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#1210499 10/23/04 10:15 AM
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H is living with OW and we have filed for divorce.

How do I fall out of love with him? We had a very unique relationship for better or worse, and I just cannot picture myself finding someone I like better or am more attracted to. Even with all his flaws (and he has many) I still miss all the good stuff terribly. Guess I got used to loving him, warts and all, as they say.

I went out with some friends last night and although it was pleasant, it was boring as hell compared to being with my H. We led a very varied and fun social life and really enjoyed our frequent "dates". H is dynamic, funny, intelligent, high energy, good looking, 15 years younger than me and I guess I am used to a certain level of companionship. Why does everyone else seem so boring, so ordinary, so hum drum? I need to meet someone, or a group of people that do crazy, fun, hip things. I guess I have been living the life of a 35 year old, and I am not used to acting like a normal 50 year old woman. I am not attracted in the least to men my own age, even men 10 years younger than me seem too old for me! My H is so dynamic and fun to be with - there must be men out there who are the same, and not settled into to some comfortable middle aged rut. I want to get out and do things with someone energetic and young at heart at least! How do I find this kind of person?

So I can remind myself of all his negative qualities, how rotten he has treated me with this affair and now leaving me, but I still miss him terribly - is that weird or what? When we were first dating, he went away for a summer and we agreed to date other people. I went out with all kinds of guys, good looking, nice, intelligent, but no one compared - I found myself at the end of each date saying - this guy is just not as fun as my (future) H, I am just going through the motions of enjoying myself with some one else. And so it goes again, 15 years later as he has left me for OW. Its not so much grieving for the marriage, as truly missing him for all the unique qualities and joy he brought me. I would say that I have had 8 serious relationships in my life, some were boyfriends, live in lovers, an ex husband. And NO ONE, has ever made me happier or stimulated me more than my soon to be ex - H. What the heck am I going to do to get over him?

#1210500 10/23/04 10:40 AM
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Everhopeful,

I too, am having trouble with the very question that you are asking. I am in a similar situation. It seems at this point, that reconciliation between my WW and I is impossible. But I still lover her, regardless of the evil and rotten things she has done.

Sometimes, I hope that logic and reason will overcome my emotions. Sometimes my emotions are overcome, and I don't miss her as much. It is definitely like being on a rollercoaster. In the meantime, I have been keeping myself busy with my children, my guitar (which I had abandoned two or three years after being with my W), and MB. Sometimes, it seems that I am too busy to miss her.

All I can suggest, based on my experience, is to keep yourself busy. Indulge yourself in some hobbies, and try to have some fun, and hang in there!

#1210501 10/23/04 10:49 AM
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Ever:

I was going out to bars with my friends for a while when I first moved out, and I completely understand what you mean......none of the guys measured up. I am 37, and I had some 20 something guys hitting on me, and I was still like BLAH....I'm not interested. It was sort of uplifting to know that other men (even younger ones) find me attractive, but still....it wasn't for me, so I stopped going.

I just want my husband, that's all. People ask me what it is about him, and I can't really put it into words, all I know is he's the ONLY man I've ever loved, and for all his faults, I love him just the same.....he is my soul mate, he's just a little lost, so I have set my sights keeping the light in the lighthouse burning so he can find his way home.

I know that the destruction of my marriage isn't what God wants, so I have been praying non stop that God will soften his heart to me and his family, that he will see that we are what he really wants....it honestly is working, with God all things are possible. (And this is from a person who hasn't attended church in a million years...think I'll start).

-Caren

#1210502 10/23/04 10:52 AM
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ever first of all *hugs*

I know what your going thru sweetie as do alot of people here.....you can email me anytime you wish Tigeressts@hotmail.com.....I will be available if you need to talk as our situations are very similar....


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