Mom,

I was tremendously impacted by your appearance on the Dr. Phil Show. Having followed your story on MB and SMYC all these months, I didn’t think I would be affected like I am.

First of all, I am so proud of you. You showed grace, dignity, and compassion. You embodied so much of what I’ve come to believe is important since I found MB a few years ago. It might have been easier in the short term to simply throw up your hands and throw your husband out the door. Instead you have summoned enormous courage trying to save your marriage. No matter the outcome, you will be more than OK. The process we’ve all seen you go through can’t help but have a positive impact on you, your children and your husband.

As an added benefit – you and your husband have shown the world the likely consequences of taking that first step down the very slippery slope of infidelity. I suspect that had your husband seen this show as an observer, he would have made a different choice when faced with the decision of whether or not to have an affair. My point is that I think you and he have done the world a great service by taking this very painful situation public. It’s an education I would have loved my husband to have before he made his decision to have an affair. No one would want to invite this level of pain into their lives.

You’ve blown the cover off the seductive aspect of affairs. They don’t look so inviting in the “light of day”.

I feel compassion for dad23 too. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be in his shoes. I liked when he reached out to hold your hand. It seems he feels enormous guilt for putting you and your children through this ordeal. He has difficult times ahead, as he sorts out his feelings.

Lastly, my prayers are with you during your last days with your father.

M23B,

I haven't seen the show yet, but I'm going to.

I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you right now and you are in my family's prayers.

You have a lot going on right now and I want to remind you to take care of yourself while taking care of everyone around you.

You are a very special woman!

Paula

Mom to 3 boys (or Dad as well):

I know you BOTH are swamped right now.
It must be just nuts, being pulled in so many direction.....& all at once.

My only request is that you guys Point out to us ANY of the things the Dr. Phil show "edits" out .....that we never get to see.

{Such as your comments about your Father that you posted earlier}.

It would help us here......as we all are wondering things like "why hasn't her Dad's situation been addressed at all?"

If you could continue to do that for us...........That would be super.

However, If its too much....I will completely understand.

Wishing you only success.
Hope all this attention pays off in the end!!!

Okey, dokey...I have just printed out 82 pages of this thread in hopes of falling into bed and reading it tonight!

I will be going back home on Sunday. My children are ill and cannot be around my dad. I do believe. Daddy has had a good day today. He has been alert and awake most of the day. He didn't eat much though. And anyone who has watched someone with cancer die knows the signs. His urine was bloody yesterday. Today is has gottne darker with each diaper change. Yes, diapers. He is only 67! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> The closer to death a person is, the darker their urine gets, JTLYK!

Well, dad is mad at me for posting the thing about the racing and I am sure he will be mad at me for posting THIS as well! Not sure why it bothers him so, if I cant write my thoughts down on MB for some input where can I go? Oh but wait, the MB therapists here are going to be the ones who make this marriage NOT work! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Not his Actions for crying out loud, but all the people on this board. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Sooo, where am I supposed to go for support? My neighbors at home? My mom? My dad? My dogs? Dad? Yes, dad would be the ideal choice here, but since we cant even get thru a freakin conversation on the phone without arguing, how is that going to work? despite the fact I do tell him I love him, he replies with "I dont know why, I dont deserve it" ARGH! WHatever! I think he is a little stressed...but hey, I'm NOT!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Sooo, in a nutshell, he is having a hard time with me expressing all my feeling and all our conversations and fights on this board. And just for your Info, I dont express ALL OF THEM!!!!

<small>[ November 12, 2004, 09:00 PM: Message edited by: momto3boys ]</small>

I guess I'm a little confused. Dad doesn't want you to post on a public board, but going on Dr. Phil is fine?

I'm sorry if some of the responses bother him, but I have to say that going on Dr. Phil, which is aired in 4 countries, may yield a much vaster reaction from the general public which includes his immediate area, hence his practice.

Jo

Hey there M23B,
I'm glad your spirits are up. You sound more peaceful..than that of recent...I'm glad for that.

I'll tell you a strange little tidbit..when my mom was passing from cancer @ 46. (scary right)

She had fallen pretty far into a coma...around the middle of August. The hospice nurse that came by daily... said that it may be a matter of only days. There were definately things happening...I won't go into the details...but you know what modeling is right ?

Anyhooo.... On September 1st...my mother woke up...and I mean WOKE up... got out of bed HERSELF... made coffee and breakfast for my dad, put on makeup...it was their wedding anniversary.

