Well, Well, Well...isnt' this interesting...I JUST walked in the door from being with my DYING dad about 10 minutes ago...As dad was getting into the shower, I told him I was going to call my mom to let her know I was home...instead I picked up the phone to check the last number dialed...you wouldn't believe whose number was on there! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> YUP, the OW's...

I then went to look at his beeper...she paged him at 12:10 AM...which tells me dad probably had her here...althouhg he denies that...WHATEVER! We had agreed to a seperation just yesterday...isn't that funny how he has agreed to a seperation...I asked him how long he has been in contact with her... 2 days WOW...lets do the math...I've been gone for ummm, THREE days! Can you believe this man..the gall he has...I am sitting there with my dying father...and he has screwing some *****...

Oh wait..it gets better....I called the number...she answers the phone...HELLO! I said "You stupid WHORE"...well, she hung up on me...wonder why...then I dialed the number again...then DAD starts defending her! Dont be calling her and harrassing her! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

So he is out the door...so long and farewell daddy O! Good riddens! so sad how somone can be soooo self absorbed to do this at a time when I so badly need him! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

<small>[ November 27, 2004, 01:05 PM: Message edited by: momto3boys ]</small>

What can I "say" except that I'm sorry. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

(Shaking Head As I post this). repeatedly

Wishing you the best in whatever it is you Decide to DO from here on out.

M23B,

I am sooo sorry to hear of his continued mess. All the showers in the world won't rub off the stench of the OP.

M23b, what you miss and need is your H. What is currently inhabiting your home is a WS. Not the same, just a mere shell of the H.

Get yourself to a safe place so you can deal with issues within your control.

Hugz,
L.

Myself and Frags are sooo sorry you are going through this horrible pain. Reading your previous posts and watching the Dr. Phil episodes, in my opinion, it is for the best you remove your H from your household. God Bless You and your children. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I am so sorry. I will pray for you. As much as possible try not to react to him in any other way but with true, calm, and the disappointment you feel. LBing, although understandable, only fuels more justification for his actions.

He will make his choices...he will also make his bed and need to lay in it too. At this point they do deserve each other.

<small>[ November 21, 2004, 09:15 PM: Message edited by: Trix ]</small>

What a piece of work. show him the door, go straight to plan b, and move on for now. THis is sucky, Focus your love and attention on your three boys, dying father and loving mother. This man DOES NOT DESERVE YOU!!!!!!!! He will wake up one day to all that he has given up. I am truely sorry for your pain and suffering. I wish I had advice for you. Know that you and your family are in my prayers.

This is sooo utterly sad...my DS8 came down for a drink of water..saw his daddy with a big bag going out the door...started to cry...I explained to him that daddy would not be living here at home anymore..I told him that I loved him very much...so did the alien...

Dad came back in and asked if he could sleep in the guest room. haha...asked him some more questions...he said that he had called her at work on Friday and asked her to page him...hmmmmm, he KNOWS I will be out of town...so why did you aske her to page you, dad??? cause he needed to talk to her about the baby...BARF!!!! so, why did she page you at 12:10 in the AM, dad? hmmmm, cat got your tongue? sooo, you spoke to her ONCE, why did you need to speak to her again? cuz It is kinda hard NOT to call her again <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Told him, doesn't matter, he will get into his car and call her immediately anyway...he said well, yea, after you called her up and called her a WHORE!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I just cant deal with this anymore...I really thought my dad was dying today...matter of fact, when I called my WH to tell him he needed to come up NOW, he said he was sitting on the deck..I thought it strange that he was sitting on the deck alone...anyway, as I am crying my eyes out, he is talking to HER! I really thought my dad died...but somehow he came back to life! He is stable now, and still hanging on...I cant stand seeing him like that!

What an A$$!!!!

I am so sorry momt3b. This is going to be yet another challenge for you, and very hard for your boys. I suggest you come up with a plan, because you and your boys can not keep playing with a yo-yo. ALl this is showing the boys is how not to trust people.

Did dad say why he wanted to sleep in the guest room? why did he not talk to the boys with you? Leaving you as the bad guy as he goes out to continue his life in his selfish ways and nailing the OP (you know you are going to get censored right?) anyway- he is just plain self-centered at the moment. Those poor boys he needs to worry about now more then a baby that is not even here yet. THose emotions and feelings and trust issues he is permeantly implanting in his kids. He needs to think about those darling innocent angels that did not ask for this. URGGGGGGGGGG!

