WH still in contact with OW. I know because I am snooping around. We do not talk about her anymore. Plan A failed but I can not get myself to plan B because they are having HUGE issues. OW does not get why he is still with me and making excuses to her instead of separating. OW claims the holidays should be the two of them and not WH with my family and me. OW claims things are not like they used to be between them and WH has changed with her big time. I can not get him out of my life now because then it will be easy for them to be together and fill in their love banks. At this time I am being strong even though all the hurt I am receiving through my investigations and snooping around that I have been doing. WH has shown some improvement at home and I am not giving up for her to enjoy. It may not be healthy for me to stay right now but I am stronger that what I thought I was and I have more reasons to fight than OW so she is going to have to keep withdrawing from WH love bank because I am not going to let her just have him.

I need patience and vent here so I can get through each day. One day at a time. Through the pain and hurt. One day at a time.

I wish I could understand what's in his mind and what his plan is. By snooping I found out WH is telling his male friends to go for OW to get her off him. I wish they were as stupid as he was and would go for her. Maybe marry her and make her really happy and move to Alaska (We are at Florida). That will be a really good friend. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I had a terrible Friday and Sunday. Saturday was better because we were together all day and actually had fun. My truck driver is out on the road again today. It stinks but he is the one bringing the food home while I babysit our kids.

The OW cant understand how I have not found a job since the time I found out about A so WH will not feel responsible for me. OW cant understand "why it takes WH so long to get a divorce when everyone does it all the time just by sitting and making a list of who is keeping what." Apparently for her divorce is so normal and ok in a marriage. Just because her WH left her and divorce her so easily and she went on to become the OW for someone else it does not makes it the right way to live a life. It is not how WH and I grew up. Our parents are still together.

Sorry it is long. I could keep on going but I just wanted to get it out. I will leave some more for later. Thanks for listening.

Who said Plan A is failing? It looks like it's working to me, and very well at that.

Stay in Plan A, fill his EN's and let OW withdraw from his LB$. Where's he going to fall? Into your safe and loving arms, that' where.

You are doing fine. Find some fun things for YOU to do, ie, shopping, hobbies, exercise, household projects, etc. to keep your mind busy, and to divert your attention away from the chaos.

You are watching the A fall apart right in front of your eyes. All as a result of your Plan A. Redouble your efforts, eliminate the LoveBusters, fill is LB$ and watch it work for you.

SD

I may be confused on Plan A but I thought this was when WH was supposed to have total separation from OW. At his point I am not sure about a lot of things. I have been doing sooo much reading about affairs that I am driving myself crazy with all that reading. I will re-read and review what plan A is for sure. It just hurts too much to know they still contact each other and my only relief is knowing it is not all pleasure for them at this point so it gives me hopes. I am just asking myself how much more can I wait. I found out about A this past June. It will be 4 months at the end of October. I am mentally giving myself until January before going for plan B but it gets harder and harder to wait till then. I have to anyway because of the things I know are happening between them. It is just not as easy as I thought it would be. Oh well, I will manage to hang in here for a few more months. Time will tell. Thanks for your words.

Plan A is not for wimps <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

No one said Plan A will stop the affair immediately. Think of it as chinese water torture. Your continued "lovely" self, compared to the OW putting pressure on your WH, making him face reality all the time, makes you look better every day!

If you think Plan B may be necessary, remember, the better you Plan A is, the better chance Plan B will have. Read, read, read!

Stay strong!
SD

aymeemtz,

ditto SD. I want to add one more thing. I know it is a huge temptation but you need to stop snooping for now. I am advocate for snooping but when you get the answer you want ... stop it for now specially when you are in plan A. Nothing would take huge LU$ than listening to the information that you have. Rule of tumb in snooping: snoop to find out a specific info; stop it once you know the answer, you could do it again to verify your progress or if there is a new development; never throw the result in your WS unless you have throught about it (not in a hurry and certainly not in anger); last, vent here nad hang in there <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

You are a very strong woman, you could do this. You want to fight for your M ?. Bite your tounge and keep plan A'ng. OW will LB'ed and WH LB'ed already.

I would not find a job right now until your situation is resolved. Do find training for yourself, practical training that could help you to earn wages. Why ?. It would protect you in case he filed, this is DV financing. You don't need extra office/work strees, tt is hard to focus at work when you have trouble at home, resolve the trouble first.

How old are your kids ?. If he is a 18-wheeller, there is a bed & cabins; have you ever take a road trip ? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> .

-rh-

ay,
I concur with the rest...you are actually in PRIMO PLAN A STAGE.

This is exactly the point that you have to pull yourself up to the challenge.

Do not overdo it.

STOP ALL RELATIONSHIP TALK .

Do not mention A, OW, cease all snooping.

Plan A is about showing the straying spouse the spouse they will be walking away from.

SD is right on the money...be kind, considerate...give him nothing to complain about..and let OW become a huge pain in the BUTT !!!

Stay strong....it's working !

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I would not find a job right now until your situation is resolved. Do find training for yourself, practical training that could help you to earn wages. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">RedHat:
I have a Degree in hotel administration. I worked all my life until I had the baby 14 months ago. I could go back to earn a living anytime, but among lots of other personal reasons, I am staying home for what you mention. I Do not need the extra stress right now and I need all my energy to put into making this work.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> How old are your kids ?. If he is a 18-wheeller, there is a bed & cabins; have you ever take a road trip ? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">RH:
My stepson is 10 and my baby boy is 14 months.

I have been in trips with him. It does not helps much. I can not go all the time because of the kids and its hard to find babysitting on weird schedules. It has been hard going with him, enjoying the time together and then coming back home feeling empty because he keeps going and who knows if OW is on the next trip. After all he "carries" his "motel room" with him daily wherever he goes. I just try not to think about that much becuase it is, like SD said, a </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> chinese water torture </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">.

Thanks all for the comments. It all helps big time. I will try my best to stop all snooping. I am sure it will help for a while. Thanks for the tip. I was kind of obscessed with it for a while. I will try to stay out of that for a while.


***********************
Married 2.5 years
know for 15
D-day 6/20/04
A-1.5yrs
me and WH both 33
Step son 10 yr
son 14months

I just changed my displayed name from aymeemtz to love of a lifetime. When I was setting up my profile I did not know what was going to show where during postings.

Does anyone know why they ask in the profile if you want the email address to show. I want mine available and I will like to email others but do not know where to find the emails or how to do it. LEt me know if you know. Thanks. Love

If one want to share an e-mail address, it's typically done "short term"; ie, post it to one who has requested it, then go back and edit the post where you placed it, deleting the e-mail address. Then it's only available short term, so you are not advertising to the world.

Thanks a lot! I was not sure because when I was editing my profile a few minutes ago it asked if it was ok to show it(email) and I thought it was an authomatic thing if I marked "yes".

I am a member since July but just now I have started to post and get the hang of things around here.