Hey JPH, dad won't be safe anywhere. I live in China and we've got cable. I bet that Dr Phil program is on there somewhere <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> TT.

Horray for China! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Mom,

Just praying for you and dad.

~ Snow

mom,

Having gone thru my own father's death, and taking care of him the last 3 months of his life, all I can say is that this is your dad's time. You don't have much time left with him, so you need to focus on that right now.

Your H will have his attitude, Dr. Phil will happen, but right now just try to focus on your father, it is HIS time, just be there for him. You won't be sorry. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Try to step back and be there for your dad right now, this needs to be your priority.

And try to get some rest, even if it is in the hospital room sitting with your dad.

Praying for the best for you and family, etc.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Miss M:
<strong> mom,

Having gone thru my own father's death, and taking care of him the last 3 months of his life, all I can say is that this is your dad's time. You don't have much time left with him, so you need to focus on that right now.

Your H will have his attitude, Dr. Phil will happen, but right now just try to focus on your father, it is HIS time, just be there for him. You won't be sorry. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Try to step back and be there for your dad right now, this needs to be your priority.

And try to get some rest, even if it is in the hospital room sitting with your dad.

Praying for the best for you and family, etc.

Love in Christ,
Miss M </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This needs to be posted twice, as it's the best advice you are going to get on the subject.

I just wanted to let everyone know that we did the second show yesterday. The only way I would go out there was if they got me on a direct flight back to SAT. They did. I am here with my dad right now and he is resting comfortably. His final days are quickly approaching. I feel much better now being with my dad and I know now I will be here with him when he dies. I am not going anywhere. I have to tell him today that it is OK for him to go! I will take care of my mom.

As for D23B, we talked...he said he doesn't feel that once the baby is born the marriage will survive. Right now, I honestly cant worry about that. I think once my dad is gone, I will be able to think clearly and if need be move forward without D23B. If he doens't think the marriage wil survive, then I see no point in going forward any longer. But, hey that is my opinion. DR. Phil does think the marriage can be saved, but I may not want that anymore. I cant go on with him constantly "wondering" if he did the right thing. I right now, my focus in on MY dad.

I am going to print off all these replies and go sit with him and read them and re-read them again.

I just want ya'll to know that I feel much better now that I am with my father. And I know my mom is better now too. Thank you!

My prayers are with you M23B ... prayers for your strength.

As you know, I lost my Mom this year... please take excellent care of yourself.

Pep

M23B,
I'm with you in spirit...in your moments to reflect...remember we're all here, thinking of you and praying for you.

As the person who kept bedside vigil for a dying parent...PLEASE PLEASE be gentle with yourself.

Take breaks. I know how hard you work on keeping things together right now for your mom and dad.

When your time comes...to fall apart...we're here for you..and we'll pick you up...give you lots of love and support.

Take Care Mom

M23B

I know you are going through such a hard time. Just let the M stuff sit in limbo right now as much as you can as many advised here.
YOu have enough to cope with right now.

On you song request I did find my link to the music my H mess uses and they play when they ever get deployed. I'm afraid it just makes me & the other wives cry.

But could not find Liberace for you I'm sorry.

But here is the original which I think I can faintly remember hearing Liberace sing in a repeat of his show many years ago...hope its the one for you...

I've got the original but not sure if it's what you were after

We'll Meet Again - sung by Vera Lynn
words & music Ross Parker & Hughie Charles

We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when
But I know we'll meet again some sunny day
Keep smiling through, just the way you used to do
Till the blue skies chase the dark clouds far away
Now, won't you please say "Hello" to the folks that I know
Tell 'em it won't be long
'cause they'd be happy to know that when you saw me go
I was singing this song
We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when
But I know we'll meet again some sunny day


You can download a free version by Vera Lynn at

http://l.swazzo.tripod.com/veralynn.html

Will say lots of prayers for you M23b's to get through this hard time.

Thank you very much!

Show

Mom, I'm sending love, prayers, and hugs to you and your family. I was at a friends funeral mass this morning. The priest said something in the sermon that I really liked. It was something like the spirit or soul leaves a person's body when the body can't hold it anymore. As hard as it is to say goodbye, I know your dad will always be with you, and support you during this difficult time. I feel that way about my dad. Know we all are supporting you. CV

I have not been in contact with OW as my wife suspects. I have been tempted yes. I have been withdrawn because I can't stop thinking about this mess and I am in withdrawal. In the past I would have left physically right now it is mental. I am being brutally honest as I was dishonest. The quarters never got used. I will get blasted on TV and it will be worse next week when we really get into it. I suspect most if not all will be shocked and appauled at my behaviour. The hords will want my head. It was Ugly I have no excuse. I am at home taking care of the kids and I am trying to be supportive. I am way ahead of my past attempts to recover. My wife sounds like she is meaking up her mind to leave. We will see, she will get some persuasive arguments to do just that. So be it.

Thank you Dad for posting on here, and for going on the show. It takes a lot of guts to get life back on track.

Thank you for not coming on here with excuses or justifications.

Is there anything we can do to support you during this VERY tough time?

(P.S. Time to take the quarters and let the kids go wild at the Big Happy Rat (as my H calls Chuck E. Cheese))

Mom
I am so sorry about your dad. Concentrate on that. Have your last days with him and put everything else on the backburner. I will be praying for you.

