I was off work yesterday, so I was just relaxing at home when the phone rang, it was my 10 year old D's school calling, she was having yet another of her "stomach aches". I called my H and told him.

Me:
I have to go pick our daughter up at school, she's having another stomach ache.

Him:
Maybe her stomach really does hurt.

Me:
I'm sure her stomach hurts...and do you know why her stomach hurts?

Him:
Why?

Me:
Because of all the sh*t that's going on.

Him:
Oh.....well call me after you get her home.

So I go and pick her up at school, and he calls the house shortly after that and talks to her. I can only hear her side of the conversation, but at one point she asked him "When do we get to come home Daddy?" He said "I don't know, baby...". So the conversation ends....my daughter is crying, and immediately sits down and writes him a letter. The letter says:

Daddy,

I want to come home. I miss you, I miss the dogs, I miss my room. I need you. Don't you love me anymore? I love you. Don't you like being my daddy? Please let me come home.

So, on the way to the parent/teacher conference I stopped by his work and dropped off her letter.

I get to the parent/teacher conference and sit down and the teachers begin to ask me "What's going on with her?" I said "What do you mean?" They said "Well, there are achievement tests that the kids take every year, and on last years tests she did very well, this year she's failing all of them, and this is the same information, also she seems very lethargic and depressed in class.." I told them that he father and I had recently separated and they said "Oh......that makes sense. We couldn't figure out what was going on, she's not progressing." After I talked to them about it for a while, and they said they would try to give her more individualized attention, and would try to talk her into trying to stay at school when she has her "stomach aches". I left the school, and again went back to my H's work, and showed him the paper. I told him that we needed to talk, and that I'd be bringing our daughter by after he got off of work.

I went to his house, and my daughter just sat there teary eyed, but wouldn't speak. He tried and tried to get her to talk, but she wouldn't so he said "Honey, Daddy loves you very, very much....I don't like being your Daddy, I LOVE being your Daddy, but your Mommy and me aren't getting back together...." I sat there floored. Here I tell him that our daughter is in crisis and he tells her the very last thing she'd ever want to hear.

I called my Mom and had her come over and pick Brooklyn up and then we got into a screaming match,

Me:

I can't F-ing believe you just said that to her!!!!
Him:
"What Caren?"

Me:
She's upset, doing bad in school, depressed...and the best you can come up with is "Mommy and Me aren't getting back together?"

Him:
Caren I'm not going to sugar coat this

Me:
Ya know, it's one thing to rip my heart out and stomp on it, I'm an adult, but it's quite another to do it to your daughter

Him:
What Caren? What do you want me to do? Get back together with you and be miserable?

Me:
Oh, as long as you're not miserable, it doesn't matter that your daughter is miserable?

Me:
You won't even consider trying to work this out...not even for her?

Him:
You're just trying to find any way back in here aren't you?

Me:
What? Do you think that me and the teachers conspired to make you feel bad?

Then we got into it about his car, because he is supposed to be parking it in this girl's garage for the winter (his hot rod),

Me:
I swear to God, if you park your car in her garage I'll burn that b*tch to the ground

Him:
You're not going to touch my car

Me:
I didn't say I was going to burn your car to the ground, I'll burn her damn garage to the ground

Him:
Oh that's great, then you'll be in jail for arson

Me:
Oh well.....

Then he gets inches from my face and is screaming, go ahead Caren, mess with my car, touch it......see what happens.....

Me:
I don't want to touch it

Him:
GO ON TOUCH IT CAREN, MESS WITH MY CAR

Me:
I don't want to

Him
TOUCH MY CAR CAREN!!!! GO ON TOUCH MY CAR

Me:
Okay.....so I went towards the door, picked up a bottle of windex, opened the front door and winged it at his car....it exploded all over the side of it.

Him:
GET THE [censored] OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!

Me:
No

Him:
CAREN, GET THE [censored] OUT OF MY HOUSE B*TCH!!!

Me:
No, it's my house too.

Him:
NO IT'S NOT! GET OUT!

