Hi all. Well most of you know my story. My WH completely abandoned me and has been living with OW for over a year. I have been trying to save my marriage for 22 months.

All through this, I had remained faithful. Even when WH spent all of his time and our money wining and dining OW, I stayed home and worked on having a good life without him.

Last weekend I went to a benefit party at the yacht club, and ran into a man I have known for several years. After the party, we went to another party on his boat. One thing led to another and I ended up having SF with him.

Since then, we have seen each other every day.

Today I came home from work and there was a letter from my WH saying he wants my forgiveness, that he has trashed our marriage, he wants to get back to the Lord, saying sorry that he didn't help me, give me money, broke my heart and on and on.

Also he mentioned that things have happened between OW and him, and they have gone their own ways. I checked with OW's BH, and OW has been back living with him for the last week. Also she has been cooking, cleaning, and taking good care of their 12 year old daughter, which she never did before. So I tend to believe that WH and OW have parted ways.

The bad thing is that I didn't hold out long enough. Now I have not honored my vows. Also my life has been much happier without WH than with him. I have no desire to see him or even talk to him.

I'm sorry that I didn't wait a little longer, but I really had no hope.

ya know, believer, you are just human. You did absolutely everything your power to save that marriage and went through hell for that man. I am not trying to excuse what you did, but please don't be too hard on yourself, believer.

On a side note, I would play this latest development cautiously and not get your hopes up. You know what can happen at the end of affair with the yo-yo games.

Believer,

YOU ARE WRONG,WRONG,WRONG.

The only one that should feel bad is WH. He absolutely deserves what he is NOT getting.

Go with your heart and your brain. Either way YOU are controlling your destiny. Feels pretty good don't it?????

OH Believer. I am sorry. I don't even know what to say. I had a feeling this would happen.

I'm so sorry, I know the inner turmoil you have, but you don't have to go back with him. You did the best you could for way longer than anyone else would have done.

What ever you decide, I am by your side.

I wouldn't want to be in your shoes right now. If you are considering giving him a chance make him work for it, and I mean work for it until you do have feelings again. Otherwise bon voyage, the ship has sailed.

Oh believer hugs to you.

Believer:

Figures, doesn't it?

I won't think badly of you. You've been on here long enough that you know exactly what 2 do.

Heck, if you HAD waited 2 years, it might still not have been enough time after the putative "end of the A" 2 be sure it was in the ground for good.

Time will tell, but like I say, you'll know what 2 do.

-ol' 2long

I will say this....

How many times going through this situation with your H did you wish he would just TRY with you.
How many times did you beg God, your H, whoever, for him to give at least counseling a try...

Maybe he's full of it now... maybe not.
Maybe he's in the shoes you have worn for the past 2 years now.

Maybe you should think about this awhile.
maybe nothing will happen, maybe it will.

Regardless, we'll all support you in the decision you make. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

BELIEVER...YOU BADDDDD GIRL...what have you gone and done!!!

I dont care what others say...you have done the wrong thing. Yes, you did.

How can you do SF with other men while you are still married??? That was NOT right. You are now no different from your WH.

To the Lord's eyes...you are no different..now you cannot even leave WH even if you WANTED to!

I dont know to get mad with you or to feel sad for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I would not even want to be in your shoes now...what a dillemma... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

The very sad thing is that I don't want my husband back. I don't even want to talk to him or think about him. I just don't care anymore.

I hope he has a nice life. But it will be without me.

It is funny how this board changes you. When I first found out what was going on, I wanted to die. I spent months crying, not being able to eat or sleep. I begged my WH to come back.

I begged the Lord to help me. Nothing happened. So I listened to folks here and moved on with my life. My life has been quite wonderful the last few months. I could never go back to the marriage I had.

As far as the SF with another man, it was just that. I have no feelings for him either. So I am very, very sad that it had to come to this. For many months, recovering my marriage was my highest priority. But that is no longer true.

BELIEVER:

Sorry but I can't be harsh with you NO matter what the majority of MBers would think and claim is "PC" around here.

I've read of your WH "saying" this and that... for basically the 2 years you refer too.

Who among us can state with any certainty that his "speech" THIS TIME is indeed the honest truth??

That's right....NO ONE!
His "ACTIONS" speak for him!

So maybe you did make a mistake. (??)
None of us can say.

However, YOU did what you needed too at the time.

Perhaps its what you needed NOW.....so that you can make the break.....so you don't get sucked back into the "games" with such a person
(now that he has been "kicked to the curb" and has No where else to go).

I say stick to your plan and find someone that will both Honor and Cherish you in your Vows. YOU deserve a good, true and faithful H.

I wouldn't bet that your H is sincere with ____'s money!
(Left blank as to not create any more detractors then I currently have.)

