Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
| Tax-deductible Donation | Site Tour | Meet Dr. Harley | Basic Concepts | Q&A Columns | Articles | Guidance Forum

Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Forums Calendar Active Threads
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
How to Plan A yet not condone cake eating???
#1191733 09/30/04 08:53 AM
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 79
T
thatsall
Offline
Member
thatsall
Member
T Offline
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 79
Say I'm in Plan A. No pressure, just smiles. WS fog lifts for an hour or so, she cries, says she loves me, says she misses me, embraces etc.

Is it still Plan A to hold her? I feel as if it is simply condoning her cake eating.... I think the compassion and affection makes deposits, and I believe that turning her away would be LB'ing. But perhaps that is my own fog.

I know others have found themselves in this type of a situation, what works and what should I avoid????

Any suggestions?
Re: How to Plan A yet not condone cake eating???
#1191734 09/30/04 09:05 AM
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 6,950
T
T00MuchCoffeeMan Offline
Member
T00MuchCoffeeMan
Member
T Offline
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 6,950
While it sound like you are doing a great Plan A I humbly suggest that you consider some of the points in 7 Powerful Tactics to Break Free From The Affair and Stop it NOW!.
Re: How to Plan A yet not condone cake eating???
#1191735 09/30/04 02:27 PM
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 10,107
England,United Kingdom
B
Bob_Pure Offline
Member
Bob_Pure
Member
B Offline
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 10,107
England,United Kingdom
Thatsall, I responded in THIS way :

Hug her back, but 'platonically' : no desperation HOWEVER desperate you are for her to hold you.

" It is nice to be hugged and told that I am loved. I will really FEEL loved when you hug me after you stop all contact with OM."

or similar.

Its not instinctive. Don't give yourself back to her too cheaply - she must earn your affection , by stopping the A , not by talking a sad line. DO not be satisified with the hug, wait for the retrun of your WW.
Re: How to Plan A yet not condone cake eating???
#1191736 09/30/04 02:33 PM
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 79
T
thatsall
Offline
Member
thatsall
Member
T Offline
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 79
Thanks BP...

Yeah, it definitely didn't feel right and it did feel cheap as if I was getting my needs met. That is not productive.

You are an inspiration BP, Thanks.

Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,138 guests, and 56 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
apefruityouth, litchming, scrushe, Carolina Wilson, Lokire
72,032 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Three Times A Charm
by Vallation - 07/24/25 11:54 PM
How important is it to get the whole story?
by still seeking - 07/24/25 01:29 AM
Annulment reconsideration help
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:05 PM
Help: I Don't Like Being Around My Wife
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:01 PM
Following Ex-Wifes Nursing Schedule?
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:21 AM
My wife wants a separation
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:20 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,524
Members72,032
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
Forum Rules · Mark All Read Contact Us · Forum Help · Marriage Builders
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Feedback | Terms and Conditions | Privacy Policy | Contact Us | Site Map | Account
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 8.0.0