Dad, all you can do is try and support mom through this sad time. And keep being honest and resisting temptation. If you can't. Be honest about it and let mom get on with her life. If you want your marriage then keep walking the walk and talking the talk and show by your actions that you want her. Seeing your OW at the NH seems to really set you back. Is there any way you could give up that position?

I am pr4aying for both of you
C&S

Dad2
You know that "where your mind is" is not in reality. It's an allusion. An addiction. I know in your practice or training experienced how addicts are almost impossible to communicate with (sorry for the bad grammar but you know.) The addiction rules and ruins their lives unless by the grace of God they can see their way out. You're in that same situation. Everyone around you is screaming to break free yet you go back again and again...whether it's physical or not makes no difference. Saying you want one more "fix," thinking that this baby is yours and will need you, or rationalizing that not being physically there is somehow better is just prolonging the misery-for you, for your wife and for your children.

Now is the time where the rubber meets the road and you need to stand up and be a man...not a wimpering addict which is exactly how you're acting. I'm screaming now...MOM'S DAD IS DYING. This is possibly the worst time of her life and you're making it worse! STOP! Grow up and get over yourself! You have responsibilities. You have a family. You eating out of the trash can when you have a gourmet meal at home! You're bathing in the sewer instead of the tub at home! You're making a fool of yourself and the whole nation is watching!

I would not blame Mom one bit if after she deals with the death of her father that she kicks you out! There are way too many men out there who would love to have a gorgeous woman such as your wife on their arm. They would love to be a step father to your boys. A man who would be there for them. Go to their games, teach them to drive, take their picture dressed ready for the prom, send them off to college... You think you've seen anger before, wait until those boys get big enough to understand what YOU'VE done to THEIR mom. You'll see anger then..righteous anger!

Now is the time Dad..now. You've made too many promises and gone back on your word too many times for Mom2 go through this again. It's cruel. The decision you make to day will affect generations to come. Just as one throws a rock in a pond, the affect goes throughout the whole pond. If you infect your family with any more of this cr*p, then God help you...for only He has the power...

<small>[ November 10, 2004, 06:01 PM: Message edited by: jph ]</small>

DT3B,

Glad to hear that you are trying your best to work through the withdrawal. It takes time. And it hurts. Please just accept that and don't let yourself get derailed.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by dadto3boys:
<strong>I am at home taking care of the kids and I am trying to be supportive.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good, dad. Mom needs that support right now. As one who has buried both my mother and a sister, I can tell you that MT3B's mind is not in one piece right now. It is trapped somewhere between heaven and earth, lingering, waiting for the inevitable.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My wife sounds like she is meaking up her mind to leave. We will see, she will get some persuasive arguments to do just that. So be it. [/QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">MT3B does not want to leave. She is reacting to your withdrawal and that is very typical. It is no fun for her to see you fighting through withdrawal and when she talks about leaving, she is really talking about protecting herself from further harm. That doesn't mean she looking for the door. Far from it.

Stay the course, DT3B. Stay away from OW and that darn NH. Be supportive of MT3B right now. Call her, keep in touch, let her grieve. When she is able, let her begin to meet your needs as you meet hers.

You already know OW is not "all that." Or do we need to remind you of her duplicity to bring you back to earth?

Don't give her another thought. Think only of MT3B, your FIL and MIL and your boys right now. Be strong during this time.

~ Snow

mom and dad,

A lot of people are pulling for you both. Don't let the negative people who are indignant at your lives and self-righteous affect you and your marriage. Look for those of us in the world who are looking at the positive of the great relationship you can have once you get to the other side of this marital crisis!

You two can do this. You can come out the other side still married and more in love than ever!

WHEW...D23.... you had me a bit worried...because I remained positive..and thought it was all withdrawal..and just some stuff going on in your own head.

You have NO idea how relieved I am ! I didn't want to lead M23 down the wrong road.

Thanks for dropping in and giving us an update.

Withdrawal really sucks...but at least we know for a fact..that you WILL move past it..you WILL get better.

Powerful stuff JPH. Wish you were speaking to my WH.

Mom, try and find a little bit of time for yourself. Even if it's just a long soak in the tub. Take care. Seems like your dad is a fighter - finding it hard to let go of you all. I'm so sad for you. TT

OK, I haven't posted much lately, but I would really like to add here!

FIrst of all, Mom to 3, you are a beautiful woman!!! You hold your head up high!!! In all sincerity, I mean that. I too am a BW so I do know your pain. I give you (and you too Dad) a lot of credit for getting up there on Dr. Phil's show. WOW. I don't think I could do it, as much as I desperately need his (Dr. Phils) help. I hope this leads you down a path toward healing and peace. Just think of the people your story can reach out to and help!!

JPH - as a BW who's H has put me through absolute hell, with numerous ddays,and betrayals and deceit, and humiliation, ET AL, you were right on the money. Just my 02.

Anyway, God Bless you both and give you strength through all the trauma you are going through (especially with your Dad, Mom).

Dad to 3, as a woman who's been hurt by my WH, STOP. THINK. My h said once, he'd have left if I had cheated on him. Well, I said, so it's not OK for me to cheat, but your ow can cheat on her h and that is OK . DOES ANY OF THIS MAKE SENSE? Of course it doesn't. I'm judged by his "reality" and she was judged on complete delusion. THE A IS MADE OF LIES AND DECEIT, NO MATTER HOW YOU SLICE IT.

I hope I don't sound too harsh here./ Dad, I think it takes guts to go on TV and admit what you did./ Big time guts.

I really wish you both the best./ Good luck./