M23B - I know you replied to me on my thread, but I wasn't sure you'd check back over there and I wanted you to see this.

You might have my old phone number...remember I changed it. The cell is also off. If I pay it, WH cell will work too since my phone is an add on to his. Let me know if you have the old one on your phone.

Hugs to you, take care of YOU and don't let this stuff with D23B get to you right now. I KNOW, easier said than done.

You and your family are in my prayers. Being Catholic, I have to come up with a saint for the situation <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Saint Joseph is the patron saint of fathers and also of hospice care and peaceful death.

**************************************

Holy Husband of Mary, patron saint of fathers, husbands and families, pray for M23B and her family.

Saint Joseph, patron of hospice care and a peaceful death, pray for her father that he may have a happy death.

*************************************

I add this to my personal prayer every day for your family. I hope you are given peace and comforting.

((((M23B))))

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by faithinme:
<strong> M23B - I know you replied to me on my thread, but I wasn't sure you'd check back over there and I wanted you to see this.

You might have my old phone number...remember I changed it. The cell is also off. If I pay it, WH cell will work too since my phone is an add on to his. Let me know if you have the old one on your phone.

Hugs to you, take care of YOU and don't let this stuff with D23B get to you right now. I KNOW, easier said than done.

You and your family are in my prayers. Being Catholic, I have to come up with a saint for the situation <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Saint Joseph is the patron saint of fathers and also of hospice care and peaceful death.

**************************************

Holy Husband of Mary, patron saint of fathers, husbands and families, pray for M23B and her family.

Saint Joseph, patron of hospice care and a peaceful death, pray for her father that he may have a happy death.

*************************************

I add this to my personal prayer every day for your family. I hope you are given peace and comforting.

((((M23B)))) </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">*winks* ya know faith maybe you could be the official saint co-ordinator for MB....matching people with saints?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by missinghimterribly:
<strong> *winks* ya know faith maybe you could be the official saint co-ordinator for MB....matching people with saints? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You probably wouldn't be surprised to find out just how good I HAVE gotten with finding saints for situations in the last six months!!

I try to be the one to come up with them before my mother-in-law <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Of course, she knows them right off, whereas I use the internet to come up with a good saint match <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

hehe...hey it could almost be like one of those dating services....haha...faith there you go you and MIL could make some serious money.....see you don't need WH's money...you got skillz all your own *hugs*....*does a happy little dance for you*

<small>[ November 12, 2004, 10:38 PM: Message edited by: missinghimterribly ]</small>

Good morning everyone! I still haven't read this thread yet. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> But i have it all printed out! I haven't talked to Ed since our fight last night! I had actually called him last night to ask for a truce when he blasted me with his latest post. Oh well <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I haven't been over to that other thread and I wont go over there either. Too many people posting over there I wish not to communicate with.

Let me answer a few questions that some of you might want to know though...

1. Do I want my marriage to work? Yes, I do, but not under THESE circumstances...I cannto live with a selfish person who cannot put his own problems aside for a few weeks to help his WIFE deal with hers.

2. I want to stop fighting with him, but each time we talk he wil say "you dont want me"...I will say that I DO want my marriage that I DO love you...and all he can say is no you dont. or I dont deserve it. I cant go on knowing or wondering with every fight or arguement comes the D word or the OW word. Or the threat of either one.

3. I want to have a nice future with my HUSBAND...the man I married, the man I know he can be...not the man he became during his A...

I cannnot only think of myself here, my children are being affected too...and NO, I am not only staying with my H for the sake of the kids. I do love him...he CAN be a wonderful human being. He has been with me thru thick and thin...My children are aboutto lose the ONLY grandfather they will ever know! Then the threat of them losing their parents as they KNOW them...WHOA <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

You know that I have missed my sons' first orthodontist appt. I have missed being there to hold them when they are sick this week.

I would honestly like to put everything behind us and move forward, but how can we when all we do is fight over the PAST! Still bringing up an email and lunch that I had with a FRIEND. And NO i did not have lunch with that guy AFTER The XBF thing. I had lunch with that guy while Ed was still heavily in the A......While Ed was telling me he was in love with the OW and while Ed was leaving me at night to go be with her. While he was stopping by th eNH on his way home from work and having sex with her, leaving me at home. Then calling me telling me he had to work late. While Ed was sleeping in MY BED with another woman. I was having lunch with an old HS friend. Did I kiss him? NO......Did I tell him anything to lead him on? NOOOO...did I tell him I wanted my marriage? YES, yes, yes. As soon as Ed told me to quit, I quit. Never looked back. Anyway, enough of that. I cant fix anything anymore. I cna only fix myself. And that is what I will do. Focus on myself! Thanks for listening!