<small>[ November 22, 2004, 08:30 AM: Message edited by: Archuletan ]</small>

MT3B,
Remember that you do have a WS in the house and not an H. He'll have his fill of OW before long, and then it will be important for you to know the difference between forgiveness of his past behavior and tolerance of any poor behavior in the present.

Just shy of three years after my H broke my arm because I threatened to call OW, after I went to therapy for about 80 sesions, I faced reality and decided that I wasn't living this way and would file for legal separation -- and now he has decided to go to therapy and try Harley's program. You have 3 children. You don't have the option to file for legal separation. You can file for divorce and make it clear to him that your H is welcome back with conditions that are laid out -- after OP is gone -- after he reconciles himself to not seeing OC until she is older -- after lots of counseling, whatever...Plan B or D means NC -- he won't wake up if he thinks he can justify his actions by any contact with you.

You have decided to live with human dignity when you have been treated so disgustingly insensitively. I would love for Dr. Phil to have you back to see the transformation you will be going through... Dad is so clueless he thinks he represents all those WS s out there. Well, most WS s come out of the fog shortly after the A is revealed and they don't father a child and go back and forth between two locations... On the Dr. Phil show, he never once considered the pain he has put you through.

Cherished

<small>[ November 21, 2004, 09:51 PM: Message edited by: Cherished ]</small>

So...

What does all this mean? Is he still there? Or..what?

I'm confused.

Noodle

Mom to 3 boys:

I honestly don't know HOW your holding this all together. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Just ONE of these situations {your going through} is enough to bring the strongest of us to our knees.

And here you are going through BOTH at the same time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Even if we have to be strong for our children......this is almost Emotionally MORE than one person can deal with. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I admire YOU for being able to Cope with all this [However it is your doing it!!!!!]

I will say a prayer for you....that you may have the strength and sanity to weather this chaotic storm in your life .

Be Proud of yourself.......WE sure Are.

I hope that Stressed out Mom and any others who are with you in the "real" world....will be able to give you ALL the support you Both NEED and DESERVE!

[I hope Dr. Phil is springing for some IC for you there where you live].
Cause you NEED to be talking to someone.

My heart goes out to you and of course your sons.

OK Mom. ACCEPT that Dad just cannot or will not go no contact with OW. Please, please, please remain calm. He MAY NOT sleep in the guest room. Change the locks. Get an intermediary to get the child visitation issues taken care of. By NO means can he duck out on the boys too. If he does, you need to document carefully. This will help you later.

This hurts, having your dad sick and dying hurts, it just sucks all around. But you will come through this and you will be the better for it, I promise you.

Re-read the principles. Plan B. NOW. For REAL. Don't allow your emotions to overtake you. Remember you don't want to fight in front of the boys. YOu want to be the calm, cool righteous one, their protector, their stability, their rock. Rise above D23B's seriously sick behavior. He needs to be out. PLAN B.

(((((Mom)))))

Hang in there.

This is how you will know you are serious about D23B leaving. There will be NO emotion. He won't be able to goad you or push your buttons. You will have moved to a place of seeing his juvie drama for what it is, a way to know he still matters to you. The stone-cold truth of the matter is that he is behaving in a way to force your hand to take it to over. He wants to so aggressively hurt you that if you have a shred of self-respect at all, you will divorce his sorry *ss tomorrow. But he would be shocked to see you do just that. He believes you care more about him than your own survival, or he wouldn't have taken it this far.

The second shock he will get is when you do it with the only emotion being to protect your children from his psycho behavior *ME*ME*ME!! No amount of cruelty will get you to engage with him. Then he can go live in the h*ll of his own making with the "oh-so-intellectually-stimulating-one" as she sinks her classless clutches into him.

Flowers go to good-will or the trash. Same for teddy bears, and other gifts. Salvation Army is always looking for ways to help the homeless, so as Dad goes into his drama for the nth time please see him as the lost pitiful adolescent gangster he really is.

Peter Pan needs to grow up. And You Wendy Lady, you need to let him fall, hard. Now. Let God lift him up this time. Not you. Not your children.

(((((HUGS)))))

I just got off the fone with stressed out mom..she cant believe his latest antics...and she agreed that I did the right thing. I know I over reacted...BUT, Ijust cannot take his lies AND tryiong to deal with my daddy at the same time. At one point, and I may have alredy said this, I thought we had lost daddy today. It was something I had never seen before. he kept asking for us to PULL him up...he kept reaching for us...so we pulled him up...he was asperating...he was looking above us, at the wall, his eyes were rolling back into his head...he was moaning something...looking for something...the nurse said "Tom, are you seeing a light" and he was just sitting there....he stopped breathing, then went limp...he then lay back down...his heart rate was 140...he had the gurgling sound in his throat...you can only imagine how scared I was...I was sick to my stomache. I had to get out of the room..he stareted stablizing...I called me husband, he was talking to OW...later I confirmed that...

