Hi.
My husband went on one of his business trips. He told me he was going to TX, but it turns out he was going to NM. This is the same place he went two years ago before we had our Dday.
He came hom a totally different man!

I found out where he really was going by calling in to his work for his hotel address as I was going to send him a gift basket. I can't beleieve he lied to me! I felt like a fool!

My question is WHY? He could have told me the truth. WHY does he need to lie about this. I figured it was because he knows how he acted when he came home two years ago and thought it might "trigger" me and didn't want to deal with it.

He was acting really guilty last night. Very nice to the children and to me. He drank a bit much and then was telling me things about his childhood and how he could never just lie on a beach somewhere again and have no stresses. he now has children and that would weigh on his conscience no matter where he was in relation to his family. I thought this was VERY weird converstaion. I also didn't like that he talked about taking his resume along.

He did tell me later to take comfort in the fact he didn't update his resume to take with him. told him he needs to do whatever makes him happy and that I would support him 100% and he stressed he thought his business could be just as successful here in PA.

I sent him the basket anyway. I am planning to tell him I am disappointed he feels he cannot tell me the truth about things. I am planning to be pleasant and upbeat and tell him I need to go as I have plans.

Inside though, I am dying. I don't want to go through what I did before. I am afraid he is getting his ducks in a row to leave me. I think I should see an attorney about this, but I do not want to jump the gun. I don't want to be a sitting duck though either!

UGHHHHHH! Help!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by wittlewifeypoo:
<strong> Hi.
My husband went on one of his business trips. He told me he was going to TX, but it turns out he was going to NM.

I found out where he really was going by calling in to his work for his hotel address as I was going to send him a gift basket.

I sent him the basket anyway. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So...then...he's going to get a basket in NM when you're not supposed to know he's there? So he'll figure out that you found out where he really was.

It seems to me that it would be best to confront him with the facts in a very Plan A way, and say that if he IS planning to leave that you would hope he would be a man about it and have the decency and honor to be honest with you and not up and leave without warning.

Call a man on his manliness, that'll do it every time!

I would agree that you should talk to him in a very gentle way. Communication has to be a two lane road.

Also are you in any kind of counseling? Do you think you could get him to go to some MC? If you ask "remember communicate" and he says no then go to IC yourself. Take the initative here. Please consider the Harley's as counsselors, they are the best for the MB program.

Keep posting when you get frustrated or need to vent. And remember that we are always here for you. Take care of yourself.

C.

Well,
He never called me last night at all. He direct connected me once to let me know his flight had landed in TX and then gave me the "I'll be working pretty late, so I'm not sure if I can call you tonight or not" line.

I can't believe that he had no access to a phone at some point last night. I tried to call him via our nextel phones and get a user is currently unavailable message. I am thinking the covergae area in NM is not very good.

I am thinking of trying to call him this AM as I feel he may think he is in hot water and won't call here.

What do you think? Should I be pissed he couldn't at least pick up the phone and call me. I mean, I am here with four children and a 2 minute DC does not really show you care.

Any thoughts or idea appreciated.

I am planning to tell him I am disappointed he feels he cannot tell me the truth about things.

ooohhh I get it...
it's YOUR fault and your responsibility that he "can't" tell you the truth..

how is it when he has alcohol in him he talks about being a responsible dad...
but in action he is not even stand up enough to leave the state and tell the truth...

but enough about him..
really enough enough enough about him...

where are YOUR boundaries...
what is tolerable and intolerable in YOUR universe...

you need to figure out that first...
and then move from there...


ARK

It sounds to me like he is having an affair and is meeting someone in New Mexico. People who have nothing to hide, don't hide. I would not be too "gentle," but I would be firm and persistent in getting a straight answer. Now is not the time to tiptoe around him or go wimpy.

Of course, you probably aren't going to get a straight answer, so the answer might be to start doing some investigating to find out what is really going on. Does he have a laptop that you can put spyware on?

Hello again.
Well, almost 8pm our time and no word from him at all. I just received a call his mother is in the hospital. Nice of him to check on his family.

Ark- My boundaries are that if I cannot obtain a reasonable expectation of what will happen with our marriage I must file an injunction to freeze assets and begin the paperwork proceedings. I will not waste another two years of my life in a state of limbo while he waffles back and forth about his family.

Melody- I do not think he is meeting someone in NM. This call was arranged via his work and I know he is there for business. I think he lied because he knows his last trip to NM resulted in total chaos in our lives and he didn't want to deal with any negativity from me on this issue. I thought he may have had a ONS while there, but the only person with answers to these questions is him and he's not talking.

I will not really worry until 10 PM tonight on the off chance he is very busy with this service call. If I do not hear from him then I will call his hotel room and see what is going on. I still feel there is no excuse to have not checked in with me or the children by now. I am told men do not think about things the same way as women so maybe he will just follow his own timeline.

Thanks everyone for allowing me to vent.