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Sheesh, we must be due for a full moon. You all know my story of the last 20 months. Or most of you do.
WH has continued living with OW, denying it, and telling me he is "too busy" to attend to separation agreement or financial matters. He does not work, and just continues to blow money.
He tells me he loves me, is mixed up, didn't mean for this to happen, is lost, blah, blah, blah.
I have come to the point where I don't want him back and would like to get this done. I have D papers but cannot serve him, because he and OW are hiding out somewhere.
I talked to him 3 weeks ago, and told him I need to get this over. He called me last week and asked me to please wait until he can "get himself together."
Well today I left a message on his cell phone. I told him that I hate to be a *****, but this is not working for me anymore. I told him that I am tired of this and I know he is too. Let him know that I was hoping to avoid a divorce, but looks like it is going to happen.
I gave him an ultimatum. I told him if I do not have signed papers by Monday, that I will procede with a divorce. I know that we are not supposed to give ultimatums, but I am now at that point.
So if I don't have the papers in hand by Monday, I am going to publish the D information in the paper. I am tired of trying to chase him down, tired of his excuses.
I feel really good about finally taking a stand. This has gone on too long. He can explain his problems to someone else.
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I think that what WH told you ....
He tells me he loves me, is mixed up, didn't mean for this to happen, is lost, blah, blah, blah.
is probably true.... he is telling you the truth....
but, so what?
What good does any of THAT crap do you?
none whatsoever.
What kind of a husband do you want returning to you Believer? Certainly not anyone as screwy as he is currently...
and the sad part is...
he is doing nothing to remedy his unhappy situation...
he truely is lost.... lost to you, and certainly lost to himself...
You are more attractive to him than ever... which makes him nervous...
Do what is best for your sanity at this time...
Pep
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Hi B,
You're doing great.There does come a time when you have to stop the madness.Unfortunately it has to be us sometimes.
I had my first Mediator session last Wednesday with WH.It was pure sadness.I quietly cried through the entire 2.5 hours it took to get the preliminary information down and papers filled out.I just couldn't believe I was there,after 20 years with my WH,it all came down to this.
At the end,I cried and told my WH that I couldn't believe he was doing this to our family and I quickly left the building...alone.I thought I would be stronger during the whole thing,realizing that it had to be this way since my WH also was not making any moves toward a reconciliation.But it's still very hard.I hope you fair better than I do when it comes down to the bitter end.
O
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Pep - You are right, time to save myself.
OGirl -
I am doing very well. I am not sad anymore, not angry. I have done my best. This has been going on too long. I have paid money for 2 lawyers to work this out.
I have suggested mediation and WH didn't show twice. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I offered him very, very good terms for a settlement. He needs my insurance, and I told him if he would cooperate, I would not divorce him. Makes no difference to me. I don't plan to remarry.
He also needs my social security. He has worked and retired from a a government job. So he never put in the necessary social security quarters.
I have put too much into the marriage. We have no bills, WH has a new Harley, and several old ones. I am only asking for our mobile home, which we paid only $4,000. for, 2 years ago.
WH has retired and spent his $25,000. bonus on the OW. If I file for divorce, he is going to lose. I will get half of his bonus, half of his pension, half of the motorcycles, and might get the house I live in, since he hasn't paid anything towards it.
So I have been very, very patient. I think he thinks that he can continue on forever like this. But I am done.
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Believer-what a remarkable woman you are. I would feel proud to have a woman as string as you. Keep up the good work. Take care of yourself. You truly are a great woman.
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Believer,
I second HINC. You are wonderful.
I’m taking a break from grinding a stump in the back yard. Was a 100-year-old Douglas Fir, four-foot diameter at the base. Feel bad about losing it, but it was falling on the house. Anyway, I’m getting too old for this.
Just a thought. Does your H suffer from depression? Early stages of Alzheimer’s maybe? It sounds to me like he is way beyond fog. More like physiological problems.
OW would be smart to take him to a doc, IMO. No different than getting a mechanic to check out a used car before buying, hee hee.
T
PS: I’m saving for a bike. Want a Harley, but need to save a lot more first.
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Believer, you're one amazing woman. Keep up the good work.