If you have prayed to ask the Lord for help...have you thought that MAYBE this is another route that HE wants you to take?

Dont rush it...take your time to find that bond again. You can do this, Believer... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Zizzy -

I have prayed to the Lord everyday for the last 22 months. WH and OW continued to spend all of OUR money, to the tune of over $100,000.

I now do not care about WH. I am done with him. He abandoned me, spent our money, hid from me while I was trying to divorce him, lied, denied, and on and on.

The last time I talked to him, a month ago, I told him "my husband is dead". In his letter today he said "I think you are right, your husband is dead."

But the whole thing is, he used to be the most important person in my life. Now I don't care about him at all. Not even enough to talk to him.

Believer, can you tell me what is magic about two years? What’s a few weeks, plus or minus?

Let’s see, maybe 2long can check this, but it’s been maybe 4 years on Venus already. Even more on Mercury.

T

Thos -

Sheesh, I don't know. But the Harley's suggest that you wait for 2 years. I waited 22 months because basically my marriage was hopeless. My WH was gone, and in the last 22 months, I have spent less than 10 hours with him.

I am sorry that he and OW parted ways. In fact it was just about the time he ran out of money. Of course he always swore that she was not at all interested in money.

Are you now going to file for divorce?

TMCM -

I have not filed for divorce for a long time. I have the papers, but could not serve WH, since he was hiding out. He constantly denied that he was living with OW.

I have the divorce papers still. I guess I should file for divorce, since I am done with WH. I just don't care anymore.

believer - Please read the whole thing. I 1st read your post, then went to check my mail before logging out & when I read this email you came to mind. It's uncanny

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> SAUL TO PAUL - A MAN TOTALLY CHANGED BY GOD -

Do you really believe that God can change people? I love to hear the
testimonies of people having their life changed from drugs, alcohol
or immorality to becoming strong men/women of God.

"Why should any of you consider it incredible that God raises the
dead? 選 too was convinced that I ought to do all that was possible
to oppose the name of Jesus of Nazareth. And that is just what I
did in Jerusalem. On the authority of the chief priests I put many
of the saints in prison, and when they were put to death, I cast
my vote against them. Many a time I went from one synagogue to
another to have them punished, and I tried to force them to
blaspheme. In my obsession against them, I even went to foreign
cities to persecute them." Acts 26:8-11

Do you believe that your Lord can change your spouse that way? The
answer to the question is "Yes!!" God is in the people changing
business. He touches people hearts and changes people completely from
the inside out. Sometimes it is instantly and other times it is a
spiritual process as a baby growing in the Lord.

The scripture above is Paul sharing his testimony to King Agrippa.
Paul was allowed to speak in front of King Agrippa to testify why he
should be set free. Paul was able to share his testimony of what
happened to him on the Damascus Road. He told King Agrippa about his
encounter with Jesus. Have you had an encounter with your Lord Jesus
Christ? Are you praying for your spouse to have a Damascus Road
experience like Paul? Saul was chosen by Jesus and God to become an
ambassador for the Gentiles. What is the Lord asking you to do?

Bob and I know of many people that came to know their Lord Jesus
Christ after their marriage fell apart. Your Lord is right there with
you, your spouse and children. He is wanting to show us His mighty
power. Nothing is too hard for the Lord to do! Believe in God's
mighty awesome saving power for your spouse and for all prodigals.

"'On one of these journeys I was going to Damascus with the
authority and commission of the chief priests. About noon, O king,
as I was on the road, I saw a light from heaven, brighter than the
sun, blazing around me and my companions. We all fell to the
ground, and I heard a voice saying to me in Aramaic, 'Saul, Saul,
why do you persecute me? It is hard for you to kick against the
goads.' 禅hen I asked, 'Who are you, Lord?' 'I am Jesus, whom
you are persecuting,' the Lord replied. 'Now get up and stand on
your feet. I have appeared to you to appoint you as a servant and
as a witness of what you have seen of me and what I will show you.
I will rescue you from your own people and from the Gentiles. I
am sending you to them to open their eyes and turn them from
darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God, so that
they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who
are sanctified by faith in me.'" Psalm 26:12-18

This week we received an email from a man, who humbly asked a
question. Could he be the stander for his wife? He was the prodigal,
who committed adultery. The Lord has touched him, changed his heart,
but his wife will not forgive him. This story is not unusual to us,
as you probably know. We work with many prodigals who have been
touched by their Lord, repented and have had a life changing
experience. Unfortunately, many women, men and churches will not
forgive spouses or friends and are holding grudges, anger, bitterness,
and unforgiveness toward this person and many are confessing
Christians. Please pray for these special standers, prodigals coming
home to their Lord and wanting to be forgiven by their family!

