I'll try to be brief but wanted to give you an update. Nothing has been filed by me or H (as far as I know). We have been going through the process of putting the house on the market. Things are slow because I need to check with my attorney often and also the hurricane Ivan messed up that area pretty bad. Blessedly, our house made it through without a scratch according to H and I had asked him how his work and school made out. H will only communicate with me through email so I don't get responses right away. Anyway, I had an email when I came into work this morning from him that said his resturaunt was hit hard and he is out of work for awhile and his school has been put on hold for awhile but it may even get to the point that his classes are canceled and he won't graduate until spring.

What does all this mean? I'm not sure but it has me thinking. I don't know if H will even have the money now to file for divorce and since I will not file, I'm not sure where that leaves us. But say he does file and goes through (which it would due to no-fault state of florida) I'm not sure what will happen in regards to our bills. We will be able to pay off almost 1/3 with the sale of the house if it sells for what we are putting it on the market for but there is still quite a bit left over. Under Florida law the debt/assets are supposed to be split 50/50. I had already discussed w/my lawyer that after the bills are split that there is a possibility H could default or file bankruptcy and wanted to know what I could do. My lawyer (a Christian pro-marriage lawyer by the way), stated that I could make a provision in the settlement that stated that if H did either of those things then he would have to pay me alimony. So that put my mind at ease a little.

I'm not panicking or upset, it's just a new twist on everything because if H is out of work and out of school (he get's the GI bill to go to school but only if he's actually going) then how can he pay for things? I was thinking this (the divorce) was going to occur and be over pretty quickly but don't know anymore. H told me a couple of weeks ago that I would be served in a couple of weeks and I have not received anything yet. I still expect it every day though. So it's hard to know what to think, Praise God I have Jesus and the Holy Spirit to handle all this stuff but I still need your prayers. In the last few emails from H, the ones that have been about the storms and our house he has asked for me to pray for him and the people down there if I wanted to. Well he's never really said anything like this before and I'm not sure if he is finding a faith in God or trying to make himself sound better or what. But I can't worry about that, only to continue to pray for him and pray for God's will in his life and for him to serve God the way HE wants him to not the way man thinks it should be done.

I'm doing okay. Even though I had to move again, I am really glad I did. I feel more at home where I am and I'm finding out there are more and more church members that live by me. I mean I can actually see them pass my house, etc. I’m trying to get more involved in church. I'm still there every time the door is open. I joined the choir on sunday and I have also volunteered to help out with the servicemen's center that is now apart of our church since we are the headquarters for the Armed Forces Baptist Missions. They are still not finished w/renovation (building is across the street from the church). But when completely finished they plan to be open on friday and saturday nights, have computer access, TV, games, kitchen, etc. available for the single military people and they also have a sunday school class and lunch after church on sunday which I have helped with a couple of times.

Anyway, so continue to pray for me as I pray for you. I don't think he will have moved back to the house because of everything but that again would complicate things. I'm trying to arrange for the move of the household goods and not sure what my next step would be. I will continue to keep you updated (probably getting tired of this), God Bless, RR

I don't have any good words of advice, but wanted to let you know I read.

Wow..who knows how this could all play out? I am SO glad you've got a lawyer to help you with this stuff because who know how it could end up?

rr, you seen to be growing more comfortable in your own skin, not just your new home. Smile, this is good to see. I am so glad you've got a lot going on and so much more to even look forward to!

thanks maddy, i talked to my mom this morning after i had already posted this just to give her an update. told her i had rescheduled my trip to FL for the last week in october and that will give me more time to get things coordinated and will allow her time to be able to come w/me. she said it's okay to still care for H that we can still do that but said that i really need to get this household goods situation taken care of. i don't have anything to speak of to live with other than a futon, a tv, some clothes, a handful of dishes and a folding table and chairs that she brought up labor day weekend. she said that if H is not even staying there then the things i need are not being used in the first place. she also said now w/the storms being gone and the damage that was caused maybe there will be more people out there who need a house and the household stuff will need to be moved anyway.

she also said that maybe God is giving me and the M more time despite all the loss that was caused by these storms, even lives. it did occur to me that he could probably get unemployment. i'm sure he is staying w/the OW or an older female friend that he's stayed w/before and neither one of them i'm sure is asking him to pay any money. mom also said he would probably get another job and that maybe it would be even better paying and that he would be able to make the payments that are required of him after the divorce. if necessary we could always file for bankruptcy (we really have a lot of debt even after the sale of the house) even though she thinks it's still too early to entertain that idea.

well i'm going to email my lawyer and give him the latest about H and see if he can see if a D has been filed or not. i guess right now the things to take care of are the house hold goods and the sale of the house and then deal w/everything else as it comes. maybe things will start to come to a head for H as my mom said. don't know but we'll see........

heard back from lawyer and his clerk checked to see if anything had been filed by H and it has not. interesting..........still going to expect the worse, hope for the best. still going to do what i can, when i can, for as long as i can, and most of all pray. i will email H today and say something about his school and work and that i do pray for him everyday and will continue to do so.

