My wife was involved with people online before anything physical happened. We are both in counseling. After other problems, she ripped my shirt and ended up going to jail for domestic violence. After I helped get her out of jail and back home, she revealed that what I thought I knew was true. She had cheated on me the last time she went to see her dad. She also revealed a second local A. I have tried to be loving but the hurt is too great. We kept discussing divorce although I don't really want one and I don't feel she does either. I finally could not handle her secret life anymore and I packed my stuff and left. We have 5 children at home and two have mental disabilities. My counselor does not seem to be upset that I left. There is now a Restraining Order preventing me from going home even if I wanted to. I now see that I have not followed Plan A very well. I did a lot of LB's. I have hope that things may work out as I saw my wife took the kids to church last Sunday. She previously had said she would never go to that church again. I am praying that the RO will be removed next week in court. I am praying that my wife will ask for it to be removed. If it is removed, should I return home and try to implement Plan A properly? It seems it would be inappropriate to demand she stay off the computer, which I see as a huge obstacle as that is where she has a secret life. The A's happened in June and July. How long should I give a new Plan A if that happens? I am feeling better being apart although I miss my kids terribly. If I couldn't handle my angry outbursts before, how will I be able to handle them if I go home?

Can anyone here give me some advice? The time for a decision is getting short and I don't know when I'll be able to check here again. Help please!!!

What was the basis of the RO?

By all means, move back home as soon as the RO is lifted. But then you HAVE to be on your best behavior. Start Plan A immediately - by identifying all things you need to fix about you.

Thank you WAT. I read part of your post on guidlines for new betrayed spouses. I really like the information you give there. The basis of the RO is that I have threatened to take the kids away from her, which I have not. There is also an ongoing child abuse investigation on myself. There was a bruise on one of my disabled boys back and my WW asked my daughter (8) how it happened. My DD stated that I had got mad and hit my DS. This is also not true and I pray the investigation will prove this. It is possible that my DD is the one who hurt her brother and is trying to blame me with encouragement from her mom. I feel that if the evidence would be so obvious, as my WW likes to claim, I would have been charged already.
A question to your point #6. I have informed my WW's mother and step dad. They were already suspicious before. My WW is not speaking to them right now and they hold no hard feelings toward my WW. I enjoy talking to my MIL as she helps me to see that my WW has been this way for a long time (blame game, woe is me). Is it wrong for me to talk to my MIL?
My WW says the actual affairs are over. She still spends a lot of time playing an online game where she met one of the OPs. She forbids me to put monitoring software on her computer (she bought her own). If I do return home and her computer remains in the house (it was at a neighbor's house), should I put the software on anyway (I can easily do this)?
Do I give my wife the EN inventory when I am able to return home? Should I give it to her even if I can't return home? Should I apologize for leaving? I wrote her a letter apologizing for the things I have done wrong (that she has told me). Before I give this to her I am having my counselor go over it. This is not the Plan B letter, just a letter of apology. I have apologized for what I've done wrong before but this is more clearly written. In the letter I also included my feelings. I also told her that I would like the same amount of time she plays on the computer as time for us. Was this a bad idea?

CW,

How are you doing? It has been a while. Did you file any charges against your W due to the A? You should check with your legal counsel.

The WS tries very hard to hurt the BS and family. The BS is the first line of the family's defense. My BIL has been charged similar and SIL is the one having the A. Now he and his 4 small children are subjected to counseling, investigations by the courts. All because of trumped up charges by a WS. And she isn't sorry for what she has done. I am sooo ashamed to be related to such a stupid WS (H's younger sister).

L.