5-6 and also the classic poem "Footprints" i won't repeat the whole thing here but the last paragraph "My precious child, i love you and would never leave you. during your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that i carried you."

like someone said above, you can't be the rock only rest on the rock and the rock is our LORD. you've been strong or at least have appeared to be for so long. you can't go wrong w/prayer and maybe just the focus of your prayer needs to be different now. continued prayers to you and God Bless, RR

i may be way off base here but maybe it would be a good idea to back off from the forums for awhile. sometimes just coming here everyday can hold people back in one way or another. just a thought.

Believer,

Don't be ashamed that you feel that God has abandoned you. Even Jesus had these human feelings as He hung upon the cross bearing our sin. He cried out in agony of body and soul "My God, My God, Why hast thou forsaken me".

My dear fellow believer, God has not abandoned you. His love for you will never change. He is the one who has said "I will never leave you or forsake you". It is at times like this that you (and I) are going through, that we have do do as the old hymn reminds us - to stand on the promises of God. A former pastor of mine used to say that when you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.

God's timing is not the same as ours. I am so impatient at times and long for my WW to return now. I so much need to learn patience.
James 1:3 "Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience".

Job testified that "When I am tried, I shall come forth as gold". The above story of the teacup and the potter is much the same thought.

Hang in there Believer. God will never give up on you.
My love and prayers are with you.

Scotty
(my story is on the "Just found out board" titled "I so much want her back".
Not yet worked out how to make a link to it!)