I am so glad, m23b, to see that in your last post that you intend to focus on you.

I don't post much on MB anymore... but I practically lived here 2001-2003.

I watched your segment on Dr. Phil... didn't know then that you were an MBr. I kinda get irked w/ Dr. Phil, Oprah, et. al. who believe that we are just sitting around waiting for the WS to choose us. I truly believe that this whole thing is a process and when you are ready, you will act... but that is the key... getting ready.

Once I was able to focus on me... and what I needed to do to get healthy... married or not... well, the changes happened fast and furiously. And, a couple of years later, my H has told me that what I did scared him... he didn't know what I was up to... it was then he figured out he didn't want to lose me.

I was given some MB 2X4s by members here for focusing too much on my H... it was then I implemented some 180s. I made a plan and began replacing a couple of unhealthy behaviors @ a time with healthy behaviors. I began individual counseling and joined a small group @ church that focused on healing unhealthy behaviors.

You'll also notice that I am also a mom to three boys... and my boys were basically the same ages yours are now. We also made some of the same mistakes of fighting in front of them... though I tried my best to shield them from the actual reason we were fighting. Our fighting affected them greatly... and now we make a huge effort not to... and the change in their behavior is noticeable.

Focus on you and them... begin to detach w/ love from the emotion that this whole affair is pulling you through. It is time for D23b to stew in his own juices and suffer the natural effects of what he has caused. Let him figure it out... while you figure you out.

Finally, people tried to push me into plan b... divorce etc. You will know what the RIGHT decision for you is when you have done the work on you. When you are whole & healthy, you will want a partner who is equal to you... hopefully D23b won't be far behind you.

Cali

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Once I was able to focus on me... and what I needed to do to get healthy... married or not... well, the changes happened fast and furiously. And, a couple of years later, my H has told me that what I did scared him... he didn't know what I was up to... it was then he figured out he didn't want to lose me.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How many times am I supposed to do this before he realizes though. I did this 6 weeks ago, that is when he turned around and realized "hey, wait a minute, I do love my wife...I do want to be with her, I cant beleive I ever doubted this" that is when he couldn't get enough of ME! haha. I was going to come on here and say how much I wish he would just show up to prove to me that he does care. But he isn't here yet, nor has he called todya...to ask how daddy is, or to see how his wife is...I gues he just cant put his pride and his own pain aside to think about ME for a day. **sigh** OH how I hate to see our whole lives torn this way, how i hate to see it disintegrate this way.

It was this last time that when he did start coming out of the fog and start treating ME like a wife again, that is when I realized we could make it...but again, now, he cannot get past the pain he has caused me....he keeps TELLING ME that I dont love him, that I will never get past this. WEll, it will be mighty hard to when I am constantly reminded of it by him.

Do you know how hard it is to sit here 12 - 14 hours a day and know you have no support from your own husband. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

My daddy's very best friend is here with him. YOu should see him light up. He is so happy right now!

"Do you know how hard it is to sit here 12 - 14 hours a day and know you have no support from your own husband."

ummmm... yeah. Though I didn't go through a death of a family member then... H was physically present in our family... but that was about it. I could expect no emotional support from him and very little household support either... so I worked all day... and came home to another fulltime job w/ the boys and the house... and for a long time, I walked on eggshells so as to not rock his boat and give him a reason to leave. It was crazymaking.

It is especially important for you to have a support group in REAL life... that is why I did individual counseling AND the small group @ church.

You are not going to get help from him now. He is not emotionally healthy to even think that way... you can't even expect it. I quit asking my H to do ANYTHING. 'cause when ever I did he acted like THAT was all I wanted him for...

...eventually I was able to understand WHY I could expect so little from him and how unfair it was to me... and I began to DEMAND (in a healthy way...no LBs) respect and safety from him... as well as set the boundary that he could NOT have a girlfriend and a wife... for me that was about 1 year post-dday.

