I have been out of town fro the past two days. She was supposed to get her stuff out of the house while I was gone. I left her the Plan B letter. I haven't heard from her at all. Suppose she got the message?

I am really missing her. My head tells me to follow the marriage builders plan but my heart is breaking and wants her back. I can't force her back, in fact she wants to leave. I only hope she has good memories of me.

HINC,

Oh I think eventually she will. Right now, I doubt that she will think kindly of you. She had to rewrite history to justify what she has done, so you are going to be the bad guy and you really cannot win any arguement that would suggest otherwise.

But, I do think that unless she is a sociopath, she will eventually be able to sincerely apologize but that may be years down the road.

HINC, keep moving on and start to build your life. I know you have seen the youngest one recently, when do you go see your other children?? It will take time but you will recover from this. So keep doing what you need to do day to day.

She is out of your life for awhile so now is not the time to be worrying about her, or what she feels. If ultimately she decides something I think she will tell you. So move on into the social aspects of your church, your friends etc. and get going with your life.

God Bless,

JL

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by hopefulinnc:
I am really missing her.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Of course you are! You shared the majority of your life (so far) with her.

Know what? I am sure she will miss you too.... for the same reason. You and she have shared a life together, raised kids together, overcame uncountable problems together. Unless she's had a lobotomy, she remembers these things. ... or she will, when she is not actively pushing the memories away from her conscious mind.

But, here's something she has to deal with that you don't ---> guilt.

YOU can face your loss knowing you fought to keep the marriage together.

WW, when she remembers the past (and the HAPPY times WILL be imprinted in her mind) she has to face the guilt of being the one who walked away from the bond you shared.

She will miss you with a guilty heart.

You miss her with a much cleaner template.

Grieve your loss. But like JL says, go live your life. Wake up every day and go DO your life!


Prayers for you.

Pep

<small>[ October 19, 2004, 08:52 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Hopeful -

Guess I have to drag out the old "flying by the instrument panel" example that has helped so many others here.

While piloting a plane in a thick fog, a pilot cannot be sure of his direction unless he gives full attention to his instruments. When flying through a thunderstorm, the turbulence will throw him about, and the darkness within the clouds will threaten to disorient him.

Sometimes he will feel as though he is going up or down or turning around. But he cannot depend on his feelings. Only the gyros can be trusted, so the pilot must hang on to the controls in the turbulence and discipline his mind to concentrate on the instruments (MB plan, religious/moral principles) while he flies through the storm.

So Hopeful, don't worry about what will or will not work, just stick to the MB program.

<small>[ October 19, 2004, 07:12 PM: Message edited by: believer ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Pepperband:
<strong> Unless she's had a lobotomy, she remembers these things. ... Pep </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Pep- that's exactly what fog is- a (hopefully) temporary lobotomy.


Great advice- per usual.

I also have similar feelings as HINC.
A small part of Plan B is about our WS,
but the majority of it is supposed to be about
ourselves. To protect ourselves from further hurt. But what do you do when Plan B continues to
hurt more than "Plan A?"

Just got back home after my business trip. My wife is still here and has dragged stuff out in just about every room. We have hardly spoke but when we did is very cool and calm. She asked to be in the house Thursday and Friday to finish getting her stuff and I said sure. For someone who can't wait to be with OM she sure is taking her time. I think she is like my oldest son who would dig himself a hole and not know when to stop digging. She just keeps on digging.
I am trying to follow JL's advice and treat her with grace and diginity. I find it somewhat easy to do but there are times I have to bite my tongue. I can't figure out how someone committs adultery. It is just not in my makeup. Sure I look at other women, all men do, but to actually committ adultery is beyond me. Especially this woman who I thought I knew.
Youngest son gave me cold this weekend and I feel like s***. Which makes your emotions down I think.
Just get up and DO your life. Easier said than down.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by hopefulinnc:
Just get up and DO your life. Easier said than down.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Interesting typo...

Well, then don't do your life! see...... the other choice sucks BIGGER...

and "easy".... shoot.... life ain't easy.

Have you read the classic book "The Road Less Traveled."......... The first line in the book. is ..

"Life is difficult."

Pep

Your right Pep, life isn't easy. I am just whining. Wanting a little sympathy. But what I needed was the 2x4 you applied. Thanks

Whining is OK....If it makes you feel better.
Does it?

Know what I do when I whine? I go for a walk and talk to myself, out loud. I will never be attacked when I walk, because I appear to be crazy, talking to myself.
Pep

<small>[ October 20, 2004, 06:58 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

hopeful -

I will sympathize with you. Right at the start of Plan B, after going through all of the stuff you have gone through, it is normal to feel bad. Your whole world has been shattered.

I went through months of feeling terrible, before I realized that I needed to have a good life for me. We are just trying to help you move through this, but you will have to move at your own pace.

But you will have good days again, and happiness again. I promise you that. When people told me that when I first got here, I did not believe them. But they were right.

Aw, GEEZ, Hinc!

Boy, hard. Do your best 2 hang in there. It'll be interesting 2 see if she really does go... ...before the great grandchildren are 2 old 2 drive anymore...

Pep:

"I will never be attacked when I walk, because I appear to be crazy, talking to myself."

I doubt it's the talking 2 yourself that scares people. It's when you ANSWER, that scares them! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Like Tom Hanks: "Wilson!!!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

-ol' 2long