Me:
Nope

Him:
OH, YOU'RE LEAVING ONE WAY OR ANOTHER

Me:
What, are you going to call the police on me?

Him:
No

Me:
Are you going to physically remove me from the house?

Him:
No

So he finally resolves himself to the fact that he can't make me leave

So I start the marriage counselor talk again,

Him:
NO!!!!!!!!

Me:
Seriously? Not even for your daughter? You can't even try to work this out for her?

Him:
No

Me:
You know what?! I don't know if I'm "In Love" with you anymore....as a matter of fact, I don't even like you right now.

Him:
Oh, is that why you keep having sex with me?

Me:
I told you I never thought the sex changed anything between us

I walked towards the door...

Me:
So you're not willing to even TRY to work this out, even though it's completely F*cking up our daughter?

Him:
.............

Me:
I'll make the appointment

And I left.

My daughter called him before she went to sleep, which she does every night to tell him "good night daddy, I love you, God bless you"

I called him about 10 minutes later and apologized for throwing the windex at his car, he said "That's okay" I said "Well that's all I wanted to say...I'm sorry I did that" and we hung up.

I didn't call him all day today, and yes, I realize that whole evening was full of NOTHING but love busters....but I was so angry over the emotional state of my 10 year old I couldn't react any other way.

Tonight I went to the store, and I dropped our daughter off at his pet shop while I shopped, when I went to pick her back up I gave him a halloween size bag of chewy sweetarts (his favorite) and said "Happy Sweetest Day" (which is tommorrow).

Now my dilemma is, where do I find a marriage counselor that will follow the Marriage builder techniques? I really want it to be one that does, I don't see how it can work any other way.

I am also seeking a counselor for our daughter, she needs someone impartial to talk to, to help her deal with her feelings.

He is talking to me again today....and low and behold, he wants to have sex with me as "My sweetest day present".

I love him so much, and it hurts so much for him to say that if we got back together he'd be miserable.

I'll have to say I'm not as "depressed" as normal, I don't know if it's because I'm more focused on my daughter's problem now instead of how I feel or if he's widdled away enough of the love and respect that I had for him to the point where I almost don't care anymore. I do love him with all my heart, but I can feel my defenses going up, and just like I haven't been able to control this emotional roller coaster I've been on, I'm not able to control the wall that he's building around my heart stone by stone.

We need counseling, because I know I'll go to my grave loving him.

-Caren

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by CarenMc:
Now my dilemma is, where do I find a marriage counselor that will follow the Marriage builder techniques? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The entire MB site is generally slower on weekends. So be patient. Responses will come.

You are asking the wrong question here!

The question you should be asking yourself is this:

"How can I control my temper and stop all the drama that is ruining any chance for my marriage?"

Think about that.

Pep

Caren - I know this is tough, but conversations like this just push your WH farther and farther away and help him justify his actions. You can talk to him about his daughter with out yelling and LB'ing and the results will be so much more positive.

When you make the conversations with your WH so unpleasant you make him not want to talk to you. Think about it, do you want to have conversations like this with people? NO.

Today is a new day, you can't change what happened yesterday so just concentrate on today and tomorrow.

Caren, please don't take this the wrong way.

from reading this post, it seems like you are using your daughter against and to wheedle back in with your husband. If I get the impression just from reading your post, what is he thinking?

I understand that you are concerned for your daughter and I do not think you are faking that at all. And you are right to be concerned. But that does not mean you should be using her in this fashion.

Now the interent and bulletin boards don't give the full picture so I'm just telling you my off-the-duff impression.

Pep is right about your temper. We all have them and sometimes we have a very difficult time not blowing up.

But if someone said to me, "I'm going to burn down that b's garage with your car in it", my first thought would not be to think, "Ohhhh, really? You care that much? Maybe I should reconsider this counselling thing and try to reconcile".

I don't know your story so I'm going to search on your threads.

I know the drama was a bad thing....but my little girl is hurting so much, and my maternal protective instincts kicked in and I lost it (You don't mess with Mama Bear or you'll find yourself gutted).