RR,

I wanted to reply to you yesterday, but the office got busy, so I was unable to. BTW, you asked in another posting what I do for a living. I work as a Meeting/Event Planner and I also do Membership/Marketing for a Nonprofit.

I think that it is a very good sign that your husband has not filed for D yet. He continues to "threaten" you that you will soon be served, but then nothing. Now, it could be that he is just saving up so that he can eventually file, but then he could also be testing you to see if you give up and file yourself. Don't do it, okay? Let him do all the dirty work.

I am so proud of you; you are really holding up good and your posting show a tremendous spiritual and emotional growth. You are one heck of a woman! And you know what... I really think that in time, God will rewards you for your strength, your belief and faith throughout all of this. I really do. You really deserve so much.

In a way, this entire infidelity business has put all of us through a very difficult "school" of having to look deep within ourselves and face the things that only very people ever face in a life time. While I hate what has happened to my marriage, I'm also in a way grateful that I had the chance to really look at myself in a way that few people ever get the chance to. It's a painful thing to do, but in a way I think that it makes us better people in the long run.

Stay strong, RR. I pray for you always.

Take care
Kati

Rough Road,

Indeed, you Should hope for the best. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Many times things work out for the best, in very unexpected ways.

Take all these storms and hurricanes and how its affecting YOUR situation.
Just as one man's trash is another man's treasure........so too could someone else's tragedy be your "salvation."

First, at the very least.....this Has delayed your H's filing and other D actions.
The longer it doesn't go forth, the less chance it will.

Next, it has put both his SCHOOL and work "on hold."

Who knows what type of Conflict this will cause between WH and OW.
Cause what is the #1 issue of stress between couples? .......That's right, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> $$Money$$!

As a result....He's frustrated, she's bit*hing....then even more fights occur because they start to get on each others nerves. Could be just like a house of cards....hope it is!

This might just be the type of "pressure" that is needed to interject some reality into their lives.
Its easy to play "house" while everything is going well.....NOT so Easy when difficult times hit. So perhaps a blessing in disguise for you!

The MORE stress & pressure on them, the Better for you.

This is the type of issue you've hoped for, finally a wedge between them. Think of how you can make it an even bigger one.

Although as you are a Christian, you see how "HE" can many times do the work for you. Isn't that comforting? (WOW!! 3 hurricanes just for YOU!!!)

In addition, if he can't work, and as a result has NO money to pay his share of bills.....this could even further delay ANY D.
Hey, at this point your looking for ANY bright spot......and IMO these are some real ones.

Take heart:
Just look at Juke's story ....right AFTER the D was final.....XW wants to come back.
Bet he never woulda thunk it could happen. (Not at that point).

So NEVER give up hope!!
(It ain't over till my MIL Sings....& sometimes NOT even then).

Be good to yourself.

<small>[ September 23, 2004, 10:03 AM: Message edited by: top rope ]</small>

RR,

I agree with top rope. This has to put immense pressure on OW-child and your husband. She's probably b*tching and pressuring him; he can't do whatever she wants him to do due to no school/no job and I think that this is going to delay an D filing indefinitely.

Continue praying for him and your marriage, do Plan A whenever he lets you. Like ^ark has said many times, be his "lighthouse" and let the OW be the "outhouse". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Take care, girl!

Kati

Top rope, thanks so much, you highlighted a lot of things that made sense. like i said, i'm trying to not get all excited about the fact that he hasn't filed yet. although i have to admit i was becoming pretty paranoid all the time thinking i would have a knock on the door or someone come to work to serve me paperwork. i'm still going to through with getting the house on the market and getting the household good shipped. i've been without my stuff for a year now and he really should have the house to run back to, that's a consequence of his actions.

like you said, like i've said, and others, sometimes the pressures and tension in the R between the WS/OP can be exactly what is needed to end it. i'm sure the OW is not happy that we are not D'd yet but on the other hand it's not like being him being married has kept them apart either <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> but i'm sure there will definitely be some tension. BTW I like your new profile!

Kati, as always, thanks for the encouragement and i like how you refer to the ow as OW-child now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> very fitting. yes i will continue to pray, i actually had kind of stopped praying for us and mainly just prayed for H but i've started praying for us again and will try w/God's grace to be the lighthouse for my H. have a good weekend!

prayers to you both, RR