Our affair rollercoaster was no quick thing... he held onto OW and other women friends for a long time.

It is a process.

Learn to detach from the emotion of it all. Think first before you react. And remember, you can't get from him what he's incapable of giving. You will hurt yourself trying.

Cali

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by momto3boys:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Once I was able to focus on me... and what I needed to do to get healthy... married or not... well, the changes happened fast and furiously. And, a couple of years later, my H has told me that what I did scared him... he didn't know what I was up to... it was then he figured out he didn't want to lose me.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How many times am I supposed to do this before he realizes though. I did this 6 weeks ago, that is when he turned around and realized "hey, wait a minute, I do love my wife...I do want to be with her, I cant beleive I ever doubted this" that is when he couldn't get enough of ME! haha. I was going to come on here and say how much I wish he would just show up to prove to me that he does care. But he isn't here yet, nor has he called todya...to ask how daddy is, or to see how his wife is...I gues he just cant put his pride and his own pain aside to think about ME for a day. **sigh** OH how I hate to see our whole lives torn this way, how i hate to see it disintegrate this way.

It was this last time that when he did start coming out of the fog and start treating ME like a wife again, that is when I realized we could make it...but again, now, he cannot get past the pain he has caused me....he keeps TELLING ME that I dont love him, that I will never get past this. WEll, it will be mighty hard to when I am constantly reminded of it by him.

Do you know how hard it is to sit here 12 - 14 hours a day and know you have no support from your own husband. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

My daddy's very best friend is here with him. YOu should see him light up. He is so happy right now! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">*hugs* mom...stop and breath sweetie...in and out in and out....
Okay.....heres what we shall do I have some flight credits I'll fly down there and we can go for a girls night out...so you can get a breather.....I have a way of lifting peoples spirits so I'm told....oh I wish I lived closer...I'd be there in a heartbeat....no way you could take a vacation to cali could you? Bring the kids I mean hell we have disneyland...we can tie down dad in a boat on it's a small world after all and let it constantly repeat itself <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ...I know i know dad I'm just joking <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ....I'm sure my DS and I could meet you guys down there....it would be fun maybe other members could meet us there....one big MB family gathering....hehe

<small>[ November 13, 2004, 02:43 PM: Message edited by: missinghimterribly ]</small>

one last thing...

ALLOW others to hold you up. Having read through your posts, you have made some tremendous friends here... as I did during my MB tenure. REST IN THEM and your friends in 'real' life.

I am recovering from surgery for colon cancer right now... AND his father has been in and out of the hospital since July... I don't think my H would have made it without all the blessings poured out by friends, co-workers, church, etc. Back then (pre-affair), I think our world would have been an island and we would have been overstressed from this dual hit... but thankfully we both learned to allow others to care for us.

Cali

Thanks to all who are supporting me. I took a peak over on that other thread that is going on. Yes, the drama of it. Unbelievable. All those people keep saying they are bowing out, but continue ot post. someone said that I am only giving PARTIAL info. WHAT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I'm not sure where that one is coming from...I have only been honest and upfront with everything and it seems dad gets pissed at me for that. Not sure what partial means, but my whole life is out on the line here. WHat else do you people want from me! JEEZ!

SPoke with dad today. Wanted to know how my DS4 was...also told dad that I was sick of living in the past, that from here on out I am living in the present moving forward. I asked him if he wanted to move forward with me or not. He said he didn't know. Told him he could move on with out me, but htat I was not going to continue my life as it is...THat I was going to go forward. He said he didn't think that i could ever get past the past...really wish he and everyone else would STOP telling me what i can and cannot do...I CANT get past the past if I am reminded of it everytime I speak to him and if HE CANT get past it. That's it, I think HE cant get past it...Well, that is fine. I need to move on now. I need to live in peace. I am fine with that. If dad decides to join me, that is fine, but I am going forward. THanks for your support to those who have supported me. And for those who continue to add to the drama of that other thread, go right ahead. Not sure what good it is doing to me or to dad, but amuse yourselfs if you wish.

OMG, that sounds so FAMILIAR! A few weeks ago, my H humiliated our 10 year old D for her not understanding division, I said, "Tom -- cool it", and he left the house and when I talked with him, he said, "Why am I always wrong? Is it because of my poor judgment in my relationship with Sophia?"