I think I may have harrassed him into marriage counseling. Which I know is a bad way to do it, but I think if I could just get him to talk this through he might see that he still loves us/wants to be with us. It has to be a marriage counselor that follows MB, because I've been to a MC many years ago, and he just listened to us b*tch about each other, and then suggested we do more things together, and after 3 sessions prounounced us cured....which was blatantly not the case. And my IC is terrible, he just keeps telling me to move on....that I should just forget about my husband and my marriage, and start a new life. I don't want a damn new life....I want my life back, and I want it to be better....fulfilling for both of us and our child (and my other children). I don't want to rush into reconciliation....I just want to go slow and work out our problems so that we can be in love again....and this time forever.

-Caren

honestly...maybe I was trying to use that angle to make him stop and friggen think about what he's doing. It wasn't my intention to do that, but I can see what you're saying...I am desperate, and when all the fighting started she was already gone...over to my mothers, I didn't mean to use her to get him back, but she needs him as much, if not more than I do.

I am not handling this very well at all....as you may have noticed...I try the Plan A stuff, but it seems the longer he lives by himself, the more he enjoys it, and even went as far as to say....if we're separated long enough, the judge will give me a divorce........(this was before things got nasty). It's like a knife through my heart everytime he says things like that.

-Caren

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by CarenMc:
I know the drama was a bad thing....but my little girl is hurting so much, and my maternal protective instincts kicked in and I lost it (You don't mess with Mama Bear or you'll find yourself gutted).

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Your anger (in this instance) is not protective of your child. If you do not believe me, look at the results of your angry outburst.

Did this outburst and drama benefit your child by making her family more secure?

It benefited you in a very short-term way. By releasing your emotions, but it did not benefit your child.

Pep

<small>[ October 16, 2004, 10:13 AM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Caren,
Things are very slow on weekends, expect more responses on Monday and don't hesitate to bump your title up if you want it to stay on the page.

To get to your situation:
Wow, I see a lot of sadness and unrest for your D. OF COURSE the living arrangemsnts are affecting her in school. It is no wonder that she feels sick, misses her Dad, her home, her dogs. Kids always get the worst of a breakup and they are powerless to change the situation, Her case is classic, easy to see it coming and easy to see the cause. Not so easy is the solution. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I don;t know anymore that what I read here. Why did you and your D have to move out of the house? Where do you live? How long has this been going on? Is your H living with another woman? Without knowing any details, it's really hard to read what is going on.

What I CAN comment on is the screaming, cussing, throwing things, threats etc. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I see no reason that your H would want to go to therapy to try to save this relationship even for the sake of your D. NO ONE wants to live in a volatile situation like that and I can assure you that you are not making any deposits in his Love Bank with those actions.

I'm not saying that you are totally at fault or that he has not provoked the outburts but if you sincerely want him to consider repairing the marriage, you are going to have to change your approach.

Since things are slow this weekend, I suggest that you take some time and read the MB conceprt on the home page. Read all you can about Plan A. Without knowing what else is going on, I can't tell you exactly what to do, but I know that you will see that you can make a positive change in the relationship if you change your own actions.

Regardless of whether or not you save your marriage, your H will always be your D's father. You need to ensure that there is a safe line of communication between you for the sake of your D.

I hope you don't take these responses as major 2x4's and feel offended. We have been around awhile and have seen the positive changes that are possible even when what you really want to do is bash in his red Porche with a hammer. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> (Oh sorry, that was me I was talking about... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> )

Keep us posted, Ladysing

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Pepperband:
"How can I control my temper and stop all the drama that is ruining any chance for my marriage?"
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Try again.

See if you can answer this question.

Because the answer to this question will protect your daughter.

Pep

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Ladysing58:
when what you really want to do is bash in his red Porche with a hammer. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> (Oh sorry, that was me I was talking about... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> )
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Miss ladysing...

as a member of SPCRP I must protest your post!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

(Society to Prevent Cruelty to Red Porches)

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Pep
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

It's ok Pep, "Prissy" as I call the red Porche is safe, I took pity on her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Caren,

I do not think that what you are doing is working on restoring your marriage...nor helping your child.

