Everyone is right. I did LB big time. I went over all the links that you and toomuchcoffeeman had.

So to get back on track, I would appreciate some specific suggestions as to how I can try to both change my reactions and how to address his ENs while he is at sea.

HIS:
-Financial Support – How do I do that? I work and I pay the bills for both of us. I do not make even 1/3 of what he does. How can I address that?

-Conversation – We do talk about DD and we talk about his job. Of course he cannot go into too much detail as the EAs that he is having are with women on his ship.

-Family Commitment – He says he loves DD more than anything yet he ignores her and he does not communicate with her more than once every 1 or 2 weeks.

-Recreational Companionship – When he visits or I visit him, he refuses to do or go anywhere with me.

-Honesty and Openness – Sheesh! That is my #1 EN and I am honest and open. But, I am also confrontational and judgmental. I am aware of that and am making big strides to break that awful habit.

MINE:
Honesty and Openness
Affection
Conversation
Family Commitment
Sexual Fulfillment

So, what can I do while he is at sea and I am hours away from his city until I sell this house and move back? I am so stuck I have no clue as to what I can do to meet ANY of his ENs.

There is another factor at play here that has me VERY concerned as well. I did post this on another thread but, when we were together this weekend, it really slapped me in the face and the red flags are out big time.

I noticed this weekend that the women (my friend and her fiancé) are taking care of WH. She seems to be his surrogate “wife”. For example, my friend offered to cut his hair, which is something that I always did and she overrode me when I said I would do it. More than once! She tells him to fix things in the house. And while we were at her D’s soccer game, she kept the conversation going with him about their mutual interests. To the exclusion of both me and our DD. DD withdrew and was very sad. WH cooks for her and her kids, he fixes things around the house while he refuses to do anything for our house. He engages in recreational activities with her (and her fiancé is included sometimes). He listens and consoles her when her fiancé is being a jerk – which is quite often. He admires her. He helps with the children while ignoring his own DD.

I think that she is meeting his emotional needs. And therefore, he has absolutely no reason to try to fix things with his family. I feel that she has inadvertently stepped into the role of his surrogate family. But I also know that right now, he has no incentive to deal with the reality of his decisions. I don’t believe that there is a PA but a big EA for sure!

HUGE RED FLAGS HERE!!!!

And, when a group of people from their rowing team and karate club came over, they all said Hi to WH and my friend while they were shocked to see me there. HHMMM... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

<small>[ November 25, 2004, 07:31 PM: Message edited by: fightingalone-again ]</small>

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> WH called me after his meeting with the IC. Very upbeat because the advice she gave was to see alawyer and to stand up for what he wants to do. And that is to get a divorce!

I did ask him to work on us before he made any final decisions. But his response was that he is seeking legal advise for 2 things. One is to see if he will be responsible for the mortgage payment if he co-signs. UH DUH! The idea was that he would pay the mortgage in lieu of CS. That will guarantee that DD and I have a roof over our head. The other to see about how to proceed with a divorce.

What kind of a marriage counsellor advises seeking legal counsel instead of how to communicate better and to deal with his issues as well as ours? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> He hasn't tried to work on anything. Zero Zilch and now he just wants to learn to "co-parent" with me. But not invest any energy in working on our problems and learn to communicate better.

What the heck is the point of going through counselling with him when he has already made up his mind to get a divorce? I really need an answer.

What is the point of moving over there when he has already made up his mind? I am struggling not to blow his career out of the water. I want to react! And I know that will make things even worse.

I feel so hopeless that I am scared for my health. How the HE!! can I Plan A? I can't do a darn thing over here.

I think I need to up my ADs to 3 times the dose just to survive. I need a Plan!

Is anyone out there?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by fightingalone-again:
<strong> WH called me after his meeting with the IC. Very upbeat because the advice she gave was to see alawyer and to stand up for what he wants to do. And that is to get a divorce!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's what mine told me too. I think it is irresponsible on the part of the supposedly rational counselor who SHOULD know she is dealing with a confused and conflicted person. I quit seeing my counselor for that reason.

<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
What the heck is the point of going through counselling with him when he has already made up his mind to get a divorce? I really need an answer. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The point is for yourself, to get some answers and closure for YOU. "Made up his mind" is not always a reliable assessment in times like this. He may or may not be certain of it yet.

<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think I need to up my ADs to 3 times the dose just to survive. I need a Plan!

Is anyone out there? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Be careful with dosing yourself. At least call a pharmacist to find out what is safe. I do know that stress can interfere with the effectiveness of AD's - so it may be appropriate to increase the dose, but I strongly believe you should get medical advice first.