"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly
Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men
their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." Matthew 6:14-15


Oh, that we all would learn what it really means to be a Christian. It
is easy to be a Christian until we are tested or have trouble in our
marriage or at work. That is when we all learn about applying the
principles and precepts to our personal daily walk with the Lord. That
is when we remember our wedding vows, "For better or worse...till
death us do part." Oh, that we would learn what is to love your
spouse unconditionally. Oh, that we would learn how to forgive our
spouse of sins of sexual immorality knowing that the Lord will teach
us and give us the grace, mercy and love to do so. They are many
wounded spouses who have unforgiveness due to their childhood, that
they are not even able to show love and know how to treat their spouses
lovingly. Ask the Lord if you need to forgive someone. Then wait on
the Lord and be ready to starting forgiving others. This will heal
you of your own pain and hurts. Then ask the Holy Spirit to pour the
spirit of forgiveness and unconditional agape love on you and your
spouse.

Many of you are thinking, "How can I believe that God can change my
spouse when my spouse says, 選 will never, never come back. I really
never loved you. You need to get on with your life as I am with
mine.'" Bob and I cannot possibly write all the words that prodigals
say to their spouses to destroy any hope or belief that they would
ever change their mind or heart to return home.

I received a telephone call from a stander this week sharing a praise
report. Last Christmas their marriage looked hopeless in the natural
eye with the other person pregnant. Last Friday, her husband called
her and met with her and told her that he has never stopped loving her.
He loves her, now the Lord has to reveal to him how to come back home.

God can and does touch these men and women. God created them and sent
His Son, Jesus, to died on the cross for them and their sins. Don't
give up! God is moving every day in different ways in every one of
your spouses lives. Remember Saul! Keep your eyes on your Lord and
not on your spouse. Keep growing and maturing in the Lord. Be
burdened and pray for all your family members to be saved. Pray for
all marriages around the world to be restored and for them to be as
God created them to be.

Let's pray a scripture, found in Acts 26:18, that is so powerful:

"Lord, we pray this for every prodigal who is away from you. Lord,
we pray this for every spouse that is in the pigpen of life away
from their families. Lord, open their eyes and turn them from
darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God, so that they
may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are
sanctified by faith in me. Lord, go and bring your prodigals home
quickly. Amen."

I am certain that any and all prodigals who have returned home, (and
there are many) are very thankful that their spouse did not give up
on them! Don't give up on your spouse! God is able!

God bless,
Charlyne Steinkamp
Rejoice Marriage Ministries
Post Office Box 10548
Pompano Beach, Florida 33061
http://rejoiceministries.org
http://stopdivorce.org

- - - - -
VOTE early, if possible, or vote on November 2. Pray for God's
will to be done. How should you vote? "Vote Christian!"
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Are you being strengthened and encouraged by "Charlyne Cares"? Join
us in proclaiming, "God Heals Hurting Marriages" by becoming a partner
with us in Rejoice Marriage Ministries. Sow seed in fertile soil and
be blessed by your Lord - http://rejoiceministries.org/ucanhelp.html
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Listen to Rejoice Marriage Ministries three radio programs to help
keep you standing strong - http://rejoiceministries.org/radio.html
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The best news - http://rejoiceministries.org/salvation.html
Court? - http://stopdivorce.org/index.php?viewItem=00216&viewCat=2
Add our link to your page- http://rejoiceministries.org/link2us.html
Share a praise report- http://rejoiceministries.org/testimony.html
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Scripture quoted by permission and are from the Holy Bible; New
International Versionｮ Copyrightｩ 1973, 1978, 1984 by International
Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All
rights reserved. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just ask God what to do.


Blessings,
D.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> The very sad thing is that I don't want my husband back. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think this is the most important part. You have prepared the D papers, you had set up an appointment for mediation, you did what you could to get the ball rolling - BECAUSE you had decided, a while ago, that WH is not what you want in your life anymore. Hmm, beating yourself up over 2 out of 24 months? I'm not saying you should have broken technical vows on your end - what I am saying is they really were just technical. The feelings, respect, have been gone for a long time.

Could you have pushed harder for the D? Yes. Should you have waited to have SF until after the D? Yes. Did you? No. You did the best you could in the circumstances you were in. You have been admirable in the face of nastiness for 22 months. It is over.

Spidey

I agree with Spidey- do NOT beat yourself up about this.

believer, have you considered the fact that you may have given up before the miracle? God didn't work on believer's timetable so you blamed God for failing you and gave up.

The bad thing about God is that He is hardheaded and tends to work on His own schedule. Drives me crazy! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Beleiver,

It is not my intention to advocate for either divorce or continuation of your marriage. I just hope that whatever you decide it is with no regrets or second thoughts. As a survivor of divorce, I can tell you that it is neither a desolate desert or a tropical paradise. Peace be with you.