What do you think that YOU could do differently...now what HE can do..because he is not the one that is seeking help.

If you only want "support" for being right...and trying to badger him into MC I have nothing to offer.

Is that really how you want to get him to agree to MC?

STOP the contributions to the fights and crazy behavior.

Remove yourself from him and give your daughter assurances that it will be ok. The BIG picture is it will be ok...with him or without him in the house. No one is going to lay down and die from his not being there. At the very least, YOU need to be the one giving comfort to your child.

I have a feeling that it wouldn't matter what he told her right now...you only want him to tell her that you and he are getting back together...you are going to be a family again...and that you are going to live happily ever after. It doesn't sound to me like that speech is anywhere near to happening.

Stop REACTING...and start ACTING.

JMHO
committed

Hi Caren,

Sorry it took so long for me to reply, but I wanted to read all of your posts because I wasn't familiar with your story...

I sense from your posts that you have a very hard time controlling your temper.

Hopefully you and your H can find a good MC... if he won't go with you, then you should at least try and find a good IC and let him/her know that you need help with controlling your temper and anger...

I suspect that once you learn to control your temper and anger that your H will find you much more attractive.

Semper Fi,
RIF90

I'm not sure I can get through to you because I've been there --

We're in MB, and guess what, IT ONLY WORKS IF BOTH SPOUSES WANT IT TO WORK!!! Take a look at threads of momto3boys, whose husband got OW pregnant AFTER they attended the MB program.

I think Dr. Harley is a terrific person, and he has given our marriage an incredible amount of attention. He has spoken personally with both of us (with me for a total of about 12 hours), and he has answered about 80 of my e-mails on the forum. He takes on cases where there is severe physical abuse, and our case qualifies. His last e-mail recommended that I prepare for separation.

Am I upset? Am I angry?

NO...I have finally come to realize that an adult cannot be coerced, and that we will only build a marriage if he wants to do so.

Two nights ago, our five year old daughter came into the family room while we were sitting together talking, and these are her exact words:
"Hey! What's going on here? It looks like Daddy's being nice to Mommy."

What a surprise. How unusual.

I let go. I am doing my best to completely let go. He is an adult. He can make his own decisions. He started individual counseling a few days ago. He's not really ready for marriage counseling.

This is THREE YEARS after he broke my arm, resulting in three surgeries, and he broke it because I was threatening to call the woman with whom in fact he was having an affair. And the broken arm was 12 days after surgery for a childbirth related injury which included a hysterectomy. I had a catheter bag for the first of three surgeries for the arm.

I don't even want to continue. It sickens me.

What your husband needs from you is --
RESPECT that, as an adult, he can make his own decisions, even if they hurt you and your daughter

BE OPEN to reconciliation in the future if he so desires it

BACK OFF until and unless he says he is open to it.

I read Love Busters during the affair and it did no good in having me figure out how to not have angry outburts. The book that has most helped me is "Buyers, Renters, and Freeloaders". Renters are angry and try to convince another person that they are right. Buyers only want to be in a marriage where it is mutually satisfying and are willing to give up a marriage when the other person isn't interested.

Dr. Harley guarantees his program IF YOU GO THROUGH IT. You don't go through it unless both are willing. I think Harley's program should more appropriately be that it ends bad marriages. When you get into it, if the Relucant Spouse won't do the program, the marriage is over.

I hope this helps. I feel for you. The moment that I will remember is, one week after arm surgery, I drove a stick shift car to Sophia's house to show her the injury. My two little girls, ages 2 and under 1 at the time, were in the back. I was in the back alley.

I remember thinking, "What am I doing?"

The Windex against the car did no good. It only proved to your H that you don't respect that he has the right to make his own decisions. I think I know where you are coming from. It took me a lot to get to the point of backing off.

Whether we separate or not, whether our marriage lasts or not, is not up to me alone. My H is taking some time to decide what he wants to do. I have expressed openess, but I can convince him of nothing. After all, I'm not him. He has his own reasons for doing what he chooses to do.