Re: a plan - I don't know if I can advise you or not. I think taking care of yourself, not letting yourself be walked on (when you get that feel in your gut, you'll know it), and not letting someone else put you in limbo are important parts of any plan. How you do it is personal, I think. Find at least some small things you can do that put yourself in charge of at least some small part of your destiny. Then act, and follow through no matter what he does. I don't think you can feel good about yourself unless you can stand up for yourself. You don't have to just wait around to see what he does.

Hi Fightingalone,

If I were you I would start by reading Ark's lighthouse posts, I believe it is in her sig line, if not do a search.

Then learn everything you can about Plan A. Ark also has a thread which should be on a few pages back regarding the objective of Plan A and how to do it well.

Orchid has a sig line about babbling back to WS, this will help you to plan A and not to love bust when talking to him on the phone. It will also help you to see that what he says mostly is just fog babble.

Coffeeman has very good info on links in his sig line.

Now, because you have time away from your WH to get yourself together and to get ahold of your emotions is a very good time to learn, read, learn, practice, practice, and learn some more.

Your WH being on the ship right now is a blessing in disguise because it gives you valuable time and oppertunity to learn this stuff without him around to screw you up. Also to detach a bit so you can make the necessary changes in yourself and in the way you respond and interact with WH.

Good Luck.

<small>[ November 25, 2004, 08:12 PM: Message edited by: weaver ]</small>

Are you sure those are his EN's ? Seems strange that family commitment is one of the top five?

Anyway how to meet them -

1. Financial - keep keeping on top of financial.

2. Conversation - You say you talk about DD and his job. Why not introduce something else into the convo. Do you have any interest to tell him about? Can you talk about things besides DD which interest him?

3. Family Commitment - Stay commited to the family. Well that's easy.

4. Take up new hobbies and interest. Get him interested by your enthusiasm. Get interested in things that he likes to do.

5. Honesty and Openess. Study the thread on conflict avoidance, paying special attention to Cerri's post. A huge eye opener for me and I thought I was honest and open, NOT.

A huge part of Plan A is becomming an attractive and interesting person so that your spouse desires to be with you. And I mean attractive in personality. He will see these things in you over time and even on the phone. It takes time and hard work, but you can do it.

Deja Vu, thank you for answering my cry for help.

I feel so lost and alone. Things are rushing at me and I have to make HUGE decisions. I have to sell the house. I have to find a new place to live. I have to decide if I move over there on the off chance that he will reverse his stance on our marriage.

And, I still have to try to make him see that I can change to meet his needs. But no one has given me concrete steps to take. I need to show him my progress but have no clue how to do that while I am here.

And, I have a gut feeling he is getting involved with someone else while I sit here helpless. He is not where is says he is. I can't reach him and he hasn't been home since Sunday. How the heck can I fight that? <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I have fought clinical depression for years and I am so close to the edge, I am barely hanging on. I won't take any more ADs because I know that would be dangerous.

<small>[ November 26, 2004, 03:49 AM: Message edited by: fightingalone-again ]</small>

Weaver, Thank you. YOu have given some conrete goals. And yes,those are his ENs. Well, he filled out the forms. Was he honest? No guarantee. His last place EN is honesty so who can say?

I have other interests and we talk about them. He tells me he is proud of all the changes I have made over the last 3 years. Losing over 180 pounds is a big one. Getting active is another. He admires my intelligence and expertise with computers. We talk politics. Heck we talk constantly.

I am interested in the things he does. I have repeatedly suggested that we do things together. He refuses. And the activities in his city exclude me deliberately. WHen I met some of his buddies they were so surprised, I don't think they even knew he was married! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> He is acting single and only now am I finding out how much he has gone down that road. I foolishly trusted him.

I have read Cerri's posts and printed it out. I have an entire book on all the things I study from this site.

I really need to find a MC who believes in marriage. I just don't have the resources to use SH. Every cent that I had has gone into getting this house ready to sell.

I will defintely work and practice on how to do a successful Plan A. It is the indifference and the apathy that is killing me. Nothing moves him. Not even DDs tears. He is so divorced from both of us that it scares me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by fightingalone-again:
<strong> I feel so lost and alone. Things are rushing at me and I have to make HUGE decisions. I have to sell the house. I have to dind a new plav=ce to live. I have to decide if I move over there on the off chance that he will reverse his stance on our marriage.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I was in the middle of a response to you and it got lost in cyberspace... don't know if I can recreate all of it, but the gist was that there are always other options besides the ones you are thinking of (as in feeling pressure to sell the house and move). What if you turn the house over to him and let him take care of it? That's what I did -- to my surprise, he was willing. It is costing him a lot to do it, but I'm moving on and buying my own house now.