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Believer, </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He tells me he loves me, is mixed up, didn't mean for this to happen, is lost </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This sounds sincere. Maybe he has come to his senses. Maybe he wants to come home. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">...blah, blah, blah. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You don't believe him? Or you don't care... </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He called me last week and asked me to please wait until he can "get himself together." </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He wants time. If you don't plan to remarry, whats the rush? Waht have you got to lose by giving him time? What is this really about, Believer? Shul
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believer chere, NOT giving ultimatims is when you're trying to save your marriage. You can give all the ultimatims you want when you're trying to get divorced! And really....this isn't an ultimatim...it's a BOUNDARY! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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One thing I have learned recovering in my A,through MB and through a wonderful FBW, is "words followed by actions." I am going to be believer's MB lawyer, now. She's a wondeful gal, can obviously fend and defend herself, but I'm prepared to step on her toes so she can relax and enjoy life once and for all... </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Shul: This sounds sincere. Maybe he has come to his senses. Maybe he wants to come home.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I bet (oh, I can't bet <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )...I would guarantee: You bet his sweet a$$ he wants to come home! Look at the woman believer has become! "Sounds and senses" need to be followed up with actions and truth. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You don't believe him? Or you don't care...</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Although my client is taking the fifth on this one, I must say: SHE DOESN'T CARE WHAT HE DOES. Sure, if he died tommorrow, I'm sure she would attend the funeral. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He wants time.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"Oh, I'm sorry, Pat, but you just didn't ring that buzzer in quick enough. You had the correct answer, but just rang in too late. Sorry. Thanks for playing, though!" </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If you don't plan to remarry, whats the rush? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm sorry for the frankness, but my client didn't know there was a timeframe for the mental abuse and bullsh1t she's had to go through for the past 20 months. My client is in a better place now and no longer needs Mr. Believer. Until the demands are met--that have been expressed very explicitly over these months--there will be ABSOLUTELY NO THOUGHT of even one ioat chance of delaying the inecitable of what Mr. Believer has clearly stated in his actions: he does not want to be in this M and has shown this over the past 20 months. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Waht have you got to lose by giving him time?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Dignity, self-preservation, everything believer believes in. I am at a loss of words for your client's realization that this "all" may have been a real, big mistake on his part. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What is this really about, Believer?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I will reserve the right for my client to answer for herself. I, personally, have no comment, if you haven't followed the pain, suffering, trails and tribualtions, and growth my client has gone through.
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PS...You go, girl! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> (Did I just say that?!?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )
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Thos - Yes, WH is was depressed. I begged him to go to the doctor 2 years ago. OW is 16 years younger than me, and very good looking. I guess that got WH over his depression! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> LINY - Do you ever post on the Jelly thread? There are lots of funny people there.
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Thos - We (or should I say WH) have a 2003 RoadKing, a 1973 shovehead, a Groundpounder, 1965 Triumph, and 2 dirtbikes. I'm trying to be cool about this because my husband used to be a good man. But if I end up having to get a D, I'm going to try to get some of the bikes. Then I'm giving one to the OW's husband. He says that would be a great trade, his wife for a Harley. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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Believer, OW may be attractive on the surface, but I'll bet it's very, VERY shallow!! You are a beautiful woman through and through! You inspire me. LINY, I think I wish you were MY attorney! Mine, while smart, has NO SENSE OF HUMOR or personality. (Perhaps I have to pay extra for that? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ) LL
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Uh-oh. Please, believer, tell me I did not insult you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Furthest intention of mine! I just didn't know where Shul was coming from. About Jelly...I have NOT read the thread. Mainly because I like reading a thread from beginning to end to get the jist of what's going on...My goodness! I'd be there forever! Again, sorry about the response. Didn't mean to respond for you in a bad way! (You know, I only have the utmost respect and admiration for you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) <small>[ September 25, 2004, 11:41 PM: Message edited by: LINY ]</small>
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LINY -
Check out the thread. You don't have to read the whole thing. It is just a bunch of idiots living in idiotville. Robby is the mayor, and I am the warden.
It is funny and uplifting. Right now we are all trying for the 3,000th post. The thread has had a couple of close calls, of being shut down by the mods. But it is just stupid, fun stuff.
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LL...I really haven't posted to you before...Always felt like I wanted to, but really don't know what to say. Followed your story, and just can't find words to give you comfort for the things SM (since you are "lordslady", may be appropriate for him to be "satansman") is doing.
About the lawyer fee? My fee is very reasonable: free, as long as you find comfort and happiness in the rest of your human journey!
Keep your head up and the trust in Him continuing!
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LINY, if you tried to read our Jelly thread from start to finish there'd be men in white coats coming for you before you were half way through it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Now I'll speak on behalf of Believer. I don't think she's insulted at all.
Believer, we love yah.
Jen
<small>[ September 25, 2004, 11:50 PM: Message edited by: KiwiJ ]</small>
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I'm not insulted at all. Jen - why don't you and LINY continue this thread. Have to get back to the other one.
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kiwi...sounds like my kinda thread! I like all of the cliches about humour...! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
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