Cherished

<small>[ October 16, 2004, 11:51 AM: Message edited by: Cherished ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have finally come to realize that an adult cannot be coerced, and that we will only build a marriage if he wants to do so.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have to say that's one of our rare moments of clarity statement!

Do NOT base success or failure on ANY MB couple. Each of us defines success and failure differently.

Your M, your relationship, your life..is ultimately YOURS. You have to do what's best for you.

I think a lot of the time people misinterpret what the MB program is about. Plan A.. is ultimately about the BS. In some cases..the WS benefits greatly....but the BS has this opportunity to learn and grow so much, we should never overlook that. Our behaviours OBVIOUSLY have to be changed, and modified...or why are we really here ? I don't read a lot of WS claiming they had a perfect M prior to the A. We got ourselves here through joint effort...I assure you.

Caren,
I know the time you're going through is extremely difficult. Your child needs to be protected by this situation as much as possible. This includes reinforcing the fact that mommy and daddy love her...and nothing else matters.

Blaming your H...probably escalated that whole thing. Sometimes it's a word...ONE word...that determines the path of the remaining dialogue.

Words...were my worst enemy...for SO many years...and I've learned..and continue to learn that my words are my own worst enemy.

Counting to 10...and taking a step back...makes all the different.

This isn't a quick easy fix...it's about reinventing yourself, your M...and in the end...REGARDLESS...of the success of recovering your M...your ULTIMATE goal is to come out the other side...a happier, healthier person.

I know this is just ramble...but wanted to add my 2 cents.

Caren,
This thread has given you some excellent things to ponder. It's not always easy to hear some things, but I believe that you have received some of the best advice I have read in a long time.

Take good care of yourself and your daughter and try to enjoy the weekend, Ladysing <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I couldn't finish your original post. I have no idea what is going on, but one thing is clear, you are not doing plan A or B. If that is true, then the R is done. Start living your life and support your DD as much as you can. She needs you. We can't control other people. That is the first lesson of Plan A and you certainly can't control people you are no longer in an R with, so learn to control yourself.

Unfortunately, some people make horrible exes. Your daughter will eventually see whatever flaws your H has as a father. But for now, you need to be the one that is there for her. That should be your overriding concern.

And if you are serious about trying to get your H back, the LBs need to stop *now*. Then we can talk.

Thank You All SOOO Much! Nothing that was said in any of the posts was remotely offensive to me, I know that you're right. That's why I come here, for honest answers and advice. It's just hard for me to accept the man I've loved for the last 12 years is doing this to me (and I have read all the MB books, and I acknowledge my part in the problems in our marriage and have written him a letter stating as much...but I can't believe this is happening, that he's so sure he never wants to be with me again), it's ripping out my heart.

Ladysing:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don;t know anymore that what I read here. Why did you and your D have to move out of the house? Where do you live? How long has this been going on? Is your H living with another woman? Without knowing any details, it's really hard to read what is going on.

Okay, let's see if I can answer these questions.

My daughters and I (I have 3, only 1 with him) moved out of the house because it's a rental, he rents it from his boss, there is no lease agreement, we lived there because he works where he works, the rent comes directly out of his check. I also moved, because I had not read any of the MB books, I hadn't even heard of them, and living there with him knowing he wasn't in love with me just hurt too much. What I didn't realize was, that moving didn't make it any better, it may have made it worse.

I am currently renting a 1/2 double and have all 3 girls with me. I'm bearly making ends meet.

In May my H went to stay with his mother, because he wasn't happy, and I couldn't stand being there without him, I freaked out completely and cried and was totally psychotic, I was calling his Mom @ 3 am bawling and crying to her (She stays up that late anyway...I didn't wake her up) so after the night that I called her that late, she got into an argument with my H and asked him what was going on...etc. He apparently didn't like the confrontation and ended up walking back in the door and saying "You Win! I'm back" (It didn't feel like I'd won anything) Since then he had been really distant, he would go through the motions, he always came home right after work, etc...and we were still having sex, but he was with-holding all other affection and didn't really want to talk to me. I was going insane, and begged him to go to a marriage counselor, he said no....I said if we don't work on this we're going to end up getting divorced....shortly thereafter he told me he wanted a divorce, and he wanted me out.