She hadn't been mobile for at least 3 months prior to this, was pretty much wheelchair bound, when she WAS lucent. Her bones were so brittle from the chemo, and 2 rounds of rad, that she broke ribs bending over to pick up the pen she had dropped.

At the end of the day, they sat quietly at the table, talking of old times, when they'd met, the babies being born.

She said she was tired....he walked her their room, and tucked her in for the night.

She slipped back into the coma that night. She often hummed the song Daddy's Little Girl.

For the next 16 days, she lay in a coma, never really regaining consciousness again... and on September 17, at exactly 12:01 AM, my mom took her last breathe, this was a bitter sweet day, because the 17th, also happens to be my Father's birthday, and my baby brother's birthday. He turned 13, the day his mom passed.

They say only the good die young, and I believe that will all my heart. And by the way mom.... MY mom....was also a BS... and she loved my Dad...with all her heart...until the day she died...and he was a repeat offender. But she never EVER gave up.

It's been 11 years, my dad just turned 61. He never remarried, and lives life as a widower, his biggest regret.... is not being able to make up to her what he had done all those years ago.

I hope there's a message in there that helps you some. When I'm at my weakest moments...I remember my Mom's strength, dedication, and committment to herself, her children, and her husband. If I'm HALF the woman my Mom was.... then God will be happy with me.

I'm praying for you and your family constantly right now.

OH no, it's not done yet. Dad has just said he is posting and blasting me. Yes, he is going ot blast me...Sorry folks, cant go on this way the rest of my married life. GO ahead blast away...

just as I sent those emails to an old boyfriend in July who had tracked me down, he was mad at that. Well, now he is going to let it all lose about how I had lunch with an old friend while I was visiting my dad in August or September. YEs, I had lunch with someone. ooooh, sue me....Never had sex with them. NEver brought them to my house....you asked me to stop, and i did. YOu asked me to stop the emails, and i did. so go ahead dad. Blast me...I deserve better. Yup, I do. I cant even get the freakin support I have begged you for in this time that i need it. YOu are oging to go on here and blast me, go right ahead. do it. I posted that thread about the racing BEFORE you decided not to go...but you cant get that thru your freakin head can you. No you didn't go...but you wanted to...and I wanted you to...I really did. I WANT you to go, I had NO INTENTIONS of denying you of your hobby, but there you go again, turning it around. go ahead Ed. tell them how bad i am. TEll them that I came here and posted about your racing. Tell them I just called you to seee what you were up to, and whta did you say "oh, I'm on MB blasting you! DO IT!!!! Goodnight. I will see you on Sunday! Dont call again.

M23B,
I just read his post, and I didn't blast him...I'm stunned...I'm stunned that he is making light of the OW being @ your house during your visits to your Dad.

I'm so sorry Mom...PLEASE...don't do anything rash right now.

he's going to get slammed over there..I see it coming...but not from me.

I'm speachless.

Be strong Mom.

Thank you betrayed! YOu are a sweet person! YOu made me cry <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I am so sorry you lost your mom at such a young age! It is so hard to watch your parents die of such an awful death. My dad is bedriden now. What used to be a 280 pound guy is now a 150 pound skin and bones old man. I have to feed him. I wipe his mouth, brush his teeth, and make sure he is in the right position and comfortable. I put his meds in his mouth and when he is thirty hold the straw to his mouth.I shave him and cut his nails. I bend his legs when he wants to bend them, then I have to sit there and hold them up, otherwise they fall to the side....When he needs his pillow moved I hold his head in one hand and move his pillow..remeber when your babies where just born... THAT, DAD is what i am dealing with. When he needs to be changed out of his diaper I leave the room...we have hospice 24/7...I sit with him 12 hours during the day. I went out to the grocery store today for an hour. When he naps, I try to take my shower and clean the kitchen and do some laundry. Other than that i am with him from the time I wake up til he goes to sleep. I will cherish these moments forever! Today I pulled some old pictures of him and my boys and yes of dad too. WE laughed as we talked about them.

YES...good for you...even if it's just to the store quickly...you HAVE to take breaks...this drains you SO quickly. At the end of it...you're going to fall apart...and I'm so scared for you.

I can't even BEGIN to know what you're going through...not at all. I didn't have the A when my mom was ill. I don't know how you make it.

I dont either, and I am obviously not getting the support I NEED from the one person I WANT It from sooo badly. I have to be the strong person HERE! I NEED someone to cry on...I NEED so break down at some point....but nooo, we have to be concerned with our own problems here. We have an OC on the way and we are going thru withdrawal, so no support for you mom.

