Hi all! I've been separated with my wife (4)months ago. Reason is she told me she wants to be alone.

Make the story short (1) month later when I moved out I ask her if she wants me to get a new apartment so my daughter (9 yrs. old)and her can moved in with me away from her parents house.

She told me that she don't love me anymore and she said she filed for divorce, we've been together for 11th years and married for 9th years.(911 bad #) I kinda have a strong feeling that she is inlove with someone and I dont have proof.

I know she is been doing a research online on the divorce.com. Well Friends telling me that they've seen her with another man and I am in denial and when I talked to her about it she is so defensive she gets mad right away and she tells me that she nevers lies to me at all,

until I found out that she has 2 cell phone. One is under my account name and one is secret phone. she told me she dont love and she showed me her phone with camera and I found a picture of a man and saying my1andOnlyLove thats surprise me and she grab the phone from me and she said that (its e-mail address)

I beleive her but she didn't know that I forward the picture in my e-mail address and now I have a copy of the picture and she never gave me her new cell phone number but she didn't know that by e-mailing the picture I can get her cell phone number that way. Well I was going to let everything "GO" and I will keep trying to be with her and telling her that all I want is to have Happy Family her response is (not w/ me). She said I was a big mistake or she is a big mistake by getting us married by her parents because of she is pregnant.

Well Halloween 2004 night I called her and her phone keeps ringing and ringing and until mid-night she turn off the phone. I left her voicemail and I text her that I said "its so easy to find out where you at or who you with but I am not going to do that because I just might hurt myself but its so easy" she never responded and never came home until the next day afternoon. So I hack in to her cell phone voicemail remotely and I found (2) saved voicemail messages and when I listen to it.

Its a guys voice calling her Babe and saying love you, love you, love you. when I ask her about it she denies it and I advise her to change the password because I might get through and hear more message and hurt my emotion, well she change her cell phone number instead and since then I haven't talk to her. Our 9th years wedding anniversary is coming up and I sent her card thanking her for the years we've spend together and told her that if she is Happy I am Happy for her too,

I just hope she didn't make a mistake on her decision on her affair, I don't know what to do and I still love her,

I told her if I have voicemail from a girl calling me babe and telling me that she loves me, I ask her what she going to feel about it? She said If I told her that its nothing, she will take my word for it cause she trust me. (yeah right!)

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Nov. 9th - Well she publish this information on Friendster.com with different name:

Telling people about her self:
I am raised in XXXCITYXXX, (NY). I went to James Denman, and then the lovely XXXXX H.S. I did a couple of years at City Collage and then Bryman. I have a daughter who i adore very much, she is my treasure and a gift from heaven.I am also in a Halau and been dancing hula for quite sometime now. My favorite flowers are orchids, hibiscus, gardenia lily, ylang ylang & plumeria. I am in a serious relationship to a really great man, he is my soulmate. We have been together for quite a while.We have been through so many drama's in our lives just to be together. We parted back in 1993 but fate directed us back together. We are meant as one. When we first saw each other at the bakery we never parted ever since. We have gone through alot of obstacle just to be together and so here we are happy as ever in each others arms. So that's my life story in a nutshell.

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Resolution:

I printed out the page and confront her and she denies it. And I told her she will deny this to death and someday I will meet this person anyway and I will mention that’s the denial relationship. I asked her to tell the truth and I will let it go I will feel release that way. She is so defensive and for 11th years we’ve been together, Do you think, I don’t know when she is LYING, well I am calm and she logs on her computer and telling me that I can check the laptop I gave her. I work for I.T. and I showed it to her how to delete the cookies and history so you cannot find anything.

But when I mention to her that there is another way (I can prove it to her that If she continue lying I can dig and dig in and I can find more. She still lying, I told her that all I have to do is go to find files and type 3 letter and I can find more unless if she wants to tell me now. (YEEsS) she admit it that she is so inlove with this person and she don’t have to tell me who it is because

my Feelings is telling me his name.I dont know that person but yes, I have a strong feeling and When I mention the name she was surprise that I know and I told her that I already know everything for a very long time, I am just quiet I told her. Well I gave her a HUG and told her that I still love her and I told her that I will always be waiting for her when she is ready to come back to me.

