My husband had an affair and has decided to end it but only for the kids sake. He shows very little effort to actually work on the marriage. He wants to protect the details of the affair and everything about recovering from this is his way. How do I know when to call it quits and quit settling for less than I want out of a marriage?

Any:

Sorry that this happened to you. It is truly a traumatic experience. We will try to help you here but will need more information from you.

It might be helpful for you to read all that you can about Infidelity on the MB Homepage or better yet buy and read the book SURVIVING AN AFFAIR.

It is important for you to be certain that your husband has ended the A before you can recover. According to MB Principles that will involve the two of you composing a No Contact letter to send to her which would indicate that he will never communicate with her again in his life.

It sounds like he continues to be in the FOG that Wayward Spouses are in before they withdraw from the Other Person. He will say all that stuff about not loving you. However, he can "fall in love with you all over again" once there is recovery.

Begin reading and tell us more about your story.

I am 37, 5 children- two from prev. marriage. three with husband. I had affair 2 years ago. He fought to save marriage. For me since my affair, marriage was thought to be wonderful and growing. Husband frequently made remarks about my affair, but seem to really love me and things were going well. OW is sister to friend from church. Husband and OW began emailing then talking on phone, then sneaking to meet when she was here to visit family. She is divorcing 3 husband and now moved to town. I was suspicious of affair since she moved here. Husband denied anything, encouraged me to be her friend. We all sang on church praise team together. He even asked me to make her a cake on her birthday. Oct. 5 found out where they had been meeting in mornings before work and confronted him. He could no longer deny. Lies and more lies, back forth about ending it, had cell phones together, p.o. box, secret email address. He was going to leave but couldn't when it came right down to it because of kids. She has now rented apartment he was going to take. He insists we can't divorce but shows no major efforts to repair marriage. Get angry when I don't trust him. Won't discuss things about affair I want to know. I try not to get specifics cause they hurt, but need to know he is willing to share if I want to know. We are seeing very reputable christian counselor who thinks I need to really examine why I want to be with a man who is so secretive and controlling. I am so confused. I don't think husband will get over OW unless he goes and lives it out and wakes up to reality. By then it may be to late for us.

Check back later for my post to you. I've got to run out now.