Dad isn't ready. You can stay in this mess, end the M completely, or move to Plan B. He could wake up, but you are only helping him to justify his actions because you tolerate them. Do move on. I know you've been in Plan B in and out several times. What I have decided to do is say this is it, if there is another relapse (Sophia may be out of the picture, but there's still neglect and verbal abuse), then we separate for one year minimum.

He said he's ready now. We'll see. I'm preparing for Plan B and will follow through to protect my willingness to reconcile if he isn't ready now.

Cherished

m23b...

My H said the same thing to me... I would never get over it. I would hold it over him forever. YADA... YADA... YADA... I'm with you. It takes time, but you CAN get over it... especially if the WS is purposeful in rebuilding the marriage... I got over it much more quickly when I knew he was 100% with me.

Be good to yourself.

Cali

Yes, Cali, my experience also as far as moving beyond the A.

At various times around the times of the ending of a false recovery is when the justification of his saying I wouldn't get beyond it. Yes, it was difficult but we have. It has taken time especially since he had another A a couple of years after the major 4 yr. A. I think that part of it has to do with the Post Tramatic Stress Syndrome.

Kind of OT:
One thing I seem to still battle is my tendency to wake up during the night at around 4ish and then not fall back asleep...Sometimes some thought/anxiety/worry enters my mind that makes me feel kind of weak in the knees. Anyway...the waking the night (at least 2x's a night) was much worse during the A's which is typical. Maybe this is just hormonal as I get closer to menopause years??? None of the thoughts are A related at all. When we were in Europe last May and we walked all day I slept though every night...maybe I just need more regular exercise than I am getting.

<small>[ November 13, 2004, 09:27 PM: Message edited by: Trix ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I haven't been over to that other thread and I wont go over there either. Too many people posting over there I wish not to communicate with.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And for those who continue to add to the drama of that other thread, go right ahead. Not sure what good it is doing to me or to dad, but amuse yourselfs if you wish.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hmmm...

It reminds me of (not so rare) cases when someone tries to support one spouse by 'attacking' the other one, and when they get back together they accuse that person of trying to put a bone between them...

Besides of this... Mom23b.. somehow I don't think it is... fair? for posters 'over there'...

They might add to the drama, but they didn't begin with it...

Btw, I have never thought about both spouses being here was a good idea... not only because of 'that other thread consequences'...

M23B,

I just want 2 tell u first of that u r in my prayers during this trying time w/ your dad. I pray 4 your strength & 4 peace in your heart during this time. Please remember 2 take of yourself even thru all this chaos.

I did watch the show & being in the same situation of the A & OC drama, I truly relate 2 your pain. I will not judge D23B for his comments or actions, unfortunately I see many of the same traits in my own H. I will say that 2 me it took a lot of courage & some type of willingness 2 repair your M that alllowed him to appear on national tv & share your problems w/ the world. Not many men would do that.

I am thankful 2 both of u also that maybe just maybe your story being told publicly will help another M couple struggling thru this. I am hoping that my H will watch the show w/ me & see that he is not so unique & neither is OW in our case & it may open his eyes 2 exactly how his actions have pretty much destroyed our M & that he will do right by all concerned & decide once & 4 all 2 put our M first or let it go.

I pray that Dr. Phil will be able 2 get thru to Dad & that your M will be on the way to recovery soon.

U r a beautiful woman w/ a big heart & an enormous capacity 2 love. Only u will know when u have had enough if u get 2 that point, God will lead u, let him guide u. As Dr. Phil has said u can't walk away from your M until u know u have done all u can to save it, that is what u r doing, it doesn't make u a doormat by any means, u only human, a woman, a wife & a mother fighting 4 her M & her family, that takes true courage, commitment & a lot of love, it would have been so much easier 2 D Dad & walk away, but u have 2 do what is best 4 Mom & no one else.

It is sooooo easy 2 say what u would do in this situation, I used 2 say what I would do if my H ever had an A, much less fathered a child but when it happened 2 me, that plan went right out the window. If u have not experienced it u really can't speak on how u would handle it.

So sweetie my hat is off 2 u, & again just want u 2 know I am thinking of u & praying your M not only survive but be better than it ever was.

