|
|
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 100
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 100 |
We are still early in recovery although I feel as though I have been suffering much longer. The first few weeks following my H's A the sex seemed to be really making a come back but then something happened. I no longer feel the emotions that used to engulf my soul when we had sex. The emotions are almost non existent at this point. Any of you felt this, and does it ever come back?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 16,412
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 16,412 |
Jennie,
I went through a long period of time where everytime we had sex I cried...then I had a numb period...now things are back on track. It took me about 2 years after the affair to really "feel" normal during sex...but I'm sure that varies for folks.
(((((((((((jennie)))))))))))))
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 10,107
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 10,107 |
Hi Jennie ! My FWW wants hi-quality SF all the time. It means less to me BUT is all positive. It FEELS at least sometimes to me like its lovemaking and a mutual LB$ deposit. I am sure it will go as soon as it arrived. Try not to read too much into SF at during early recovery. Enjoy what you get ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> * blush * All blessings Bob
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 479
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 479 |
I have to ask. It has been almost 2 months since Dday. My W says she wants to work it out. I cannot get a hug, kiss, nothing, much less actual SF from her. Our sexual relations were not the greatest prior to A (contributing to them). So I am not suprised. The way I figure It will be at least 2 more months before we have SF, if at all.
The question is, was there a time period that there was no SF? How long did it take to come around, etc?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 100
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 100 |
There was about 2 weeks after that there was nothing at all, then it was good for a few weeks but now I really feel as if there's nothing there and there are days that I wonder if I even still love my WH. I feel unwanted for one thing, and that doesn't help matters. I never initiate it anymore, I don't know if that is because of his A or because while it was going on, he turned me down until I was tired of trying. I hope things get better and the feelings start to return soon because I'm sliding closer and closer to just asking that we seperate until we both decide that we want to be together still.
<small>[ November 03, 2004, 07:07 AM: Message edited by: Jennie G ]</small>
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 88
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 88 |
If I try to initiate intimacy with my FWW, she almost always turns me down and tells me not to pressure her. I don't try to initiate much at all anymore. I have to wait for her to initiate it. Only once since D-Day has she gotten fulfillment from intimacy. She says that she gets turned on and wants it, but once we start, she "loses the feeling and desire and she is not into it anymore". So we don't try much (in my book at least....maybe once a week....sometimes 2 weeks pass before next time...in EN survey I indicated that I would like SF 3-4 times/week)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 88
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 88 |
btw-
Sometimes during intimate moments, I can't help thinking about my FWW and OM together. The imaginary images haunt me. It hasn't discouraged me from seeking SF yet, but it definately bothers me. I just keep telling myself in my on self torturous way, "She has been with someone else! She gave it up for another while being married to me!" and I just keep trying wake up from that nightmare. I hope the triggers start to fade....they haunt me.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 100
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 100 |
My WH says that he misses that I used to initiate it, but I just can't do it, I don't know why, and when it does happen, it is far from being the way that it was. This used to be a time for me that was filled with emotion, but there is nothing now just wishing it would be over. I just can't shake the feeling that something about sex with her was better than it is with me, I may never overcome that, and I wonder if my life would be easier without him now, I just don't know, it seems that the pain would stop if he wasn't here, does anyone else feel this way?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 88
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 88 |
Yeah, that's how my FWW is. Just wishing it would be over. I wonder what she is thinking about. She says that she just, "loses it". What does that mean? Being a man, I just don't know how that happens. Please explain it to me somebody. FWW's? Anybody? I really want to understand.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 100
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 100 |
I am the BS wishing that it would just be over. I really don't know if WH even realizes that I feel like this, but I do intend to bring it out in the open so we can talk about it. He doesn't mention it, but he does know that I'm not interested like I used to be. He says that I don't find anything sexy anymore and I really don't know what to say to that without LB'ing. We still aren't at the point where he knows exactly why he had the A. I believe that if I hadn't caught them together it would still be happening. I don't think he would have felt enough remorse to stop it ever.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 39
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 39 |
I am having the same problem w/SF from my WW. I am sick of being turned down, knowing she has given it to OM. I have been in house for over 2 wks. she expects to lay and hug me at night w/no SF. For a man, when you have a beautiful woman that you love hugging against you and can't have it...That is pure torture. Believe me I want to be there for her, and I know she is not ready, but it is too much. I AM NOT GAY, what does she expect from me. She says that we will. Now, I sleep in another bed. I can't put myself through that, but I do really want to hug her.