( I love my Daughter and HUG both of them and I will always be around ) I mention to her that I know its hard to let go but I have to do it and I am just worried on Holidays, Thanks Giving Day and XMAS and ect. That I will not be with her at all because she already moved on.
(But YEEESSS I feel release when she ADMIT that she is having an affair.)

She filed for DIVORCE a month a go and I haven't got serve, What can I do, or what should I do next? any comment please:

wow that is rough.

No advise for you. Wish I had some. Someone with more experience will be along shortly

Plan A ... Plan A ... Plan A ....

She said she filed ... she only has 21 days to served you or she has to file again. It is normal for WS to tell BS many things to discourage you to stick on M!.

Read SAA if you have not done it yet.

Get Busy ... don't even have one unplanned minutes in your days.

Hang in there -rh-

Hi All! I just want to find out if I should leave her alone and not to see her or even talk to her for a while. Should I just let everything go even though we have daughter together and I still love her. I know she loves the new Man and I think I cannot change that anymore because she made her decision.

Listen to RH. Have you read SAA? You really need to be in Plan A. If you don't know what that is then start reading every thing about infidelity on this site.

In answer to your question......You should not abandon her so that she thinks you have given up. You want to be seen as persuing somewhat. Use your judgement.ok? Get into a strong plan A and keep on posting here. And make sure that you are taking care of yourself.

God Bless

C.

What is SAA means? I read Infidelity advise and story.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Don't Lie, They'll find out anyway.:
<strong> What is SAA means? I read Infidelity advise and story. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Surviving An Affair, a book by Harley's.

Follow and read this General Welcome and follows all its link.

Right now you are in roller 'coaster ... don't make any decisions or judgement but focus on learning MB !.

Your wife is not herself, drunk and addicted to A !. She will do and say anything to continue her A ... You had saw her when you brought the undisputable evidence, she denied it !!!!. Stop thinking about your current situation and what might happen to your future. Focus on learning MB, you will understand the past to build and/or salvage your M !.

-rh-

I guess this is it for me folks, Wife just e-mail me about the child support cost and I dont really mind about that, I am worried that sometimes I am still in pain of Infidelity. I still love her and I sent her this message to her Friendster testimonial.

a MiKe a, 11/12/2004:
Hello there, I just want to greet you,
Happy 9th years anniversary and I
would like to let you know that I
appreciate all the years we've spent
together and your happiness is
important to me, and I wish you all the
best in your future. I will always be here
when you need me as Best Friend for
life. Thank you for being so kind and
honest to me, Happy Anniversary....
11-11-04

I am getting the book SAA, I've place my order already and maybe next week I have it.

My Wife is telling everyone that she is SINGLE now and I advice her that if she feels that way thats fine but our divorce still in the process. What can I do to survive the DOWN feelings, because sometimes I cannot handle the presure. I love my Daughter and her MOM. I just hate being alone at home.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Don't Lie, They'll find out anyway.:
<strong>What can I do to survive the DOWN feelings, because sometimes I cannot handle the presure. I love my Daughter and her MOM. I just hate being alone at home. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You have no control over her or her A ... but you have control over you. Get out from the house if you hate being alone ... join bowling leauge, chess club or something that would get you out of the house. Gymn is a good place too.

You should have daily plan and let no single minute unplanned. Overbook yourself w/ activities. There are many activities that are free ... check with your local church. They would be glad to have you helping around.

-rh-

I wholly agree with Redhat's suggestions. It is vital for you to get a life if you wish to recover from your ordeal. Don't shun friendships with women [No not to have an affair of your own] as long as you do not cross boundaries with them. ***edit***

You have to face the fact that the marriage you knew is gone, and whether or not your WW returns to you, your happiness is in your hands not hers.

Thank you and I will try to find a good activity that helps me go through this process.