Is my husband living with an OW? No, he lives in our house alone. I have tried to find evidence of an OW, but I can find none. I thought it was a girl he worked near, but he's denied that everytime I've asked, and I've been sneaking around checking it out, and have found no evidence that he's lying....he's where he says he going to be all the time. I think that there may have been sort of an EA going on, but I don't think she's interested in him that way....I really don't. (I still don't like her, and I still don't trust her). We are still having sex quite a bit a few times a week (I have been doing this to try to meet the emotional needs that he'll let me meet...and also because, well, I'm horny, and an hour or two in his arms is better than nothing).

I'm trying to start developing some outside interests, I met a couple through work that I really got along with (I work in a hospital and the husband had gotten in a car accident and had to have his leg amputated). They invited me to come to their house, and I think I'll take them up on it (Something my husband would NEVER approve of), but all my current friends suck, all they want to tell me is "Dump that as*hole", they can't listen to my pain, they just say "Caren, you're stronger than this...." Well fact of the matter is, I normally am a VERY strong person, but all this has rocked me to the core.

I really need to seek a counselor that can help me, my current one just wants to tell me to start dating, he actually said "Well, how do you think he'd feel if you brought another man into the picture" I'm thinking....OMG are you serious? Should I really drag some innocent guy into this sh*t, make him think he has a shot with me, and then boot him when my husband wants to reconcile? That seems unusually cruel to me, and I'm not a cruel person....I have a horrible temper, but I'm not cruel.

I spoke to his mother the other day, because of what has been going on with my DD, and asked her not to mention it to my H. She said "Caren, I don't know what to say. You've done nothing to deserve this. You've been good for Mark. It hurts me that it's hurting my grand-daughter, but I don't know what to do" I said "I don't want you to do anything, I'm not trying to put you in the middle, I was actually just trying to keep you up on what is going on." She said "Caren, I'm sorry he's doing this to you and to Brooklyn, I don't know what's going on in his head, but I won't mention to him that you called me"

*sigh* I don't know, I'm so screwed up I don't know which end is up.

-Caren <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

OK Caren, thanks for clarifying some issues.

I agree, moving out probably made things worse but you can't change that now.

Is he helping pay expenses for you and the girls? I ask especially because his rent is payed for and you are barely making it.

Why are you having sex regularly with him when he has told you he wants a divorce? I think that he is demeaning and using you, you don't need to do this.

I agree that you need a good counselor. I also agree that the LAST THING you need to do is start dating. What purpose would that serve. No one deserves to be put in the middle of your situation now. Don't even think about it!

Your primary concern right now should be your daughters. Be a good, loving and stable mother. They have been through a shock and they will suffer emotionally from this. You NEED to put them first. That means stop the drama, stay away from your H if you are angry etc. etc. Be a safe place for the girls.

If you want to save your marriage, you need to read up on Plan A and start it now. Make yourself a more attractive alternative. Make your home a loving place, let your H see that you can make it without him and he may start to see you in a very different light.

Read the concepts and get started on a new chapter, I am thrilled that you are so receptive to the MB'ers here who are trying to help! Prayers to you, ladysing

Lady:

I have initated the sex just about everytime, I thought I was supposed to be filling all the emotional needs I can during my Plan A (which I'm aware I'm not doing very well...I destroy all my progress when I get angry). And per the book sex is way up there on a mans EN list.....so I was trying to fill that for him, but I have this sneaking suspicion I'm in the "Having his cake and eating it too" catagory.

Hell, I don't know what I'm doing...it's pretty obvious. I am trying as hard as I can to provide stability for the girls, but there are some days I'm just completely emotionally drained. It is, however getting better...It surprises me, I have been in emotional turmoil so long, I thought I'd be there forever. I still want him back, I still love him with ever fiber of my being....but I don't feel like running my car off a cliff anymore, I've turned some kind of corner, so maybe I'll be better equipped to plan A, and to get my life back together.

Thank you all so much....and your prayers are appreciated!!

-Caren