Tonight I finally pinned down my husband. All he can say is how much he loves her and she loves him. How they are both engineers and belong together. How he loves our kids but can't spend time with them. How I am unable to fulfil his needs but he can't say what his needs are.

My inlaws are out of town with WH brother. Sent email to his wife (a nice person) saying this is what's going on. Probably not the best way but all I can do now.

I am in such pain.

Carol I cry for you inside. The pain of betrayal you feel is terrible.

But though your pain PLEASE know some facts.

It is VERY soon after d-day. Your Husband is in the thick of his addiction to the affair. He is not capable right now of cogent thought or expression. Nor is he capable of a health relationship with ANYONE : you, hi skids, OW, noone.

If you haven't already PLEASE study harleys book "Surviving an affair".

We all feel like our hearts are uniquely broken but in truth most affairs follow templates as predictable as the symptoms and progress of diseases.

Read up on teh dynamics of affair there and search on this board for some of the 'lifers' tales and bundled advice. Together this knowledge can empower you to recover personally from this trauma, can equip you with the tools you need in order to help end the affair and restore your marraige and give you the HOPE you SHOULD have in this sitiuation. MOST marriages recover from affairs. Your WH is saying and doing nothing unique. Almost all WS talk selfish rationalizing rubbish at this phase. Its known as 'Fog' for good reason !

Be calm, study and know that you are WILL recover personally from this trauma and you are LIKELY to recovery your marriage from this too.

All blessings.