One more question:
Yesterday I was at her house and packing my stuff and for some reason she is just watching me putting all my stuff in the box. I look at her in the eyes and I gave her HUG and she HUG me back, I asked her if this is final the divorce is going through and the papers are coming to the mail. I asked her if we can stop this and give it another TRY? She said her decision is final and sounds like she choose the affair over our 11th years together and married for 9th years. I think she still have the feelings that she still love me, but I dont know why I am still keeping my hopes up that we will be together again. Is this normal that she already moved on with another man, and I still want her back?

2x4 .... Why did you initiate R talk ?. You are hurting yourself. Put this this way. Who do you think an addict would choose ? you or her needle ?.

Read this true’s heart letter to ws to hope one day your WS would be a FWS. WARNING !!! do not give this to your WS, it would do no good at all at this point .

Have you read abour don't and do's about Plan A ?

-rh-

Hello All:

I think I just let her go, I think at this time there is nothing else I can do. W is inlove with the OM and no more feelings to me anymore at all. Well I should NOT talk to her or see her for a while. I know this is going to be hard for me to do, but I have to suffer now by doing this than everytime I talked to her I am still trying to keeps my hopes up that we still have a chance to get back together. I am crazy <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> cause I thought there still hope. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I hate my self from doing that, I am angry to my self <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

U R NOTALONE,

I feel your pain as my situation is almost as bad, I'm new to MB and have been working on a great Plan A -- You have to do the same thing. I have been told by many that my WW is in a fog right now and will say many things to keep me from trying. My ww has told me that she is only staying until June 2004 and thats only because she does not want the kids to miss any school or have this effect them. My ww has also told me many things to hurt me and I just look at her and tell her to be honest and that My love will never go away nor will I give up on the M -- You have to do the same thing, do not give up on her keep giving her hugs and kisses, My ww claims she has had no contact with OM and admits that she wants to call him and see how he is and things of that nature. Do I trust WW? No not at this time but I try to stay away from LB's -- The key to a great plan A is do everything you can to end this A she has going on...Alot of the people on here are wonderful and they will give you sound advice. Right now all I can tell you is, DO NOT GIVE UP... Put together your Plan A and stick with it. it's not about you it's about ending the A.....I may be just as new to this as you but I am here if you need a friend to talk with. I am also on **edit**. I will support anyone I can, I have a good ear and care deeply for all of you. Even with my own pain, together all of us can get through this.

Michael **edit**

<small>[ November 16, 2004, 12:40 PM: Message edited by: Mschluter ]</small>

I just received this e-mail today and made me feel so down again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

-----Original Message-----
From: WIFE
Sent: Tuesday, November 16, 2004 11:11 AM
To: HUSBAND
Subject: hello


i already have the final documents on hand...would you like to go through them first before i bring it sa mccallister?


-------------------------------------------------

Wife just called me and would like me to meet her in the house of pain, to check the papers and she told me that she can only show it to me and she said that she cannot make a copy of the paper works. I advice her that I need a copy before she turns them in for Finalize the divorce papers. She said she cannot make me copy QUESTION is: WHY NOT? I will keep you inform after meeting with her.

<small>[ November 16, 2004, 04:01 PM: Message edited by: U R not ALONE ]</small>

Let her file ... don't even look at it w/ her. This is a legal matter and you need to get lawyer ASAP.

BTW, have you get AD from your doctor ?. Get it. You are in a roller coaster my freind, you need something to calm you down and make you think clear.

Get a hold of yourself, your D need you, don't think ... just do Plan A.

-rh-

Wife called and asked me if I read the divorce paper, I told her that I haven't look at them at all and she said she is just giving me visitation rights thats it........ I think I am starting to hate her and she always say that she cant stand talking to me why does she call me? Now I feel like (I have no love for her anymore) I am loosing it little by little I think as long as I dont talk to her or see her I will be ok. I just want to say thanks for your support RH. thank you so much.

One more thing, I haven't seen the doctor I am the type of person that cant stand doctors. I keep on loosing weight from 210-180 I think this is good from 38 to 33 soon I will get my six pack again. My new me for 2005 my goal.