I finally found the letter WH wrote on Friday after I confronted him with the fact that I knew he was still in contact with OW.

I have taken it.

"This is a letter of forgiveness and apology to all the people I have hurt in my lifetime. I am so very sorry for the pain and suffering I have bestowed upon my loving wife K. She has always been there for me and I have treated her unkind and I apologize for that. I apologize for not always being a good father to my childrem whom I have the greates love and admiration for. They are the best children a father could hope for and I am proud of everything they have done.

I am very sorry for involving TM (OW) in my life and putting her life in torment. She also is a very sweet and generous person and does not deserve the pain and suffering that I have put her through."

He goes on to apologize to the guys on the dive team. Sorry for lettin God down.

Apologized to his family for not being the strong one of the family. All of his friends, for not living up to the high morals he has always believed in. "I just can't carry the world on my shoulders any more."

"Whoever reads this letter should not feel bad for me, but should know that any actions following this letter is my decision and I take all blame and responsibility for whatever happens.

I feel like my life is non-repairable and I can't go on like this anymore. I pray that God will forgive me of my sins and have mercy on my soul."

What do you think of this? Does it really sound like a suicide letter?

It pi$$es me off that he apologized to the sweet and wonderful OW. (And I know that this whole thing is bigger than just that part) But my eyes were just riveted to that part.

Am I being petty? Is this a cry for help? or just a "show" of remorse for being caught?

Of course, I checked his work cell this a.m. It showed 6 total calls on the timer. Only 5 showed on his call log. With a total of 2 minutes and 24 seconds.

Does this sound right for someone who normally uses his cell A LOT?

K

<small>[ November 02, 2004, 09:19 AM: Message edited by: k72172 ]</small>

K, I think you need to get ahold of Steve Harley and get his help in ending this affair. Your H can't seem to find his way out of this on his own. I think SH could help you help your H and possibly even speak to him.

I think the affair is causing your H great pain and shame, but he just doesn't have the strength to end the affair.

If your not sure whether or not it is a suicide letter then you need to treat it like it is one. This is no time to play guessing games. Please call your local hotline or the police department and notify his family.

Your feelings towards the ow is perfectly normal. My blood still boils at the thought of her, but when H talks about her with admireation and tells me what a great person she is I am at the edge. PUH- LEEASE- if she was such a great person she would have better moral values then to have an on-going affair with a married man with children, especially after the A is brought to light.

I am sorry that you are now in this termoile.

I wish I knew what to tell you.

Hang in there

Mel.....

I have an appointment with SH on the 10th of Nov. He is away on vacation.

I don't think WH WANTS to completely end the A. The fact that he feels worse about the sweet, generous OW than anything else shows me that.

Kloe....

I think I will call the national hotline and talk to them about this.

WH just called and can't understand what happened to all the calls in his call log (I accidentally erased the call log instead of the timer).

I still feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Mainly because I told WH that if he contacted OW again, we would be thru.

He said that was why he was leaving the other day. Then, when he came back, he started talking veiled suicide threats, then wrote the letter.

Since then, he has been acting fine. Two whole days with no alcohol. And he was somewhat affectionate and talkative last night.

AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHH!

K

OKAY.....

I just talked to someone at 1-800-SUICIDE.

They said that what WH is doing is either emotional abuse (if he's using suicide threats to manipulate me), or else, he really means it.

They suggest I either talk to his commanding officer at the Sheriff's Dept. (WH is a reserve deputy), or get him to talk to a councelor.

They say that I should take precautions for my own safety as well. Homicide/suicide is the most prevalent form of domestic abuse.

WH has never been abusive toward me (other than manipulative actions).

I know that if I talk to his commanding officer that his "career" with that department will be over. This could add to WH's depression, guilt, and shame.

WHY DOES THIS ALL HAVE TO GET SO MESSY?

K

SORRY, DOUBLE POST K

<small>[ November 02, 2004, 10:24 AM: Message edited by: k72172 ]</small>