I feel helpless... I just want to SMACK him with the biggest MB 2X4 known to mankind...but I don't think it would do a bit of good.

I don't even know what to say to him. I don't think anyone does...because nobody is really posting back to him... he has everyone speechless I think.

Have you ask Dr. Phil why you can't do plan B ?. WH is still in the fog, in the same state when I met WH. You need to go to plan B to protect whatever love left you have for WH.

[added] You are not in recovery, far from it ... sorry.

-rh-

<small>[ November 12, 2004, 09:52 PM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>

He is having a pity party. Let him...I am not going to join in on it. I believe he is afraid that once my dad dies, that i will leave him...but that is MY choice and you know what, if he doesn't change, it might happen. HE CAN change. HE changed from the man I married to the man he became during his A, to the man he as at the beginning of recovery and now to the man he is NOW...I know the man I married and love that man, I also love the man he was a month ago...but the man he is becoming NOW, I cant live with....if that is his choice and he CHOOSES not to change, then I cant help him or make him. THat is his choice. Right now though, it is all about ME....ME, ME, ME and my dad.

I'm gongto try to get some sleep now. I could talk all night with ya betrayed, but it's been a heck of a long day and nother one tomorrow. take care

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by redhat:
<strong> Have you ask Dr. Phil why you can't do plan B ?. WH is still in the fog, in the same state when I met WH. You need to go to plan B to protect whatever love left you have for WH.

[added] You are not in recovery, far from it ... sorry.

-rh- </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi RH! Love you buddy! I cant go into ANY plan until daddy dies...sorry, but that is the facts. Unless I find a nanny! But if things dont change on dad's part, yes, Plan B or D will be next! Thanks RH!

Get some rest...whatever you can grab...you don't have to be on the boards to be in our thoughts and hearts.

Have some revenge dreams....that will give you a pick me up <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mgm:
<strong> Ok lemonman...careful how you talk about the nurses, if it weren't for us telling you how to do your job you'd be lost!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> (being a nurse myself I love to give the docs a rough time! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> )

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey I may only be a dog and cat nurse but I take offense too *pokes lemonman relentlessly* <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

{{{(((momto3boys)))}}} hang in there and rest well tonight. Tomorrow is another day. -rh-

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by momto3boys:
<strong> Thank you betrayed! YOu are a sweet person! YOu made me cry <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I am so sorry you lost your mom at such a young age! It is so hard to watch your parents die of such an awful death. My dad is bedriden now. What used to be a 280 pound guy is now a 150 pound skin and bones old man. I have to feed him. I wipe his mouth, brush his teeth, and make sure he is in the right position and comfortable. I put his meds in his mouth and when he is thirty hold the straw to his mouth.I shave him and cut his nails. I bend his legs when he wants to bend them, then I have to sit there and hold them up, otherwise they fall to the side....When he needs his pillow moved I hold his head in one hand and move his pillow..remeber when your babies where just born... THAT, DAD is what i am dealing with. When he needs to be changed out of his diaper I leave the room...we have hospice 24/7...I sit with him 12 hours during the day. I went out to the grocery store today for an hour. When he naps, I try to take my shower and clean the kitchen and do some laundry. Other than that i am with him from the time I wake up til he goes to sleep. I will cherish these moments forever! Today I pulled some old pictures of him and my boys and yes of dad too. WE laughed as we talked about them. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh sweetie *hugs* I know the feeling my dad is a kidney failure patient he was a diabetic and never took care of himself and has slowly declined and this past june had to have both his legs amputated....they had bad neuropathy and necrosis from bed sores that wouldn't heal....we tried everything from whirlpool therapy to the O2 boots....since the operation tho he has improved some he has a motorized wheel chair *yeah I know boys and there toys <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> * and we just heard that stanford has said he is now a candidate for a kidney transplant again...so we are crossing our fingers...I am glad tho that alot of his pain has been relieved...

Let me know if you ever wanna talk...i'm here and there and anywhere ya need me

<small>[ November 12, 2004, 10:28 PM: Message edited by: missinghimterribly ]</small>

Mom -

I know exactly what you are going through, from taking care of a dying friend of mine. I know about the lifting, trying not to hurt them more, the feeding, trying to be upbeat when you know they are dying.

Please lean on us. We know you are a good person and need rest. Lean on us.