Also, and I am sure I am not alone on this, but when I get turned down, you know what I'am thinking of.
Just to show that ya'll are not alone.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 25
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 25 |
I must say that many times when my FWH and I have SF I am haunted by the images of him and the OW together. It is very hard to overcome and I pray with time that this will fade.
I often times wonder if he is actually thinking of her while making love to me. He claims not, but after being lied to so many times I never know what to believe. Honesty is definitely not his strong suit. I think he tells what he feels I want to hear.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 1,743
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 1,743 |
I hear you and understand you all so very well.
SF has not been the same at all since the A. I feel like all we ever do is have sex, the physical act not the emotional act of making love. I hate it. There is no tenderness, no caressing, no intimacy, just the physical act. Before the A my H would be so good at kissing and caressing me, now I just feel used most times. I am glad and sad that I am not alone in this aspect. Sorry all.
Has anyone noticed a change in what kind of SF their WS has since coming back? Mine is primarily interested in OS. Actually rather fixated on it. Has anyone else come across something similar?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 85
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 85 |
In my situation we didn't have SF for 8 months. Yes you read that correctly. My FWH wanted to but I didn't. I wasn't about to until I felt ready and that our marriage was heading back on the right track. The first time (which was very recent) I had a panic attack afterwords, no kidding. I couldn't breathe and cried. It was AWFUL! FWH felt awful too for it coming to that. But you know what, I cried, got it out, and now it's getting better. I can't say it's all 100% but it's getting there.
I say take your time and do what is right for you and your relationship.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 10,107
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 10,107 |
Has anyone else come across something similar?
Well....my FWW really enjoys me being deep inside her and kissing her at, erm., critical moments. * blush *
OM was very differently built by all accounts ...erm... and not too patient.
Whatever the reason its nice and feels like lovemaking not just SF.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 1,743
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 1,743 |
oh yeah, when we first got back together it was really good. we held eachother for ours, told each other we loved one another and were so sorry that this had happened. We felt close and connected again so fast. However that did not last long unfortunently. Also now he is addicted to adult movies, pictures, websites, and magazines.... And is no longer interested in me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 1,743
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 1,743 |
oh yeah, when we first got back together it was really good. we held eachother for ours, told each other we loved one another and were so sorry that this had happened. We felt close and connected again so fast. However that did not last long unfortunently. Also now he is addicted to adult movies, pictures, websites, and magazines.... And is no longer interested in me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 85
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 85 |
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by KMEJ: <strong>Also now he is addicted to adult movies, pictures, websites, and magazines.... And is no longer interested in me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh that is bad. I don't know your situation. Is he home with you? If so, man the porn has got to stop. It wrecked things w/my marriage and my FWH until he got help and realized what it was doing. Not all people realize how damaging porn can be to a marriage. I hope this changes for you soon.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 25
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 25 |
SF in the beginning of recovery is always difficult. I felt used and unfulfilled after sex in the beginning. It wasn't long, I would say several months and it was better than before the A. However, it has been more than a year since D-Day, and I sometimes still see images of them together. Sorry!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 479
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 479 |
SoNumb, you get to hug and cuddle with your W. That is a dream for me. She won't even let me shake her hand. SF will come for you b4 long. You have to warm the engine.
|
|
|
|
1 members (1 invisible),
316
guests, and
56
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