I am sooooo glad I did that show...what a blow to him...I am going dark...very dark...although I do not want to hurt the kids anymore than they already are...I dont know how to do this without hurting them more. I am going to try to get some sleep now...

Does that tell you what sort of OW this woman is if she takes him back after the shows? I mean he laughed when I said she lives with her.....MOM....hahahahahahahahahahaa!!!!!!

Just know I'm hoping for the best for you.
I wish there was something someone could do. Nobody can say you haven't given this 150% mom.
We love you, no matter what.

((((((((((((((((((M23B))))))))))))))))))))))))

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I dont know how to do this without hurting them more </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I swear to God, I don't know how either Mom, and I know that weighs on you horribly.

Can you ask someone that knows ? Can Dr. Phil help you maybe ? I know he would Mom...I just know it...I got the feeling he's in your corner 100%.

Please get some help with all this...you can't keep carrying this burden alone.

<small>[ November 21, 2004, 10:30 PM: Message edited by: betrayedinjersey ]</small>

Mom,

I'm am so sorry for you. I have 2 boys and I know this is so hard. Especially dealing with your father's impending death.

I didn't find this board until August so I haven't followed your story from the beginning. I did, however, watch the Dr. Phil series. And I absolutely laughed out loud and clapped when you said "she lives with her mom." My boys had to ask me what I was cheering about.

Anyway, I did a search because I thought that dad had actually posted here. I was curious as to what he had said. I thought it was ironic that the first one I found was the following. This is part of a thread that he posted on around March 26, I think:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">They are all the same, they want what they cannot and should not have, TEMPTATION is the operative principle it will always be there lurking when you are weak,it is like a little devil on your shoulder whispering in your ear. THEY ARE NOT YOUR FAMILY, you will get old and die alone without your family for sure, will the OW be there if you get sick? lose your job? lose your status, money? Lovers? blah I could get in bed with a parade of them now I know to run away run from them they wittingly or unwittingly will destroy you. DESTROY YOU. Think about that. It is a fit, we are a match, it feels so right we all say that, they say that. Strip yourself down to nothing and see if she wants that, you know your family will take you unconditionaly will OW? Oh yes she says, you are the love of my life etc... BULL****. It is fantasy a best case scenario, wishful thinking or actually a total delusion. All women look good when all they have to do is please you and seduce you, that is it. One job one purpose to fool you to bedazzle you, poison you away from the truth. THEY CANNOT BE WHO THEY SAY THEY ARE AND YET DESTROY EVERYTHING YOU ARE AND WILL BE. Think hard my friend, be alone without her, stare at some sterile hotel walls while you wait for OW that is all you will have left, your family will move on eventually without you, life goes on and you will be with your wonderful OW wondering what the hell you gave up. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In the midst of all this, I guess I thought I'd bring some of his own words into this. I think you are making the right move by making him leave. I think he will quickly come to his senses.

Just my thoughts. Hugs to you and those boys. They sure are cute.

ng

mt3b, I don't know if I ever posted to you before... but I've kept up with it all.

You're a beautiful and courageous woman. You're in my thoughts.

GC

It's boundary setting time. Physical and emotional. Changes the locks, change the phone numbers, change passwords and change bank accts. Pack up D23B's stuff and put it in the garage. Get a good lawyer and protect yourself and your children.

Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Get lots of rest, exercise, eat well, go out with friends, grieve for your dad with the support of friends. See a IC if you can.

<small>[ November 22, 2004, 12:09 AM: Message edited by: mgm ]</small>

I am sorry for you. And I must say this: All women who have sex with a married man are whores plain and simple in my book.

But, although these "other women" are cut from the same cloth as prostitutes, they are even more stupid than prostitutes because they do not make any money off the sex they have with the married men.

At least a common prostitute makes money for her efforts. The stupid other woman ****** around with the married man and has sex for free! They give it away! And ruin many lives while doing it!

What could be more stupid? A cow or sheep? A farm animal? I doubt it.

NOTHING, no living creature on earth, is more stupid than a woman having sex with a married man. Nothing. (Except a married man having sex with a woman not his wife. Or a married woman having sex with a man not her husband. Or anyone else having affairs.)

I hope you PLAN B him right out of the ballpark!

<small>[ November 22, 2004, 10:05 AM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

My dad died this morning about 2:30 AM...I know he is in a better place now!