The purpose for this is to take charge of your life and not feel like a victim. Limbo is a bad place to be - look for small things you can do without his permission that move you forward, and then do them. The proactivity will help you feel like you have options. Also, with respect to moving where he is - if you consider what you are risking by doing so, and what risks you are willing to take - it will be easier to make a decision and live with it (at least it works that way for me). Being willing to take a risk means being prepared to accept the worst case outcome if it comes to that. It's when I end up with unexpected consequences because I didn't consider what might happen, that I end up feeling stuck.

Also, you are talking about 3 separate things: one is the living situation, one is the emotional needs issue, and the other is about whether he is having an affair. I think you do yourself a disservice if you lump these all together into one big project for yourself. They are separate issues that need different actions and solutions. Together they are overwhelming; by themselves you can come up with some plans.

<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And, I still have to try to make him see that I can change to meet his needs. But no one has given me concrete steps to take. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If you try to change for him, without desiring the changes for yourself, you will probably not succeed. And I doubt you'll feel good about yourself either. Rather than looking for concrete steps, why not try and see if anything he says sheds light on things you WANT to change in yourself. Then the changes will be authentic, doable, and more likely successful. You might also find there are some things that you don't want to do - that's ok too. That's what the POJA is about - of course both people have to want to work on it for that to work.

<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And, I have a gut feeling he is getting involved with someone else while I sit here helpless. He is not where is says he is. I can't reach him and he hasn't been home since Sunday. How the heck can I fight that? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am not the person to answer this question. I do not have experience in this area. But like the other issues, look at how you are reacting to it, and find a way to take care of yourself in the situation so you are not at his mercy. I think this is SO important for all of our self esteem, and our abilities to move on when faced with disasters.

<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have fought clinical depression for years and I am so close to the edge, I am barely hanging on. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Were you clinically depressed before your marriage? I have been suffering from depression for most of my M, and just recently realized this was not a problem for me before. I had some mild depressions, but nothing that sent me to the pharmacy until this M. I now wonder what I was covering up for that was being masked by depression instead of dealing with the real stuff. The CA in me at work again, I suppose. Anyway, I'm hopeful I can get off the AD's in the near future and function normally again. Maybe you can too.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by fightingalone-again:
<strong>I feel so lost and alone. Things are rushing at me and I have to make HUGE decisions. I have to sell the house. I have to dind a new plav=ce to live. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think at times of extreme stress like this it is very important to approach HUGE decisions with extreme caution. In fact, if they can be avoided until things are a bit more stabilized that might be the best decision you can make. Is there any way you can keep the house? At least for now?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>I have to decide if I move over there on the off chance that he will reverse his stance on our marriage.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Whoa... sounds to me like a major gamble. I'm not really familiar with your whole story, but is this really such a good idea? Especially considering the way he is acting?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>And, I still have to try to make him see that I can change to meet his needs. But no one has given me concrete steps to take. I need to show him my progress but have no clue how to do that while I am here. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Right now you can't make him see anything. He is fogged, and the harder you try, the more frustrated you are going to get and the further he is going to run. You have to make these changes for YOU. YOU... YOUYOUYOUYOU!!! You make your own progress and it will show all on it's own.

When he is ready, he will notice...

If he does not notice, then you will come to a point where you don't need him to anymore. And you will find that all the changes you made (for YOU) have made you a better, stronger person.

First step, identify the changes you want to make.

Consider that a concrete step. It's still mushy so will have to put in your own form.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>And, I have a gut feeling he is getting involved with someone else while I sit here helpless.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are not helpless. You cannot control his actions, but that far from makes you helpless. Even if you could control his actions, it wouldn't solve any of your problems.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>He is not where is says he is. I can't reach him and he hasn't been home since Sunday. How the heck can I fight that? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Again, you cannot fight it. In a way, you have to learn to let it go. You have more important things to do right now than try to keep track of him.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>I have fought clinical depression for years and I am so close to the edge, I am barely hanging on. I won't take any more ADs because I know that would be dangerous. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Me too. And has led me into some pretty serious errors in judgement. Please talk to your doctor about this, get his take on it. Take your time with decisions. Realize you have WAY more power than you think you do. Realize that as you exercise that power, you will get even stronger. Talk to God. He has helped me through this more than anything else.

Take it easy,

dewt

Almost all of us have heard from your WS that they want a divorce at one point or another in our situations. Doesn't mean it's going to happen. Many BS's here have even been served, only to reconcile before it went further. So all hope is definitely not lost.