It's not over til God says so.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mom 2 3 boys}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Morning Mom
How you hold up sweetie ?

I'm not going to say much about you and D23...I think you'll come to the conclusion that's best for you...pretty darn quickly.

I'm reading that you're sick of all of it, sick of the drama, sick of your life being robbed and overruled by the A, and all it's debris.

Whatever you decide, Whenever you decide, I know I'll support you either way.

He's still on the fence...and has no reason in hell to be...you've done the best you can with a horrible situation...everyone can see that.

I've told you once, and I'll tell you again, I think you and the boys deserve better than this. I think you're hitching yourself to a star...that isn't ready to lift you up when you're down. It's still all about him, and his needs. Over the last 8 or 9 months...I've seen you recommitting over and over and over...doing anything and everything you can... and in brief moments..you get something in return, but for the most part, Dr. Phil is right...you're still waiting for D23 to make a decision ... ANY decision.

I can feel you coming to the end of your rope... D23 needs to realize that...because all of us here see it. Maybe there comes a time..that you have to let him live with the consequences of his actions. If he is still confused..maybe letting her have him... will UNCONFUSE him...because you know the chances of that relationship working right ?

I believe you are strong, loving, sensitive, caring, intelligent woman. I think you're a great Mom, a great daughter and a great wife. If the one person who SHOULD see this, and refuses to see it... just doesn't get that YOU deserve better than this ?.... well... it's still the facts...aren't they.

It doesn't matter if you can or will get over the A...you didn't invite it into your M...and what in the world does YOUR ability to "heal" in his time frame, and under his direction..have to do with HIS desire to rebuild the M ?

Pep just got done telling someone else on another thread..the WS when really interest in recovery..should be willing to do WHATEVER it takes..for AS LONG as it takes..to beat the demon. I agree.

Hugs to you Mom.... as I've said before...I'm behind you 100%...whatever it is you decide.

Quote:
***Once I was able to focus on me... and what I needed to do to get healthy... married or not... well, the changes happened fast and furiously. And, a couple of years later, my H has told me that what I did scared him... he didn't know what I was up to... it was then he figured out he didn't want to lose me.***

Mom wrote:
***How many times am I supposed to do this before he realizes though.***

No, Mom. The question is, "How many times am I supposed to do this before ***I*** realize."

You are making the same mistake I made. You are taking action, but not to protect yourself or your boys. You are taking action solely in the hope that it will manipulate your husband into coming back to the family.

This is not ever going to work. Why? Because while you SAY you are "done", he knows perfectly well that you are anxiously and desperately waiting for any crumb of hope that he might throw you. He is still fully in control and he knows it -- and that's just the way he likes it.

This is exactly the state that allows him to maintain two women in his life, which is exactly what he wants.

Mistake number two, which I also made: You think that if you can just get your husband to understand how much his actions have hurt you, he will be very very sorry for your pain and come back and be your husband.

This ain't ever going to happen, either. Why? Because acknowledging your pain also means acknowledging that he caused it and that he did something very, very wrong -- and this clashes with his view of himself as a great guy. So, in his world it's okay to let YOU suffer so that HE doesn't have to feel bad about himself. There is nothing worse than that -- not even the idea of losing his family, as you (and many of us) have found out for ourselves. Therefore, as far as he's concerned your pain is YOUR problem and not his.

Someone posted earlier on this thread that you had done a good thing on the Dr. Phil show by "showing everyone the pain that affairs cause." I disagree. What you *have* done is demonstrate to men everywhere that yes, you *can* cheat and get away with it! Sure, your wife will be real upset and you'll have to put up with a lot of b*tching at home, but she won't throw you out, and as long as you can tolerate some b*tching you can have all the women you want!

This the message you sent on the Dr. Phil show -- didn't you see the reaction of the largely female audience towards *you*? -- and it's also the very clear message you send your husband every day.

What will help here? Well, Plan B, obviously, but what does that really mean?

It doesn't mean you throw him out, go dark, and then sit in that dark desperately waiting and hoping with every breath that this is going to change HIM.

What it SHOULD mean is that Mom puts a source of extreme pain and chaos out of her life to let HIM deal with his own mess, while she creates peace and security within her home for herself and her sons and her father.