The biggest change you can work on is not reacting externally with all emotions. What I mean by that is, in the past, your WH has pushed your buttons, and you reacted to him with things such as the emails you sent him. Plenty of LBs there.

There is nothing wrong with feeling the emotions you go through, God knows I have dealt with it. Try to let those emotions out, then before reacting, figure out how you WANT to react to whatever event, then ask yourself this question.
"Is what I'm about to do going to bring my H closer to me or push him away."

Also, I think your H talking with an attorney about what he will have to pay to get a divorce I think will make him pause. So let's see what will happen.

Thank you all for replying.

Deja Vu: -"What if you turn the house over to him and let him take care of it?"

I have been struggling for 2 years to find a decent paying job over here. With no success. Well, I had one and got laid off after 5 months. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> So, I do not qualify for a mortgage on my own.

-"with respect to moving where he is - if you consider what you are risking by doing so, and what risks you are willing to take - it will be easier to make a decision and live with it (at least it works that way for me). Being willing to take a risk means being prepared to accept the worst case outcome if it comes to that."

I do understand the risk. And I am willing to take that. I am realistic enough to recognize that this marriage might very well not work out. However, there is NO chance unless I am there. And, the job market is far better there than here for my skill set. His city is a capital city where the IT industry is centred. Specifically government wise and I worked for the government for years.

"separate things: one is the living situation, one is the emotional needs issue, and the other is about whether he is having an affair. I think you do yourself a disservice if you lump these all together into one big project for yourself. They are separate issues that need different actions and solutions. Together they are overwhelming; by themselves you can come up with some plans."

Yes, you are right. I will take them as separate issues. Thank you for reminding me of that.

-"If you try to change for him, without desiring the changes for yourself, you will probably not succeed. . Why not try and see if anything he says sheds light on things you WANT to change in yourself."

That is true. And I would NEVER change for anyone unless I agreed! I like myself and I know that I have a lot of great qualities. Behaviours that I want to change, are things that I don't like about myself. I struggle with that I can be opinionated, judgemental, and self-righteous.

-"Were you clinically depressed before your marriage?"

Yes I was but not recognized for over 25 years.

Dewt:
-"Is there any way you can keep the house?"

No, there is not. It is a huge money pit. And I cannot keep it up by myself.

-"I'm not really familiar with your whole story, but is this really such a good idea? Especially considering the way he is acting?"

To sum up my situation; My WH is in the military Canadian NAvy. 3 years ago on deployment, he got involved in an EA. We did reconcile. Not a true recovery. Then 2 years ago, I voluntarily resigned from the government and received a severance package which I used as a downpayment on this house. THe decision to buy here was negotiated using POJA. Or so I thought. Now I find out he lied. Which I know I cannot control or change. It was a long term goal to have a house where we BOTH wanted to settle after he gets out of the military. Our families are mostly here.

-"First step, identify the changes you want to make. Consider that a concrete step."

Okay, I know what I want to change. Thank you that IS a step. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

-"Take your time with decisions. Realize you have WAY more power than you think you do. Realize that as you exercise that power, you will get even stronger. Talk to God."

This one, I struggle with. Time for some decisions such as whether I want to stay married, yes I will take my time. On the other hand, some decisions do have to be made speedily.

TTsi: Thanks <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
-"So all hope is definitely not lost."

Nice of you to say. I'm a lot less hopeful. Perhaps realistic. But,I am willing to work for my marriage by working on my issues

-"The biggest change you can work on is not reacting externally with all emotions. What I mean by that is, in the past, your WH has pushed your buttons, and you reacted to him with things such as the emails you sent him. Plenty of LBs there."

Yes, you are so right. I am hard-headed but I have managed to cut WAAAAYYY back on the flame mails. And even in person, I have walked away rather than react. So, that is a positive thing. I still need to work on that more, though.

-"There is nothing wrong with feeling the emotions you go through, God knows I have dealt with it. Try to let those emotions out, then before reacting, figure out how you WANT to react to whatever event"

You are right. The feelings are mine. ANd, I actually do ask myself whether my actions will push him away or bring him closer. Well, most of the time <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

-"Also, I think your H talking with an attorney about what he will have to pay to get a divorce I think will make him pause. So let's see what will happen."

I agree. I did send him an email agreeing that I thought it would be a good thing to consult with a lawyer. And I had to clear up that he thought he would come for 1 day to see DD at Christmas. We had made other plans as DD does not want him here at all. No flames. Just the facts. YAY me!

As far as the emails are concerned, I am very proud that I haven't inundated him with them. But, as he has no cell, disappears for days, that is the only way that I can make contact while he is at sea or in port. I do limit myself to speaking about DD now or mortgage issues, etc.

OK, so you can't keep the house, and he is somewhere else so you can't turn it over to him either. You are laid off now, right? What if you looked for both a job AND an apartment near where he is, and where you think you will have a better chance. You may have to rethink and revise your image of how you will live. For me, going out and looking an rental property was both depressing and eye-opening. I found myself thinking, OK, now how would I manage if I lived here? and while it wasn't my first choice, I soon realized I COULD find something that I could make work.

The important thing is to find something that will give you a feeling of personal empowerment - without which it is hard to motivate yourself to do anything else.

((((((((hugs))))))))

Morning Deja Vu: {{{{Deja Vu}}} Right Back at you.
No, I am working here. Part Time. But I only started in September. WHen WH came home from sea, I started a few days later. Sigh!

An apartment just does not work. I looked into it and the rents are far more than a mortgage payment would be. And, I have a huge dog and 2 cats. I already gave away one of my dogs and will try to sell my cats. But, I cannot give up my dog. He is a Giant Schnauzer dog and a one family dog. He is very protective of us. I called the SPCA and they said he would have to be destroyed. And that I cannot do. I have already given up a lot to make things work. Even though I did that willingly, I cannot murder my dog. And I did try to find him a home.

I will continue to try to sell the house and I will look for one there. I do have power of attorney and I do have his signature dated a week ago for the mortgage application. Even though it is sneaky, I am within my legal rights to proceed. (I checked) Just think this will be another LB. But, if I have to choose between being homeless and finding a house for DD and myself, that is a no-brainer. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

As I said, I cannot avoid some of these decisions. Just scared that they will bite me later on as far as LBs and reconciliation are concerened.

Well it's one thing to 'let him go' or have a greater faith in him, but it's another thing altogether to put your fate and that of your daughter in the hands of someone who is clearly, at this time, quite insane. It is vital that you ensure protection for you and especially your daughters basic needs. That may mean Child Support/Spousal Support. He may choose to follow this fogged path of his, but nothing absolves him of his responsibility to provide for the little person he helped create.

What about renting out a room?

dewt

<small>[ November 26, 2004, 11:30 AM: Message edited by: dewt ]</small>

Hey Dewt: Spousal Support will be in place once the house is sold.

Can't rent out a room. DOn't have one to spare. WH is not the only reason that I am moving back to his city. If it was just that, I doubt that I would go. It is that the job opportunities are greater for me there. It is the capital city and a big IT sector had their HQs there.

WH thinks he is being a great father. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> His foggy thought is that she might hurt for the short term but he will be happy so she must be, too.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by fightingalone-again:
<strong> And, I have a huge dog and 2 cats. I already gave away one of my dogs and will try to sell my cats. But, I cannot give up my dog. ....I cannot murder my dog. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have 3 dogs and can absolutely relate to this. I was able to find places I could rent with dogs - none very suitable, but doable. And yes, more expensive. I found places near universities that normally catered to students were the most likely to take dogs - they perhaps are used to having their places trashed! I also found places handled by rental companies were stricter than private parties, and once November came, people stopped looking and landlords started getting desperate.

Don't give up your pets - they are the ones who will love you unconditionally and keep you sane through it all. They will be there when you come home to an empty house, etc. However, if you really get desperate - see if your national breed club has a rescue organization - most do, and someone may be able to foster or rehome your dog for you.

I won't give up my dog. There is no rescue for GSs in Canada. I checked. But, I love him and he is here with his unconditional love that I need, especially right now.

I have faxed my Power of Attorney and WH letter confirming salary to the mortgage broker. Until he gets a lawyer, I am legally entitled to take care of our finances. So, I am hoping for a quick sale and and quick purchase. Like while he is at sea! Wishful thinking but that would be interesting for him to come back from sea in 3 weeks and have us all settled in our new house!

I am still trying to decide about taking his stuff out of his current residence and installing it in our new place. Once we get there. My friends that he lives with and my IC think I should. He would be very angry. Oh well, I get that every time we talk. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Then he would have to be responsible to move his stuff out himself. And he has no place to go other than on board his ship. I don't plan on making it easy for him to leave. He said I have taken everything. So, I have nothing to lose that is not already gone. I can gain things back. But not with this distance between us.

I am out of the pity me mode. Thanks everyone for listening and offering advise. Still have a LOT of anger at the mess I am in. So, as I said on my other thread, I am going to Plan A or not talk to him. That way, the DJs can't take place.

I am talking out loud to myself like a lunatic. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ( I am alone today) Going over the "I feel" statements. And the Reverse Babble. I am pounding it into my thick head.

So, I guess this is a modified Plan A/B?