In other words -- Plan B will not work if you are doing it to "wake him up" or "get him back." You have to do it to create peace for yourself NO MATTER WHAT THE WS THINKS.

You do not say to him, "*YOU* can't do this to me anymore, so get out."

You say to him, "*I* cannot do this anymore. I am not telling you what to do. I am simply telling you that *I* cannot do this. Therefore, either you move out or I will have to."

See the difference?

Now, Plan B *might* wake him up if you do it long enough and solidly enough. But again, you cannot do it solely for that reason.

If you don't remove yourself from this triangle and let it go on and on and on -- well, in the words of some TV doctor, "How's that workin' for ya?"

The cold reality is that Plan Be (a rather interesting typo there!) will only work if you have accepted the fact that it may not bring him back.

I sympathize. I fully understand how painful and and lonely and frightening it is to just let go, and at one time I was the world's biggest failure at it. But trust me, Mom, and trust the other people here -- it's the only hope you've got of ever having a healthy relationship with this man.
Mulan

What a wonderful post Mulan! Thank you! Yes, I have come to that conclusion and have expressed to him on the phone that *I* must move on...*I* must think of myself and my children, and I do not think that living htis way is healthy for either of us...me or my children. *I* will not live in the past the rest of my life and constantly be reminded of the lunch date I had while my H was still having an affair...right or wrong...and YES, I do know it was wrong for me to have *LUNCH* with a male person...but I NEVER in my mind EVER would have taken it any further. Of course, Ed will remind me of that forever...cant live thta way. He just cant and wont see what he has done is WRONG...I am not carrying another mans's child....you know in the next show he mentions that he always wanted a girl... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> WOW!!! I really thought we had made a joint decision not to have any more children together...Gosh, had I known he wanted a girl so badly I think I would have found a way around having a hysterectomy at that point. I could have sworn that man, my H, expressed to me he didn't want ANY MORE children..that he was done...WOW!

WEll, I am perfectly happy with my three wonderful boys. I thought I could go ahead and accept this baby into my life, but now I dont think I can...simply because I am told over and over again by my H that I will never get past this...WEll, he realy believes that in his mind...Unfortunately *I* dont have any say so on what he BELIEVESS...I cannot change him..I dont want to change him...*I* will not live this way...


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Pep just got done telling someone else on another thread..the WS when really interest in recovery..should be willing to do WHATEVER it takes..for AS LONG as it takes..to beat the demon. I agree.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If you look back at his posts that he posted at the VERY beginning of recovery, he did write something very similar to this...

"I will do anything and everything for my wife to prove to her that I love her" or something like that...only lasted a whole 3 weeks. Now I dont think he loves me anymore, that he never loved me, etc...hey, that is MY opionion..

I am renting a car to drive home today. My daddy is not doing well today, but I think he is just so tired. I think he forced himself to stay awaake all day yesterday and now he is worn out. Dad is giving my guilt over leaving daddy now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I feel at peace with my daddy now..I feel I have had a great week with him...we laughed and talked a lot yesterday. I HAVE to go home to see my kids. I miss my kids soooo much. I will not be given any quilt over leaving today...I feel at peace with my dad now. I have said my goodbyes and told him it was ok to go.

ON a side note, I will be seeing a lawyer next time I am up here. I must protect my children before the B*TCH gets ahold of money that is not rightfully hers. I will not let that woman take what is MY CHILDREN"S! I will be on my way home now...THanks for the support..

BTW, I didn't start that "other" thread. matter of fact, I have barely posted over there. I cant speak for dad, but really dont tell me I started the drama, when I never started the thread...nor did I add any drama to it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> And i dont think the poster who DID start that thread had any intentions of it turning into what it has become. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

truthfully mom even if the wicked witch of slutdom is pregnant with his child....as far as child support goes...she has one you have THREE...hmm I wonder who will be getting more child support.....and even if you do get divorced...don't count out the alimony....let her think she will get all the funds from the rich doctor...oh we grovel at your feet!....NOT!...it will be fun to watch her bubble burst....awww now look at what i've done...i've gone and said evil things oh well...right now as far as OW go I have no respect for them and wish it was still legal to beat the crap out of them....but I can't soo i live here alone with my issues....and worry...I had to go have blood drawn yesterday...I'm not feeling right...and it's got me scared doc wants to see me wednesday.....